Steve Smith scored his 37th Test century today and his 13th against England. The Australian master blaster will resume tomorrow on 129 not out and looks determined to lead his side to a commanding lead, a thumping fifth Test victory and a 4-1 series scoreline that reflects Australia’s dominance of their old enemy in this 2025-26 Ashes.

“It’s a nice batting wicket out there,” Smith understated to Fox after play. “Nice to start my innings on the back of a great innings from Travis Head too. When you’re out there with him they forget about you and I was able to get into my work. It worked out well today (with) a couple of nice partnerships… Greeny batted really nicely and then Slug (Beau Webster) came out and kept it going.”

124th over: Australia 518-7 (Smith 129, Webster 42) Almost a run-out in the final over! Webster cut Jacks deep behind square and turned for a second before he saw Smith had slipped over. He had to turn mid-pitch to beat the throw from the boundary. He pushes another two through gully to finish the day.

123rd over: Australia 514-7 (Smith 129, Webster 38) Tongue rolls in for a 27th over, probably the penultimate assault of the day. Webster sees out three dots before a slap-shot through point gets him three. He now has more runs than his rival Cameron Green. He also has his wicket intact.

122nd over: Australia 511-7 (Smith 129, Webster 35) Australia are rapidly heading for a 150 lead by stumps as Smith pulls Jacks behind square for his 16th four of the innings. Brutal.

121st over: Australia 504-7 (Smith 128, Webster 29) Will Australia shut up shop? Or will they blaze England a new nightmare to sleep on? Here’s our answer. Webster punches Tongue off the back foot for four! That was short of a length and the big man from Snug gave it the full welly. Now Smith joins the feast, caressing another boundary through cover.

120th over: Australia 493-7 (Smith 124, Webster 23) “Catch it!” goes the cry. But Webster’s errant flick falls safely at short leg. Jacks jags another out of the rough and an appeal rings out but no dice. Good bowling.

119th over: Australia 492-7 (Smith 124, Webster 22) Smith lights the fuse on a hot half-hour to finish Day 3 by greeting the return of Josh Tongue with a smashed cut shot through point for four. That was imperious. If England can’t get Smith tonight they have a long sleepless night ahead of them.

118th over: Australia 486-7 (Smith 120, Webster 21) Finally, Will Jacks is recalled from the doghouse for another spell. He has dropped two catches today, the first a sitter in the outfield, the second a tough return chance. Hard luck for a normally safe fielder. But it has cost England dearly and Ben Stokes hasn’t thrown him the ball since. Now he gets his chance to claw back some respect late in the day. He’s flat and straight but easily picked off as Australia jog four singles and get their lead to 102.

117th over: Australia 481-7 (Smith 117, Webster 19) Here we go! Webster steps back, ready to launch. Potts follows him at speed. But the Australian allrounder is good enough to heave it off his chest to the mid-on fence. Steve Smith then gets in on the act pulling Potts square for another boundary. Desperate, Potts sprays a bouncer way over the batter’s head. Smith enters panto-mode and calls for a wide and the umpires give it to him.

116th over: Australia 470-7 (Smith 112, Webster 14) Top-edged but safe! Bethell threw it up and Webster launched an aggressive swat which he sent flying over first slip. It runs away for three and Australia extend their lead to 86 runs.

115th over: Australia 467-7 (Smith 112, Webster 11) Rod De Martin emails to proclaim that “Australia is better than England at both Bazball and Test cricket”. Hard to argue with that, Rod. Steve Smith now tries to prove he’s as good at tennis as cricket by back-pedalling from a wide legside delivery by Potts and attempting a bizarre overhead smash shot down the wicket. Weird, even for Smith.

114th over: Australia 465-7 (Smith 112, Webster 10) Beau Webster works Bethell for another easy run past mid-on. Smith jogs one of his own and the young bowler spits like a llama to show his frustration. England look out of puff… and ideas.

113th over: Australia 463-7 (Smith 110, Webster 9) Here’s a change to the bowling at least. Matthew Potts, sitting shitty on 0-125 from his 22 overs, re-enters the fray. It’s been an unhappy match so far for the 17-year-old. He came into his 11th Test with 36 wickets at an average of 29. But that’s all gone up in flames here with just one maiden and zero wickets and run-leakage of five+ per over. Australia ease him around for another four here, the bright spot for England a mistimed Smith chip that falls short of third man.

112th over: Australia 459-7 (Smith 107, Webster 8) No Stokes, only more Bethell. What is happening? England need someone to stand up and fight fire with fire (or at least staunch the flow of runs). An unfussed Australia now lead by 75 runs.

111th over: Australia 456-7 (Smith 106, Webster 6) Uh-oh, England. Smith celebrates his century in the last over by flogging Carse through the covers for another four (his 12th). The floodgates could open here. Surely Stokes comes back into the attack and brings this to a head champion-to-champion.

110th over: Australia 451-7 (Smith 101, Webster 5) As Steve Smith waves his bat with typical cool, England look knackered. Smith’s 13th Ashes ton is a real gut punch to their hopes of winning this Test and walking away with a respectable 3-2 scoreline in the series. Can they find something, anything?

109th over: Australia 446-7 (Smith 96, Webster 5) Smith tucks and runs Carse to go within three runs of his century. Irked, the big right-handed quick thumps one in short at the 194cm Webster which flies way over his helmet. The big Tasmanian shoots back a laconic grin and crashes the next one through covers for FOUR. Cop that!

108th over: Australia 441-7 (Smith 96, Webster 1) Smith strokes Bethell for another single and gives Webster a look at the youngster with 1-38 from his 11 overs. At 32, Beau Webster is entering his prime. He had a break-out season in 2023-24 leading the Sheffield Shield run-scorers with 938 at 58.62. Importantly, he also took 30 wickets at 29.30 to help Tasmania reach the Shield final. That made him just the second player behind Sir Garfield Sobers, in 1963-64, to score more than 900 runs and take more than 30 wickets in the same Shield season. No wonder the Australian selectors have the Slugger from Snug in the frame to usurp the faltering Cam Green.

107th over: Australia 440-7 (Smith 95, Webster 1) Curious crossroads for Australian cricket as allrounder Cameron Green departs and allrounder Beau Webster enters. This is the popular Tasmanian’s eighth Test and he has four fifties and eight wickets to his name already. Can he out-shoot his younger rival and steer Australia to a 100+ lead?

106th over: Australia 435-6 (Smith 94, Green 35) England’s boy wonder batter Jacob Bethell has been given yet another over (his 10th) while Will Jacks – supposedly England’s best spinner – cools his heels in the field with just four overs to his name. Punishment for dropping two catches earlier today? Or reward for Bethell snagging the scalp of Head? Either way, it’s not slowing down Smith and Green who have cantered Australia to a 51-run lead.

105th over: Australia 432-6 (Smith 92, Green 35) Carse’s 20th over is immediately in the channel. He draws a flash-and-miss from Smith and backs it up with some irritable chuntering. Smith shrugs and finally works a single. He’s in the nineties now and closing in on a 37th Test century.

104th over: Australia 432-6 (Smith 91, Green 35) Bethell finds a footmark and it draws a yelp from Smith as his blade edges a ball that fizzed appreciably. That’s got me eating humble pie. Then again, remember when Allan Border’s “left-arm nothings” got 11-for on this same ground?

103rd over: Australia 429-6 (Smith 90, Green 33) Brydon Carse has been recalled to the attack. Born in South Africa, he is the son of Zimbabwean cricketer James Carse who also played plenty of seasons for Northamptonshire. At 30, Brydon has got the pedigree but can he find the precision he showed in Melbourne. He starts this new spell with a maiden.

102nd over: Australia 429-6 (Smith 90, Green 33) Jacob Bethell continues with the meek left-arm nothings that somehow did in Travis Head. After getting some chip from Harry Brook at short leg, Smith can’t hide a smirk as he sweeps for four. Young master Bethell is a talent but I’m not sure it’s as a bowler…

101st over: Australia 424-6 (Smith 86, Green 31) Wooshka! Stokes slammed it in short and Green swivelled and swung it high and hard over the backward square fence. What a shot! The timid titan who walked out with his career on the line is starting to motor into the next-gen giant selectors are craving. England need to get the clamps on fast or this last hour could rip the last of their hopes to pieces.

Don’t forget, it’s Jane McGrath Day here at the SCG and you can do your bit to raise funds for cancer nurses by donating here if you’re able.

100th over: Australia 414-6 (Smith 85, Green 23) Bethell returns for a seventh over of spin and Smith’s scampered run to point takes him past Sir Jack. Now he has only Sir Don ahead of him on 5028 runs. Good luck, Smudge! Australia have inched their way to a 31-run lead and England must feel this Test slipping away.

99th over: Australia 411-6 (Smith 83, Green 22) A slapped single through covers draws Steven Peter Devereux Smith equal with Sir John Berry ‘Jack’ Hobbs for Ashes runs on 3636. Huzzah!

98th over: Australia 407-6 (Smith 82, Green 21) Stokes needs a wildcard so brings back Jacob Bethell. Steve Smith greets him with a hot-step down the wicket and SIX down the ground. Shot! The batters stroke three singles before Green dances down and cuts low for a couple more. Australia lead by 23.

All this sightscreen talk takes me back to this classic catch…

97th over: Australia 396-6 (Smith 74, Green 18) Smith is officially fuming. A Nanna delivering a couple of Whippies has now earned his ire. What are security doing up there? The delay is such that a slow hand clap starts up. Finally, Josh Tongue enters his 24th over and he’s steamed up too, hurling a sizzling bouncer over Smith’s helmet to send the master batter rolling back onto his backside. Surreal scenes at the SCG.

96th over: Australia 395-6 (Smith 73, Green 18) Drinks are flowing at the SCG and it’s interrupting Steve Smith’s flow. There’s a stream of revellers cascading down the aisles to seats beside the sight-screen and it has Smith mad as a mastiff chewing a wasp. Finally they seat themselves and Stokes can roll in. Bouncer. Yorker. Bouncer. Three dots ensue. At last Smudge nudges a run to creep Australia’s lead out to 11 runs.

95th over: Australia 394-6 (Smith 72, Green 18) Smith is playing on, despite that ankle twinge in the last over. He’s chasing a 37th Test century today but more importantly he wants to extend the six-run lead Australia now hold. He works a single to point and watches Tongue flash one into Cam Green’s midriff. Good duel between the tall boys here. Green responds to his gut punch by cracking a boundary in reply.

94th over: Australia 389-6 (Smith 72, Green 14) Bending his back and sweating profusely, Stokes charges in for a 23rd over. ‘Hello, my old friend,’ sings the swish of Steve Smith’s bat as it winds up and whacks him to the boundary. Magnificent shot! But oh no, Smith has rolled his ankle running a single from the next and is grimacing in pain. Smith theatrics? Or legit injury?

93rd over: Australia 383-6 (Smith 66, Green 13) After that mighty heave in the last over, Green is growing in confidence now and climbs into Josh Tongue’s second ball. Good fielding keeps it to a single though. Now Tongue puts Smith on his backside with a rearing short ball! Great chin music from the big quick who is relishing scrambling the seam on this harder ball. Australia now trail by one run.

92nd over: Australia 382-6 (Smith 66, Green 12) Time for the final session of Day 3. It’s a huge one for both sides and sure enough Ben Stokes takes the ball to set the tone. Cam Green is understandably wary, still poking and prodding nervously. He uncoiled a gorgeous drive before Tea and waits five balls before showing us another on the last of Stokes’ over.

Happy as they were to see Travis Head flay a big century, the SCG crowd were disappointed to see Sydney-raised Usman Khawaja dismissed for 17 in his final Test. Will it be the last time we see the 88-Test veteran after such storied history on this ground? Ussie started here with a bang back in 2011-12. Can he finish in a blaze of glory?

90th over: Australia 377-6 (Smith 65, Green 8) England have their tail up after taking three wickets for 78 runs. Travis Head, Usman Khawaja and Alex Carey are all back in the pavilion. The bad news is that Beau Webster and Mitchell Starc are next in and both dangerous batters. Three singles from this Tongue over means Australia trail now by only seven. Time for Tea.

90th over: Australia 374-6 (Smith 64, Green 6) Cam Green is a notoriously nervous starter and Potts squares him up with a short ball, no mean feat given the allrounder stands two-metres tall. He brings that height to bear on a short half-volley on a fifth stump line which he strides into and straight drives to the rope. That’s a confidence-booster.

89th over: Australia 368-6 (Smith 63, Green 1) Cameron Green walks forlornly to the crease averaging 18 for this series. The big young allrounder is under serious pressure and has his direct rival, fellow allrounder Beau Webster, breathing down his neck as next-man-in. He gets off the mark with a tap to forward square and Smith adds another. Australia trail by 16.

88th over: Australia 362-5 (Smith 62, Carey 16) Smith is in a flap again, this time over a waitress in his eyeline. Poor lass is forced to duck and run as the crowd hisses. Smith recovers to unfurl a gorgeous cover drive to the fence and send Potts’ figures deeper into the pit. He now has 11,050 first-class runs on this ground. Incredible. Potts gets one to skid through but the batter is up to the task and when the next ball is short and wide he cuts it to the rope in a flash.

87th over: Australia 358-5 (Smith 54, Carey 16) Finally, Josh Tongue arrives into the attack. And he’s straight under the ribs of Carey who parries it away awkwardly and scampers a single. Smith drives on the up from the next and gets a run. Carey cracks the next two but can’t breach the field. Tongue is wicketless so far but he’s bowled well and finishes his 19th over with 0-58. An appeal for caught behind from the last but it’s embittered by the fact England have no reviews.

86th over: Australia 356-5 (Smith 53, Carey 15) Good grief, Alex Carey is creaming them again. He smoked the second ball he faced for four from Potts and now he’s flayed Carse for two consecutive fours through the covers. Now he drives down the ground and only a staggering Stokes prevents a third boundary. Carey has 15 from seven balls and Australia trail by 28 runs.

I was remiss not to mention the Richies firing up at 2.22pm. Reminds us of this fabulous tribute to the thirsty chain-smoking French singer-songwriter Serge Gainsbourg back in 1988.

85th over: Australia 344-5 (Smith 52, Carey 4) Alex Carey is having a helluva series. He survived an LBW shout from Carse first ball and spanked the second through covers for four. What can Potts manage against Smith? A jaffa! Just missing the straight bat of Smudge. Great ball, probably his best of the day. Now Smith is complaining about the glint of sun off the mid-on fielder’s glasses. Carse laughs it off. Typical Smith eccentricity.

84th over: Australia 343-4 (Smith 51, Khawaja 15) Ouch! Khawaja is struck on the right hand trying to pull Potts square. He fronts up again and glances to fine leg for a couple. That brings up the fifty partnership for this pair. But now he have a huge appeal for LBW. Umpire says OUT. Khawaja wants to review though. He’s in real trouble here… and yes, there was no bat and he was struck just above the shoes. Gone!

83rd over: Australia 337-4 (Smith 51, Khawaja 15) Smith’s half-century has come from 95 balls, four them sent to the rope. That’s his 45th Test fifty and a handsome one it’s been too. He now has 3604 Ashes runs at 56.3 and needs another 33 to surpass Jack Hobbs (3636). Can England keep old Jack’s record alive for another day?

82nd over: Australia 336-4 (Smith 51, Khawaja 14) Brydon Carse will share the new ball and his excitement results in a full bunger straight up. Smith is shocked and fends it off. Next ball is wide outside off and Smith meets it on the half volley and sends it blazing to the point boundary. I know Ben Stokes is probably knackered but surely he and Josh Tongue establish a fighting intent better than Carse and Potts? Smith won’t complain. He drives the sixth ball to the rope to bring up fifty.

81st over: Australia 328-4 (Smith 43, Khawaja 14) Intriguing move by Stokes. He’s thrown Matthew Potts the new ball. Normally Potts is a miser but he’s been a bit of a hot mess in this return to Test cricket, going at six runs per over and his short, wide early spells were punished particularly savagely by Travis Head. He starts his 18th with 0-104 and manages five dots to Khawaja with a ball showing extra bounce and seam until Khawaja steps down and drives him for four from the last.

80th over: Australia 324-4 (Smith 43, Khawaja 10) Thanks, Rob. Great shift! Greetings cricket fans, pleasure to be with you for the second half of Day 3. It’s a gorgeous sunny day in Sydney and Australia are bossing the action so far. But there’s a new ball around the corner. Can England make it sing? Will Jacks gets a final fling with the old Kookaburra and he’s got Steve Smith in his sights. An easy single for Smudge from the second and Khawaja then yanks across the line for a run to cover. That’s it for the old pill. Time for a fresh cherry.

78th over: Australia 318-4 (Smith 42, Khawaja 5)

77th over: Australia 317-4 (Smith 42, Khawaja 4) A maiden from Stokes, his sixth of the innings, to Steve Smith. He’s been England’s most economical seamer – and their most threatening.

76th over: Australia 317-4 (Smith 42, Khawaja 4) Will Jacks comes on for Bethell, who bowled a handy spell of 5-1-12-1, and concedes a couple of singles. With Smith batting in his bubble and Khawaja taking his time, it’s a quiet period in the game. That should change, one way or another, when England take the second new ball in four overs’ time.

75th over: Australia 315-4 (Smith 41, Khawaja 3) Stokes goes wider on the crease to Smith, who thick edges a good ball on the bounce to gully. Stokes has bowled superbly for much of this series and isn’t flattered by a record of 15 wickets at 23 apiece.

74th over: Australia 311-4 (Smith 41, Khawaja 3)

73rd over: Australia 308-4 (Smith 39, Khawaja 2) A pretty good over from Stokes includes five dot ball in a row to Khawaja.

72nd over: Australia 307-4 (Smith 38, Khawaja 2) For now Smith is happy to let Bethell wheel away from round the wicket. Four dot balls are followed a single to mid-off; Australia trail by just 77 runs.

71st over: Australia 306-4 (Smith 37, Khawaja 2) Smith pulls Stokes very fine for another boundary, an inelegant but highly effective stroke. He’s already on 37 yet it feels like he has barely played a risky stroke.

70th over: Australia 301-4 (Smith 32, Khawaja 2) Bethell rushes through another over, two from it. England want to get to the second new ball as quickly as possible, ideally after taking another wicket or five.

69th over: Australia 299-4 (Smith 31, Khawaja 1) Smith softens his hands to ensure an edge off Stokes falls well short of the slip cordon. Better still, it bounces between two fielders and away for four runs. He adds another boundary with a pull round the corner off the penultimate delivery.

68th over: Australia 288-4 (Smith 22, Khawaja 0) Usman Khawaja, playing his 88th and final Test, gets a lovely ovation as he walks to the crease. He plays out the remainder of a wicket maiden from Bethell. I can’t be the only one feeling hot and trembly.

67th over: Australia 288-3 (Head 163, Smith 22) Stokes volunteers for some hard yakka by bringing himself back into the attack. He starts with a quiet over to Head, a player who often goes up and down the gears during an innings.

A single off the pads gives Head his 600th run of the series. Nobody else on either side has scored 400; no other Australia has reached 300.

66th over: Australia 287-3 (Head 162, Smith 22) Jacon Bethell, an occasional left-arm spinner, is going to start after lunch. Smith defends the first ball, decides that’s enough of a sighter and waves a quietly emphatic drive through extra cover for four.

Later in the over Smith charges down the track and clatters Bethell over mid-off for a couple. He didn’t get hold of it as intended but there was enough on the ball to beat Stokes as he rain back towards the boundary.

The players are back for the afternoon session. Let’s play!

Lunchtime reading

63rd over: Australia 268-3 (Head 155, Smith 10) Potts continues to bowl well to the right-handers, beating Smith with a lovely full-length delivery that seams past the edge.

Later in the over, Head has two let-offs in as many balls. Duckett misses a run-out chance from midwicket, then Head drags Potts into the ground and just over the stumps.

Travis Head probably doesn’t get enough credit for the intelligence and detail of his batting. His risks are always calculated; he is brilliant at targeting particular bowlers or certain parts of the field depending on conditions. Fearless, relentlessly positive and deceptively brainy: he’s the platonic ideal of Bazball.

61st over: Australia 260-3 (Head 149, Smith 8) Goodness me. Travis Head channels his inner Babe Ruth, slugging a short ball from Potts into the crowd at midwicket. That’s the first six of the innings.

Head’s treatment of Potts has been barely legal: 46 balls, 64 runs, including nine fours and that six. It’s a Test match, mate, show some decorum.

60th over: Australia 253-3 (Head 142, Smith 8) A bit of width from Tongue allows Smith to flash a cut to the boundary. England are in so much trouble it’s not even funny.

59th over: Australia 248-3 (Head 141, Smith 4) Potts, who has already bowled seven overs this morning, changes ends to replace Carse. He caused Smith problems in the ODI series in 2024 so maybe that’s part of England’s thinking.

Potts has an LBW appeal turned down after going wide on the crease to jag one back. Decent shout, probably a bit high. England have no reviews left anyway.

Replays confirm it would have bounced over the top. A maiden from Potts, who has bowled pretty well to the right-handers today.

58th over: Australia 248-3 (Head 141, Smith 4) No surprise to see Josh Tongue, who has a terrific record against Steve Smith, return to the attack. Smith drops a single on the off side to get off strike.

“Not wanting to rub any salt in,” begins Chris Dwyer, “but the review lost in the 53rd was England’s last review. Lost one against Labuschagne and then (crazily) two against Neser.”

57th over: Australia 247-3 (Head 141, Smith 3) Head clears the front leg and mangles Carse through midwicket for four. Despite the violence it was a perfectly placed shot that bisected the two fielders on the boundary.

“People like Michael Neser are the reason why Australia is such a tough/terrible place to tour,” says Will Ellen. “Cummins, Hazelwood, Lyon and their combined 1000+ Test wickets missing? No problem, a 35-year-old journeyman many people in England haven’t heard of will come in and not just do a job, but perform beyond what anyone could reasonably expect of them.

“There’s such a pride and determination to their late career cameo appearances - they know time is short. But if they perform brilliantly for their country, they know for the rest of their lives if they stroll into a dusty outback bar in back of beyond Willaballong Creek they will get a nod of approval, maybe even a beer bought by one of the grizzled regulars. Must be a nice feeling.”

Australia use inexperienced thirtysomethings a lot better than England, don’t they? That’s been the case for a while: Adam Voges, Chris Rogers, Stuart Clark, Mike Hussey, Andy Bichel, Tim May and the rest.

56th over: Australia 239-3 (Head 136, Smith 0) Head flick-pulls Potts sweetly round the corner for four. It was in the air but beat the diving Brook close to the boundary.

55th over: Australia 234-3 (Head 131, Smith 0) England’s reward for taking a wicket: the arrival of Steven Peter Devereux ‘Steve’ Smith. Hard to believe that he hasn’t made a century at home to England since 2017.

Carse beats Smith with a superb delivery that straightens off the seam. Depending on how this Test pans out, Carse could become the first England bowler to take 25 wickets in a series in Australia since John Snow in 1970-71.

54th over: Australia 232-2 (Head 130, Neser 24) Head has so much time to lean back and uppercut Potts over the keeper’s head for two. It feels like Australia are moving inexorably towards a 4-1 series victory. Which, let’s be honest, they deserve given their dominance.

53.3 overs: Australia 229-2 (Head 127, Neser 24) It’s a bit of a surprise that England haven’t had a look at Will Jacks, whose selection in this series may come to symbolise England’s loss of nerve after the shock of Perth. He has batted well at times but you can’t be picking a specialist No8 who bowls a bit. They’d probably be better off with Matthew Fisher in this game.

Neser, who was hit on the elbow last night by Stokes, takes another blow from Potts and has called the physio on.

“I mean,” says Niall Mullen, “I’ve seen more downbeat OBO intros.”

53rd over: Australia 227-2 (Head 126, Neser 24) Neser digs out a beautiful yorker from Carse – but the bowler is convinced it hit the boot first and pleads for LBW. It’s given not out and, though Stokes doesn’t look sure himself, he trusts Carse and decides to review the decision.

Carse is correct that it brushed Neser’s boot before hitting the bat. Trouble is, the impact was fractionally outside off stump so Neser is not out and England lose another review. They have one left.

“Is it a bit pessimistic,” begins Yac, “to point out that an Aussie nightwatcher once made a Test double hundred?”

And Neser is a slightly better batter than Jason Gillespie.

52nd over: Australia 226-2 (Head 126, Neser 24) Sound the Short Ball Ploy klaxon. Ben Stokes has had enough and sets a field for Potts to ram the ball in halfway down. Nothing much happens, though a lot goes on.

“Quite a stark change in where Head is taking guard,” notes Abhishek Chopra. “He is well outside leg stump now, presumably looking to bash the short stuff coming his way. The fact that he is doing all this when this is not some last-10-overs-before-new-ball period and with Aus still 150+ in arrears tells you how crazy good this man is right now.”

And also how brave and flexible the modern player is when it comes to making changes within an innings.

Drinks: Australia trail by 159 with eight wickets remaining

A nice email here from my mum Robert Wilson.

Smiddy, you melancholy legend. The last couple of years I’ve watched you from afar, standing joyously firm against sledgers, whiners, and cavilling curmudgeons of all kinds. In cricket and footie, you’ve stood like the boy on the burning deck, defending flair, talent and entertainment against accountant-like haters delighting in the failings and flailings of gifted players. Brought many a tear to the eye as you doggedly reminded everyone of the even-in-hindsight unbelievable high points of the Bazball era.

And now you plop out this Eeyore preamble, defeated and tasting metallic in the mouth. Don’t tell me this series has rubbed out that adamantine little spark of fierce joy in you. We can’t do without it, Smiddy, we can’t. Lemme fight the good fight for you.

We’re all gonna die and life is often cruelly hard. But then there’s Test cricket. Head, Carey and Starc have been a delicious pleasure (Carey simply out of sight, a standard unseen for decades). Tongue has got something, Brook’s a laugh and I don’t think I’ve ever liked Root so much. The most bog standard Test match can bring you pleasures that make the dreary task of living more than bearable. My only quibble with this series is that it seems to have lasted 15 minutes. I could have taken ten matches of it with grateful glee.

Come back to us, man. You’re an aesthete and a seer. You know Bethell makes you feel all hot and trembly. You know it.

Look, mate.

1. Thanks for such a sweet email (I think);

2. While the preamble may have given the impression of a man who left his will to live in 2025, it’s just lack of sleep. I remain joie de vivre incarnate. And most importantly,

3. I’ve still pencilled in a 7000-word beauty on this Test match ahead of the 2035-36 Ashes.

51st over: Australia 225-2 (Head 126, Neser 23) Neser. square drives Carse for another eye-catching boundary. He’s been the dominant partner in the last 20 minutes: after scoring 6 from his first 60 deliveries, Neser has hit 17 from the last 18.

“Neser has now faced more balls than Crawley and Duckett combined,” writes Nath Jones, “and I think that means it’s bedtime.”

Arf. He is, we should stress, a pretty good player: five first-class centuries, average of 21 in his short Test career. But yes, it’s definitely bedtime.

50th over: Australia 219-2 (Head 125, Neser 18) Head is dropped again, though this time there’s no blame attached to the fielder. It was a sensational effort from Carse at third man. Head backed away, Potts followed him and Head flashed an uppercut down towards the boundary. Carse charged in, got his left hand under the ball just above the ground but couldn’t hang on. It would have been one of the catches of the series.

Poor Potts continues to go the distance, with Neser lashing an emphatic boundary through extra cover. Potts has grisly figures of 11-0-84-0.

49th over: Australia 214-2 (Head 124, Neser 14) Carse, who along with Starc and Stokes is the only quick bowler to play all five Tests, is starting to work up a head of steam. But so is Neser, who gets four more with a fabulous back cut. It was a good ball from Carse, which cramped Neser for room, but he leaned back and deflected it wide of backward point. Lovely shot.

48th over: Australia 209-2 (Head 123, Neser 10) Neser slugs Potts over midwicket for four to move into double figures. This is fast becoming one of those days for England, and we haven’t even reached the first drinks break.

46th over: Australia 202-2 (Head 121, Neser 5) Head larrups Potts through extra cover, but this time there’s a man on the boundary so he only gets one run. Later in the over he walks miles outside off stump and drags the ball onto his body. He’s basically taking the pith out of Potts; in the previous Potts over he left the ball with an extravagant, almost disdainful flourish.

“It has to be Herzog doesn’t it?” says Ruth Purdue. “He would have to try and find the ‘truth’. Would it be a drama or a documentary though?”

I find it hard to tell them apart these days, particularly since watching our in-house documentary ‘Nathan Barley’.

45th over: Australia 200-2 (Head 120, Neser 4) A maiden from Stokes to Neser, who now has 4 not out from 52 balls. Anyone else getting flashbacks to Carl Rackemann in 1991?

“How many of this England team do you reckon will contest the 2027 Ashes? In theory it could be all of them,” says Max Williams. “I guess Crawley is uncertain and you’d hope another bowler or two is unearthed but I can’t see much turnover.

“Also, considering home advantage and the aging Australian core, would you consider England to be early favourites? I would’ve done if our bowling hadn’t been so poor!”

Naming the XI for a fixed point in the future is a mug’s game. And I am that mug. These are the best players in England right now, and they should all be around in June 2027, but experience tells us plenty will change in that time.

All things being equal I would certainly stick with Crawley, who has a better record against Australia’s best bowlers than most of his teammates. The bowlers are harder to call: I guess at this stage you’d have Tongue as a starter, Carse in the pool, Potts and Jacks further down the pecking order. And Ollie Bloody Robinson taking the new ball with Jofra Archer.

44th over: Australia 200-2 (Head 120, Neser 4) Matthew Potts replaces Josh Tongue. He had a horrible day yesterday, bowling seven overs for 58, and it doesn’t get any better when Head belts his first three deliveries for four.

Potts’ loosener was banjaxed over extra cover with contempt by Head, who then slashed an uppercut for four and whipped imperously through midwicket. It’s marvellous batting, a deliberate attempt to target a bowler who has little rhythm and even less confidence. Potts, theoretically England’s most accurate bowler, has figures of 8-0-72-0.

43rd over: Australia 186-2 (Head 106, Neser 4) From Noosa to Neser, who continues to ride his luck by fresh-airing two big drives off Stokes. “This is some of the best shadow batting I’ve ever seen,” deadpans Graeme Swann on commentary.

42nd over: Australia 184-2 (Head 105, Neser 4) “It has to be Francis Ford Coppola’s Bazball Now with the accompanying Jeetan Patel making-of doco Pints Of Darkness: An Ashes Apocalypse,” says Chris Paraskevas. “For those willing, there may be scope for a Bazball Redux including a deleted scene where Ian Botham hosts a mid-tour team-bonding/mental reprogramming session in Noosa.”

This is my favourite suggestion so far. But surely the Noosa trip would be directed bt the guy who did Dude, Where’s My Car?

41st over: Australia 182-2 (Head 105, Neser 2) This has been an excellent start for Australia. Stokes and Tongue have bowled well, with little luck, but it does feel like Australia – who bat very deep – could have some fun as the day progresses.

“The empty promise of huge amounts of action, stylistic shots with little point, and ultimately no real substance?” says Matt Dony. “Ladies and gentlemen, Michael Bay. Although, that’s specifically this Ashes tour. Not Bazball in general, which I am very much in support of…”

Maybe we need different directors for each act. David Lynch could do act one, in which Jonny Bairstow inspired all those surreal run-chases. Imagine what Lynch would have done with the ‘Jonathan Marc Bairstow’ speech at Trent Bridge.

40th over: Australia 180-2 (Head 104, Neser 1) Neser is beaten by successive deliveries from Tongue. He has 1 from 31 balls, and the 31 is more important than the 1. By the time Smith comes to the crease, Tongue and Stokes – England’s best bowlers – will be due a break.

“Obviously there are many factors vying for prominence in explaining the series outcome, and Australia’s generally superior bowling clearly features large,” says Brian Withington. “But for all that, one key difference is the fact that one left-handed (surprise) opener has massively outperformed whilst another (settled) has had a very disappointing tour indeed.”

A very fair point, especially given the speed at which Head and Ben Duckett score their runs. Travis Head, though: I don’t know whether other England fans feel this way but I think he’s my favourite Australian cricketer since Shane Warne. Forget the numbers – the important of his runs, and the manner in which he gets them, makes him an all-time great. I’d sell my soul to be injected with his mindset.

39th over: Australia 175-2 (Head 99, Neser 1) Head is getting ‘em in singles. He forces Stokes into the covers to move to 99, then Neser avoids a couple of sharp bouncers. He’s not scoring any runs but every over he survives will help the next batter Steve Smith.

He hasn’t faced a ball, sure, but Smith looks nailed on for a century today.

38th over: Australia 175-2 (Head 98, Neser 1) Head is beaten again, flashing at a back-of-a-length delivery from Tongue. A single to fine leg takes him to within two runs of where he wants to be, where we all want to be.

“Rob, when the inevitable movie about Bazball is made, which director should be entrusted with the chair?” wonders Kim Thonger.

1. Christopher Nolan

2. Wes Anderson

3. Quentin Tarantino

4. James Cameron

“I’m inclined to choose Tarantino. It seems like a natural sequel to Inglourious Bastards.”

I’ll chose Christopher Nolan, mainly because he’s the only one with a vague OBO connection: Jeremy Theobald, the lead in Nolan’s brilliant debut Following, was a regular back in the day.

37th over: Australia 174-2 (Head 97, Neser 1) It’s good to see Stokes continuing – you wondered whether he would complete his over from last night and then brings Potts or Carse on.

Head clips him through midwicket for four to move to 96, then bursts out laughing after being squared up by an utter jaffa from round the wicket. Stokes will be glad it missed the edge because it was a no-ball.

The next ball, a legal delivery, is a carbon copy that straightens past the outside edge. A whirling cut stroke takes Head to 97.

36th over: Australia 167-2 (Head 92, Neser 1) “It’s at least possible we’ll see the traditional England management shakeup after the Ashes,” says Ben Mimmack, “so who in the current squad do you think would welcome a change and who won’t? These are my guesses:

“(Like the) Status Quo: Crawley, Duckett, Stokes, Carse, Archer, Wood, Jacks, Atkinson, Fisher.

“(Tired of the) Cheap Trick: Bethell, Brook, Smith, Potts, Tongue, Bashir, Pope.

“(Doesn’t care because he’s) Mr. Big: Joe Root.

“I feel like some would have benefited from a change earlier (Pope) but several important names have moved into the change group on this tour (Bethell, Brook, Smith) which means things probably do need to change.

“What do you think?”

I haven’t had time to think! But it’s a very good question, upon which I’d like to dwell. I hope England give Brendon McCullum the chance to complete the regeneration of the 2023 team, but I suspect I’m in a minority on that.

Neser is not out! There’s a big spike on Snicko one frame after the ball passes the bat and at the same time the bat thumps into the ground. I’m pretty sure it’s the right decision but nobody knows for sure because of the leeway that is built into Snicko. Joe Root, for one, was sure thta Neser had hit the ground and edged the ball.

England review for caught behind against Neser Josh Tongue, the best of the England seamers not called Stokes on day two, opens the bowling. England think Neser has snicked a very full ball through to Jamie Smith. There was a noise, either bat on ground or bat on ball. I don’t think it was a bump ball.

35th over: Australia 166-2 (Head 91, Neser 1) Ben Stokes completes the over he began last night. The nightwatchman Neser almost drags a good delivery back onto the stumps. A maiden.

Incidentally Joe Root, who left the field with a back problem last night, is back on the field today.

“While I largely concur with your downbeat intro, I think 9/2 against an England win is, for once, generous,” says Gary Naylor. “Any kind of first-innings lead (getting Head out inside the first hour is critical) makes England favourites in my book. This pitch will be horrible in the fourth innings if Carse and co can find a fifth stump line slightly back of a length and England can catch. Yes, IF should be in bold capital italics, I know.”

Don’t forget Australia have Mitchell Starc batting at No10. I broadly agree, though; this pitch could be very unpleasant in the fourth innings.

The players are about to take the field for an extended first session that will last two and a half hours. If Travis Head is batting at lunch, Australia will be strapped into the box seat.

It’s Jane McGrath Day at the SCG, with everybody wearing pink in support of the McGrath Foundation. You can read about the Foundation’s commitment to cancer support or donate by clicking here.

It was hard to know whether it was a message to Australia or his own bowlers. Ben Stokes signed off from a frustrating second evening in Sydney by swapping words out in the middle with Marnus Labuschagne. Seemingly reacting to something said by Labuschagne as the hosts made a rapid reply to England’s 384, Stokes was heard saying “shut the fuck up” at the end of the over he had just bowled. He then walked over and put an arm around his opponent’s shoulder to continue the exchange.

As the umpires, Ahsan Raza and Chris Gaffaney, moved in, Stokes walked away after giving Labuschagne a squeeze. As per the ICC code of conduct, the England captain could be reprimanded under clause 2.12 regarding “inappropriate physical contact”.

When Shane Warne called his biography No Spin, it wasn’t a recommendation. Speaking for the dead is unacceptably presumptuous, but his record in life was loud and clear in backing his guild. Teams should always give themselves the option of spin bowling was his common contention.

Nor is allegiance of style the only factor. His old teammate Jason Gillespie, as pure a paceman as they come, had the same view watching the fifth Ashes Test in Sydney. “You need that variety,” he said on radio, shaking his head.

Australia didn’t have it. Instead, they had an innings of 97.3 overs with three specialist fast bowlers, a couple of curiously employed all-rounders and a sprinkle of part-time guff. They had an England innings that was allowed to pull away, with partnerships of 169, then 94, then 52, while Joe Root went on to his highest score in Australia of 160 and England their highest score of the series, 384.

It would have been helpful to turn to specialist spin when Root and Harry Brook were coasting on the first day. It would have been helpful to save Mitchell Starc from bowling a fourth spell. Or when Scott Boland was called back for the 71st and 73rd overs before taking the new ball in the 81st. Or when Beau Webster bowled a desultory over of off-spin, a garnish atop his few offerings of spongy medium pace. Those five overs were the total contribution asked of a man picked in a specialist bowling spot at No 8.