There are fireworks, lazers and all kinds of special effects going on at Upton Park. There’s also really loud music. Just let the fans sing their songs and remember the old days. That’s all they want to do. Oh, in fact now they get to sing songs and watch video highlights of past heroes. That’s more like it.

“This light show is already more entertaining than the Big Sam era,” deadpans Jeremy Dresner.

I’m off now. But here’s the match report. Farewell Upton Park. Farewell Boleyn Ground. Farewell readers.

Slaven Bilic speaks: “It was a special game. A big, big pressure. This season has been great for West Ham. We work till the end. We didn’t want to lose our last game at this fantastic stadium. We were unlucky to be at 1-1. OK they are Manchester United. Some of their movement is hard to deal with. We knew they were highly motivated but we should be more than 1-0 up at half-time. We didn’t stop believing. We knew when the crosses were coming in we were good. So it came. And we totally deserve it. It’s a great night. It’s history. It’s a great game. A late-night game. It couldn’t have been better. It had all the boxes that you need [to tick] to make it a great game.” * Bilic starts pointing at boxes behind him on the wall.

Well, I’ll have to shoot off shortly. I’ll miss the “wonderful, wonderful” post-match show that David Sullivan spoke of. But whatever it is, it won’t match that game. West Ham will struggle to recreate anything like that kind of atmosphere in the bowl-like gigantadome that is the Olympic Stadium. A shame. But the fans will always have the memories of this night and many other special ones down the years to recall.

West Ham fans will celebrate long and hard into the night now one expects (hopefully not too hard). The ugly scenes before the match will hopefully be left in the past as they head off to a shiny new future at the Olympic Stadium. As for Manchester United. They held, ever so briefly, Champions League football in their hands, but paid for not being able to compete physically with their bigger, more combative opponents. Payet was criticised for not being so effective but his deliveries into the box were a constant threat. Smalling could not win the battle alone. Rojo, Blind and Valencia were a little too lightweight. They’ve let Manchester City off the hook.

Well, that was absolutely stonking stuff. The West Ham fans are belting out this. Fitting really.

“And with that, my favourite Arsenal are guaranteed another year of breaking my heart in the Champions League,” cheers Lance Berc.

90+4 min: Rojo plays a ball into the box. Reid clears. Antonio breaks and tries to go it alone but Carrick covers and gets the ball back to De Gea. Peep! Peep! Peep!

90+3 min: West Ham work the ball into the corner. Noble tries to keep the ball there. That’s no way to see out the old stadium Mark.

90+2 min: I imagine Pep’s enjoyed this.

90 min: There’ll be four more minutes of football at Upton Park/Boleyn Ground.

89 min: Payet bids farewell to Upton Park. Did you know it was the last game ever there tonight? Valencia is on.

88 min: “It’s basically Martial 2-3 Blind... really sorry to see this being his worst game of the season,” sniffs Jan Laznik. He’s a curious player. At times so assured but at other times creaking around like he’s 10 years past his sell-by date.

87 min: Valencia off (before he gets sent off). Januzaj on.

86 min: Lingard gives a free-kick away 40 yards from goal. Man Utd have given away far too many set-pieces against a wonderfully equipped team when it comes to exploiting them. Payet whips a dangerous ball in from a central area that curls towards the penalty spot where Kouyate loops a header on to the top of the netting.

84 min: Bilic is trying to get everyone to just breathe. Sakho is off. West Ham stalwart Tomkins is on. Has this match got more drama to come?

83 min: West Ham are continuing to pile forwards. They’re giving Upton Park a thunderous send-off. Meanwhile, Herrera is off and Lingard is on for Man Utd. Lanzini is off and Obiang is on for West Ham.

78 min: Well, whatever else happens, this has been a rollocking final game at Upton Park. One whose ending I wouldn’t dare to predict. Although, I feel Andy Carroll hasn’t quite said what he’s wanted to say yet …

75 min: Well, this is spoiling the grand farewell somewhat.

71 min: Nope. It’s horrible. Well over.

70 min: This is niggly. Valencia catches Kouyate late. He’s booked. It’s in Payet territory, 25 yards from goal. Could he?

69 min: Carroll does one of those tackles that isn’t so much late as phoned in from afar. Blind goes down. Carroll is booked.

66 min: West Ham win another corner. Manchester United should do everything they can to avoid conceding corners against this gargantuan side with Payet flinging them into the box. Payet plays this one in deep for Carroll, who pulls away from his marker and throws his head at the ball, all hair and contorted skin, but his header is cleared off the line by Blind. West Ham win another free-kick. This time Smalling leaps and clears. Smalling has defended immensely.

64 min: There’s a lovely ebb and flow to this game now. Martial uses his upper body brilliantly against Reid, before spinning and finding Mata inside him with a short pass. The Spaniard scampers into the box and plays a pass in behind Rashford, who backheels across goal but just too far for Herrera, who can’t get to it at the back post.

62 min: West Ham are building up a head of steam again here. Noble drifts in from the left, spies Carroll pulling away on the back post and picks the big man out with a lovely, floated delivery. Carroll, under extreme pressure from Smalling once more, tries to square the ball to Sakho, but his scuffed attempt is cleared. Man Utd break …

59 min: West Ham win a corner. Payet whips it in. Carroll has a run on it but Smalling man-handles the striker in a manner that would probably lead to a free-kick anywhere else on the pitch but is often overlooked/missed in the box. He had hold of Carroll’s shirt near his neck.

57 min: Martial is booked for catching Kouyate with what was either a sneaky little trip or lazy dangling leg.

56 min: Payet curls a free-kick in from the right. Sakho gets a free run after timing his dart into the six-yard box to perfection but the ball bounces up at him and off his noggin and over the bar. He may want to ask himself why he didn’t use his feet.

54 min: Carroll slips on his buttocks in the box but somehow manages to hook the ball behind him to Payet on the edge of the area. The Frenchman opens his body up and shapes to bend the ball into the bottom corner but he’s a few inches out. He’s yet to find his magic-dust tonight.

52 min: West Ham were very easily pulled out of shape by that long ball. How they might regret not building a better lead in the first half when they were so utterly dominant.

50 min: Payet tries his luck with a volley from 20 yards but he doesn’t get his knee over it and it goes wide.

48 min: Blind whips it in but it doesn’t bother West Ham’s defence. They’re a big, physical lot at the back. Well, right through the team, in fact. Lanzini looks like a sprite among a gang of orcs.

47 min: Antonio beats Rojo once, twice, three times a la … sorry. He beats him twice and goes back for another go but slips and then gets tackled. Manchester United break and win a corner.

46 min: Man Utd win a free-kick on the left. Rooney whips an inviting ball into the six-yard box but West Ham snuff out the danger. Very good delivery, though.

45 min: Rooney plays a lovely little disguised pass into the box, shaping to shoot before dinking the ball inside him ever so cleverly and almost finding Mata. But West Ham’s defence reacts first and clear.

43 min: I agree with this. Middlesbrough were almost punished by Brighton at the weekend after they dominated the first half and ran out of ideas in the second half.

42 min: Payet picks out Sakho on the penalty spot. He’s unmarked. He heads over. He should do better.

40 min: Antonio shows the carrot to Rojo on the right wing. Rojo bites, Antonio shifts the carrot and then gets brought crashing down by Rojo’s attempted tackle. Payet swings the free-kick in from out on the touchline but Smalling jumps highest and defends very well at the back post. Moments later Antonio has a sighter from 25 yards that deflects out for a West Ham corner.

38 min: United appear to have finally settled. Herrera is growing in influence and Rooney is dropping deep to try to link up play. Successfully, too, in the last few minutes. This is United’s best spell of possession.

37 min: “If footballers who blooter the ball over the bar, as Rooney just did, had to go and get it perhaps they would be more careful with their shooting,” offers Mark Judd. Indeed, I’ve chosen to pass sideways rather than shoot in jumpers-for-goalposts games to avoid having to leg it for the ball.

35 min: Valencia’s forearm catches Payet as he steps in to tackle the West Ham playmaker. He crumples to the deck but it’s nothing serious and was never that forceful from the United full-back in any case. He’s soon up on his feet.

33 min: “Stand up for the Boleyn Ground,” sing West Ham’s fans. Then Rashford almost silences them after Rooney whips in a delicious right-footed cross on the angle from 25 yards out on the right that Rashford tries to meet too low, allowing Ogbonna to clear for a corner. The youngster read that all wrong.

31 min: Martial ponders in possession in Manchester United’s half and Noble picks his pocket like the talented little schemer he is before racing away and finding Payet on the edge of the box. The Frenchman steps inside Smalling and looks for all the world like he’ll bury this. Instead he slices it horribly wide. Most unbecoming.

27 min: Randolph is ever so nonchalant as he allows Rashford to get this close to him a yard or two from his goal-line before turning inside the advancing striker and hoiking the ball clear. He either has big stones, or slow foot-speed.

26 min: Lanzini has a dig from 20 yards. It’s low, it’s hard, it’s a foot wide. West Ham still very much in the driving seat, steering this game at will at the moment.

24 min: “In Spain it’s known as a Mendieta rather than a Scholes,” writes Niall Mullen.

22 min: Rooney blooters a long-range shot over. You can tell he’s fuming about the way this is going. I suppose sending a shot into space is one anger-management technique.

20 min: Antonio nods in at the far post and rambles off towards the giddy West Ham fans to celebrate only to find the the ball had been deflected marginally out for a corner on its way over from the right. Ah. Save that little dance for another time. The corner comes to nothing.

19 min: Blind, for some inexplicable reason, leaves his station and allows Carroll a free run on goal from 40 yards after some lovely buildup play by the Hammers. But the big man gets his body shape wrong as he bears down on goal and his left-footed shot is weak and blocked well by De Gea. West Ham are bossing this and then some.

18 min: Antonio jinks left and right and gets free of Martial on the right. He drives a low cross into the box that Sakho flicks on with his toe to Carroll, who uses his body brilliantly to lay the ball off for Payet but his shot at goal is thumped straight into De Gea’s midriff.

17 min: On Sheringham’s sartorial faux pas: “Don’t know about the Wire I thought the clown was going for the Peaky Blinders look! And for a man of his age,” gasps Robert Courtney.

15 min: Carroll flicks a long ball on to Payet on the left wing. He drops his shoulder and looks like he means business as he drifts inside. But his disguised pass into the box is so well disguised not one West Ham player has a clue what he’s up to and it goes out for a goal-kick.

13 min: Payet drifts the corner in to Noble on the outside of the penalty area. He tries to ‘Scholes’ it in but it buries itself into a United defender and ricochets out to Kouyate, who shanks his effort over.

12 min: West Ham are getting at least 25% extra off the crowd. Manchester United can’t deal with the energy that is being channelled into the Hammers. They’re rampant and win a corner.

6 min: Carroll has shown great aerial strength on a number of occasions already. He flicks the ball towards Sakho, who skiddadles into the box but handles the ball by accident and concedes a free-kick.

5 min: Martial has his first duel with Antonio, with the West Ham full-back/rampaging winger doing his job very well, shepherding the young Man Utd forward towards the touchline and winning a goal-kick.

3 min: This is a fierce atmosphere. Manchester United ride through the initial attack and then keep possession diligently at the back and get a foothold in the game, cleverly trying to take the sting out of the powered-up home side.

Meanwhile … good spot here. Always happy to include a Wire reference.

2 min: It’s a manic start. West Ham pack the Manchester United penalty area. Carroll makes a nuisance of himself, various bodies try to clear the ball unsuccessfully and there’s a half-hearted appeal for a penalty when Winston Reid goes down under minimal contact from Smalling.

The stadium is awash with claret and blue. There’s a rousing rendition of Bubbles.And we’re almost ready for the off after what’s been quite a dramatic night already. Is there more drama in store?

Right, it’s almost time for kick-off. The players are huddled in the tunnel. It’s the last game at Upton Park, just in case you’d forgotten. Here they come …

“You seem to be very blasé about a bunch of thugs and just laughing it off. Have you seen the photo of the mother and her young child needing to be led through the smoke and broken glass?” writes Adam Gostling. It’s here below. Not being blasé. It’s a frightening ordeal for them. I’m just reporting what I have seen as it comes in. The fans lobbing missiles around a public space are knuckleheads. Thankfully, two generous fans came to their aid and I hope there were very few members of the public caught up in the frightening scenes outside.

Right, well, back to the actual match for a moment. The crowd have just roared West Ham off the pitch. The stands are full. There’s a crackling atmosphere.

“Actually forget about the bus, Teddy Sheringham committing the biggest crime of the night on Sky Sports,” chortles Rajiv.

“If you check the coach there won’t be any damage to it,” says David Sullivan.

Aye, right.

Here’s our first take on the Manchester United bus being ‘smashed up’.

“It’s probably best that David Sullivan’s wonderful ‘entertainment’ is delayed until well after the watershed.” Very good Niall Mullen.

They’re wheeling the big guns out now. Marlon Harewood (well who else) has his say: “It’s indescribable. The fans are just amazing. It will be emotional.” Thanks Marlon. Of you trot. Right, I’m off to get watered. I’ll be back shortly.

“Will David Sullivan be letting us know whether whoever smashed the Man U coach up is able to stick around for the ‘wonderful, wonderful’ entertainment afterwards?” wonders David Hopkins.

“How does the movie Green Street Hooligans place in West Ham lore?” asks US-based reader Ted Lee. “ Over the years, I’ve gone to a dozen or so games at different grounds and aside from a few profane, overly-hydrated folks on a bus towards Fratton Park, and dozens of people crowded around the entrance to Highbury to see if anybody through a door or window might look like Patrick Kluivert signing a new contract, everything’s been relatively sedate. The most unhappiness I’ve seen is at a slow-moving fish-and-chip shop. Is there a sense of that movie might have reflected how things were, or was that a movie version of what Americans might like to think that English soccer is?” The latter Ted, for the most part. And I expect tonight’s ‘pwoper nawty’ behaviour was probably one last hurrah for how it used to be in the 70s and 80s. But watered down – perhaps by a few cans of mood-enhancer– obviously.

The West Ham manager, Slaven Bilic, speaks: “It’s a special night. A special game. It’s going to be very emotional, we are well prepared. I hope we will ride on emotions tonight and put in a good performance. I mean the players are not kids. The buildup in the media? We try to use it. For it to be our detonator. We are up for it, of course. This game will be big even if it wasn’t the last game. They need a win to get above Man City. We need a win to get in the European places. What makes it special is that it’s the last game here. We expect a high-intensity game full of emotions.” Detonator? Blimey. This could be fun.

Olympic stadium benefits …

Here are some more pictures of the Manchester United coach. It looks as though some of the outer windows of the coach were smashed but the internal glass stayed secure.

“Has LVG ‘found the accelerator’? Very funny Gregg, given that the United bus hasn’t yet arrived at the ground. Sums up United’s season though, very very slow going forward.” David Flynn does humour on my behalf.

“Hi Gregg,” begins Matthew Turner, getting the pleasantries out of the way. “Will you also post my fever dream?” Ah, go on then. “Man U lose the next two, and every other match they ever play. Liverpool win the next two and the Europa League final to come in 5th and qualify for the CL. West Ham, Man U and Southampton compete in the Europa League next year and Spurs finish below Arsenal and are still, well, Spurs. Thank you!” Erm, you’re welcome.

So Manchester United’s bus has got stuck among the thousands of West Ham fans huddled in their thousands along the roads. The last time they got stuck in the London traffic, they got hammered 3-0.

That Manchester United team looks pretty feisty too. Has Van Gaal finally found the accelerator?

A Spurs fan is already plotting glory next season, starting with tonight’s result. “Man Utd win the next two, but lose the FA Cup, Liverpool fail in Europa and West Ham and Liverpool and Man City play on multiple Thursday nights,” predicts Michael Aston. “Spurs take full advantage and win the Premier League. Anyway, this will be a cracking atmosphere and I suspect a high scoring game.” I hope so.

Raymond Reardon offers his favourite Upton Park moment – and it has nothing to do with West Ham. “The most important ‘I Was There Moment’ from an Australian perspective was the most recent England v Australia international at Upton Park on the 12 February 2003 when the mighty Socceroos slayed the English lions 3-1. 34,590 attended the glorious evening at Upton Park, that has probably grown to about an 80,000 ‘I Was There Moment’ for expat Australians and will probably continue to grow over the years to exceed any capacity that West Ham’s new stadium may achieve. Some people say that getting West Ham away from Upton Park is a move by the Football Association to erase the recording of that piece of history rather than a move to improve West Ham’s lot at the taxpayers expense.In what was Wayne Rooney’s first ever International for England he will be hoping to also erase that memory by being/not being chosen in the upcoming England v Australia International on 27 May.”

Well, that looks like quite an attacking West Ham side to me. There should be some fun and games in the match up between Antonio and Martial.

Like nostalgia? Like pictures of football stadiums? Like quizzes? Well, this is for you.

Mark Noble has just emerged from the West Ham coach. Apparently, the players have been stuck on there for quite a while. Here’s what he makes of tonight’s match.

It was crazy. It’s taken us an hour to get 200 yards. We knew it would be like this. It’s emotional, exciting but we’ve got to try and focus on the game. We want to go out on a high note. [Manchester United] have a massive incentive with the Champions league. It will be electric out there. It will be hard to put the emotion aside but we’re going to try and win the game.”

A lot of you are really surprised to hear it’s the last game at Upton Park. Well, it has kind of crept up on us I suppose …

Our very own cartoonist, David Squires, used to work at Upton Park. In the ticket office. Here’s his own inimitable take on his experiences there. Of course it’s good.

Evening. I hope you have a hanky to hand reader. It’s going to be emotional. After 112 years of ups, downs, the odd success, bubbles, a bit of biff and plenty of sing-songs, West Ham are leaving Upton Park – or the Boleyn Ground, if that’s your preference. Tonight, under the lights, Manchester United visit for the final farewell. That’s not a bad fixture to go out on is it? There promises to be electricity in the air, hot, salty tears on the terraces and perhaps even a cracking game. You see, the Hammers still don’t know whether they will be in the Europa League next season due to the complicated nature of European places being passed on if Manchester United win the FA Cup or Liverpool win the Europa League. So they really need to win, not just so they can wave a cheery goodbye tonight, but because it would be quite nice to host European football in their shiny new stadium next season. They also have the chance to exact a bit of revenge after Louis van Gaal’s side dumped them out of the FA Cup for the final time at the old stadium last month. It’s a huge game for Manchester United too. They can leap above City into fourth place. They’ll be just one match away from sealing Champions League football again and filling Pep Guardiola’s diary with a block-booking of Thursday-night action. Maybe Van Gaal is a genius, after all.

But back to the leaving do. Upton Park has witnessed some sublime and ridiculous moments over the years: Geoff Hurst scoring six in an 8-0 trouncing of Sunderland in 1968, Trevor Brooking running the show to complete a 4-3 aggregate victory over Eintracht Frankfurt in the European Cup Winners’ Cup semi-final second leg in 1976, Alvin Martin scoring a hat-trick against three different keepers in an 8-1 win over Newcastle in 1981 (yes, Alvin Martin!), that Paolo Di Canio goal and many, many more. Too many for me to mention alone here. Send me your own by email or Twitter if you like. Will we get a Dimitri Payet special to mark the occasion tonight? Or will Man Utd players’ Champions League ambition poop the party? Also, if you’re a West Ham fan, let me know – finances aside – if you’re actually looking forward to getting into the Olympic Stadium? For all Manchester City’s success, since their move to east Manchester, many City fans miss the days they shambled around to the lusty roar of the Kippax at Maine Road instead of the expectant rattle of the Etihad.

Here’s West Ham fan David Rosenburg bidding a fond farewell to the club’s home since 1904:

“Roasted peanuts – tanner a bag” – the first words I ever heard at Upton Park, on the old North Bank. November 1966. I was eight years old. We beat Newcastle 3-0. Budgie Byrne and Geoff Hurst were among the scorers. Hurst was my hero and I remember his thundering presence on the pitch.

With the terraces pressed up so close to the pitch, I felt so near to the players. All around me, a sea of West Ham scarves, bobble hats, rosettes and the occasional rattle. I bought a rosette and joined the tribe. Two bob to get in. You bought your programme from old guys wearing flat caps. One of them often had a threatening trail of snot about to drip on the programme (same price as the peanuts) but he would sniff it up just in time. First Upton Park memories. February ’69. West Ham v Liverpool. Hurst chases a no-hope ball heading out to touch in the opposing half. He catches it, runs down the wing, Brooking running down the middle.

Hurst crosses low. A psycho, Tommy Smith, charges in to challenge Brooking as the ball approaches but Brooking deftly steps over it. It runs straight to Johnny Sissons. He steadies himself, then bang – it crashes past Tommy Lawrence, top corner, from 25 yards. Cue the Upton Park roar, which will never be the same when we rattle around the new stadium. The roar was at its loudest just a few weeks ago, when we helped ruin Tottenham’s title dreams, 1-0.

Oh, and one other thing, what a fine season West Ham have had.

I’ll be back with the team news shortly.