Australia will take a 46-run lead into day two of the Boxing Day Test even after being sent in to bat first and being all out before tea for 152. Josh Tongue claimed five for 45 while Michael Neser top scored with 35 on a green top that ensured batting was difficult. As has so often been the case throughout this series, England were unable to make the most of getting ahead in the game. The tourists were dismissed for 110 inside 30 overs and in less than a session with Harry Brook’s counterpunching 41 the standout as Australia shared the wickets around. Neser finished with four and Scott Boland three, while Mitchell Starc took two early wickets.

Boland then survived a single tense over in Australia’s second innings as the hosts finished the day on 4-0 at the MCG.

Five slips in place, as well as a leg-slip and short-leg, as Gus Atkinson charges in to bowl to Scott Boland.

Scott Boland walks out to open alongside Travis Head with Australia needing to survive just one over before stumps.

Michael Neser backs up his five-for in the second innings of the Gabba Test, with four for 45 at the MCG. Hometown hero Scott Boland turned to all his knowledge of the surface to claim three wickets, while Mitchell Starc continued his stunning series with a pair of early dismissals that helped set the tone for Australia.

Harry Brook (41) top scored for England and showed the value of counterattacking when batting otherwise proved difficult. Gus Atkinson (28) and captain Ben Stokes (16) were the only other batters to reach double figures, but that was as much down to the Australian bowlers making the most of the conditions rather than it simply being an unplayable pitch.

Jeremy Flint is another to be worried for Cricket Australia with a shortened Test well and truly on the cards.

“I am following you from Manila, the Philippines with a glass of red and some spicy sardines on toast. It looks like weekend cricket is most unlikely the way this is going, but does anybody know the amount of lost revenue from these five-day tests finishing inside three days? Must be horrendous for Cricket Australia.”

29th over: England 110-9 (Atkinson 28, Tongue 1) Starc returns as Australia look to finish off this annoying last-wicket stand. At the same time, Steve Smith is still trying to protect their precarious lead with much of the field spread into the deep. Atkinson picks up two with a drive down the ground and adds one with a similar stroke that leaves Tongue with one ball to face. The England No 11 has looked rock solid so far.

28th over: England 107-9 (Atkinson 25, Tongue 1) Atkinson picks up a single with a drive to long-off and I suspect there are a couple of openers pleased to see play petering out slightly with 5.50pm now in sight.

Adrian Goldman has joined the queue of cricket watchers questioning the merits of a particular way of playing the game.

“So what is the truth about bazball and this group of cricketers? That it worked before other teams had figured it out? That this group of cricketers aren’t that talented and it would work with better personnel?

“As it is, it looks like we’re on not only for an Ashes whitewash – but the fastest one of all time.”

Darryl Accone has found time between the flurry of wickets to pen this reworked little ditty …

Once again we have the captain at the wheel, the deck deserted by the top order. It brings to mind the poem Casabianca by Felicia Hemans, to whom apologies for these reworked lines:

The Ben stood on the burning deck,
Whence all but he had fled;
The flame that lit the battle’s wreck,
Shone round him o’er the dead.

Yet beautiful and bright he stood,
As born to rule the storm;
A creature of heroic blood,
A proud, though childlike form.

Wickets wrapped the scorecard in shambles wild,
They caught the Baz on high,
And streamed above the gallant cap’n,
Like banners in the sky.

There came a burst of thunder sound –
The Ben – oh! where was he?
Ask of the Aussies that all around
With wickets strewed the pitch!

27th over: England 106-9 (Atkinson 24, Tongue 1) DROP! Tongue survives a Boland over as he gets behind everything aimed at the stumps and leaves anything a little bit wide. He gets a touch under a straight drive but Boland can’t settle himself in time as he reaches down at his ankles and grasses a difficult caught-and-bowled chance.

26th over: England 106-9 (Atkinson 24, Tongue 1) Josh Tongue gets off the mark in style with a classic drive and risky run. Atkinson whacks Boland straight down the ground with a horizonal bat to finally take England past 100 with a boundary. Boland responds with a shorter ball but Atkinson sees him coming and steps back to crack another flat bat shot to the rope wide of mid-off.

25th over: England 97-9 (Atkinson 16, Tongue 0) SIX! There seems little point in Gus Atkinson digging in and he launches Boland over the rope at fine leg. He didn’t quite middle that but there was enough off the pace of the shorter ball to carry it all the way.

Won’t someone think of the cricket boards?

Matthew Lawrenson is one who is concerned: “Hope the MCG have plans for all the food and drink they planned to use over the next 4 days, and that they have insurance for refunded tickets.”

… while Abhishek Chopra has a novel idea: “Looks like we could have two Tests for the price of one at the MCG.”

23rd over: England 90-8 (Atkinson 9, Carse 4) Carse starts the Boland over by stepping down the pitch and opening up with a wild swing. If nothing else, it seems to be the style of the times. Carse defends more soundly from there before working a straight ball away for a single, and Atkinson adds one with a flick off the hip.

22nd over: England 88-8 (Atkinson 8, Carse 3) England’s rearguard is yet to take hold and Ben Stokes is now back in the pavilion. Gus Atkinson and Brydon Carse usually ensure there is plenty of action when they are in the middle and both keep the scoreboard ticking over – the latter driving off the stumps for two, the former picking up the same when edging a straight delivery.

21st over: England 83-7 (Stokes 16, Atkinson 6) Scott Boland has three wickets and there is a reasonable chance that Australia will bat for a second time on day one of the Boxing Day Test. Atkinson isn’t one for hanging around and he flicks off his pads to the boundary then adds two more to third.

With 17 wickets falling on day one of an Ashes Test at the MCG for the first time in more than 120 years, the questions will no doubt turn to whether the pitch has been set up for a fair fight between bat and ball.

It has been mentioned several times on the commentary that 10mm of grass was left on the pitch today, while it was cut to 7mm this time last year.

That’s drinks with the players likely to play through to 6pm local time.

Stephen Herzenberg in Pennsylvania wonders if Brook wasn’t aggressive enough against Boland?

“Notwithstanding the criticism of Harry Brook in this series for unhinged aggressiveness, it seems he might have gone on the offensive more against Boland – especially after Carey stood back. Someone has to try to disrupt Boland’s metronomic consistency.”

20th over: England 77-6 (Stokes 16, Jacks 5) Richardson drifts down the leg-side and Jacks punishes him with a clip for three. There is a half-hearted appeal against Jacks for lbw but Richardson has overstepped anyway.

19th over: England 69-6 (Stokes 15, Jacks 1) Scott Boland has two wickets with the promise of more to come as he has the ball talking off his home deck and bowls Jamie Smith. Jacks comes in and reads straight from the Harry Brook play book as he charges Boland first ball with a hearty swing and a miss. He eventually picks up a single when stepping down the track and slogging again.

We have a new Ashes record crowd with 93,442 fans at the MCG enjoying, or otherwise, all the action as 16 wickets have fallen with about an hour of play still to come.

18th over: England 68-5 (Stokes 15, Smith 2) Richardson has made a tidy return to Test cricket and bowls just the second maiden of the innings even on what has proven to be a difficult deck for batting.

Tony McKnight was in touch about the time Harry Brook was setting his innings alight, but fair to say he would remain unimpressed by the England top order in this Ashes series.

“Ollie Pope is probably experiencing a little schadenfreude right now, as he ponders why he was dropped and not Duckett, who cannot see out more than a dozen balls without without gifting his wicket. Meanwhile, the anointed one, aka Jacob Bethell, lasts five balls for one run. Joe Root can’t remember the last time he came out to bat with a ball more than 20 overs old. What a shambles.”

16th over: England 62-4 (Brook 40, Stokes 12) Richardson has so far contained Brook better than most as the England firebrand perhaps wants a look at him first. Brook takes a single with a flick off the hip through square leg.

15th over: England 61-4 (Brook 39, Stokes 12) Brook entertains with his more creative strokes but still has classical style up his sleeve. A sublime drive through cover is only kept inside the boundary by Travis Head diving to save a run.

14th over: England 56-4 (Brook 35, Stokes 11) Jhye Richardson takes the ball for the first time on his return to Test cricket after a four-year absence. Brook flicks the ball off his pads for a single and Richardson then has the ball shaping nicely across the left-hander Stokes. He draws the England skipper into a loose drive that bounces higher than expected and over the angled bat.

13th over: England 55-4 (Brook 34, Stokes 11) The field is spread for Brook which allows him to find an easy single to point. Stokes adds a couple more with a cover drive, using his wrists to angle the ball away from off-stump.

12th over: England 52-4 (Brook 33, Stokes 9) SIX! Harry Brook continues to play the game on his own terms with a breathtaking counterattacking innings. Brook punishes a slightly shorter ball from Neser with a slog over the rope at deep mid-wicket, with Stokes quickly looking more comfortable with two through cover and a boundary down the ground.

11th over: England 39-4 (Brook 26, Stokes 3) Scott Boland comes into the attack and Alex Carey steps back from the stumps even with Harry Brook on strike. Brook flicks a single off his pads but Stokes is left merely trying to survive as Boland finds his typically difficult line and length. Even a well-timed drive straight down the ground can’t get past the Australia quick. That’s drinks. And, dare I say, I need one as much as the players.

10th over: England 38-4 (Brook 25, Stokes 3) Stokes gets off the mark with a comforting and classic drive through cover. That brings Alex Carey up to the stumps as an anchor on Harry Brook’s hopes of dancing down the pitch. Stunning glovework as Carey collects and swiftly lifts the bails almost sends Brook on his way. The England batter raised his back foot and only barely had it back down just as the keeper touched the stumps. Mitchell Starc reminds us all that he might be human after all as a misfield in the deep allows Brook to take three.

9th over: England 30-4 (Brook 20, Stokes 0) SIX! Ridiculous brilliance from Harry Brook as he begins the over charging Mitchell Starc and smashes England’s chief tormentor over cover and well beyond the fence. Brook ends the over stepping outside the line and swatting a bouncer over the keeper for four. In between he picks up three runs with an unorthodox swipe through mid-wicket. Maybe he has found the secret to the best form of defence after all …

8th over: England 16-4 (Brook 7, Stokes 0) Another quality over from Neser as he has the ball working off the pitch and nearly draws an edge from Root. The England No 4 can’t survive much the same two balls later and is gone for a second duck in the series.

7th over: England 15-3 (Root 0, Brook 6) A relatively serene over from Starc as Brook picks up a single to deep point and Root is happy to leave anything outside off-stump. Root won’t be in any hurry from here, even if his batting partner usually knows no other way.

Pananjady Swathi has found inspiration in the chaotic opening to England’s innings.

Will England flatter again only to deceive?
Will they give more than they receive?
After skittling the Aussies out
They seem to be going walkabout
They seem to have nothing up their sleeve

6th over: England 14-3 (Root 0, Brook 5) Brook steps down the track again and swings full of gusto only for the nick to fly wide of Green in the gully to the boundary. Neser swings the ball back into Brook as England pick up a leg-bye while Australia throw their arms in the air in a hopeful appeal.

5th over: England 9-3 (Root 0, Brook 1) Mitchell Starc has Zak Crawley nicking off again and England lose their top order within five overs. Not sure what game Harry Brook has been watching, if any, as he walks to the crease and charges the left-armer first ball but fails to connect with a wild swipe. Australia send a fielder back to the rope on the off-side but might have been better leaving the temptation there for Brook. A more sensible shot to third allows Brook to get off the mark.

4th over: England 8-2 (Crawley 5, Root 0) Red-hot over from Michael Neser as he bowls around the wicket to find Jacob Bethell’s edge then comes back over the wicket to have the ball shaping away from Joe Root. The England No 4 swings early at his first delivery and only just misses nicking off.

3rd over: England 8-1 (Crawley 5, Bethell 1) Stop me if you’ve heard this one before; Mitchell Starc gets the early breakthrough for Australia. The left-armer was made to wait until his second over this time but now has 23 wickets for the series. The 22-year-old Jacob Bethell steps out at No 3 in front of more than 93,000 fans and immediately gets off the mark with a clip off his pads for a single to mid-wicket.

2nd over: England 4-0 (Crawley 2, Duckett 2) Michael Neser takes the new ball after picking up a five-for the last time he bowled for Australia in the second Test at the Gabba. Crawley almost gifts him another wicket from the first ball of the over, as the opener chases an outswinger but is fortunate not to connect with a full-blooded drive. Crawley settles and picks up a single to point before Duckett gets off the mark with a square drive for two.

1st over: England 1-0 (Crawley 1, Duckett 0) Mitchell Starc immediately finds a testing line outside Zak Crawley’s off-stump. The England opener survives the first four balls before an outside edge off a straighter delivery is enough for Crawley to get off the mark to cover. Ben Duckett will hope to again let his batting do the talking after being in the spotlight for all the wrong reasons, but is almost on his way first ball. A bump ball flies to Cameron Green at gully and draws half-hearted appeals and a quick review from the third umpire.

Mitchell Starc has the ball in hand with Zak Crawley on strike as England have a full session to bat on day one. Here we go …

Jack Snape is at the MCG for the Boxing Day Test and has found a celebration filled with colour even under dark skies in Melbourne. The crowd is beyond 90,000 …

Brian Withington has a follow up on the punt that now seems much bigger than the one Ben Stokes took when sending Australia in to bat.

“Further to earlier anxiety, son and partner did make it inside the ground with their ‘first come, first served’ secondary market tickets. I’m feeling quietly vindicated in the unsolicited Christmas present, as they had only obtained official tickets for days three and four.

“Talking of Christmas presents, in addition to some of these generously donated Australian wickets, they got engaged in the Botanical Gardens yesterday [no euphemism intended], so it’s turning into quite the memorable trip already.”

Gervase Greene (no relation, I’m told) is giving Cam Green the benefit of the doubt for his run-out that sparked a collapse of nine for four.

“Pity about the run-out. It was Neser’s call – he was the one running to ‘the danger end’. And he [Neser] was certainly quick in taking off. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out. They have to keep the singles coming, which is never without risk. A shame, though, as Green looked quite in control.”

Josh Tongue finishes with 5 for 45 while Cameron Green’s senseless run out helped spark a collapse of nine for four as Australia are skittled for 152 before tea on day one of the Boxing Day Test. Tongue was certainly the pick of the bowlers with movement in the air and off the seam on a green deck, while Gus Atkinson also helped England get on top with the early wicket of Travis Head and the first breakthrough after lunch when dismissing Usman Khawaja.

It was never likely to be an easy day for batting after Ben Stokes won the toss and sent Australia in to bat first in overcast conditions. But too many batters failed to make the most of their hard-earned starts with Michael Neser the top scorer on 35. Both sides are now in the rooms for tea before Australia come out needing to make early inroads into England’s top order while the conditions are perhaps still in the bowler’s favour.

44th over: Australia 152-7 (Neser 35, Starc 1) Mitchell Starc might be getting sick of saving his batting brethren in this series but he begins his latest critical knock digging out a yorker from Josh Tongue for one. Tongue is a bit wide to Neser as the Australia pair end the over failing to even take a single as Bethell dives in the covers to prevent a boundary. That’s surely a side-effect of the recent run out but Bethell has been lively in the field all day.

43rd over: Australia 151-7 (Neser 35, Starc 0) Cameron Green fails to go on to a significant score even after making a start for the third time in the series as pressure continues to mount on his place in the side. Carse gets a cracker to jag back into Neser but somehow misses everything as the ball trickles over middle stump on the way to four byes. That’s enough to have Neser opening up to punish a slightly wider ball over cover for a boundary.

42nd over: Australia 143-6 (Green 17, Neser 31) Tongue returns after being the pick of the bowlers on day one and almost makes an immediate impact as Neser edges the first ball of the over but soft hands help it drop short of slip. Neser then unloads with three consecutive boundaries on the drive as four leg byes from a yorker bring up the 50-run partnership.

41st over: Australia 127-6 (Green 17, Neser 19) The Australian pair have little trouble dealing with Carse as they work the ball into gaps whether the England quick pitches it short or fuller. Green gets a couple of singles through square leg, while Neser finds two through point and his own pair of ones on the off-side. It might be time for Tongue to return.

40th over: Australia 121-6 (Green 15, Neser 15) Ben Stokes continues his lengthy spell – broken up by the drinks break – into an eight over. Green eases a wider delivery to cover for one as the all-rounder looks increasingly comfortable.

39th over: Australia 120-6 (Green 14, Neser 15) Brydon Carse returns to the attack after failing to strike earlier in the day. Neser is comfortable ducking under anything short while Carse finds a better range back of a length that draws a play-and-a-miss from the Australian. Maiden over.

Thanks Tim. And merry Boxmas to you and all. The Ashes might already be settled but England still have small – and big – wins to gain and have certainly made the most of their fortune at the toss. But that also does the bowlers a disservice with Josh Tongue (three for 32) in particular impressing at the MCG. With Australia beginning the second half of the day on 120 for six, their new No 7 Cam Green has an opportunity to silence his many critics with a knock that could drag his side back into the fourth Test.

I’ll be guiding us through to stumps. Send your predictions, thought bubbles and other musings with an email or find me @martinpegan on Bluesky or X.

37th over: Australia 111-6 (Green 14, Neser 6) Atkinson gets a rest now as Tongue comes back. His first ball is a loosener and so is his second. Cam Green clips a full toss for four, then pulls a long hop for four more. Tongue, who took his wickets from the other end, finds some rhythm and collects four dots.

36th over: Australia 103-6 (Green 6, Neser 6) Stokes has bowled well and now he gets even better. Neser is chopped in half like a magician’s assistant, then flirts with LBW. But he keeps calm, carries on and plays an off-drive for four to bring up the hundred.

35th over: Australia 99-6 (Green 6, Neser 2) Atkinson is still bowling, so that’s two seven-over spells from him already. Like Tongue before lunch, he gets that little bit more anodyne as he tires. Green cashes in with two tucks for two.

34th over: Australia 95-6 (Green 2, Neser 2) Stokes finds the edge of Neser’s prod, but Jamie Smith isn’t sure he’s made a clean catch. And he’s right, as a replay soon shows. The umpires refer it to their mate in front of the telly, Ahsan Raza, who takes an age to confirm that the ball has indeed bounced. There’s time for the Aussie fans, grabbing a rare chance to make some noise, to start booing Smith. “It’s ludicrous,” says Graeme Swann, with some reason.

33rd over: Australia 93-6 (Green 2, Neser 0) Cam Green, freshly demoted to No 7, finally gets off the mark with a clip for two off Atkinson, but only after being beaten all ends up by a snorter.

32nd over: Australia 91-6 (Green 0, Neser 0) That was the wicket England really wanted – and it was the first ball after Stokes had moved Crawley into leg slip. Stokes pointed to him, and to the analysts in the dressing-room. Now, can England go for the kill?

31st over: Australia 91-5 (Carey 20, Green 0) Atkinson continues – his 12th over out of 16 from his end. Again, there’s just one run and again it’s a flick from Carey.

A note of caution for England fans from Andrew Benton. “This Australian brain fade won’t last long, I fear,” he says. “England will be bowling to keep the score under 400 by the end of the day. The Aussies recover well from setbacks.”

30th over: Australia 90-5 (Carey 19, Green 0) The partnership was 38, so that wicket came at just the right time for England. Now they’d love to get Carey too. Stokes, who bounced him out in the second innings at Adelaide, tries the same ploy without the same result. Carey escapes with a tuck off his pads, the only run from the over.

29th over: Australia 89-5 (Carey 18, Green 0) Khawaja had just hit his best shot of the day, an off-drive. But Atkinson produced an instant riposte and now he has a well-deserved second wicket: 11-4-21-2.

Joe Root was quite sure about that. He made the review signal to Stokes instantly, so presumably he’d heard the nick. So had Bethell, who was already celebrating. Khawaja went back but played forward, and paid the price for his indecision.

28th over: Australia 85-4 (Khawaja 25, Carey 18) As Stokes warms to the task, this is a good contest. Carey, still oozing confidence, whips a single. Khawaja takes a blow from a fast off-cutter, then clips a full one for another single. Carey gets a bottom edge towards the slips, then hits a straight drive that Stokes does well to stop. Straining for a full length again, Stokes overpitches and goes for two. England need to stem the flow.

27th over: Australia 81-4 (Khawaja 24, Carey 15) At the other end, Atkinson continues. He’s been the only bowler to trouble Carey today and he does it again now, finding the inside edge – though not before Carey has hit two twos, one on either side of the wicket. Atkinson beats Khawaja too, but this partnership, now 31, is beginning to resemble a recovery.

26th over: Australia 76-4 (Khawaja 24, Carey 10) Stokes to Khawaja. The first ball is on the spot, defended. The second is a touch too full, driven to mid-off – where Carse dives over it, concedes two and gets a grimace from Stokes. After that, just a single to each batter.

The players are out there and Ben Stokes is finally going to have a bowl.

Here’s Kim Thonger and he’s not happy. “I wonder if you could ask England to stop taking wickets quite so regularly. I’m trying to multi-task, following the OBO while also booking skis, boots, helmets and lift passes online via the Ski Club of Great Britain app, which is frankly requiring more attention than I’m able to give while stumps and bails are flying hither and thither. Thank you, most kind.”

“Morning Tim!” It’s my friend and yours, Emma John. “I’m watching this session from Perth where it’s just coming up 9.30am and already a lot warmer than Melbourne. I’ll miss most of the afternoon’s play flying over there so I’m just hoping England can keep this up while I’m in the air… My Perth family, who considered themselves Aussie through the first three Tests, have suddenly remembered that they’re English!”

24th over: Australia 70-4 (Khawaja 20, Carey 8) Tongue bowls an eighth over in a row, adding to the suspicion that Stokes is indisposed. Khawaja plays his signature shot, the clip for two, and then sees a full ball early enough to hit it (a) straight and (b) for four, his first boundary in this innings.

23rd over: Australia 64-4 (Khawaja 14, Carey 8) Carse is taken off for the second time (8-1-32-0). His second spell was better than his first but still inconsistent.

Atkinson returns for an over or two before lunch. He resumes where he left off, drawing a leading edge from Khawaja (which goes away for three) and then beating Carey with a length ball outside off.

22nd over: Australia 61-4 (Khawaja 11, Carey 8) Tongue, like Atkinson, bowls his seventh over in a row. Carey is confident, decisive, far more dynamic than Khawaja. He plays an on-drive for two, a cover-drive for two more. He has eight off ten balls, when the three batters above him – Lasbuschagne, Smith and Khawaja – have made 26 off 78 between them.

The Barmy Army take the opportunity to sing when they’re winning – though their song is a hymn to themselves.

21st over: Australia 57-4 (Khawaja 11, Carey 4) Carse too goes short to Carey, who has no trouble smacking a long hop for three. But again Carse flirts with respectability, persuading Khawaja to inside-edge into his boots, just past the stumps, and then to miscue a pull.

20th over: Australia 54-4 (Khawaja 11, Carey 1) So here’s Alex Carey, who would not have been expecting to bat before lunch. His first ball is short and he tucks it away for a single. Khawaja adds another of his clips for two, but Tongue still goes off to the boundary with a big smile on his face. He has 6-2-14-3.

It was straight, it was full, it was 86mph. it was the kind of ball that sometimes traps Smith LBW, but this time he didn’t even get his pad in the way. And Josh Tongue has three for 11!

19th over: Australia 51-3 (Smith 9, Khawaja 9) Carse continues, which makes you wonder if Stokes is carrying an injury. But Carse does better, beating Khawaja outside off – and even completing a maiden. His figures are now 7-1-29-0.

“With these English conditions,” says Colum Fordham, “the game is just crying out for the doyen of English seamers – Jimmy Anderson – who I’d rather have in the side, despite his venerable age, instead of Brydon Carse. Carse may take wickets but he leaks runs with his waywardness. Atkinson has emulated Jimmy with his immaculate length and line. Still, nice to enjoy an Australian mini-collapse.”

18th over: Australia 51-3 (Smith 9, Khawaja 9) As Tongue continues, Khawaja flicks for two and a single, but in between he’s beaten outside off.

“Josh Tongue is bowling beautifully,” Gillespie says, “and yet we’ve got two slips and a gully, four fielders on the leg side. Feels like England are just going through the motions.” I wouldn’t say that, but Stokes has become almost as defensive with his field placings as he’s been with the bat. A gulf has opened up between Bazball and Benball, and it seems to be getting wider.

17th over: Australia 48-3 (Smith 9, Khawaja 6) Carse again. He keeps Khawaja quiet enough but then sees Smith play an almost premeditated pull, helping the ball round to the square-leg boundary with the greatest of ease. It’s bizarre that Stokes is bowling Carse, in this form, against Australia, in this pickle.

“Morning Tim,” says Dave Espley. “Another one in level 4 here. Me and my wife with a retirement bucket list trip taking in Brisbane, Adelaide, Melbourne and Sydney, with a cheeky week in the Gold Coast.” The whole thing sounds prerety cheeky to someone stuck in London. “Our strategy has been to buy tickets for the first three days then make a call for days 4 and 5, which has worked well so far. Too well... Hoping to have to get my hand in my pocket at some point – could this be the Test?” Let’s hope.

16th over: Australia 43-3 (Smith 5, Khawaja 5) Tongue to Smith again. Smith is moving around the crease so much, he could be Harry Brook. He plays a quirky little chip, just short of mid-on. Tongue has a leg slip but he could do with a short square leg as well. Where’s Ollie Pope when they need him?

15th over: Australia 43-3 (Smith 5, Khawaja 5) Carse’s first ball goes for two as Khawaja pushes into the covers. So does his third, flicked off the pads. The other four balls are fine, but Khawaja keeps them out and Carse now has 5-0-24-0, whereas Atkinson and Tongue between them have 10-5-15-3.

In the crowd, a few people are pulling their hoods on. Melbourne coudn’t be more English if it tried.

Atkinson finally gets a rest. But it’s not Stokes replacing him – it’s Carse!

14th over: Australia 39-3 (Smith 5, Khawaja 1) Usman Khawaja gets off the mark with a single as Tongue aims for a leg-stump yorker. And then Smith shows his first sign of aggression, stepping outside his crease and off-driving for four. When he misses a shorter ball, England appeal, Dharmasena shakes his head and Stokes reviews. No use asking Snicko … The naked eye could tell you that it brushed Smith’s sweater.

“I like what Josh Tongue brings to this line-up,” says Jason Gillespie, who knows all about seam bowling. “He bowls just past the 12 o’clock and it just creates a little bit of indecision.”

13th over: Australia 34-3 (Smith 1, Khawaja 0) Stokes gives Atkinson a seventh over and is rewarded with another maiden. The real Gus Atkinson has finally stood up.

The weather is English, the pitch is English, and Australia’s batting, for the past half-hour, has been more English than the English.

12th over: Australia 34-3 (Smith 1, Khawaja 0) Tongue bowls one more ball, to Usman Khawaja, to complete his second over. He walks off into the outfield with dreamy figures: 2-1-3-2.

11th over: Australia 34-2 (Labuschagne 6, Smith 1) Stokes must be tempted to turn to himself, but he keeps Atkinson on for the moment. Smith does the splits, takes a blow to the thigh, and falls over. He wanted to play another leg glance but knew there was a leg slip there. He’s such a problem-solver. It’s another maiden for Atkinson, who has replaced Jofra Archer as England’s Mr Thrift.

“Morning from Level 4 at the MCG, Tim,” says Guy Hornsby. “Fulfilling a lifelong dream of getting to the Boxing Day Test, with the cherry on top of being at the Ashes. I’m here with my twin brother Dave and daughter Leila, taking in a tense first session with weather much more from our home ground Old Trafford than Melbourne!

“It’s a real yin and yang with Atkinson’s nagging accuracy and Carse’s scattergun back of a length stuff. But we have a wicket, and that’s what we need when we’ve chosen to bowl. I still think we can get something out of this series, and we’ll know a lot from where we are by the close tonight.”

10th over: Australia 34-2 (Labuschagne 6, Smith 1) Here’s Steve Smith, back in the team after his spell of vertigo, and captaining it again as Pat Cummins takes another break with the Ashes in the bag. Tongue beats Smith first ball, outside off, then goes full and straight, bursting for an LBW, but Smith is equal to it and gets off the mark with a flick.

Still, whisper it, but … England are on top for now.

9th over: Australia 31-1 (Weatherald 10, Labuschagne 4) Atkinson jags one ball back into Labuschagne, who leaves it and gets a bruise on his left thigh. That’s a maiden, so Atkinson now has 5-2-7-1.

Never mind the cricket, the commentators are talking about the weather. In Melbourne it’s been the coldest Christmas for 19 years. The temperature today is 17, which seems very English. In Tasmania, meanwhile, it’s been a white Christmas.

8th over: Australia 31-1 (Weatherald 10, Labuschagne 4) Stokes keep the faith with Carse, who bowls his best ball so far, drawing a nick from Labuschagne that doesn’t carry to Root at first slip. Carse averages only 22 to right-handers in Tests, which is world-class. Against left-handers he averages 40, so you wonder why he’s been given the new ball against two left-handed openers.

7th over: Australia 30-1 (Weatherald 10, Labuschagne 3) Even after the wicket, Stokes doesn’t set an attacking field: just two slips, a (narrow) gully and a short leg. Atkinson is full to Marnus Labuschagne, enticing the drive, in fact two of them. The first is well stopped by Atkinson himself; the second goes to long-on, where Carse puts in a good chase and saves one. Then Atkinson beats Weatherald with a length ball.

Atkinson has 4-1-7-1, Carse 3-0-19-0. Get Josh Tongue on!

6th over: Australia 27-0 (Head 12, Weatherald 10) Carse goes full outside off, for the first time today, I think. Head says thanks very much and drives for four. Next ball, same line, same result, though Head has to take more of a risk, hitting the ball on the up. He takes a single and hands over to Weatherald, who takes over, drop-kicking for two over the bowler’s head, then driving for four more. Fifteen off the over: that’s rubbish.

“The persistence with Carse is really driving me to distraction,” says Luke Regan. “He’s so inconsistent with his line and length, just not good enough at this level. His FC stats don’t lie. Potts is a much better bowler (FC stats don’t lie) and not materially worse with the bat.” This email arrived ten minutes ago and has already proved prophetic.

5th over: Australia 12-0 (Head 3, Weatherald 4) Atkinson pitches it up, until he doesn’t. Head goes for the cut – and Bethell pulls off an excellent stop in the gully, low to his right. He’s already improved England’s fielding.

4th over: Australia 12-0 (Head 3, Weatherald 4) As Carse continues, Jacob Bethell gets into the game for the first time with a dive at gully that saves a run or two. Carse bowls better, locating off stump, jagging one ball back into Head, but then reverting to leg theory. A poor ball gives Head an easy two off his legs.

3rd over: Australia 9-0 (Head 1, Weatherald 3) Jake Weatherald, who faced only one of the first 12 balls, gets a proper go against Atkinson. He plays the first scoring shot of the day that goes where it was meant to – a punch into the covers for two. Atkinson won’t mind: at least he was on the front foot.

2nd over: Australia 6-0 (Head 1, Weatherald 0) Brydon Carse, bowling to Head, starts with … a no-ball. And the rest of the over is a mixed bag. After beating the bat outside off, Carse aims at the legs, perhaps because there’s a leg slip and a short square leg. Head keeps flicking and missing, but he picks up four leg-byes. Hmmm.

1st over: Australia 1-0 (Head 1, Weatherald 0) It turns out to be a good first over. Atkinson gets Head jumping around and the only time the bat hits the ball, it’s an inside edge that could easily have been played on. You could almost call it a moral victory.

1st ball Gus Atkinson bowls to Travis Head. The line isn’t bad – sixth stump – but it’s too short. Same old story!

The players are out there. England go into a huddle, then disperse. And here comes the most significant element on the scene: Travis Head’s moustache.

“And merry Christmas to you!” says Gareth Wilson. “If I can gently disagree with Andrew Benton, what is most galling, and slightly puts your lovely stat on runs difference to bed, is that Australia have not been amazing. They haven’t needed to be. Sure – one Travis Head innings, one Alex Carey Test, and some good Starc, but none of those by themselves should have been enough to go 3-squat up.

”England have faced a historically poor Aussie team and STILL blown it. It’s depressing, but hey, 0-0 right?

“Love your work.” Thanks! The Christmas spirit is flowing.

Would it be churlish to point out that there have been two big innings from Travis Head? And I’m not sure about historically poor – you should have seen Graeme Yallop’s gang in 1978-79, who lost 5-1 to England at home.

“Nervous anticipation” is the subject line on the next email. “The usual pre-match anticipation somewhat sharpened,” says Brian Withington, “as I wait to find out whether £500 spent on a pair of tickets via a secondary platform has been a wasted investment. My son and his partner are currently queuing for the first moment of truth – can they actually get into the ground? Other truths may emerge through the course of the day.” Ha.

The next email starts with a line I’m not used to seeing. “Dead right Tim,” says Dean Kinsella. “I haven’t been able to follow the previous 3 tests all that closely for various reasons (perhaps not a bad thing), but ready for this game. So it’s a clean slate for me. Two matches of my absolute favourite sport to come.”

The first email of the day has landed. “Hope you had/are still having a super Christmas,” says Andrew Benton. Thanks, it’s been very nice, hope yours has too. And everyone’s!

“I can see a scenario,” he goes on, “in which Rob Key and Brendan McCullum are advising the England players to be laid back and chill, and Ben Stokes is quietly telling everyone they need to work 24/7 on everything at all times in order to have a good chance of winning. Given the whole point of the Bazball style was to win the Ashes as McCullum and Stokes said many times over the years, why have the Key/McCullum heads not yet rolled? Australia have been amazing, but you’d sort of expect that.”

Heads don’t usually roll during the series, do they? That’s one of the ways in which cricket still keeps its distance from football. But as you say, it’s been very interesting to hear Stokes and McCullum singing from different hymn sheets. If only one of them gets to stay, you’d expect it to be Stokes. But McCullum has an assignment straight after this series – the WT20 in the subcontinent – so maybe his fate, like Joe Root’s as captain four years ago, will be decided at the end of the next chapter.