LADS, IT’S UNITED
You won, [Ange]. Enjoy [Bigger Vase], I hope it makes you happy. Dear lord, what a sad little [final]. You ruined my night completely so you could have [Bigger Vase] and I hope now you can spend it on lessons in [tactics] and [recruitment]. Because [your team] had all the [season] of a reversing dump truck without any tyres on. So Ange, take your [Bigger Vase] and get off my [TV screen].
Watching the Bigger Vase final might have been more painful than Charlie Nicholas’ Sky Sports News b@nter, but you have to hand it to Ange Postecoglou. In one swoop, with one absolutely abysmal goal, the Australian has won Tottenham Hotspur’s first trophy in 17 years, secured Bigger Cup qualification and delivered on his promise that he “always wins a trophy in my second season”. Being bold and coming good on a footballing prophecy is bada$$, whichever way you cut it. We loved Brian Clough for his bravado and brash quotes but only because he could back it up. When José Mourinho announced he was “the Special One”, shortly before laying waste to the rest of the Premier League, we all nodded along afterwards with a begrudging respect. Heck, even when Sean Dyche suggested on co-commentary for this year’s FA Cup final that Crystal Palace should “hit it up to the big man” to beat Manchester City’s press, 10 seconds before they went long to Jean-Philippe Mateta who set up their winning goal, Football Daily sat back in awe. So fair play to Big Ange.
“All I’ve done in my career is win,” roared Postecoglou, as he channelled the vibes of Carlo Ancelotti atop a rooftop bus, wearing sunnies and smoking a cigar. “Even Daniel [Levy, Spurs’ chairman] said: ‘We’ve gone for winners [in the past] and now we have Ange.’ Mate, I’m a winner. All I know is I’m going to go back to my hotel room, open a bottle of scotch, have a couple of quiet ones and prepare for a big parade on Friday. I don’t feel like I’ve completed the job yet, we’re still building. The moment I took the job, I wanted to win something. We’ve done that. It’s the toughest thing I’ve ever done.”
Watching that final was genuinely one of the toughest things Football Daily has done, but at least the celebrations and shenanigans were worth staying up for. James Maddison had a lovely pop at Roy Keane in his post-match interview. Archie Gray showed exceptional ball knowledge by doing the Ronaldinho/Bigger Cup anthem lip-licking meme (Gray was three when Ronnie originally did that). You’d have to have a heart of stone not to be touched by Son Heung-min sobbing uncontrollably into the shoulder of his father and renowned taskmaster, Dad Heung-min Son Woong-jung, after the final whistle with the first club trophy of the South Korean’s career.
Just as they have been all season, Manchester United were dreadful and deserved nothing from the contest, with Ruben Amorim admitting afterwards his head was on the chopping block. “I have nothing to show to the fans,” shrugged the Portuguese. “If the board and fans feel I am not the right guy, I will go in the next day without any conversation about compensation, but I will not quit.” Football isn’t always the beautiful game. Sometimes you just need to win, and that’s what Spurs did. Congratulations to them and good luck next season in Bigger Cup. Based upon whatever that was in Bilbao, they might need it.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Obviously it’s hard for everyone. Our season was sh!t. We didn’t beat anyone in the league. We lacked a lot of things” – Alejandro Garnacho brings some understatement to his funky analysis of Manchester United’s season.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
Re: yesterday’s Football Daily letters. It doesn’t seem to have occurred to your other 1,056 readers that, far from making the Premier League a laughing stock, the fact that that the 16th and 17th ‘best’ in the Greatest League in the World™ competed in the final for the second best Euro trophy shows the strength in depth and talent within that league. In fact, if one wants to be unkind, you could say that all of the other ‘European’ clubs in the competition must have been rubbish if they couldn’t prevent this from happening” – Martin Bleasdale (and no others).
Someone please give me the Manchester United manager job please. If I do nothing, absolutely nothing, they will still finish better than this year. And I get to watch 38 games from the dugout, chewing gum, throwing tantrums, fighting with the officials, gesticulating wildly, giving interviews. And I am ready to take 20% of Ruben Amorim’s salary. That is a huge amount saved for Big Sir Jim” – Krishna Moorthy.
For Spurs, a trophy. For United, atrophy” – Mark McFadden.
Not sure if I’ve been in an alternate dimension, but bravo to the Magpies, Eagles and now the, erm, C0cks on ending their respective avian trophy droughts. Special mention to Spurs (and Manchester United) for their part in the most awful, inept match I’ve seen in some time. As someone watching Luton all season (and thus being a connoisseur of such things) that’s quite the achievement” – Kevin Goddard.
Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s letter o’ the day winner is … Martin Bleasdale, who lands some Football Weekly merch. We’ll be in touch. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we run them, can be viewed here.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
The Football Weekly pod squad are back for an extra dose of aural entertainment as they pick over Bigger Vase final.
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