Double swoops, velcro, cash-plus-player deals, marzipan, last-ditch loan moves, the smell of freshly cut grass – the Mill knows what it likes. And so do managers. They like convenient stoppage time, until it doesn't suit them. They like players to fall over in the area, sometimes. They like to focus on the now, not dwell in the past. And they like talented young Slovakian midfielders.
Sir Alex Ferguson and Rafa Benítez like them so much that they are ready to strip to the waist and go mano-a-mano over Napoli's Marek Hamsik in January. Manchester United seem to have stolen a march on their rivals – a scout from Old Trafford, complete with woggle and his Talent Spotter badge, was spotted at the San Paolo Stadium on Saturday according to Naples local rag Il Mattino.
And, like the Mill, managers also enjoy the two-for-one convenience of the double swoop. Arsène Wenger is ready to splash out on Quiksave's BOGOF turkey escalopes, a new pair of tassled suede loafers and West Ham's Jack Collison and Matthew Upson, while Lazio want the Palermo pair of Mark Bresciano and Fábio Simplicio.
Free-scoring English strikers who probably aren't quite good enough for the top flight are also a perenially popular choice, particularly in the north-east, where Steve Bruce and Sunderland will spend £5m on Leicester's Matty Fryatt, though Hull may rival the Black Cats for his signature. David Healy is on his way out of the Stadium of Light, however, and heading to Coventry where Chris Coleman is the latest to turn a blind eye to the Northern Ireland forward's atrocious club record.
And, in a paragraph that utterly gives away the Mill's complete lack of inspiration this morning (and, in the Mill's defence, is also indicative of the fact that the Mill sliced its right index finger open with a cheese grater yesterday and so, just as it is for you readers, every word is a painful experience), Kevin Anin has no intention of quitting Le Havre for Spurs, the Mallorca striker Pierre Webó says he is open to a move to Wigan "one day", Newcastle are (still) close to a loan deal for Marlon Harewood, Sheffield United are tracking the former Paris St Germain winger Fabrice Pancrate and Derby County want Ryan Shotton on loan from Stoke.
