34th over: England 181-3 (Root 75, Brook 5) Root reverse laps Vandersay for four, then dumps a long hop through midwicket for another. A master is at work.

“What’s a good total for England here?” wonders John Ryan. “A while ago I was thinking around 330 if they pushed on... and they’re still in a good spot and with seven wickets in hand... thoughts?”

I’m terrible at reading pitches but 280 feels like a matchwinning total.

33rd over: England 173-3 (Root 67, Brook 5) A quiet over from Wellalage, and why not. Root is still scoring at more than a run a ball, 67 from 66.

32nd over: England 170-3 (Root 65, Brook 4) A gentle delivery from Vandersay is steered for four by Brook a nice way to get off the mark. Then he bowls a beauty, a fair bit slower, that turns past the edge. Adil Rashid will have noted that.

“I recently joined a cult and was surprised to learn how knowledgeable most of the members were about cricket,” writes Ian Copestake. “Was good to talk, so I feel that cults are maybe not all that bad…”

Wait till you hear about Bazball.

31st over: England 166-2 (Root 65, Bethell 65) Joe Root (remember him?) sweeps Wellalage precisely for four, then smacks a slog sweep into the wide open space for another boundary.

“Finding it difficult to focus on work with the master and apprentice batting together in Colombo,” writes Rob Knap. “It’s funny, given his fairly astonishing start in international cricket, but rather than Brook it’s Bethell who feels like the batter to take on Root’s mantle. It’s like when Gooch and Atherton were batting together (though perhaps a cut above them, even). As you’ve said, let’s not get carried away by Bethell just yet. But...

“On a completely unrelated note, does anyone else mistake mentions of Vandersay for Vandelay?”

Of course we do. Also, did I really say we shouldn’t get carried away with Bethell? If so, I apologise Fkuc that!

28th over: England 138-2 (Root 55, Bethell 47) England are starting to go through the gears. Root reverse sweeps Dhananjaya for three in on over that yields 10 runs, even without a boundary.

27th over: England 125-2 (Root 49, Bethell 40) A couple of wides and some wristy singles make it seven from Asalanka’s over.

“Flat and low” begins Matt in a wet, flat Gloucester “...are words that can be applied both to the wicket and my cricketing mood. The all-too-predictable political shenanigans ahead of the T20 and yet more perfunctory ODIs have done little to lift the Ashes gloom. Here’s a dram to Scotland ruffling a few feathers and sparking atmosphere.”

Quite. Whatever the rights and wrongs, Bangladesh not being in the T20 World Cup is profoundly dispiriting.

26th over: England 118-2 (Root 47, Bethell 37) Four more to Bethell, swept fiercely off Hasaranga. He survives a run-out chance later in the over after taking a sharp single to mid-off; the throw missed the stumps and we don’t know yet whether he would have been home.

25th over: England 111-2 (Root 46, Bethell 31) Bethell gets moving with two boundaries in four balls off Asalanka, a sweep and a lash through the covers. It feels like England are in a pretty good position here.

“Joe Root, as ever, the anchor in tough(er) batting conditions than the England boys are used to,” writes Elliot Brooks. “As we start to contemplate the day when he will leave us for a well earned retirement - who is the natural successor for that dogged you’ll-never-take-me-alive batting style that the team needs?

“Is Bethell too much a swashbuckler? Does Brook have the brain cells? Is Duckett too eager for bat on ball? I need the assurances that there’s a young buck in the stable ready to emulate the master.”

Bethell. He can play at the same cruising tempo as Root, as he showed in that Sydney masterpiece. But even if we live to 299, I doubt we’ll see an England batter as good as Root. We/I don’t appreciate him enough.

24th over: England 102-2 (Root 46, Bethell 22) Root carts Hasaranga for six, then Bethell survives an LBW review after missing a sweep off Hasaranga. It pitched fractionally outside leg. Sri Lanka are all out of reviews.

Root is batting majestically, since you asked.

23rd over: England 92-2 (Root 37, Bethell 21) The captain Charith Asalanka comes on to bowl his offspin. Bethell top-edges a sweep well short of the man at deep backward square. Even this nondescript innings (20 from 38 as I type) is signifcant because he will learn so much from watching Joe Root stockpile low-risk singles.

Talking of which, another singles brings up the fifty partnership.

22nd over: England 88-2 (Root 35, Bethell 19)

21st over: England 83-2 (Root 32, Bethell 17) Root’s quiet mastery continues with a back-foot pull for four off Wellalage. He is never better than on awkward subcontinental pitches.

“Morning Rob, and (I think) a happy birthday to you!” writes Guy Hornsby, on today of all days. “No better place to be spending it, of course. This may be a bit of a blink-and-you-miss it ODI series with limited value to some, but I’m here for it. Rehan opening! Bethell-watch! Brook redemption arc! Hasaranga! Dawson cementing his place! An England spin armada! Kusal Mendis! There’s a lot going on and it’s better than the Manchester rain in January.”

I want what you’re having. (You’re right, of course – cricket rarely fails to make the world a better place.)

$460,000 gets you a lot these days

20th over: England 77-2 (Root 28, Bethell 17) Sri Lanka review unsuccesfully for LBW whe Root misses a sweep off Vandersay and is hit on the rump. He was outside the line.

It looked a poor review to the naked eye, never mind the technology, but you can understand why they went for it given Root’s importance.

19th over: England 73-2 (Root 26, Bethell 15) The pitch looks slow and awkward rather than downright difficult. Root (strike rate: 81) is rotating the strike much better than Bethell (SR: 54), a reflection of their experience. But overall England are in a decent position at drinks.

This is a good read on a miserable situation.

18th over: England 69-2 (Root 24, Bethell 13) Two from Vandersay’s over.

17th over: England 67-2 (Root 23, Bethell 12) Another quiet over from Hasaranga. We need someone else’s glasses, ideally someone from the 1980s, because this isn’t the usual bish-bosh ODI series: 250 may well be a matchwinning score.

16th over: England 65-2 (Root 22, Bethell 11) With the occasional exception, low-risk singles are England’s currency at the moment; they bank three more from Vandersay’s over.

15th over: England 62-2 (Root 20, Bethell 10) The pitch looks okay at the moment. There’s some turn but nothing disgusting. And Joe Root, as is his wont, is making it look easy: he has 20 from 20 balls and I can barely remember a stroke.

We are living in the time of an all-time batting genius, and he’s English, and I’m not sure we appreciate him enough. He is also – and this matters – one of the nicest human beings around.

14th over: England 57-2 (Root 17, Bethell 8) The legspinner Jeffrey Vandersay concedes five singles from his first over.

13th over: England 52-2 (Root 14, Bethell 6) Bethell reverse sweeps Hasaranga past slip for four. That’s a fine shot from a player who some idiots reckon has a future in the game.

He almost offers a return catch later in the over. But he doesn’t, so on we go.

12th over: England 47-2 (Root 13, Bethell 2)

11th over: England 45-2 (Root 12, Bethell 1) The new batter is crickerotica subject Jacob Bethell. After he gets off the mark, Root reverse sweeps expertly for four.

10th over: England 40-1 (Rehan 24, Root 8) Root misses a lusty slog-sweep at a ball from Wellalage that bounces sharply. As in the first two games, this feels like a handy toss to win.

9th over: England 37-1 (Rehan 22, Root 7) Rehan belts Dhananjaya for successive boundaries, a slog-sweep and a flamboyant slap over mid-off. Root carts another to cow corner to make it 16 from the over.

8th over: England 21-1 (Rehan 11, Root 2) Spin from both ends with the left-armer Wellallage coming on. Just one from the over. This is a very 1990s start.

7th over: England 20-1 (Rehan 11, Root 1) Some fresh-faced genius has walked out to bat.

6th over: England 17-0 (Rehan 10, Duckett 6) Six dot balls in a row from Liyanage to Rehan. I thought England might go after the seamers, given how spin-dominated this series has been, but Fernando and Liyanage have bowled well.

5th over: England 17-0 (Rehan 10, Duckett 6) Duckett slashes Fernando behind square for two; it would have been four but for a good sprawling stop. All very quiet at the moment.

4th over: England 14-0 (Rehan 9, Duckett 4) Rehan takes a quick single to mid-on, one of three in another low-key over.

3rd over: England 11-0 (Rehan 7, Duckett 3) That Rehan boundary, it’s been a low-key start to the innings. No clues yet on the pitch – we’ll get that when the spinners come on.

2nd over: England 8-0 (Rehan 5, Duckett 3) A quiet first over from Liyanage, the highlight of which is a slash by Duckett that is well stopped on the boundary.

1st over: England 4-0 (Rehan 4, Duckett 0) Notorious D. I. G. – David Ivon Gower – is on commentary and the game is under way. After hitting the field with a couple of shots off Asitha Fernando, Rehan Ahmed times a beautiful push through the covers for four. This ain’t no nighthawk.

Liam Dawson has been around for England’s finest white-ball moments in the past decade. He was an uncapped inclusion in the 2016 World T20 touring party, when Eoin Morgan’s fresh-faced team were denied right at the end by Carlos Brathwaite’s “remember the name” sixes. He was there as a squad member on that golden day at Lord’s in 2019 and a travelling reserve when England won the T20 World Cup in Australia three years later.

But, remarkably, the 35-year-old is still waiting to make his debut at a global tournament. It has been an international career spent on call, limited to 33 appearances in all formats, his left-arm spin and handy batting there to use in case of emergency.