For the third time this year, it's Clough v Ferguson, so here come the journalists yet again, asking that crucial question: Who's best?!? Is it Alex? Or was it Brian? WHO? "It's difficult for me to say with my family connections," sighed Derby boss Nigel, responding to the inevitable. "Ferguson is certainly up there. It's easier in some ways being at United, the biggest club in the world. He's never been afraid to spend money, and when you're at the biggest club in the world, why not?" So there you have it. It being absolutely nothing. But what the hell do they expect him to say? Anyway, surely this one's a no-brainer: you can't exactly knock Ferguson's record, especially at Aberdeen, but two English league titles at different unfashionable clubs, plus a couple of European Cups thrown in? This is simple, surely. Let's move on.
Only five of this lot were in the team that beat Manchester United in the first leg of the League Cup semi final: Bywater, Connolly, Addison, Albrechtsen, Stewart, Barazite, Green, Savage, Teale, Commons, Hulse. Subs: Carroll, Sterjovski, Nyatanga, Davies, Todd, Pearson, Porter.
Only four of this lot were in the team that beat West Ham United in the league last weekend: Foster, Rafael Da Silva, Ferdinand, Evans, Evra, Park, Fletcher, Gibson, Nani, Giggs, Ronaldo.
Subs: Kuszczak, Vidic, Scholes, Welbeck, O'Shea, Tevez, Possebon.
Referee: Alan Wiley (Staffordshire)
Kick off: A tradition-soaked 4.30pm.
Anyway, this is ITV's first big game since royally cocking up the Everton-Liverpool tie, so let's wish them luck. And we're off! Ferdinand puts his own keeper under pressure with a loose backpass, forcing Foster to hack clear under pressure from Hulse. Then, up the other end, Gibson has a rake from about 30 yards - and it's not far off, sailing just over the bar. A lively start.
3 min: Nani is currently having treatment for a bloody nose. He'll be fine.
5 min: Ronaldo has a jog upfield with the ball and is brushed off it by Savage. Ronaldo goes down looking for a free kick but doesn't get one, and bristles when Savage makes a move to help him back up. Seconds later Ronaldo deliberately runs into the back of Savage as the latter receives a throw. If these two keep this up, we could be in for an afternoon of high comedy, possibly high farce, one way or the other.
7 min: United are, as you'd expect, enjoying the lion's share of possession. They're not doing a whole lot with it at the moment; Park tries to break down the right but Stewart is across quickly to close him down and force him into losing control.
10 min: Barazite runs half the length of the pitch down the right, but with Connolly showing in the centre, he takes far too long and is dispossessed by Fletcher. Then, moments later, he's guilty of standing back on his heels as Savage plays a decent ball into space down the right wing behind Evra.
13 min: United have been pretty sluggish so far, but they suddenly slip into gear, Rafael whips the ball in from the right, then Fletcher one-twos with Ronaldo, making space for a hard goalbound shot which is well parried by Bywater.
15 min: Wow, what a save by Bywater! Nani twists Connolly around in embarrassing fashion down the left, sending the Derby defender skittering around on the buttocks twice. His cross is dinked to the far post, where Park races in to sidefoot towards the net from two yards. And it'd have gone in, had the Derby keeper not made a point-blank save, spooning the ball over the bar. United have suddenly clicked.
18 min: The United team are lining up to take turns in shooting at goal. Gibson: ping! Fletcher: ping! Giggs: shankity ping! Nani: ping! Every time Derby throw a body in the way, the ball never reaching Bywater, but they can't keep living like this.
20 min: Ronaldo attempts to score direct from a free kick, 35-40 yards out. The effort is hopeless, but does crash Savage right on the tip of his front tail. The ITV commentator, Peter Drury, seems highly amused by this, playing to the crowd by riffing on Savage's pain. Why does everyone pick on Savage? And Drury shouldn't be playing to the crowd too much: there are more people in this country who'd rather hear him spill hot coffee down the front of his trousers than see Savage take one in the swingers again, I can tell him that for nothing.
22 min: Hulse wallops a shot on the turn from the penalty spot; it only just whips over the crossbar. A wonderful attempt, and Derby's first real shot in anger.
24 min: A penalty shout for Derby as Hulse cuts inside from the right, into the area, and goes over Ferdinand's leg. He goes down very easily; that was never a penalty. Though Ferdinand was a bit daft sticking out his leg as Hulse passed; that was asking for trouble.
28 min: GOAL!!! Derby Cou
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...nderful goal by Nani.
31 min: Derby don't seem particularly stunned by that goal, almost as though they had pretty much expected it. They go straight down the other end and win a free kick 25 yards out, in a fairly central position. Commons hits it towards the bottom-left corner, but there's no power in the shot and Foster claims easily.
35 min: The ball drops to Gibson just outside the Derby box. It's inviting a whack at goal, but Gibson decides to aim for the corner flag instead.
36 min: Teale skins Rafael down the left, but from a promising position swings in a clumpish cross that's easily cleared by Evans.
37 min: GOAL!!! Derby County 0-2 Manchester United. Foster sends a ball into the centre circle towards Giggs, who instantly flicks the ball forward to Ronaldo, sending him scooting free on goal. Ronaldo makes no mistake, slipping the ball under the advancing Bywater. The players celebrate... and then they stop celebrating, as an age after the ball hit the net, the linesman's flag goes up! NO GOAL!!! Derby County 0-1 Manchester United. Ronaldo was indeed offside, though only by a sliver. Nevertheless, the United players are incandescent with rage at the lateness of the decision. As for Ferguson on the touchline, well, it's def con one.
41 min: So what's happened with Ronaldo's non-goal is this: the linesman wasn't sure if Giggs had flicked the ball on, and waited to ask the referee once the move had ended (in this case, when the goal had been scored). Which seems pretty sensible to me: had he raised his flag in ignorance and Giggs not touched the ball, he'd have effectively stopped United scoring a second goal. As it was, he got everything right. Be nice to think Ferguson will agree after the game.
44 min: GOAL!!! Derby County 0-2 Manchester United. Ronaldo takes a free kick which drops on the edge of the area for Gibson, who
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...ght corner of the net.
HALF TIME: Derby County 0-2 Manchester United. That was a great finish by Gibson, who stroked the ball into the corner from the edge of the area. United, their job already done in this match, let's face it, saunter around for the remainder of the half. The referee blows up, United jog off, Derby trudge slowly. "Was Ferguson signalling Def Con One by having his nose light up in red?" wonders Mac Millings. Speaking of those with slighly empurpled features, that Damned United pic has got Dynesh Raghavan wondering: "I know Michael Sheen played Blair twice but surely he resembles a young Sarkozy in that picture you have up? A future role surely for the man who's keeping it real?"
And we're off again! Derby set the ball rolling again, and almost immediately give it away. "Is this the least-interesting fifth round ever?' wonders Greg Scully. Pretty much, yes. "Four mediocre draws yesterday, obvious steam-rollering of minor clubs by the big teams otherwise. Has the magic gone?" Yep. "Not the most original or even funny email, but, y'know, there's a recession on and all."
48 min: GOAL!!! Derby County 0-3 Manchester United. Park bothers Stewart down the right, forcing the full back into conceding a corner. The ball's whipped into the centre of the area, where Ronaldo gets his head on the ba
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...op right corner of the net. A wonderful finish!
50 min: That was terrible defending by Addison, who let Ronaldo steal a march and crash that fantastic header home. Derby nearly concede a fourth almost straight from kick off, Bywater making an amazing double save from Ronaldo, latching onto a brilliant Giggs pass through the centre, and then Fletcher, who comes in from the right but can't tuck away the rebound.
53 min: Ronaldo tries to hammer a back heel into the bottom right corner from 12 yards out. That was hilariously cheeky.
55 min: Evra and Park are replaced by O'Shea and Welbeck.
56 min: GOAL!!! Derby County 1-3 Manchester United. This is so simple: Commons swings a cross into the area from the right wing. Addison isn't tracked, and he's alone on the penalty spot. He crashes a header straight into the bottom-left cor
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...robably too little too late, but it does breathe some life right back into this match.
60 min: Derby are giving this a good go now, though. Hulse bustles down the right but can't find a team-mate. Then Commons wants to take a pop from the edge of the area, but is crowded out by Evans and O'Shea. Finally Teale has a smack from distance, but his sliced effort is ridiculously bad.
62 min: United are deliberately stroking it around a lot at the back, in order to take some of the heat out of this game. For if Derby were to scramble another, Pride Park would take off and hover in mid-air for the remainder of the afternoon. "That Tesco advert from the 70s brought back some memories," writes Andrew Dodd. "I've suddenly gone all sentimental about the half pence. Whatever happened to that national institution we call the good old ha'penny? On a slightly different note, we were being ripped off for beans back in '78, weren't we - 12 and a half pence? I remember paying just 3 of your Queen's English pence for a can of baked beans when I was at Uni, 20 years later."
63 min: Sterjovski replaces Barazite.
66 min: Teale races down the left with great determination, and breaks into the box. He slips the ball in the centre to Hulse who, with his back to goal, is all alone - but doesn't know it. He tries to lay the ball back to Teale, but the pass goes astray and the chance is gone.
69 min: That was pretty much Hulse's last contribution to this afternoon's entertainment: he's replaced by Porter.
71 min: Nani executes one of the most preposterous dives down the United left as he scoots past Connolly, chasing a ball he's never going to get. That was a nonsense. Luckily, the referee - who has had a decent game - isn't having a bar of it. "Whether or not Fergie agrees with the decision to disallow the second 'goal' depends on whether or not United win the game," opines Øivind Idso. "It's amazing what winning managers will concede once the match is over, just like it is amazing what a man will concede after getting, you know, laid."
73 min: Ronaldo's had a pretty good afternoon as well, so he's getting a deserved early rest. Possebon replaces him.
74 min: Teale streaks down the left yet again, and curls a cross into the area with the outside of his right. The delivery beats Foster, forcing Evans, at the far post, to head behind for a corner. Nothing much comes of that, but this is a decent response to going three down by Derby. In all likelihood it's going to be a futile chase, but for a second there it looked like a rout was on the cards.
77 min: What wonderful football all round, as Teale once again tears down the left, cuts inside, and unleashes a screamer towards the bottom-right corner. Foster fingertips round the post; that wasn't an easy save to make, because Teale's shot was travelling some. Then, from the corner, Addison loses his marker at the far post, but heads well wide left.
80 min: GOAL!!! Derby County 1-4 Manchester United. Oh this is a wonderful finish. Fletcher shuttles the ball out wide left for Welbeck, who is in acres of space. He's still got a lot to do, but no matter: he curls a beauty into the bottom-right corner at pace.
82 min: Pearson replaces Savage.
85 min: Pearson hooks the ball over the United back line to Porter, who scampers clear towards the United box. The play's pulled back thanks to an offside call - one that doesn't look too clever, Porter looking pretty much level when the ball was played. Though rather like the Ronaldo non-goal incident, it doesn't really matter now the dust has settled.
88 min: Commons swings in a free kick to the far post from the right. Green heads it back towards the right-hand corner of goal. His effort flies just wide - and just too high for the inrushing Addison to convert. Not great defending or goalkeeping from a United perspective, that.
FULL TIME: Derby County 1-4 Manchester United. That's that. United were never in any trouble, though Derby did give it a decent shot. The draw for the sixth round is coming up in a couple of minutes. I'll whack it up here after the advertising break, so please stay with us.
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The sixth-round draw has been made by Frank McLintock and Graeme Souness - and it looks like this:
Blackburn Rovers or Coventry City v Chelsea
Swansea City or Fulham v Manchester United
Cardiff City or Arsenal or Burnley v Sheffield United or Hull City
Everton v West Ham United or Middlesbrough
