90 min+4: Januzaj slashes wide from 30 yards and that should be that.

90 min+1: Jozy Altidore suddenly finds himself charging at the backtracking United defence, with Wickham up alongside him for support. Then he tries a stepover.

90 min: There will be four minutes of stoppage time.

89 min: Young’s low effort from 25 yards is saved by Mannone.

88 min: Sunderland shortcircuit in defence again, Brown’s clearing header from a Young cross hitting Rooney and almost falling to Welbeck. But Mannone is ready and waiting.

87 min: Sunderland make an unholy mess of dealing with a simple ball into the box and almost gift United the winner. Larsson’s attempted header back to Mannone was misdirected and almost ran to a United forward but the ball was hacked clear to Young on the left. His shot is blocked.

86 min: This has been not good from United. The main thing they can take from this match is how their young defenders have fared.

83 min: Swing another cross in, Ashley.

82 min: Van Aanholt tries to score from 35 yards. He does not succeed.

81 min: “Mathieu Flamini,” says Vivek. “Black boots. Always.”

79 min: Sunderland bring on Liam Bridcutt for Will Buckley. I do believe they’ve settled for a point.

78 min: This is United’s best chance of the second half. Rooney and Welbeck combined on the right and the latter then turned and sprayed a wonderful pass through to Young on the left, with Vergini having vacated his right-back duties. Young was free on goal but Mannone raced out of his area and beat him to the ball with a crunching challenge. Moments later, Januzaj wafts one well over from 25 yards.

77 min: Jozy Altidore, for it is he, replaces Steven Fletcher.

76 min: “I was just wondering if there any football players that still play with black and white boots?” says Irfan Hussain. Roberto Soldado was the only player wearing black boots when Tottenham played Aston Villa last season.

75 min: No. But it was close. Larsson achieved dip and curl but it swung too much and flew wide of the right post.

73 min: Jordi Gomez makes the most of Michael Keane going near him by tumbling just outside the United area. Larsson is standing over the free-kick. Is this the moment for Sunderland?

70 min: United win a corner on the right. Mata curls it in and Keane’s header drops into the arms of Mannone. “Jordi Gomez, eh?” says Marie Meyer. “Will Man U counter by bringing on Skouser Smith?”

68 min: Sunderland are pressing again. Blackett’s poor pass is intercepted by Wickham, who releases Larsson on the right. But he’s not quick enough to get properly clear of Januzaj, who recovers to block his shot behind for a corner, which United clear.

66 min: Tom Cleverley is booked for an inept challenge on Lee Cattermole. “To this United fan of six and a half decades, these United players look like they’d be happier playing shuffleboard against an old folks team,” says Peter Young.

65 min: From a Larsson corner, Vergini hooks a difficult chance over. The ball arrived at him on the bounce. But he was unmarked.

64 min: Sunderland make their first change, Jordi Gomez replacing Jack Rodwell.

63 min: Danny Welbeck and Adnan Januzaj on, Robin van Persie and Darren Fletcher off. Can Welbeck be United’s Klaas-Jan Huntelaar?

62 min: Ashley Young is booked for diving in an attempt to win a penalty, flinging himself theatrically over a nothing challenge from Wes Brown on the left of the area! He is truly pathetic. Let’s hope there’s a vengeful bird flying in his vicinity soon. Moments before, Van Persie actually had a proper claim for a penalty when he was challenged a little clumsily by Vergini, who got both man and ball, after a strong run. Sunderland then made life difficult for themselves, a slack clearance running to Young, but then he went and showed why United fans can’t stand him.

61 min: Sunderland are being pinned back now. Van Persie wakes up for the first time and receives a pass from Fletcher on the edge of the area, before turning sharply and prodding the ball through to the onrushing Mata, whose heavy touch under pressure allows Mannone to smother.

60 min: “Attack! Attack! Attack!” cry the United fans.

59 min: Valencia knocks a pass down the line to Mata, who’s cross is blocked behind for a corner. Mata’s corner is punched away by Mannone. His subsequent cross is headed away by Fletcher. But United are seeing more of the ball now.

57 min: Danny Welbeck, who has been told he can leave United, is readying himself.

54 min: Gary Neville’s irritation is growing. “It’s so ponderous, though, the play,” he seethes. “It’s just really predictable, you know the next three passes before they happen.” He’s not happy, he’s not wrong.

52 min: Wayne Rooney tries to charge past Buckley on the left as United break from the Sunderland corner. He ends up fouling Buckley.

51 min: Sunderland should be ahead. Buckley clips a pass over the top, intended for Wickham on the left of the area. Keane should clear it but he misjudges the flight of the ball and allows it through to Wickham. He then ducks back inside, past Keane, but makes of his volley. It’s heading wide but then hits the unwitting Blackett and almost dribbles in. Instead it dribbles just wide.

50 min: Ashley Young curls a cross straight at Mannone. Dearie me.

48 min: Sunderland are distressed after Vergini is penalised for a foul on Cleverley, just when he was poised to run through on goal.

46 min: We go again. “Hawrite Jacob!” says Ryan Dunne. “Moyes to Van Gaal; ah, how much can change in a year! Why, this time last year I was single and emailing MBMs in between Star Wars podcasts and watching Seinf...oh.”

45 min: Van Persie has been extremely sluggish. United have been so slow.

44 min: Michael Keane replaces Smalling. This is the youngster’s Premier League debut.

43 min: Smalling has managed to play on for around 20 minutes despite that hamstring injury but it seems his afternoon will soon be at end. Michael Keane is getting ready again.

42 min: Vergini hoicks a deep cross to the far post. Rodwell rises highest to head it back across goal and Fletcher holds off Jones and acrobatically sends an overhead kick well wide.

41 min: Important news from Gary Naylor.

38 min: United stroke the ball around in front of Sunderland but there’s no spark or change of pace and eventually Van Aanholt decides he’s had enough of this lumbering nonsense and steps in to nab the ball off a sheepish Van Persie. “I vaguely recall LvG at one point (perhaps re: the Dutch team) stating that playing 3 at the back isn’t a system he is particularly wedded to/likes,” says Michael Shaffer. “Instead, it was what he had to do given the players available. Maybe the purchase of di Maria speaks to system he wants to play, eventually, rather than the system he feels he has to play at the moment.”

36 min: “Following Barry Glendenning’s piece today, just wondering if there will be an Observer piece next weekend going behind the scenes of MBM?” says Noel Markham. Yes, hopefully done by someone who’s doing an MBM at the same time.

35 min: Rooney did fancy it but that didn’t matter. Mata ran over the ball - thereby fooling everyone, the clever sod, Sunderland didn’t know what to do - and Rooney stepped up to curl harmlessly wide.

33 min: We’ve seen very little of Rooney so far. But here he is, coming deep in search of the ball, and eventually winning a free-kick when Larsson catches him clumsily. Rooney will fancy this. It’s 25 yards out and favours the right-footer.

30 min: More excellence from Buckley, who has the beating of United down Sunderland’s right. He zigzags through challenges and reaches the byline but his cross is cleared. He gets another go, though, and this time his cross is deflected behind for corner. From which...

28 min: This is better from Sunderland. Wickham drops deep and allows a throw from the left to run across his body, before thwacking not too far wide from 25 yards. De Gea was worried.

25 min: Van Persie has done two fouls. It’s his first game back, forgive him, he’s just feeling his way in.

24 min: Roving left wing-back Ashley Young scampers down the left, beats Vergini and delivers a cross to the far post which Brown heads behind for a corner. But nothing comes from it.

23 min: Sunderland look like they have been rocked by going behind. United have calmed down. They’ve settled. They look a bit more like Manchester United.

21 min: Smalling still hasn’t gone off. Geoff Shreeves lied to me. How could he?

18 min: United lead but they still have problems. Chris Smalling has tweaked his hamstring and Michael Keane’s introduction is imminent.

16 min: Sunderland threaten again. Darren Fletcher is caught dawdling and Will Buckley shows great initiative to storm inside from the right, easily beating Blackett, and then roll a pass through to Wickham on the left. He’s through on goal but gets the ball stuck under his feet and scuffs it straight at De Gea. And...

14 min: A spell of concerted Sunderland pressure, including a neat free-kick that saw Larsson cut a ball back to Cattermole for a shot that is blocked, is eventually seen through by United. “Goodness, Van Gaal has a fat throat,” Mac Millings observes. “Is his name Dutch for Louis Turtleson?”

13 min: “Your last name is Blackett? That would be like if my name was Jew. Larry Jew. Because I’m Jewish.”

11 min: Interestingly - or not, depending on your perspective - Gus Poyet is wearing a suit and his assistant, Mauricio Tarrico, is wearing a tracksuit. Don’t they coordinate? Does that make it difficult when they head out after work?

10 min: Sunderland appeal loudly for a foul on Fletcher by Smalling, but the flag is up for offside anyway. “Not sure I understand where people are coming from questioning Di Maria’s purchase when Ashley Young is a regular starter for United these days,” says Philip Podolsky. “They need quality and pace in their attack and Di Maria, one of the best wingers in the world, should fulfill the Robben-in-LVG’s-Holland role for them. It’s obvious they need further purchases, but it’s as good a start as it gets.”

8 min: Valencia tees up Cleverley on the edge of the United area but he sends his effort miles over the bar. It’s now 1-1 in shots off target. “Isn’t that what most teams do- buying good players because they become available?” says Ore Popoola. “It’s why Fabregas is in Chelsea, why Alexis Sanchez and Özil are in Arsenal. I don’t see anybody questioning those moves, besides, United’s team is especially short on quality in the areas where they’ve bought.”

Well yes, but United still have a lot of holes they need to fill. And Fabregas was a player an already solid Chelsea squad required.

6 min: United settle down for the first time, enjoying some possession inside Sunderland’s half. It lasts for a while, until Mata slides a pass through to Van Persie, who is outmuscled by Brown. “As a United fan, if you’d told me two years ago that my team would have Mata, Van Persie and Di Maria, I would think it was just Football Manager with the cheats on,” says Ciaran Bradley.

4 min: Van Gaal and Ryan Giggs are already making notes. Van Gaal’s notebook is much bigger than Giggs’s. Although it could be some kind of electronic device. Giggs’s is just a small notepad. And they’ll be scribbling more after another sight of goal for Sunderland, Larsson volleying wide from 18 yards. Sunderland will be pleased with this start.

3 min: There’s a fine atmosphere inside the Stadium of Light. Sunderland’s fans fancy this. They don’t think much of this three-man system United are playing!

And we’re off! Manchester United get the ball rolling, kicking from right to left in the first half. But it’s Sunderland who are immediately on the attack! Ashley Young puts United in trouble with a poor pass straight to Wickham, who charges forward before slipping the ball through to Fletcher, momentarily in the clear. Jones saves United with a sliding challenge but the ball almost comes to Buckley on the right, only for Young to redeem himself. “Mad props for de bantz,” says Marie Meyer. “I am reliably informed that is how the young people of today express themselves.” Sik 1.

The teams emerge. Sunderland are in red and white stripes. Manchester United are all in blue. The music from the Apprentice is playing.

“The problem that people seem to have with the Di Maria transfer is a little short-sighted,” says Ciaran Bradley. “The assumption is that this negates United’s ability to spend on a centre-back and a central midfielder, but with the Adidas and Chevrolet deals, United have are going to be rolling round in a gold-plated Veyron, throwing £50s at all and sundry. Whether they decide to come or not is their issue, and not one the club can do a great deal about.”

“With Di Maria, aren’t United doing what they already did with Mata and Van Persie - buying a top player because they happen to be available rather than because they need them?” says Ethan Dean-Richards. “The last two seasons were all about whether those big players could fit together, aren’t we about to spend this season wondering if Herrera, Mata and Di Maria is a workable midfield three?”

Look. Van Gaal once dropped his trousers in front of the Bayern squad.

“Hi Jacob, as much as I admire LVG and his ways I think he’s bitten off more than he can chew this time,” says John Mc Enerney. “When he took over at FCB & BM they weren’t in as bad shape a shape as MUFC are, he’ll certainly shake them up a bit but he doesn’t have the personnel to win the PL. They might win a cup, DiMaria isn’t the answer to their problems.”

Looking at their team today - and I know they have players out - hey need more than just Di Maria.