De Gea, limping a tad, walks off, still muttering darkly under his breath. He’s not happy. But he will be when he remembers that Manchester United have just won 2-1 at Anfield and opened up a five-point lead over Liverpool. Juan Mata was the two-goal hero for United, his peach of a second goal the difference, and there was also a special assist from Steven Gerrard. What a cameo from the outgoing Liverpool captain! Oh, Stevie.

90 min+4: Wayne Rooney’s wait for a goal at Anfield goes on! He sends his penalty to Mignolet’s right, but it’s a poor effort and the Liverpool keeper doesn’t have to do a lot to push it away! Liverpool still have hope and Marcos Rojo is on for Daley Blind.

90 min+2: United are keeping the ball well.

90 min: There will be four minutes of added time.

88 min: Rooney fouls Coutinho. It’s too far out for a shot. Coutinho chips the free-kick into the area and Fellaini heads it away.

85 min: Cartoon capers in the Liverpool defence. Can almost dumps them in it with a pass back to Mignolet, Di Maria almost snatching the ball away from the Liverpool keeper. Mignolet gets there first and knocks it back to Can, who immediately shovels it back to Mignolet. Under pressure, he lets the ball run through his legs in order to evade Di Maria and just about gets away with it.

83 min: Falcao replaces Ander Herrera.

82 min: Henderson drives the corner in from the right but it hits a United head and De Gea is able to claim the ball.

81 min: Liverpool have discovered a second wind. United are sitting back, inviting pressure, and Allen forces Fellaini to concede a corner on the right.

79 min: Liverpool’s fans may just have saved Mario Balotelli from a red card! He clashed with Smalling on the left touchline, right by the advertising hoardings, and jumped up ready to start a row with the United defender. He’s already on a booking, though, and a couple of Liverpool fans leant over the hoardings and pulled Balotelli back before he could get going. That’s quick thinking!

78 min: It’s scrappy.

75 min: Smalling bundles Sturridge over on the left. United are rocking a little. Mario Balotelli fancies this. Surely ... surely not. No. Balotelli’s effort hits the wall and the danger passes. “On the subject of comedy red cards, how about Woodgate’s on his Real Madrid debut?” says Ben Paul. “He had to wait 18 months for his debut, only to score a spectacular own goal and then get sent off in the 65th minute. Granted, it’s not as intrinsically funny as Gerrard’s just was, but the context makes it hilarious.”

73 min: Radamel Falcao is warming up. “On the upside, my levels of unhealthy sloppy sentimentality over his looming departure have dropped significantly,” says Marie Meyer of Steven Gerrard.

72 min: All’s well that ends well. Mignolet is healed.

71 min: Simon Mignolet is down after being tripped by Wayne Rooney. Rooney was on the ground after a push from Skrtel as he challenged for a high ball and he caught Mignolet with his trailing leg as the Liverpool keeper claimed the ball. Liverpool are furious, but Rooney escapes without a booking.

67 min: Liverpool are shot. Simon Mignolet reverts to type and almost gifts Rooney the simplest goal of his career, dithering with a clearance and almost losing the ball. He just about gets away with it and launches it up the right flank. Moments later, evidence arrives that Steven Gerrard really does lead by example when Balotelli rakes his studs down Jones’s calf, earning himself a booking.

66 min: Mario Balotelli replaces Alberto Moreno. I don’t know about you, but I blame Balotelli for Steven Gerrard’s red card. He was probably telling Gerrard about that time he swapped shirts with Pepe before half-time just before he came on and it wound the Liverpool captain up.

64 min: “All Mata needs now is to score with a header and he has a perfect hat-trick to his name, but the chances of Mata scoring with his bonce is somewhat unlikely,” says Mark Judd. Could this be the match that kickstarts his Manchester United career? What a stunning goal that second effort was and he has been generally excellent overall.

63 min: “In terms of farewells, Gerrard can finally be mentioned in the same breath as Zidane,” says Harry Tuttle.

61 min: Liverpool are all over the place now. Di Maria escapes down the left and drives into the area. He could shoot, he could set up Mata, but instead he tries to find Rooney at the far post and plays the pass behind the United striker. A waste. “Last season, supporting Liverpool was a joyous, rollicking roller-coaster,” says Matt Dony. “You never knew what was going to happen. This might be less ‘joyous’, but at least Gerrard has embraced the general spirit. I imagined this match going many ways, but not once did I see that happening!”

60 min: That’s rather knocked the stuffing out of Liverpool.

57 min: Di Maria’s first contribution is to catch a ball on the left, assuming it was United’s throw. The only problem was that the ball hadn’t gone out yet, so that’s handball. Here, anyone else starting to realise why the English clubs haven’t done very well in Europe this season?

56 min: The ever-graceful Phil Jones takes a clump out of Jordan Henderson on the right and earns himself a booking. Liverpool want more than that, but it was the act of an inept oaf rather than a malicious foul, so it’s probably the right decision. “Gerrard thought he was Jonjo Shelvey,” says Brian Kitt.

55 min: Actually, Angel Di Maria’s red card against Arsenal the other week was also high on comedy value. Speaking of which, Di Maria is on for the limping Ashley Young.

54 min: The red card has given the match a strange atmosphere. If anything, United seem to have been stunned by it and Liverpool have been pressing for a couple of minutes. Coutinho tries to replicate his heroics against Manchester City but whistles one just over from 25 yards. De Gea probably had it covered.

53 min: No offence to Liverpool supporters, but I’m struggling to think of a funnier red card. Thirty seconds! What an attempt to lead by example.

51 min: Ashley Young was limping a minute or two - I’m not sure why, given the Gerrard madness - but he seems to have recovered. “I think the only way it could have been worse for Gerrard is if he scored a couple of own goals for United,” says Mark Judd.

50 min: On the plus side, at least Gerrard didn’t slip when he did the stamp. That really would have added insult to injury. “To paraphrase a famous song from the Manchester United fans from the 1983 FA Cup Final Replay - ‘Stevie Gerrard, Stevie Gerrard, what a difference you have made!’,” parps Adam Hirst.

48 min: On balance, you’d have to say that this probably isn’t how Steven Gerrard imagined his final match against Manchester United would pan out. That has to be one of the stupidest red cards of all time. He was on the pitch for all of 30 seconds!

47 min: Herrera is booked for his initial challenge.

And with Gerrard on, we are off again! Liverpool begin the second half and the plan is that they will spend it attacking the Kop. Gerrard is involved immediately and...

Liverpool are making the change. Steven Gerrard is on and Adam Lallana is off. A narrative beckons.

“Lots of people predictably clamouring for Steven Gerrard...” says Thomas Shepherd. “But surely Lucas offers more balance, bite and control in the middle - get him on for Joe Allen, who looks a bit lost.”

There’s an argument to bring off Sturridge or Lallana and move Sterling forward and Henderson to the right. Sterling also looks lost as a right wing-back.

“Mata’s goal looks a more straightforward version of one of the best team goals I’ve seen, Spain’s opener against Italy in that rout in the Euro final,” says Philip Podolsky. “The boy Herrera channelled Iniesta to perfection.”

45 min: There will be two minutes of added time. Can Liverpool muster anything useful during them?

43 min: Mata, Valencia and Herrera attempt some mischief down the United right. The move ends with Mata drifting offside.

41 min: The flurry subsides. The game slows down. Just what United wanted.

38 min: De Gea has to be quick off his line again to stop Lallana reaching a pass through the middle from Henderson. Henderson overcooked that one, though. There was a lot of space for him to hit.

37 min: For the first time in the entire match, Liverpool have increased the intensity. That Lallana chance may just have sparked them into life.

35 min: I was in the middle of writing that Liverpool have barely strung two passes together and then Adam Lallana almost goes and scores the equaliser. They broke down the right and Henderson curled a splendid pass to the left of the area to Sturridge, who cushioned the ball back to Lallana, arriving late on the edge of the area. He took it first-time with his left foot and aimed for the bottom-right corner. De Gea stood and watched as Lallana’s shot flew inches wide. Will that wake Liverpool up?

34 min: United have had 62% possession. Samuele Allardici will be impressed.

33 min: Franz Smalling sweeps a pass from right to left for Young. What a player! What a distributor of the football! Did you ever doubt him? Young traps the pass on his chest and tries to release Mata, but Skrtel is in on hand to mop up.

30 min: Coutinho, anonymous so far, dribbles into trouble in his own half. The ball comes to Rooney, who has a go from 30 yards, but Skrtel is in the way. Did you know that Rooney hasn’t scored at Anfield for more than 10 years?

28 min: Anfield is very quiet. United are in the process of silencing Anfield.

26 min: United drop their focus, just for a moment, and lose the ball. Liverpool look to counter immediately, Sterling firing a pass through to Sturridge, but De Gea’s quick out of his area to clear. United attack again and Herrera wins a corner on the left. Young knocks it to the near post and Carrick flicks an effort harmlessly over the bar.

25 min: Liverpool have not been in United’s half for a while. This is far more one-sided than anyone could have predicted.

24 min: There’s Lallana! That’s a relief.

23 min: Play resumes. I think that Lallana is okay, unless I missed him being taken off.

22 min: Phil Jones is hobbling around, winded after crashing into Adam Lallana in the centre circle. He’s a bit of a klutz, that lad, and Lallana is in need of urgent attention. The stretcher could be required and Steven Gerrard is warming up. “This feels like a Ferguson era performance from United so far,” says Allan Castle. “A rare bird.”

19 min: Liverpool are being pressed furiously when they have the ball and they don’t like it. They have been thoroughly unsettled by this United start. Joe Allen tugs back Ander Herrera 40 yards from goal and picks up a booking.

17 min: Henderson clips an instant pass over the top to Sturridge. He’s way out on the left of the area, but that doesn’t stop him from trying an ambitious volley that flies past the near post. Sturridge can never be accused of lacking confidence.

16 min: You will see more spectacular goals, but that was one of the best team goals that will be scored this season. It was a special pass from Ander Herrera, a player who hasn’t always had the trust of Louis van Gaal this season.

12 min: The visitors are the better side. Ander Herrera looks to pick out the run of Wayne Rooney, but the flag is immediately up for offside, the Manchester United skipper failing to time his peel away from Skrtel properly.

11 min: United have had the ball for around two minutes. Pass, pass, pass, just like Barcelona.

9 min: Mata flings the free-kick into the box, but it’s headed away and Liverpool counter, only for Sterling to ruin a speedy move with a slack pass straight that’s easy for Blind to cut out.

8 min: Moreno sloppily hands possession to Mata with a poor pass straight to the Manchester United man on the right. He compounds his error by dumping Mata over, Martin Atkinson instantly blowing for a free-kick to United.

7 min: Henderson pings a long ball over the top, seeking out the run of Lallana. Jones gets there first, but pressure from Lallana forces him to slice a clearance out for a throw.

5 min: Blind rolls a pass down the line and out of play. The Kop jeers.

4 min: Now Liverpool soothe any lingering nerves, stroking the ball around for a minute or two, allowing themselves a feel of the thing. Then they turn up the pace. Lallana curves an excellent pass inside Blind, for Sterling, who darts into the area and pokes the ball round Jones, only for De Gea to smother the danger.

2 min: A brisk start from United. Rooney darts down the left and tries to turn Skrtel, who is forced to concede a corner. Mata trots over to take it and sends an out-swinger into the area, again towards Fellaini. Mignolet comes and flaps unconvincingly, but Sterling hacks the loose ball away. United have settled well, picking up where they left off against Tottenham last Sunday.

And we’re off! Manchester United, in white shirts and black shirts, get the ball rolling on a sunny Anfield afternoon. They’re attacking the Kop in the first half and the ball is immediately pumped forward towards the big bonce of Marouane Fellaini. He flicks a header on to Wayne Rooney, but Liverpool sweep up the danger.

Here come the teams! The volume at Anfield goes up a notch or two. Or three. Or four. Who knows? Counting notches isn’t an exact science. “I think it would be a good idea if today’s referee is allowed to walk slowly down each team’s line-up of players to make absolutely sure he doesn’t confuse them and send the wrong one off,” says Richard Harris. “Players who look too similar to each other should be asked to wear some sort of obvious distinguishing feature like an Elvis face mask or a pair of fake tits.”

“Imagine saying a year ago that Manchester United would sign Di Maria and Falcao but Ashley Young and Fellaini will be trusted over them for the main games,” says Magnus Lind. “Crazy old game but you got to love it.”

It makes you think, doesn’t it?

Pele wishes a nice game to everyone and then, grinning at the camera, reveals he would also like to see some nice goals. Good old Pele.

Have you heard? Pele is at Anfield. He’s being interviewed now and he’s managed to drop in a reference to El-Hadji Diouf being the best player in the world sandwiches. Anyone else really hungry?

“I’ve little doubt that their good form will continue today, but is there a worry for Liverpool that sooner or later it will drop off unless they develop more ruthlessness and clinical-ness up front?” wonders David Wall. “That might seem a silly idea at the moment but if you look at their goals over the past month or so then the majority have been scored by long range shots (I checked the results and match reports for March and February to check the suspicion).

“While it’s true that if you have better players, more pressure, more of the ball around the opposition area, and are prepared to shoot, then you’re more likely to score from long range. Nonetheless it is more difficult, and you’re bound to have days when those shots end up in the top of the stand rather than the top corner of the goal.

“Unless they start taking more of the close-range chances that they make then one of those days might coincide with an important fixture. Seeing as they’re still trying to catch those teams in the Champions’ League places (though I do think that will change by the end of today), I wonder if that might cost them in the run in.”

Tactical analysis: the teams are pretty much as expected. But will Liverpool have their usual fluency with Raheem Sterling on the right? The absence of Lazar Markovic could be a blow.