Preamble:
It's been a topsy-turvy season already. All three promoted sides have won one of their opening two games and Liverpool and Manchester United have looked brittle. Meanwhile the capital, still starved of a European champions, is nonetheless advancing a persuasive claim to be the best footballing city on the planet: London had five teams in the Premier League top ten last season and this term's three most impressive early performers have been Chelsea, Arsenal and Tottenham. Arsenal will surely pummel Pompey today, but Spurs a tricky tie at what we must call the fifth-best London club, while Chelsea make the short trip tomorrow to the fourth-best, Fulham.
Beyond Arsenal, Chelsea and Tottenham, the other team that produced the slickest display of the season so far was probably Wigan, who, though they followed up their stylish win at Villa by stumbling at home to Wolves, today have the wherewithal to further jeopardise Manchester United's hopes of qualifying for next season's Champions League. Their city rivals, City, seem well equipped to leapfrog them, and their first home game of the season sees them welcome the Wolves to their door.
The Sunderland-Blackburn tie should give us further clues as to how Steve Bruce's revamp of the Stadium of Light is coming along, while Stoke's capacity to improve on last season's fine achievement will depend to a large extent on their ability to win at places like Birmingham. Hull, meanwhile, won't get many better chances to end their epic winless run than today, when Gary Megson's Bolton lurch into town.
So here, for the hell of it, are my predictions:
Arsenal 4-0 Portsmouth; Birmingham 0-1 Stoke; Manchester City 3-0 Wolves; Sunderland 1-0 Blackburn; Wigan 1-1 Manchester United.
Crikey, how could I forget the Hull-Bolton clash? Let's go for a sensational 2-2.
2:11pm: Teams news - Malbranque, a much under-rated midfielder, is back, which is top news for both for Bruce and my fantasy team:
Sunderland: Fulop, Bardsley, Ferdinand, Collins, McCartney, Malbranque, Cana, Cattermole, Richardson, Bent, Jones. Subs: Gordon, Nosworthy, Campbell, Henderson, Leadbitter, Reid, Healy.
Blackburn: Robinson, Jacobsen, Samba, Nelsen, Givet, Diouf, Andrews, Nzonzi, Pedersen, Roberts, Di Santo.
Subs: Brown, Emerton, McCarthy, Grella, Olsson, Kalinic, Hoilett.
Referee: Alan Wiley (Staffordshire)
2:16pm: More team news - Eboue and Gibbs in for Arsenal, who also start Diaby and Eduardo.
Arsenal: Almunia, Eboue, Gallas, Vermaelen, Gibbs, Diaby, Fabregas, Denilson, Arshavin, van Persie, Eduardo. Subs: Sagna, Mannone, Ramsey, Song Billong, Clichy, Merida, Bendtner.
Portsmouth: James, Wilson, Kaboul, Distin, Belhadj, Utaka, Mokoena, Mullins, Kranjcar, Kanu, Piquionne.
Subs: Nugent, Begovic, Vanden Borre, Hughes, Basinas, Ward, Ritchie.
Referee: Steve Bennett (Kent)
2:20pm: Yet more team news
Hull: Myhill, Zayatte, Turner, Gardner, Dawson, Ghilas,
Olofinjana, Geovanni, Kilbane, Hunt, Folan.
Subs: Warner, Fagan, Barmby, Altidore, Halmosi, Mouyokolo, Boateng.
Bolton: Jaaskelainen, Ricketts, Cahill, Knight, Robinson,
Davis, Mark Davies, Muamba, Kevin Davies, Taylor, Elmander.
Subs: Al Habsi, Samuel, Steinsson, McCann, Shittu, Lee, Ward.
Referee: Mike Jones (Cheshire)
2:22pm: Tevez starts for City.
Man City: Given, Richards, Dunne, Toure, Bridge,
Wright-Phillips, Ireland, Barry, Tevez, Adebayor, Robinho. Subs: Taylor, Onuoha, Zabaleta, Petrov, De Jong, Bellamy, Weiss.
Wolverhampton: Hennessey, Stearman, Craddock, Mancienne, Stephen Ward, Henry, Halford, Edwards, Jarvis, Milijas, Keogh.
Subs: Hahnemann, Elokobi, Surman, David Jones, Berra, Vokes, Doyle.
Referee: Lee Mason (Lancashire)
2:26pm: Vidic back for United, Carrick ousted from squad following penalty miss - that will certainly won't quash the rumours about a falling-out between Fergie and the England midfielder. And why, exactly, is Scholes playing in what could, maybe, turn out to be a tough away match?
Wigan: Kirkland, Melchiot, Scharner, Bramble, Figueroa,
N'Zogbia, Thomas, Diame, Koumas, Gomez, Rodallega. Subs: Pollitt, Edman, Scotland, Sinclair, Boyce, McCarthy, King.
Man Utd: Foster, Neville, Vidic, Jonathan Evans, Evra,
Valencia, Fletcher, Scholes, Nani, Rooney, Berbatov.
Subs: Kuszczak, Owen, Giggs, Welbeck, Fabio Da Silva, O'Shea, Gibson.
Referee: Howard Webb (S Yorkshire)
2:31pm: Benitez still not fit enough to start for the Blues, as Pulis reverts to the who finished so strongly last season.
Birmingham: Hart, Parnaby, Queudrue, Roger Johnson, Carr,
Bowyer, Ferguson, Fahey, McFadden, O'Connor, Phillips. Subs: Maik Taylor, Larsson, Benitez, Espinoza, McSheffrey, O'Shea, Carsley.
Stoke: Sorensen, Wilkinson, Shawcross, Abdoulaye Faye,
Higginbotham, Lawrence, Whelan, Delap, Etherington, Beattie,
Fuller. Subs: Simonsen, Griffin, Cort, Kitson, Pugh, Cresswell, Whitehead.
Referee: Chris Foy (Merseyside)
2:39pm: Say, here's a thought: if Carrick is in Fergie's bad books, wouldn't no be the ideal time for Rafa Benitez to come in with a crafty bid? There's Xabi Alonso's replacement right there. Of course, such a transfer would depend on United's willingness to accept an offer of a box of marbles and three crisp packets, which is reputedly all Liverpool's budget will permit.
2:45pm: Curious stats for your delectation:
a) There have only been a total of two first half goals in Sunderland's last six Premier League games.
b) Wigan have scored just 12 goals in 21 league games in 2009, fewer than any other side.
c) Burnley have not conceded a goal in their last six games at Turf Moor (including playoff semi-final)
2:50pm: "No!<" wails Tom Chivers. "Don't suggest Liverpool's transfer budget consists of a 'box of marbles' - you're inviting a flurry of awful jokes about Benitez not having any left. See if I'm wrong." Couldn't you think of one, Tom?
2:55pm: Alex Ferguson has made seven changes from the United side that lost at Burnley but many are unconvicned that his alterations are for the better. Me, for one. And Ian Walsh, for another. "Just wondering why did Carrick take the penalty on Wednesday night, when players like Rooney, Owen and Giggs were on the field?" jsut wonders Ian before getting to the team selection point to which IWas referring. "Don't think Scholes and Neville will cope today. Looks worrying for United already. I can see Wigan nicking a point." United will finish fifth this season. As Tom Chivers would say, you see if I'm wrong.
2:59pm: "Pre-match entertainment highlight?" begins David Hytner, our man at the Emirates. "The photograph on page 35 of the programme taken during Arsenal's visit to Everton last weekend. It shows Marouane Fellaini challenging Alex Song. In other words, some of the biggest hair in Premier League football." Was it an aerial challenge? If so, was the ball even visible?
3:01pm: "Looking at the utd team it's really as weak a United team I have seen in a seriously long time," worries Anthony O'Connell. You know that Scottish manager at Old Trafford? He's no longer Sir Alex Ferguson. He's Graeme Souness. He is presiding over the crumbling of an empire in much the same way Souey did at Anfield.
3:02pm: Word is Elmander has missed an early sitter for Bolton at the KC. Megson won't be a member of any sunshine band at the moment, then. Elsewhere, former Bolton stalwart Kevin Nolan has put Newcastle ahead at Palace.
3:03pm: Blackburn are rampant at the Stadium of Light. They've already had a goal disallowed, and Cattermole has cleared a Samba header off the line.
3:06pm: At Wigan, Nani has fizzed a ball across the face of goal that Fletcher met, but his shot from four ytards was so weak that Bramble was able to slide in and clear it off the line! "If it's curious stats you want," blubs Gary Naylor. "Here's one: by 5.00pm today, most clubs will have played three League games, but Everton won't even have played one!" Boo and, indeed, boom.
3:08pm: "There is a rumor going around here in Hon Kong that finances are so fraught at United that Fergie is doing a sponsored chew," mouth John Martin. "Each up and down motion (fully completed)
of his jaw during a game raises one pound towards the signing of a new
striker. Is there any truth in this rumour? The betting syndicates
have spread betting on the chews."
3:10pm: It's backs-to-the-walls stuff from Pompey at the Arse. Fabregas has just threaded a sumptuous ball through to Arshavin in the box, forcing Kaboul to stick in a terriffic last-ditch challenge to thwart the Russian. But Pompey are defending so deeply it's impossible to see them holding on for long.
3:12pm: Bad news for Stoke - James Beattie has hobbled off with a suspected ankle injury. Kitson comes on in his place. Mind you, even though Beattie was a big factor in their survival last season, he's been in only moderate form of late, scoring just once in his last eight games.
3:13pm: Andy Keogh is playing all on his lonesome up front for Wolves at Eastlands but he's going about his task with unbelivable dynamism, harrassing Toure and Dunne constantly. It'll be mighty impressive if he manages to keep this up for 90 minutes.
3:16pm: No goals in the Premeir League yet so let's have a peek into the unheralded underworld beneath: well, Luciano Becchio has put Leeds 1-0 up at home to Tranmere, Yeovil and Orient are drawing 1-1 and an Alan Judge penalty has given Plymouth the lead at Derby. Heady stuff, eh!
GOAL! Manchester City 1-0 Wolves (Adebayor 17')
GOAL! Arsenal 1-0 Portsmouth (Diaby 18') Eduardo made that with a splendid dash down the left. Then he pulled it back to the edge of the area, wheer Diaby arrived at speed and thundered into the roof of the net.
3:20pm: At Wigan Scholes has been booked for a trademark late lunge. In fairness, he's being doing that all his career so it's hardly evidence that he's past it.
GOAL! Arsenal 2-0 Portsmouth (Diaby 21') Pompey dared throw a few men forward for a freekick in the Arsenal half and were made to pay with a lightning counter-attack, culminating with Eboue sliding it into the path of Diaby, who this time sidefooted it past James. They could easily hit six again this weekend.
3:23pm: Eduardo almost makes it 3-0 to Arsenal, who are absolutely rampant. Which makes this email from David Hytner seem out-of-date already - he sent it all of seven mintues ago. "Hats off to Paul Hart for setting up to carry the fight to Arsenal. The Portsmouth manager has given Niko Kranjcar a free role behind Kanu, with Frederic Piquionne and John Utaka either side of him. And Nadir Belhadj, as ever, looks eager to nip up the flank from left-back."
3:25pm: Jamie Jackson is our man at Eastlands and here's his take on the match so far. "City are quicker, faster and higher than Wolves, whose sole threat so far has been a long throw."
3:26pm: Top save by Ben Foster at Wigan, pushing a 20-yard Koumas curler behind for a corner.
3:27pm: Diaby nutmegs one Pompey player, then spins past another and lets fly from 20 yards! James denies him his hat-trick.
3:30pm: "Just wondering if Arjen Robben is still available from Real," chirps Rob Hisnay. "He would certainly solve one of Fergie's problems." Aye, but does Fergie have any money with which to lure him?
3:31pm: The arsenal-Portsmouth match is now being played almost entirely in the Pompey box. Only divine intervention could make this match end 2-0.
GOAL! Sunderland 0-1 Blackburn (Givet 21') A "close-range piledriver from the left", according to my source, who may or may not be confused but is certainly tardy with his information.
GOAL! Sunderland 1-1 Blackburn (Jones 31') Well, no sooner had I noticted that Blackburn were ahead than big Kenwyne leaps to head in a Malbranque cross.
3:35pm: James produces a decent save to repel a swirling Van Persie freekick.
GOAL! Arsenal 2-1 Portsmouth (Kaboul 37') Well, I didn't see that coming. Nor did Almunia, if his attempt to clasp the Belhadj cross from the left is anything to go by - Kaboul easily outjumped him to nut it into the net from three yards.
3:39pm: Van Persie rams another freekick into the Pompey walll. "Arjen Robben would be perfect for United though the Mill seems to have got bored of the Real Madrid supermarket and instead become engrossed by the prolific goalscoring sensation David Nugent," moans Ben Price. "Fergie's still got the better part of £60m in the pocket, but is it worth splashing on another Hargreaves? Who, it should be noted, is a £27m man who lies in the creases left by Saha in United's hospital beds."
3:40pm: Wolves are denied by a world class save from Shay Given! The Irishman tipped a Matt Jarvis drive around the post.
3:43pm: Ridiculous miss by van Persie! Arsenal continue to waltz into the Pompey box at will but they're finishing is becoming laughable. Van Persie hit that one straight at James, who seems intent on proving to Almunia he still deserves to be England's No1.
3:44pm: Barry stands up a fine cross taht Tevez heads wide from eight yards. Meanwhile at Wigan, the Argentine's former club have perked up but it's still qutie an even game.
3:45pm: Just before the half-time whistle at Hull, Kevin Davies arcs backwards but can't direct his header on target.
3:46pm: "it's good to see Kanu back in north London," enthuses David Hytner at the Emirates. "The 78-year-old has signed a new one-month contract at Portsmouth which, in the club's present predicament, represents a long-term commitment. He has still has those mesmeric quick feet and delightful touches."
3:48pm: "Expressing gratitude to their new benefactor, who has funded £100m of new talent, with the promise of more to follow, City fans decorated the upper tier of Eastlands' East Stand with a banner proclaiming: 'Thank You, Sheikh Mansour'", reports Joe Lovejoy from Eastlands. "Envious Wolves' supporters taunted the newcomers with the inevitable chorusses of "You're only here for the money." Cutting their cloth: On the touchline, Mark Hughes favoured the rich man's Armani, Mick McCarthy the proletarian's shorts and teeshirt. The two teams are very much in their managers' image."
3:49pm: "All going to plan at St Andrew's," blares Stuart James. "Just approaching half-time and little goalmouth action to report. One Birmingham fan has just shouted 'pass it Blues' - a message that both sides would do well to heed. Peter Reid is among those unfortunate enough to be present, with the former Sunderland manager set to take over as Stoke's assistant - that's assuming this match doesn't put him off."
3:50pm: Word filtering through from Wigan is that Titus bramble is putting in another immense performance. One goal-saving tackle on Berbatov, apparently, drew gasp of admiration. But how much attention will such heroics get compared to his infrequent errors?
3:55pm: "Claude Debussy was born on this very day," reveals Ben Bennett. "And it was he who declared: 'The colour of my soul is iron-grey and sad bats wheel about the steeple of my dreams.' Which sounds more like something Benitez would say to Stevie G when he asks him for reassurance. Debussy also wrote L'Enfant prodigue, a term that can longer be applied to Ryan Giggs. God, sitting on the sofa burning my balls with the laptop is my existence, woe is me."
4:00pm: The second half has jsut kicked off at the Emirates and the main news is that Fabregas has been taken off, apparently having picked up "a knock". Aaron Ramsey has come on in his place.
4:01pm: A long hoof over the top catches the Arsenal defence off-guard. Utaka sprints past Gallas to latch on to it and then goes down under a challenge from the Frenchman. "No foul" according to the ref, and that's a highly dubious call. Moments later the Arsenal defence is caught napping again and Piquionne fired into the side-netting from close range.
4:02pm: Great start to the second half at Wigan, where both sides have had decent chances already. Rodallega missed for Wigan, Rooney for United.
GOAL! Arsenal 3-1 Portsmouth (Gallas 50') Gallas could have been sent off moments ago but he stayed on and hence was on hand to turn an Arshavin freekick into the net.
4:09pm: Blackburn are continuing to torment Sunderland with high balls, and the home side are offering little in return.
4:10pm: "The teamsheets provided by Manchester City listed George Elokobi, erroneously, as Wolves' reserve goalkeeper [the real one was Marcus Hahnemann]," tut-tuts Joe Lovejoy at Eastlands. "Presumably the home team were surprised when Elokobi got on at left-back a few mintues ago."
4:12pm: "the goalies have hardly touched the ball all match," reports Sky's Alan McInally from the big Hull-Bolton clash.
GOAL! Sunderland 2-1 Blackburn (Jones 55') Did I say Blackburn were tromenting the Sunderland defence with high balls? Well, a flowing move by the home team has just concludes with Jones powering a header into the net.
4:13pm: There's controversey at the JW bowl as former Wigan favourites Antonio Valenica is on the end of bilious boos after going to ground as if elbowed. The locals reckon he's being less than honest. Meanwhile, there's controversy at Sudnerland too, where Blackburn have just had a goal disallowed.
GOAL! Wigan 0-1 Manchester United (Rooney 56') The boos evidently didn't bother Valenica, who looped a cross in from the right and Rooney, unmarked, jumped to head expertly beyond the reach of Kirkland.
GOAL! Wigan 0-2 Manchester United (Berbatov 58') Moments after Foster produced a brilliant save to prevent an instant equaliser, United race down the other end and Berbatov pokes into the net.
GOAL! Hull 1-0 Bolton (Ghilas 59') Do I feel a Phil Brown song coming on? Following Stephen Hunt's two goals into two games, another of his new signings has just edged Hull closer to a second victory in 25 matches.
4:19pm: Wolves remain just about alive at Eastlands, where Ireland missed an absolute sitter moments ago.
4:21pm: At the Emirates Arshavin skips birlliantly past WIlson down the left but then dawdles too long in the box as he awaits support and Kaboul dispossesses him.
4:23pm: After Piquionne sprung Arsenal's dinky offside trap again, Gibbs snuffed out his chance with a tremendous sliding tackle.
4:24pm: The game is opening up slightly at St Andrews, where Queuedrue has just had to intervene smartly to prevent Fuller getting off a shot.
GOAL! Wigan 0-3 Manchester United (Rooney 64') A bit generous crediting that too Rooney, as his shot only found the net because of an almighty deflection.
GOAL! Arsenal 4-1 Portsmouth (Ramsey 67') Van Persie prised Pompey apart with a perfect past and the Welsh youngster keeps his cool to lift it over James from 12 yards. His first Premier League goal is a fine one.
4:27pm: Conservative estimates put the number of City misses at Eastlands today at 97 and Mark Hughes's men were almost made to pay for them there - luckily for them, Keogh's delicious volley crashed back out of the crossbar.
4:31pm: Wolves scent an equaliser and are continuing to peg City back. Keogh again came close, with Given again beaten.
4:33pm: Arsenal have made all their available substitutions, so Arsene Wenger isn't best pleased to see Diaby hobbling off the pitch in visible pain. He gestures to the manager to reassure him he will soon return to the fray.
4:35pm: Benni McCarthy thrashes a shot against the bar as Blackburn continue to bombard Sunderland's defence in search of an equaliser. Meanwhile, Kevin Dardish is having no truck with all the early season eulogising of Arsenal. "One goal in three games for their strikers - they're in crisis."
4:39pm: Tevez is no longer in action at Eastlands but his replacement, Craig Bellamy, is not exactly putting forward a strong case to start ahead of him next time: after excellent work by Robinho down the left, Bellamy contrived to miss from five yards out.
4:40pm: Hull has missed several opportunities to extend their lead and are now becoming very jittery as they attempt to seal victory ...
4:42pm: "This is very, very dull," drones Paul Merson, Sky Sports' man in front of a the TV showing Bimringham v Stoke.
4:43pm: Mark Hughes withdraws Robinho and replaces him with Nigel de Jong - yep, the City slickers are attempting to cling on to a 1-0 lead at home to humble Wolves.
GOAL! Wigan 0-4 Manchester United (Owen 85') Nani did all the creative stuff and then rolled it across for Owen to lift over the keeper and into the net. Does a win over Wigan constitute total vindication?
4:47pm: Van Persie lashes the air in frustration after allowing a through-ball from Bendtner to run away from him. He's had plenty of opportunities to open his account for the season here but has failed to take them. "So, Man United have a problem scoring, do they?" crows Michael Ollier. See my previous comment, eh.
4:48pm: It's now all over at the Emirates. And at the KC - Hull have a victory! And Bolton have a problem.
GOAL! Wigan 0-5 Manchester United (Nani 90') A fine freekick. So, as I was saying, United will not win the league this season because they won't score enough goals.
All Premier League matches have now come to an end, which means it's time to wind up this lark too. Thanks for your mild interest and occasional emails. Please come back soon.
