Today is another red-letter day in my comeback: I begin training alongside my club-mates at Saracens for the first time since I ruptured my achilles tendon against Australia in November 2000. It won't be full-contact training, just the usual fitness training, similar to the work I've been doing on my own in the two months since I began running again, with the added stimulus - and pain - of doing it alongside the lads, one of the many sides of the game I've missed. It's another little victory, just as running on my own was; another little thing I thought I'd never do again.

I'm aiming to begin proper contact training in two weeks, but the biggest day in my diary is May 8, when Saracens play Bristol. I'll hope to come on at some point in that game and play for the first time in 18 months, even if it's only 10 or 15 minutes. It's pretty much agreed with Nigel Wray and Peter Deakin, and it looks as if I'll follow that with some games for the Barbarians. As long as they put Jonah Lomu alongside me I'll be fine; all I'll have to do is pass the ball to him and no one will notice that I'm not 100%.

It's now definite that I will sign a new four-year contract with Saracens in the near future. Nothing is signed yet, but I've reached an agreement with Nigel Wray and have confidence in him. I've made the choice, as I don't wish to leave them after all they've done for me in the last year-and-a-half. They've supported me for months on end and put everything in place for me to return to my best. I will stay even if the unthinkable happens and we are relegated - if that happens it will be all our own fault and we will have to rectify it.

In the couple of months since I began running again I've made a lot of progress, even if my calf muscle hasn't yet got back to what it was before the injury: I can sprint, change direction and tackle a tackle bag, and I've been doing place-kicking. There's no pain, but I'm still trying to take it steadily and not run the risk of getting carried away. I feel tired after training, but that's normal. The most encouraging thing is that I hurt all over my body, not just in the tendon.

I did have to see the assistant of Professor Saillant, who has overseen my treatment, a week ago when France were playing in Edinburgh, but that was a different thing: I had seriously blistered feet, as they had gone a bit soft while I was laid up. Call it Gallic pride, but I didn't want to limp in front of everyone and make them think I was injured again.

The other thing that still hurts is the attitude of the French Rugby Federation over compensation for the wages Saracens have kept paying me although I was injured playing for France. The coaches and doctors were good to me, but I have an issue with people high up in the federation who have taken Nigel Wray for a fool and have treated me like nothing very much. Rugby is a game that prides itself on its esprit de famille , but there's not much of that there. It's in the hands of my lawyers, which is something I regret, but it seems to be the only way to sort it all out.

Still, at least I'm making progress on the field, and that makes me happier than I can describe. In the darker moments I never imagined I would get as far as I have: I've always recovered quickly from injuries, which is why I was so worried and depressed when the recovery kept going pear-shaped.

It's been 16 months now since I've picked up a ball in anger - although I did get to throw it back in from the bench at Gloucester on Saturday - and that after I expected to be out of the game for only a few months initially. The toughest side of it has been not knowing exactly what is wrong, being in a state of uncertainty about when I would ever play again, if I played again. Now, it looks as if that may be coming to an end.

I have come a long way just to get to where I am now, and there is one moment in particular that shows just how low I've gone. When the tendon was operated on, I rejected one of the skin grafts, and had a hole in my calf through which the doctors pulled out my achilles tendon with a pair of tweezers so that it could regenerate naturally.

When you've had to go through that, everything is a pleasure. The battle is not won yet, but it feels like the beginning of the end.

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