Refereeing is the most thankless of jobs. There are times when you can get a decision absolutely right and still you get criticised on all sides.

In the final seconds at Anfield on Sunday, with the Liverpool goalkeeper Alisson caught upfield, Rayan Cherki rolled the ball towards the Liverpool goal. Erling Haaland gave chase and would have gotten there to nudge the ball definitively over the line but he was pulled back by Dominik Szoboszlai, who would then have caught up with the ball to clear had he not been pulled back by Haaland. The ball crossed the line but the referee Craig Pawson, after a VAR review, gave not a goal but a free-kick for the first offence, sending Szoboszlai off for the denial of an obvious goal-scoring opportunity.

“Common sense no?” said Pep Guardiola, put in the strange position of opposing a decision that technically went for his team. “We won the game [but] now Dominik Szoboszlai cannot play. I know he pulled him but how many pulls [are there] and the referee says play on in this country, in this league? Give a goal, 3-1, Szoboszlai can play and we are happy.”

“I can live with the fact, although I don’t like it, that the referee follows the rulebook,” said Arne Slot. “Dominik makes a foul on Haaland in that last situation, which is a clear shirt-pull and he was through to goal so he would have scored. So that’s a red card. And I think the Sunderland manager is really happy that he gives the red card. So that’s the rulebook and you follow the rulebook.”

Szoboszlai will be suspended for Wednesday’s game away to Sunderland.

“Just give the goal, don’t give a red card. Simple as that,” Haaland said.

Many pundits seemed to agree. On commentary on Sky, for instance, Gary Neville called it a “killjoy” decision that “killed one of the great moments” and lamented “a smell of the game that’s completely gone”. There seemed a general sense that this was another example of VAR ruining the game. “Before VAR it’s a goal,” said Wayne Rooney on Match of the Day, “so let’s go back to it.”

But this isn’t really a VAR issue. This isn’t technology exposing a microscopic detail to penalise that which would previously have gone unnoticed. If there is a criticism of Pawson in this instance, it’s that he needed VAR to get the decision correct – although it’s understandable that he should stand behind it. This is simply process. Referees have a certain amount of discretion but they can’t simply ignore offences because they have a sense that to do so somehow feels right.

Szoboszlai would have cleared the ball had he not been fouled by Haaland. Therefore it cannot be a goal. But Haaland would have scored had he not been fouled by Szoboszlai so Pawson goes back to that offence: free-kick and a red card. Fouls don’t just cancel out. It might have been more fun for the goal to stand but fun is not the referee’s job. He has to ensure the laws are followed and that it’s fair for everybody – including teams who were not involved in the game.

Arsenal are six points ahead of City with a goal difference that is five better. With 13 games to go there remains a significant possibility of a tight title race. Imagine Cherki’s goal is given and the sides finish level on points, but City take the league because their goal difference is one better. Would it be fair that Arsenal lost the title because of a goal scored after an obvious foul by Haaland? Or say the goal had been given, Szoboszlai had stayed on and he then scores the winner against Sunderland on Wednesday: would that be fair to Liverpool’s challengers for Champions League qualification? Or on Sunderland for whatever places in the league table and prize money that costs?

There has been a lot of resigned talk since the incident of how the decision may be correct within the letter of the law, as though the law should somehow not be as it is. But think of the incentives created if the goal were given. Do we really want players who have been fouled but an advantage played to have carte blanche then to foul the player who fouled them? Fouls are bad: if this situation is unsatisfactory it is because Szoboszlai cheated, which is why he had to be sent off.

Refereeing is an extremely difficult job. They are often making fractional decisions at high speed with a view that can be impeded. Their decisions are often necessarily subjective: Earlier in the game, when Marc Guéhi fouled a through-on-goal Mohamed Salah, was that the denial of a goalscoring opportunity? Possibly, but probably not. Neither decision, though, would have been categorically wrong. Pawson determined that it wasn’t, and Guéhi stayed on.

Slot moaning about that decision is tedious but understandable and predictable. But complaining about a decision that was not merely correct, but the only possible decision, makes no sense at all.

• This is an extract from Soccer with Jonathan Wilson, a weekly look from the Guardian US at the game in Europe and beyond. Subscribe for free here. Have a question for Jonathan? Email soccerwithjw@theguardian.com, and he’ll answer the best in a future edition.