Long rangers

The very definition of top bins: James Edmondson pops one right in the stanchion at Slough Town to help Macclesfield Town into the third round of the FA Cup.

Matty Taylor eat your heart out: Kévin Rodrigues lets fly for Kasımpaşa against Rizespor. More dip than a rollercoaster in Blackpool. See also: Ben Brannan for Hibs against Kilmarnock.

Jordyn Bugg scores for Seattle Reign against North Carolina Courage from way downtown.

Ángel Di María, now with boyhood club Rosario Central, rolls back the years to score a late free-kick winner in the derby against Newell’s Old Boys.

Australia’s Kyra Cooney-Cross has the option to slip a teammate in on goal but, nah, spots the German goalkeeper off her line and floats one in from 40 yards.

Querétaro’s Carlos Orrantía plays nice with a couple of deft touches to give himself some room before unleashing a thunderbolt into the top corner against Atlas.

A good old-fashioned wallop from Libya’s Mahmoud Al-Shalwi, who nearly took the net off with this 35-yard free-kick in a 3-3 draw with Cape Verde.

If you are going to beat Thibaut Courtois from 25 yards out, you better put it right in the postage stamp and that’s exactly what Declan Rice did for Arsenal in the Champions League quarter final. Twice in the same game.

We go live now to the Bhutan Premier League and this howitzer from Kezang Dorji of Paro FC.

Good camera angle, better goal (from Gustavo Scarpa for Atlético Mineiro).

MMMBop! What a hit from Aston Villa’s Kirsty Hanson.

West Ham’s Vivianne Asseyi with a buccaneering run and long-range screamer against Crystal Palace. Something Mexico 70 about the slightly blurry flight of the ball and the way it rebounds out of the goal.

The USA’s Ally Sentnor decides to mark her first international start with this screamer.

What to do with eight defenders in front of you? Mariona Caldentey has the answer with this stunning shift and hit against Olympique Lyonnais. Talking of which, here’s Jeremy Doku and his Elvis hips capping a brilliant display against Liverpool.

Jink. Dribble. Bang. It’s Arsenal’s Olivia Smith v London City.

Acrobatic

Three goal-of-the-year contenders in one match, and what a match to do it in as Scotland booked their place at the World Cup with a 4-2 win over Denmark: Kieran Tierney and Kenny McLean each scored belting long rangers – the latter from inside his own half to seal a glorious victory – but the pick of the bunch was the opener, as Scott McTominay bicycle-kicked Scotland into the lead.

Santiago Montiel – cousin of Gonzalo Montiel, the Argentinian who scored the winning penalty in the 2022 World Cup final – boshes his marker out of the way before releasing a spectacular overhead kick for Club Atlético Independiente against Independiente Rivadavia. It won the Puskas Award, no less.

Bicycle kick? Check. A Tony Yeboah-esque double kissing of the crossbar? Check. Felix Horn Myhre’s effort for SK Brann against Vålerenga is well worth a watch.

Mexican midfielder David Rodríguez lit up the blizzard-hit Canadian Premier League final with this “icicle kick” for Atlético Ottawa.

Aldin Jakupovic in the Slovenian top flight. Yes, please.

Arguably the best thing about this “chest-it-to-yourself-before-bicycle-kicking-it-into- -the-top-corner” goal from PSG’s João Neves is that this wondergoal completed the PSG midfielder’s hat-trick and was his second overhead kick of the game.

Ashley Cheatley of Brentford tips the wink to Frank Worthington here with a bit of ball juggling before unleashing an overhead kick into the far corner which leaves the goalkeeper stranded and triggers Blur’s ‘Song 2’.

Skills

Here’s the winner of Fifa’s Marta award. Lizbeth Ovalle scores for Tigres with a ridiculous scorpion kick against Guadalajara. How?

Aberdeen’s Marko Lazetic channels Dimitar Berbatov with a touch, turn and byline-tight finish in his 96th-minute winner at St Mirren. See also: Luis Díaz for Bayern against Union Berlin.

A bewitching roll of the studs with his right boot and then a thunderous shot into the top-left completed a razor-sharp counter-attack from the soon-to-be European champions. Take a bow, Khvicha Kvaratskhelia.

Similarly, here’s Vivianne Miedema rolling her foot over the ball one way, then the other, before curling a beauty into the top corner for Netherlands against Wales.

Arsenal wonderkid Max Dowman beats one, beats two, pirouettes around another with a Zidane turn and dinks it past the keeper. Utter filth.

What on earth?

A first-time, side-footed volley that curls into the top corner from 30 yards out on the angle? Like a modern day Paolo Di Canio but using his instep rather than the outside of his foot, Pedro de la Vega left Cruz Azul and the rest of us speechless with this outrageous volley for Seattle Sounders.

Shades of Roberto Carlos against Tenerife in this outrageous strike from Brazilian Miguel Figueira, who plays for East Bengal in India.

Juninho Pernambucano, Alex Grimaldo, Tom Huddlestone: some people just kick a football in a different way and Marcus Rashford is one of those people.

Pacific FC’s Ronan Kratt does his best Marco van Basten impression right here.

Solo

Determined to have an entry into the award named after her, Brazil legend Marta picks the ball up in the centre-circle, puts two Kansas defenders and the goalkeeper on their backsides and slots home. Easy.

Centre-backs just don’t score solo goals, but Micky van de Ven isn’t a regular centre-back. The Dutchman channels Gareth Bale in dribbling from one box to another to score spectacularly against FC Copenhagen in the Champions League. Utterly ridiculous.

Mamelodi Sundowns’ Lucas Ribeiro makes it look easy and drives a train through the middle of Borussia Dortmund’s defence before cooly slotting past Gregor Kobel at the Club World Cup.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice?

How’s your touch

AZ’s Mexx Meerdink lives up to his name, taking a lofted through ball on the full with a sumptuous take before dinking a volley over the advancing keeper in Conference League qualifying.

Sam Merson, son of Paul, lives up to his father’s name with a whirlwind touch and volley goal for Hanworth Villa against Farnham Town, smashing a looping finish into the net from waaaaaay out.

Everton’s Kiernan Dewsbury-Hall brings the ball out from the gods – feathering it to the floor with a beanbag of a touch – holds off two Newcastle defenders and finishes neatly.

Kaoru Mitoma, take my money.

Timing is a beautiful thing. It would be so easy to get Mo Salah’s spinning pass all wrong but Ryan Gravenberch adds pace to it to hook home in the Merseyside derby.

Best own goals

Leyton Orient dared to dream after Tottenham loanee Jamie Donley nearly scored one of the goals of the season against Manchester City in January, shooting from just inside the half-way line. City keeper Stefan Ortega was unlucky to see the ball cannon back off the bar, off his back and into the net for an own goal, but an own goal it was, made better by the raucous celebrations (peek the steward losing it around 15 seconds in).

Nick Woltemade’s bullet header past his own keeper gave Sunderland the Wear-Tyne bragging rights. The Newcastle striker was then given a standing ovation by the Sunderland fans when he was substituted. Ouch.

And Charlie Johnson had a debut to forget for Bishops Stortford with a misjudged backpass from 30 yards out to gift a goal to Worcester City.