CHATTY MEN
Back in the 1990s, when sitting in a TV studio chair gravely intoning that “you’ll never win anything with kids” became fashionable, Manchester United fans took grave exception to what they viewed as the excessive number of highly decorated former Liverpool players being given a platform from which to pontificate because they felt they were all too biased. Fast forward to the present day and increasing numbers of United fans are similarly miffed by the ubiquity of highly decorated former players from their own club because they’re not biased enough. Of course the advent of podcasts and round-the-clock subscription TV means there are far more jobs for the boys available and no shortage of United alumni have been recruited. We have now reached a point of such super-saturation that even Paul Scholes, who maintained an almost heroic public silence throughout the entirety of his playing career, seems unable to keep quiet.
Contrary to what some would have you believe, listening to Scholesy, Gary Neville, Roy Keane, Nicky Butt or Rio Ferdinand opine on the state of United is not compulsory, but such is their ubiquity and high profile that for anyone with even a passing interest in football, they are almost impossible to avoid. Their status as United legends often confers a wisdom upon their every utterance that is undeserved and it is increasingly common for journalists to fire the opinions of these former pros at struggling United managers in a bid to get a reaction. While the regulars on The Overlap and The Good, The Bad and The Football podcasts might view what they do as little more than a lucrative hustle in which they are asked to do nothing more taxing than chat football among friends, what they say carries weight and is even rumoured to influence decisions made in the United boardroom. However, as happy as they are to dish out stick, it seems not all these United old boys are quite as prepared to accept it in return.
Speaking on their podcast before the Manchester derby, Scholes and Butt joked harmlessly about the disparity in height and stature of the giant Erling Haaland and comparatively small Lisandro Martínez as they wondered what kind of humiliations the former might visit upon the latter over 90 minutes at Old Trafford. As luck would have it, Haaland only lasted for 80 before being hooked to a chorus of jeers. The Norwegian’s ineffectiveness was due in no small part to the number done on him by his diminutive, World Cup-winning marker. Upon being invited to comment on the pre-match ribbing to which he’d been subjected by The Good, The Bad and the Football’s answer to Waldorf and Statler, Martínez pointed out that while they are both welcome to say whatever they like on their podcast, he also invited Scholes and Butt to call around to Martínez Mansion and criticise him to his face.
“I think when someone gets so upset about something in the media or a podcast … to come out and say, ‘They can say what they want’ and ‘Come to my house’ and all that … [effing] grow up,” chirped an in-no-way upset Butt, who appeared to interpret Martínez’s fairly mild-mannered post-match quotes as a threat of violence. “I’m [effing] 50, I’m not going knocking on someone’s house saying can we have a chat. It’s ridiculous. And if you’re going to get that precious, you better be [sh!t] hot every week.” Scholes, meanwhile, said he’d messaged Martínez on some social media disgrace or another but had yet to receive a reply. On the plus side, of course, neither Scholes nor Butt appear to be even remotely upset by any public criticism they are shipping for the public criticism they are only too happy to dole out.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Barry Glendenning from 5.45m GMT for minute-by-minute updates on Bodø/Glimt 0-2 Manchester City in Bigger Cup, then at 8pm Rob Smyth will be on hand for Tottenham 0-1 Dortmund and Will Unwin will have all the goals from the other games, including Inter v Arsenal, in his clockwatch.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I made a mistake against Barnsley but I have to make it clear it wasn’t disrespectful in my opinion and I would do the same against Arsenal, [Manchester] City and against Chelsea as well” – Dominik Szoboszlai makes Liverpool fans shudder by suggesting he’d happily come bringing gifts in his own six-yard box against elite Premier League rivals, too. The midfielder also confirmed talks are progressing over a new contract Anfield but “no decision” has been reached over his future yet.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
On the grounds that it is better for a Stockport County fan to post this rather than someone who will take the mickey, the own goal scored by Rotherham on Saturday was very funny, but it didn’t matter. Here it is, ho ho ho. Funnily enough I had just been pondering on the absence of comedy OGs in recent years at Edgeley Park. Has there been a more ludicrous one this season?” – Dan Levy (not that one).
To whomever is meant to be in charge: by all means fiddle around with offside, meddle with the last-man red card or dabble with the yellow card goal thingy but please, please, please turn your attention to the WWE shenanigans that happen every time there is a corner. We may well roll our eyes at the events in the Afcon final but the players there acted like proper gentlemen compared with the childish behaviour shown in Premier League penalty areas. Back to a darkened room for me” – Nick Smyth.
I was relieved to learn that, when faced with the question Ta Bi or not Ta Bi, Sunderland decided in the affirmative. In football as in life, ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune’” – Peter Oh.
If you have any, please send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our letter o’ the day is … Dan Levy, who lands some hot Football Weekly merch. Terms and conditions for our competitions are here.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
FA Cup goals, plus who has done the best business in January? Listen to all of this and more in the latest episode of Women’s Football Weekly.
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