88 min: Martinez and Shaw, neither injured if their slightly befuddled looks are anything to go by, make way for Malacia and Fredricson.

87 min: Miley crosses from the right and hits Dorgu flush in the face. Dorgu goes down, and as play stops, Martinez makes sure he doesn’t hurry to get back up.

85 min: Guimaraes slips a pass down the inside-right channel for Barnes, who cuts back for Gordon. Gordon leans back and flays deep into the stand behind. Wissa was free, six yards out, to his left. But the hosts can’t get out. Manchester United started this game with a back four. They’re now, as Sky commentator Gary Neville observes, effectively playing with a back six. “Amorim deserves to lose this game with bizarre subs that have left Manchester United all over the place,” argues Tim Stappard.

83 min: The only team to have failed to score against Manchester United this season in the Premier League are Sunderland. Newcastle are seven minutes plus stoppages away from doing their bit for north-east solidarity.

82 min: Cunha dribbles upfield on a rare Manchester United sortie. He drags a weak shot across Ramsdale and wide of the right-hand post. Newcastle go up the other end, but Willock’s cross-cum-shot from the right is easily snaffled by Lammens.

80 min: Guimaraes rolls Gordon into the area down the left. Gordon checks to sit Dalot down, then cuts back for Joelinton, who doesn’t have time for any backlift, and prods with uncertainty towards the bottom left. Easy for Lammens. Newcastle should have created a better chance from that, with their hosts all over the shop at the back. Gordon’s pass not the greatest.

78 min: Miley loops the corner into the mixer. Lammens goes off to meet it and flaps, missing the ball altogether. Dorgu manages to hack clear from a crowded six-yard box, then the whistle rather generously goes for a nudge by Gordon on Lammens.

77 min: Tonali is replaced by Willock. The game restarts and Guimaraes drives down the left, winning a corner off Cunha. Miley to take.

75 min: First Hall, then Gordon. Both tear down the left, neither can find anyone with their low cross. Manchester United are living very dangerously. “Newcastle fan here and, while I’d have loved that to be given, I don’t think that’s a pen,” admits John Davis. “Ref doesn’t give it on field and it hit his side and bounced off before he almost accidentally caught it. DEFINITELY given in Europe (see Tino against PSG). Argh.”

That email had the genuinely delightful subject: “Penalty shout - polite disagreement.” The internet should take notes.

73 min: Tonali shoves an in-flight Dorgu in the back as the pair chase a ball up the Manchester United left. He goes into the book. Directly from the restart, Martinez swings long into the Newcastle box. Hall and Schar stand stock still, allowing Dalot to nip in from the right, poke into space, and … hoick a dreadful shot over the bar with only Ramsdale to beat. It should be 2-0.

72 min: Wissa wins a header in the Manchester United box to tee up Joelinton, but the big midfielder can’t get any purchase on his shot as he falls backwards.

71 min: Manchester United haven’t looked good since the double substitution. “I hope Chris Paraskevas checked in on the neighbour’s sheep at half-time,” writes Justin Kavanagh. “The Magpies have obviously been told to go out and prove that this United team are mutton dressed as lamb.”

69 min: Newcastle make a triple change, replacing Woltemade, Murphy and Ramsey with Joelinton, Wissa and Barnes. Then at the restart, Shaw is booked for taking way too long over a throw. The atmosphere is pretty tasty now.

67 min: Murphy dinks Gordon into the Manchester United box down the inside-right channel. Gordon should work Lammens at the very least, but drags a shot across the face of goal and harmlessly out of play for a goal kick.

66 min: Newcastle aren’t particularly happy, as you’d expect. To be fair to Martinez, he was very close to Schar, had his back half-turned, and was wrestling with Thiaw at the time. And still … he nearly caught the ball. You can make a case for it either way, I guess, though one thing is certainly true … the officials are making it up as they go along. It’s semantics: the parlour game. That’s got the crowd going, though.

64 min: Newcastle win a corner on the left. It’s swung long. Schar takes a whack from a tight angle. The ball cannons off Martinez’s chest, and into both of his arms. He almost catches it! But VAR denies Newcastle the penalty, because Martinez was engaged in “mutual contact” with Thiaw at the time. Manchester United get away with a huge one there. Nobody knows anything, the officials are making it up as they go along.

62 min: Hall strides in from the left and unleashes a dipping screamer that beats Lammens all ends up, but instead of planting into the top right, caroms off the crossbar. What an effort that was!

61 min: … and that’s Sesko’s last kick of the game. He’s replaced by Zirkzee, while Yoro comes on for a surprised and not particularly impressed Casemiro.

60 min: Ugarte nicks the ball off Guimaraes and plays Sesko into space down the left. Sesko enters the box and sends a rising lash towards the top-left corner. It pings off the top of the crossbar and out for a goal kick. He looked offside initially, but replays show Hall on the far side playing him on. So close to number two.

58 min: It’s all Newcastle in terms of possession … but they’re getting absolutely nowhere in the final third. Manchester United are sitting back and inviting pressure, and yet look pretty comfortable dealing with it.

56 min: Guimaraes whistles a pass down the inside-right channel for Miley … but overhits it woefully. Out it goes for a corner. Guimaraes cocks his head back in disappointment and frustration. It’s been a lot of effort this evening for not very much.

54 min: The action areas flashed up by Sky show 58 percent of this half has been played in Manchester United’s final third. But Lammens hasn’t had that much to do. Now he plucks an aimless Gordon cross out of the sky.

52 min: The next corner is half-cleared by Dorgu, who is tonight’s leading man. Then another corner, swung in from the right and a complete non-event. Manchester United finally get some relief. Newcastle have started this half very well.

51 min: … and it nearly costs them. The corner’s flicked on to Schar, who shoots from a tight angle at the right-hand corner of the six-yard box. The ball pings off the heel of Dorgu, who doesn’t know where it’s heading. It flies wide right of the post. Had it been on target, Lammens wasn’t stopping it.

50 min: … and now Murphy wins a corner down the same flank. Manchester United don’t really deal with it, and Gordon wins another on the left. Miley will come over to take this one. Manchester United haven’t turned up for the second half yet.

48 min: Miley powers his way down the right touchline, refusing to succumb to either Cunha or Shaw, the former all over his back, the latter clattering clumsily into him. Nothing comes of the resulting free kick, but Newcastle look like a side who have been issued a half-time what-for.

47 min: A fast start to the half by Newcastle nearly pays dividend. Guimaraes pings a pass down the middle for Woltemade, who cushions a backheel into the path of Ramsey, cutting in from the left. One lovely touch takes him past Casemiro, and he lines up for a shot from the edge of the D. He’s got time to size it up … but somehow stumbles over his own feet and the chance is gone! That could have been a lovely team goal as well.

Manchester United get the second half started. Jack Fletcher, son of Darren, replaces Mount. His twin brother Tyler watches with pride from the bench.

Half-time postbag. “No question that Patrick Dorgu has been the player of the first half, even apart from that great volley. Meanwhile, the Pope will be feeling infallible about that phone call, and several Newcastle players look like they’ve been kept awake all night by neighbourly livestock” – Justin Kavanagh

“Sat on the sofa, sweating off the overindulgences of yesterday (Port. Why?) I’m struggling to come to terms with a lot of things, among them Dorgu’s immaculate performance. It reminds me of the younger members of my family haring around the table after polishing off the Quality Street, After Eights, etc. Boundless energy, like a force of nature. Do they test for toffee-penny intake post-match at Christmas?” – Rob Knap

“Captaincy to Martinez, good choice, could be Mount or Casemiro, all of which show the determination and understanding needed. I’m not a fan of Fernandes as captain, he doesn’t seem to set a good example as a team player regardless of his sometime excellent play” – Martin Lancon

“This is a fascinating tactical set up by Eddie Howe and Mad Dog Tindall: in the absence of Man U’s only competent footballer, we’ve managed to make Dorgu look like prime Roberto Carlos. We might as well sub the neighbour’s sheep on at half-time as a defensive midfielder” – Chris Paraskevas

Today’s half-time entertainment comes in the shape of an eight-goal rollercoaster. Well, it is Boxing Day after all. Other sporting action is available.

45 min +3: Newcastle ping it around in the patient style. Eventually Murphy sends another good cross in from the right, but once again there’s nobody there in black and white to convert.

45 min +1: … so on comes the physio. Tonali looks fine to continue, if not particularly happy about the challenge.

45 min: There will be a minimum of two minutes added time … but Tonali has gone down, having been caught on the ankle by Sesko. The challenge looked accidental, but that will have hurt.

43 min: Guimaraes rolls another cute pass down the right. This time it’s for Miley, who doesn’t anticipate, allowing Martinez to usher the ball out for a goal kick. Had he been on the front foot, Manchester United might have been in trouble.

41 min: Guimaraes finds Murphy in space down the right. Murphy sends a forensic low cross along the corridor of uncertainty. The smallest prod would surely divert the ball goalwards, but Woltemade is too busy wrestling with Heaven and the chance goes begging. That cross had goal written all over it.

40 min: The speed of the match is suddenly cranked up to 101 miles per hour. Nobody can keep hold of the ball.

38 min: Ramsey clanks a simple pass out of play, much to the home crowd’s amusement. Newcastle have been shaken by the double whammy of Amorim’s surprise formation and Dorgu’s blockbuster. All of a sudden, they’re making the simple stuff look extremely difficult.

36 min: Dorgu and Cunha one-two their way down the inside-right channel. A slightly lucky deflection takes Cunha into the box, where he slices a wild shot miles wide of the right-hand post. Sesko in the middle will be asking questions.

34 min: … well, for a matter of seconds, because here come Manchester United again. Dorgu romps down the right and enters the box, before arrowing a low shot towards the bottom right. Ramsdale gets down well to parry clear. Newcastle, so poised for the best part of quarter of an hour before the goal, are now struggling to get out of their final third.

33 min: Cunha is looking lively, and he drives down the left to win another Manchester United corner. Mount hoicks it into the mixer. Miley bangs a header clear – a proper clearance, miles upfield, Woltemade take note – and then the whistle goes for too much pushing and shoving. The pressure on Newcastle is released.

31 min: After that Dorgu wonder strike, which kind of came out of nowhere, Manchester United are in the ascendency again. So much for Newcastle’s tactical response to Amorim’s back-four surprise. Goals change games all right.

29 min: That’s Newcastle now gone 11 games in the Premier League without a clean sheet. They won’t be totally bereft of hope, though: Manchester United have only got one to speak of all season. Only Wolves have none at all.

27 min: Shaw finds Dorgu to the left of the Newcastle D. Dorgu, his tail up, loops in first time, but can’t find either Cunha or Sesko in the middle. Ramsdale plucks from the sky. Old Trafford is bouncing.

26 min: That’s Dorgu’s first goal for Manchester United. What a way to open your account. An absolute pearler. You could possibly question Woltemade’s clearing header: it wasn’t the best, but it wasn’t awful either. Dorgu still had so much to do from just inside the box. VAR had a quick check to see whether Cunha was in the keeper’s eyeline, but come on and come off it. The goal stands.

23 min: Cunha takes matters into his own hands with a power dribble down the inside-left channel. He enters the box before driving low, hoping to catch out Ramsdale at his near post. The keeper parries out for a throw. And from that …

22 min: The corner’s worked long, and Schar tries to force the ball home at the far stick. Lammens is on point to claim. A few mutters from the Stretford End, with Manchester United in danger of being overrun. It’s been all Newcastle since Howe’s rejig.

21 min: Gordon sits down Dalot with some mesmerising wingplay on the left. He slips the ball infield for Hall, who glides past Heaven and wins another corner for Newcastle. Gordon will take. “I assume the Pope must have finally been able to persuade Amorim to try a back four,” quips Morgan Blake. “Nice of him to spare the time to call at Christmas.'”

19 min: Newcastle are now getting to most things first. Gordon curls in from the left. It’s a dangerous looking cross, with three Toon players at the back stick. Heaven does well to head clear amid the bustle. The visitors come again, Guimaraes winning a corner down the right. Manchester United deal with the set piece easily enough, but since Ramsdale went down for his injury, the resulting beneficial advice issued has led to Newcastle enjoying 70 percent of possession. The home fans are now in slightly less festive mood as a result.

17 min: On Sky, that man Gary Neville decodes Eddie Howe’s switcheroo, observing that Newcastle have gone man to man. “He’s effectively saying my players are better than yours. It could make for an interesting game.”

15 min: There’s a definite sense that both teams fancy themselves when going forward, but look a lot less sure-footed when defending. Don’t write off the chance of that Boxing Day goalfest just yet. Having said that, the current xG is 0.32 to 0.1, so make of all that what you will.

13 min: Woltemade wins a corner down the left off Dorgu. Gordon sends it curling towards the near post. Guimaraes flashes a header goalwards from close range. Lammens parries brilliantly, and Casemiro hacks clear. But the Toon come again, Murphy taking a shot from close range that balloons off a defender and over the bar. Nothing comes of the next corner, but this is a good response by Newcastle, who have suddenly turned up to the races. Clever/cynical Eddie! Clever/cynical Jason! Delete as applicable.

11 min: A low cross from the right. Sesko, his back to goal, 12 yards out, spins and whips a shot wide left. That was another decent half-chance for the hosts. Newcastle still trying to sort themselves out.

10 min: Ramsdale holds his hamstring and goes down. Is that it for the Newcastle keeper? Perhaps. Or, as Sky co-commentator Gary Neville suggests, he’s gone down so some tactical tweaks can be made as he’s checked out by the physio. Hall goes to the touchline, gets told this and that, and the message is quickly relayed to the rest of the team. Then Ramsdale gets back up. Clever, clever. Or cynical, cynical, depending on your point of view.

9 min: … and to be fair, their team have responded pretty well. Apart from that one corner, which admittedly gave up a big chance, Manchester United have achieved very little. “One of your readers being kept up all Christmas night by a neighbour’s pet sheep!” repeats a delighted Justin Kavanagh. “That’s something I never expected to read on an MBM and certainly gives a whole new meaning to baaaaaaa humbug!”

7 min: On the touchline, Eddie Howe and his assistant Jason Tindall do quite a bit of talking, pointing and note-taking. Obviously trying to make sense of Manchester United’s new shape, and how to respond to it.

5 min: Manchester United’s lively start has ensured – perhaps along with a couple of pints or a few nippy sweeties – a fine atmosphere at Old Trafford. The home fans spark up a chorus of their Twelve Days of Cantona song. Meanwhile here’s more of that festive cheer, courtesy of John Hubbard: “I’m tucked up in bed feeling poorly, so hoping for an Old Trafford fairy tale to cheer me up. No doubt Sesko will misfire for 60 minutes and then Zirkzee for the next 30 minutes, so if the Good Fairy would wave their magic wand and get one of the Academy kids on to score the winning goal, that would be just the ticket. But maybe Sesko and Zirkzee will get long overdue hattricks and The Reds will romp through the rest of the season and into Big Cup.”

3 min: A speculative ball down the Manchester United left. Shaw hassles Miley into the concession of the evening’s first corner. Mount swings it in. Casemiro, no slouch in front of goal when a cross comes in, meets the ball on the left-hand corner of the six-yard box. He’s unchallenged, and it’s a great chance, but he slaps the effort miles over the bar and deep into the stand. Promising start for the hosts, though, whose change of tack may have put Newcastle on the back foot.

2 min: A bit of a surprise here: it looks as though Manchester United are lining up with a defence of Dalot, Martinez, Heaven and Shaw. Dorgu wide right in the midfield. An Amorim team with a back four? It’s a Christmas miracle!

Amorim and Howe embrace on the touchline, all smiles … then Newcastle get the ball rolling. They’re kicking towards the Stretford End in this first half.

The teams are out! It’s a heartwarming festive scene, because whenever these storied old clubs meet, both get to keep on their famous kits. Manchester United in red and black, Newcastle United in black and white. A classic look as everyone trots out to the strains of This Is The One. A poignant chime to the track tonight, Manchester having said farewell to one of United’s biggest fans earlier this week. Go well, Mani.

Our pre-match postbag is positively brimming with festive cheer. “A goal-glut for the ages, eh? Why do I feel like I’m in for the biggest Christmas let-down since I asked my da for the Barcelona Subbuteo team and opened up the box under the tree to find… Burnley? Yours, Scrooge and the Grinch” – Justin Kavanagh

“As discussed on the Football Weekly podcast, Eddie Howe is given an easy time by critics. He has reached his ceiling. Newcastle cannot improve any more under his management” – Jeff Sax

“For my entire life as a Newcastle fan, it has been virtually nothing but misery at Old Trafford, a familiar sensation of shooting pains at the mere thought of the Man U (a) fixture. But looking at the two benches tonight, its clear that we have the depth and resources to win this match - maybe our expectations should be set higher? Anyway, I’m operating on practically zero sleep (one of the neighbours has a pet sheep that has been keeping me up at night) and I’m well on the way to type 2 diabetes after my dietary efforts over the festive period, so even a battling draw tonight would be enough to lift my spirits” – Chris Paraskevas

Ruben Amorim speaks to Sky. “We are prepared … we know we have some players out but there are no excuses … we need to perform well … we are performing so much better … in the last games, for some reason, some details, we are not winning the games … we will try to win this one … everyone needs to step up because Bruno is not here … we need to be physical … [Newcastle] need to feel uncomfortable … we need to be smart … we cannot lose the ball in our half … we know what they want, so we will try to do the opposite … but we will also play with our strengths … [the five academy kids on the Manchester United bench] are ready to help the team … we have a short squad to give the kids an opportunity when a lot of things happen at the same time … they are really proud to be here and that is a good feeling I have with these kids … if we need them they will be on the pitch … since the start of the season my feeling is we can win any game … it is a little bit different compared to last season … even without a lot of good players, we can win this game … I have that feeling.”

Some other Boxing Day reading for you, seeing we’re whiling away the time until kick-off. Afcon! Championship! Nags! You want it all, and we can’t let you down. Not at Christmas. Enjoy, enjoy.

Eddie Howe talks to Sky Sports. “There’s no getting way from the fact that [the season has been challenging] … we need to do better … there’s only one way to respond … try to win as many games as we can … this is a tough assignment today but one we can rise to … certainly a big challenge … we did OK against [Manchester United] last year but they have improved … grown … we’ve done the same in recent weeks … our recent form, bar the Sunderland game, has been pretty good … we’re in a decent moment without winning the number of games we need to, to climb the table … that’s why games like this are so important to us … we are playing a team in and around us … it would mean a lot to get three points today … we’ve been in some really good positions in games … overall it is positive … we have to do certain things to swing those good performances into wins … we can’t change the past … we can only affect the future.”

He also reports that Nick Pope isn’t quite up to full match fitness yet.

Some of that aforementioned spirit of Boxing Day ‘63 is most certainly in the air. Wrexham have just beaten Sheffield United 5-3 at the Racecourse Ground. They were 3-1 down after 24 minutes. Such a shame the two teams aren’t reconvening at Bramall Lane on Sunday.

^{(The Blades drew 3-3 at Nottingham Forest on Boxing Day 1963, then lost 2-1 to them at home 48 hours later, seeing you’re not asking.)}

The rewards on offer tonight. Seventh-placed Manchester United will leapfrog their old north-west pals Liverpool into fifth place with a win. Newcastle start the game in the bottom half of the table, but should they win by two goals this evening, they’ll nip in ahead of Manchester United and into seventh. Any victory would take Newcastle above Crystal Palace and into eighth.

Manchester United make two changes to their starting XI following the 2-1 defeat at Aston Villa. Bruno Fernandes is injured, so his captain’s armband is taken by Lisandro Martínez, making his first start since his return from injury. Casemiro takes Fernandes’s place in midfield, returning as he is from a one-match suspension. Leny Yoro drops to the bench.

Newcastle United name the same starting XI that began the 2-2 home draw with Chelsea. Joelinton, who scored here in the Toon’s 2-0 win almost a year ago to the day, is on the bench.