So the weekend's finally here, and it's the big one we've all been waiting for. Hibernian v Hea... hold on... the CIS Cup final between Rangers and C... eh.. top v bottom in the Championship as Wolves take on Charlton Ath... nope. Italy v Wales in the Six Nations? Oh alright, it's Manchester United v Liverpool. But there's a slight sense of anti-climax; if only Liverpool had kept their gamefaces on since the turn of the year, we'd have the mother of all title races on our hands. (Especially with that 18th title within United's grasp; finally a chance for Fergie to knock Liverpool off a perch, seeing it was George Graham who did it the last time.) As it is, this is about little more than local bragging rights. Yes, a first Liverpool win at Old Trafford since 2004 would close the gap at the top to four points... but United have a game in hand, and we're not Sky Sports, so come along, let's face facts.

Kick off: 12.45pm.

Dimitar Berbatov is dropped to the bench as Carlos Tevez steps in: Van der Sar, O'Shea, Ferdinand, Vidic, Evra, Ronaldo, Carrick, Anderson, Park, Rooney, Tevez.
Subs: Foster, Berbatov, Giggs, Nani, Scholes, Evans, Fletcher.

Xabi Alonso, shamefully ignored by Zinedine Zidane the other day, doesn't recover from his knock against Real Madrid, so Lucas is called up: Reina, Arbeloa, Carragher, Skrtel, Aurelio, Mascherano, Lucas, Kuyt, Gerrard, Riera, Torres.
Subs: Cavalieri, Dossena, Hyypia, Babel, Insua, Ngog, El Zhar.

Referee: Alan Wiley (Staffordshire)

The Premier League! The best league in the wor... ah. "Seven points could become four, the title could be totally finished, and Purplenose and Goatee might land blows on one another's hooters," writes Alexander Netherton. "But what I'm really getting tumescent about is potential O'Shea - Dossena action." And I knew I shouldn't have mentioned the Old Firm. "Where do you get off claiming the CIS Cup Final is not the game of the weekend?" splutters chris macfarlane, who couldn't be bothered to cap up his own name, so I'm certainly not going to do it for him. "It's produced seven goals in three games so far this season (Ok, the first game produced six of those but that's neither here nor there.) That's 5.5 more than most top of the table EPL games in a whole season." You've got to hand it to chris, he's got a point, hasn't He.

A last minute team change! Sami Hyypia walks out with the Liverpool side. Not sure what's wrong with Alvaro Arbeloa, but he's been injured in the warm-up and won't start. Who's going to play at right back is anyone's guess. Carragher, who doesn't quite have the speed for full back, or Skrtel, who was a total disaster in the position at Middlesbrough? Maybe they should ask Gerrard, who spent a fruitful period playing there under Gerard Houllier, and wasn't too shabby up against Serginho in the latter stages of the 2005 European Cup final. Mascherano?

And we're off! Carragher is going to play at right back, and he doesn't look best pleased about it either. Liverpool have a small victory, though, winning the toss and forcing United to play towards the Stretford End in the first half, not the second as they'd prefer. "Why do you write (Staffordshire) in brackets next to referee Alan Wiley's name?" asks Stuart Graham. No idea. "Is this his favourite breed of dog?"

2 min: A strong start by Rooney down the left, who annoys Carragher a couple of times. He wins a corner the first - nothing comes of it - then nearly skitters past him into the box, but can't quite make it. A hectic start.

3 min: Tevez rolls a ball across the front of the Liverpool area from the right. Park races in to sidefoot powerfully goalwards, but Carragher slides in to block. Brilliant football all roung. "I think Berbatov's languid style suits being on the bench," opines Ben Bamford, utilising his brain so I don't have to. "The sitting position allows him to fully express his Zen-like cant-be-arsed-to-move-around-very-much approach to the game."

5 min: Liverpool can't hold onto the ball at all. United run it at them. Someone like Aurelio, Hyypia or Kuyt eventually breaks up the attack, then pings it long into space. Van der Sar picks the loose ball up. And repeat.

6 min: Torres, chasing a long ball, is blocked off on the edge of the United box by Ferdinand. He was never getting the ball, but it was a daft challenge - and could easily have been a free kick. Wiley isn't interested, though. That one could have gone either way, to be honest.

9 min: Liverpool have settled a bit now. Lucas exchanges passes with Kuyt in the centre, steams down the park towards the United area, and only just fails to cilp a ball out left and set Gerrard free. That was a decent, determined run from a player who has been getting a wee bit of stick from some sections of his own support lately.

11 min: Skrtel picks the ball up in his own half and starts running in a straight line - think the Tom Hanks film Darren Huckerby - towards the United box. He's allowed to reach the six-yard box, just to the left of goal, before he's finally bustled off the ball by Vidic.

13 min: There's a sense that Liverpool have indeed decided to go for this. Gerrard nearly breaks clear down the inside-left channel, but is bundled out of it at the last by Vidic. That looked dangerous for a split second. And there are also signs they could leave gaps at the back: Evra breaks clear down the left and thrashes a hopeless shot high into the stands. In the centre, a big black cloud develops over the free Wayne Rooney's head, before being dispersed by blasts of words like EFF and CEE.

15 min: "I don't think anyone has ever really dreamt of a team of Carraghers," suggests Erik Kennedy. No, I guess they probably haven't. "I'm not able to see this 'title-deciding clash' on telly, but I'd be grateful for occasional, descriptive updates on Jamie Carragher's doings at right back." Your wish, etc, and so on. He attempts to head an aimless Ferdinand hoof back towards Reina, but only manages to sky it out of play. Two successive corners are the result, though nothing much comes of them.

19 min: Liverpool knock it around awhile in the United half. Mascherano tries to knock the ball through Evra's legs, so he can burst clear into the box, but it clanks off the defenders knees and away. Kuyt snatches the loose ball back, though, and the away side start again.

21 min: Torres turns Ferdinand deliciously on the edge of the United box. It's a touch of genius - unlike his next one, which is heavy and allows O'Shea and Vidic to mop up between them. For a second he was clear on goal there. This is a decent period of play by Liverpool.

22 min: Gerrard floats a free kick into the United area from a fairly central position. Skrtel isn't far off getting his head to it from eight yards out - but he doesn't.

23 min: GOAL! Manchester United 1-0 Liverpool. Park chases a ball down the inside-left channel and into the box. Reina races out rashly, and slides towards Park's feet. Park does what he has to do: run into the prone keeper and tumble over. That's such a soft penalty - the ball was flying out for a goal kick - but Reina gave Park the option. Ronaldo smashes the spot kick into the left-hand side of Reina's goal - and as they've never lost when he's scored at Old Trafford, that could be that for this season's title.

28 min: GOAL! Manchester United 1-1 Liverpool. Liverpool looked shocked at that knockback, and didn't touch the ball for the best part of five minutes as United stroked it around. And then Skrtel hoofs a long ball clear. Vidic, running back to his own goal, allows the ball to bounce - and allows Torres to poke it away from him and tear clear on goal. Van der Sar comes out to close the angle, but Torres, running towards the right-hand side of the area, dinks it over the keeper and back into the left-hand corner. That is hellish defending - and exquisite finishing. Game on!

31 min: Torres troubles Vidic again twice, first forcing him to hack clear for a Liverpool corner, then heading an Aurelio cross over the United defender and chasing it into the United area himself. Vidic blocks him off; it's not quite a penalty, but only not quite.

34 min: Lucas hacks Ronaldo down, 35 yards out to the left. Ronaldo gets up and wallops a free kick straight at Reina - who fumbles, and only just manages to gather at the second attempt with Tevez racing in. "Lay off Huckerby," screams Matt Wallace. "He's the reigning MLS newcomer of the year, San Jose MVP, and arguably the greatest offside merchant to ever play in green and yellow, you joyless swine!"

35 min: Carragher is booked for a crude and cynical trip on Tevez, who passes him down the left and races towards the box. Ronaldo takes the free kick, just outside the area, on the left-hand corner. The resulting free kick is terrible, rolled across for Rooney to have a swipe. The ball's cleared easily; up the other end of the pitch a break looks on, but it's halted as Ferdinand clips Kuyt. That's another yellow card.

38 min: This is high-octane end-to-end stuff - although nothing much is going on in the penalty areas at the moment. Nevertheless, I would be very surprised if this ends 1-1, as both teams appear to have come out with a glory-or-death gameplan.

41 min: Torres so nearly frees Riera into the United box down the left, but Ferdinand steps in just at the right moment to sweep clear and set United trundling up the pitch. After a minute or so's worth of pretty triangles down the right and back again, Carrick gets fed up, strides forward with the ball, and sends a screamer sailing just over the Liverpool bar. That was inches over.

44 min: GOAL!!! Manchester United 1-2 Liverpool. Well, well, well. Gerrard races after a pass down the inside-right channel and into the United box. Evra comes across - and upends his man. That's the second penalty of the afternoon - and the second needless challenge. Van der Sar is booked for making Gerrard wait to take the spot kick - and his tactic doesn't pay off, Gerrard stroking it into the bottom-right corner. Wayne Rooney's big black cloud is back: he's got a thunderous face on, and the words EFF and CEE are falling out of it with great velocity and ferocity.

HALF TIME: Manchester United 1-2 Liverpool. The half ends frantically. From a Liverpool free kick, Gerrard has a slash at the ball; his daisycutter is hacked clear by O'Shea. Then Tevez zips up the pitch and wins a corner with a determined run down the right. Nothing comes of that. And then the whistle blows. It's been breathless and exciting, if short on actual chances in front of goal. Like Liverpool will care.

The state of half-time banter today. "Qaqqqqqra," writes Ian Davies, the message being appended by: "Sent from my iPhone." You spend hundreds on an iPhone to send things like that? Still, I'm not fussy.

And we're off again! Within eight seconds of the restart, United concede a corner, Liverpool pinging a long ball forward towards Evra, who heads wantonly behind. It comes to nothing - allowing Rooney to scream down the right past Aurelio and oh-so-nearly sending Tevez clear in the centre. Skrtel is across quickly to cover. This promises to be quite the half of football.

48 min: Ronaldo skidaddles down the left and whips in a low cross. Inexplicably, Reina allows the ball to clang off his near post! He's having a pretty shaky afternoon, is Reina. He scrambles after the rebound, beating Tevez to the ball.

50 min: We're told Berbatov is warming up. Does this mean he's got a fag on?

52 min: Lucas upends Rooney 30 yards out, centrally. Ronaldo sends the ball bouncing towards the bottom-right corner, but Reina has it covered. And manages to catch it first time as well!

55 min: United are enjoying the lion's share of the ball at the moment. Ronaldo whips in a free kick from the right, causing no end of slapstick concern in the Liverpool box, but finally Hyppia hacks clear. "Are you aware that the Edinburgh derby has had one goal and two red cards in the first half already?" asks Michael Stewart (not the one playing in the game, presumably). "I'm so glad I left Man Utd for this." Hmm. Having said that... does anybody know if you're allowed to take a Blackberry onto the pitch in the SPL?

57 min: Tevez chips across the face of goal from the left. Reina is forced to backtrack and fingertip over the bar. The corner's swung in from the right, straight into the six-yard box, and Reina makes a three-course meal of grabbing the ball, Tevez lurking with intent.

59 min: United are prodding around the edges of the Liverpool danger zone, but not really creating very much. Is Berbatov still smoking his cheroot? Maybe he's lit another up. Meanwhile Igor Calija has a prediction which, if it came to pass, would make everyone happy. At various different points. "Dossena to come in for Torres and score the winner in a 3-4 thriller. Liverpool to draw 0-0 with Fulham two weeks from now."

60 min: Mascherano picks up a booking for persistent niggly fouls. Not sure why the ref felt the need to do that; despite the speed and the passion, it's not been a nasty game at all.

63 min: Ronaldo sweeps a cross into the Liverpool six-yard box from the right. The ball bounces past the goal, then is guided straight back by the outside of Rooney's boot. Tevez can't get there in time to bundle home, and the chance goes, the ball slipping past the right-hand post.

64 min: Skrtel is booked for tapping the ankles of Tevez. It's fair enough, but on the other hand you could argue the ref's card need not have come out of his pocket once. Sorry to labour the point, but this has been played in the right spirit so far, despite it all.

66 min: Gerrard launches a rare Liverpool sortie into the United half. He sends Riera into space down the left. The Spanish winger's cross is headed out to the edge of the area, where Lucas awaits to volley a half-decent shot on target. Van der Sar was always going to swallow that.

68 min: ATTENTION IGOR CALIJA! ATTENTION IGOR CALIJA! Hmm. It's £7m Andrea Dossena! He comes on for Riera.

71 min: What a chance for United. Carrick dinks a ball straight down the centre of the park and into the Liverpool box. Tevez is in space with his back to goal - slightly offside, but it's not given - and he turns and guides a low effort wide left. "I've had a few pints," boasts Kenyon Whitehead, "so 'Mascherano picks up a booking for persistent niggly fouls' looked like 'Mascherano picks up a booking for persistent ugly looks'." It didn't really, though, did it. Unless you've been enjoying pints of paint.

73 min: A triple substitution by Manchester United. Anderson, Park and Carrick are replaced by Giggs, Scholes and Berbatov, who has finished his cigarette and is now ready to run about, a bit, sort of.

75 min: Ronaldo dinks a lovely ball forward to Tevez, who is this close of taking the ball down and guiding it past the advancing Reina. But the ball flies away from him and towards safety for Liverpool.

76 min: RED CARD FOR VIDIC! Just like before the Torres goal, Vidic is diddled, the ball being knocked past him by Gerrard, who's running into space. Vidic drags him back - and he's off. That was a no brainer for the referee.

78 min: GOAL!!! Manchester United 1-3 Liverpool. The free kick is just right of centre, 25 yards out. Aurelio steps up and curls the ball into the top-right corner, with Van der Sar standing rooted to the spot. That was an excellent free kick. "Rafa's cracking up," is bellowed by the delighted denizens of the away end. Still, the niggling thought remains: if only they'd kept their gamefaces on during January and February...

81 min: Babel comes on for Torres, who has been wholly excellent , though quieter during this second half. "Alex Ferguson's face seems to have entered a new spectrum beyond red after that goal and red card," suggests Nic English. Can anyone from Pantone confirm this?

84 min: Giggs swings a ball in from the left. It's heading wide right. Everyone gives up on it - except Rooney, who swings a boot at it and guides it back into the centre. Reina finally wakes up and comes out to claim. Berbatov nearly gets there, but he was standing in the centre on the spot for far too long, dreaming of 20 cigarettes walking around... burning... lovely fags...

86 min: Dossena swings a ball in from the left towards Babel. Ferdinand misses his header, and Babel gains possession eight yards out. He's facing away from goal, so he clips a backheel out right to Gerrard, who's staring straight at Van der Sar! It should be four... but it isn't, Gerrard's first-time sidefoot finding the top-right corner of the Stretford End.

87 min: A deep cross from the United right finds Ronaldo free, six yards out, just to the left of goal. He should at least make Reina work... but swishes at fresh air. That pretty much sums United's day up.

90 min: The ten men of United are finishing the stronger, Liverpool quite happy to sit back and soak up the pressure. Rooney has a swipe from 25 yards, but it's wide and well over the bar. Gerrard is replaced by El Zhar. There will be four more minutes of this. "Ferguson's face would be below red, not beyond it, like infrared," explains Martijn Scheffer. "He could be used to keep burgers warm at McDonalds."

90 min +1: THIS IS AMAZING!!! Manchester United 1-4 Liverpool. Reina kicks the ball long. Ferdinand misjudges it, Vidic-style. He's outpaced by Dossena! Who lobs Van der Sar!! And sends the ball bouncing into the empty net!!! That is a simply outstanding finish. Ferguson's face will be burning those burgers.

FULL TIME: Manchester United 1-4 Liverpool. The away end segues from Rafa's Cracking Up into You'll Never Walk Alone. El Zhar skids down the right and sends a low cross into the area. Ferdinand nearly sidefoots into the top-right corner. United have been a shambles today. And that's it: the referee blows his whistle. "Obviously £7m Andrea Dossena has been playing out of position all along," suggests Chris McGee. "Play him as a winger and it's all good!" That's the biggest away win at Old Trafford since QPR's Dennis Bailey scored three on New Year's Day 1992. "Mere infrared cannot express enough rage at that unlikely turn of events," writes James Wells. "Fergie's face is emitting radio waves at this point."

Every silver lining has a cloud for some Liverpool fans: "This just makes all the thrown-away results at bottom of the league clubs even more frustrating," writes Nick Potter. But does it? Four goals at Old Trafford? Does it really?