For me, as indeed for Midtjylland, it’s all over. Thanks for being there, it’s been special. Bye! Here’s a going-home present from Paul Wilson:

That really was very entertaining indeed. Memphis Depay was sensational, Marcus Rashford excellent, Juan Mata good. The full-backs got forward well. Sure, there was a little scare in the first half, but Midtjylland never looked able to cope with United’s attacking excellence.

90+1 mins: 17-year-old Regan Poole is coming on for a bit of stoppage time, replacing Herrera. Talking of stoppage time, there’ll be three minutes or so of it.

86 mins: Another United substitution: Lingard trots off, Andreas Pereira comes on.

84 mins: “How come no one on this thread is talking about the coefficient?” wonders Matthew Turner. Well, because I find the subject extraordinarily dull. One thing I don’t find dull, though, is this:

83 mins: Poor Adam Hirst (7 mins) is getting some heat in my inbox at the moment. For all that Midtjylland have done their very best to make tonight a good one for United’s forwards, he looks absolutely top-flight-squad-ready.

79 mins: Memphis, who has been ludicrously flick-and-trick-tastic tonight, does an awesome drag-spin-nutmeg combo to continue Andre Romer’s individual nightmare.

79 mins: A substitution for each side: for United Riley’s off, and Rojo’s on. Pusic replaces Olsson for Midtjylland.

78 mins: Rashford, sniffing a hat-trick, rises to meet Memphis’s cross, but heads it over the bar.

77 mins: So Andy Cole was right, there is no better stadium to make ur debut. Roy of the Rovers stuff this from Rashford.

74 mins: Memphis cuts inside and shoots yet again. A very optimistic effort this time, from 30-odd yards, but a defender pokes it behind for a corner all the same.

72 mins: Lingaard runs into the area and goes sprawling, as Hansen dives in. It looks for all the world like a penalty, but the referee has seen no contact, and shows the United man a yellow card! Trouble was he leapt over Hansen’s leg and then fell, rather than running into the leg before falling. The problem was, in other words, with his falling technique.

70 mins: Memphis jinks across the area, loses the ball, wins it back, goes back into the area, and has a shot deflected to safety. And, incidentally, apologies for briefly rechristening Rashford as Rushford after his goal. I was in too much of a, erm, rush. ford.

69 mins: Rashford spent a few minutes after the goal having a physio mop up a gently bleeding head wound, possibly caused by his celebratory headlong dive into a group of fans.

67 mins: A second Midtjylland substitution, as Memphis-elbowing Rilwan Hassan goes off, and Vaclav Kadlec comes on.

65 mins: You would have thought that Midtjylland’s best chance of winning this tie was to score on the break as United committed people forward in an increasingly desperate search of a second goal. Now the search is over, and United can calmly set about scoring a third.

63 mins: Midtjylland try to ping the ball about in midfield, give it away, and it all ends with Memphic cutting inside from the left and having a low shot blocked.

61 mins: Midtjylland win a free-kick on the right and send seven people – plus the taker – up for it. You really must give them lots of credit for their commitment to attacking and entertaining us all tonight, however near-suicidal it appears at times.

60 mins: Romer brings the ball out of defence, and looks almost elegant for a moment. But then he runs into an opponent, the ball is worked to Memphis – who has been making Romer miserable all night – and his shot is blocked.

56 mins: It’s cleared, but it was a corner. So, it seems United are going to throw people forward in search of a second goal, as they must, and Midtjylland are going to do the same. Further goals are surely inevitable.

55 mins: Midtjylland win a corner!

54 mins: Lingard runs down the right, and out of play. I know Jess Thorup promised before the game that he wouldn’t park the proverbial bus, but he could at least park the bicycle. They’ve got to park something. United simply won’t* keep missing incredible chances.

* Well, they might.

53 mins: Midtjylland attack again! Poulsen crosses, but Romero palms the cross away.

52 mins: Manchester United win their 10th corner of the night. Midtjylland are still seeking their first.

51 mins: Midtjylland attack! It ends with a Romer cross floating into Romero’s arms, but still, it’s something.

49 mins: Another big miss! Depay goes to the byline and chips the ball to the back post, where Herrera arrives totally unmarked but sends his header wide! Two fabulous chances in the first four minutes of this half for United.

Pics please!

47 mins: Horrible miss by Schneiderlin! Juan Mata, on the right, spots him lurking beyond the far post and picks him out with a lovely lofted pass, but the Frenchman’s volley rolls across the face of goal and is booted clear!

Oooh, replays show that Memphis wasn’t just rolling around and rubbing his cheek for no reason! Instead, Rilwan Hassan flung out an arm to stop his run. Certainly a foul, though not really violent and I don’t think I’d call it an elbow (but on BT Sport consensus is that it was worth a red card). “Not sure which nightmare Juan Mata will be having tonight,” writes Justin Kavanagh. “The one where he misses the penalty, again; or the one where he walks back to the dressing room to find Mourinho is his new boss, again!”

A semi-encouraging half for United. Sure, they’d go out if it ends like this, but it’s hard to see Memphis failing to create another goal or two if he can stay fit long enough. “The £250m is light, for 2 reasons,” rebuts Geoff Saunders, apropos David Wall’s earlier email. “1) it understates the fees payable for Martial - a very similar deal to what City owe Liverpool for Sterling - and 2) The actual sums paid for the current 1st team squad is £421m (plus the addition for Martial). And that is just what United are owning up to.”

45+1 mins: Memphis goes down off the ball, rolls around a lot, and then sits up, holding his cheek and whinging at the referee.

45+1 mins: Just the one minute of stoppage time is indicated, despite the goals and penalty and stuff.

40 mins: Schneiderlin hits the post! It’s a corner from the left, played back to Herrera, and from his cross the midfielder crashes the ball against the upright.

“Of course there’s not likely to be much sympathy offered United’s way but that injury list of key players would be pretty crippling for any side,” points out David Wall. “People will say that having spent so much money they should be able to cover such injuries but that’s not very realistic. Even if the figure of £250m spent on players is accurate, if you divide that between the 14 or so players unavailable then you could account for it all assuming each cost a little under £18m. That’s not an unreasonable fee for a Premier League player (arguably low for a top quality player), but would leave nothing to have spent on the rest of the squad that they now have to pick from. In light of that you could argue that they are the underdogs (not that I’d go that far).” Sure, but a) United already had some players before they started spending that £250m, and b) no you couldn’t.

38 mins: Ooooh! Rashford wins a free-kick on the right, which Mata centres. Bodurov gets his foot to the ball first, and the ball pings around the penalty area for a bit until Schneiderlin sends an overhead bouncing just wide, from 15 yards!

36 mins: Memphis, who appears to be in the mood, befuddles a defender with a drag-back, spins and crosses. It’s cleared, but nevertheless good.

35 mins: Filip Novak tries to take the ball round Lingard, fails, and trips the United player in a fit of pique. He is booked. “I love the theory that Jorge Mendes got his clients to feign injury to get Mourinho a job,” writes Mike Wilner, referencing Eddie Munro’s earlier email. “The only problem – Mendes also represents Diego Costa and Falcao, or two of the players who got Mourinho fired from Chelsea in the first place. No, this is Van Gaal’s bad karma coming back to bite him in the rear end. All on his own.”

31 mins: Chance! Varela’s cross from the right is headed clear, Schneiderlin snaps up the loose ball and passes it into the area, where Memphis is luxuriating in a bit of space. He slams the ball goalwards, but straight at Andersen’s belly.

29 mins: Carrick passes back to Romero, who pokes the ball straight at Marco Ureña, but it runs favourably for United, and they get away with it.

25 mins: A brief moment of Midtjylland possession ends with Schneiderlin neatly tackling on the half-way line. For some reason, though, the referee didn’t like it. Midtjylland have a free-kick, which they hoist straight down the throat of Romero.

25 mins: In other-English-club news, Ryan Mason has given Tottenham a 1-0 on-the-night lead, and a 2-1 aggregate advantage, over Fiorentina.

22 mins: Ooof! Mata and Rashford combine nicely only for a defender to arrive and send the ball skidding across and into the area, where a defender spins and tries to clear. Lingard, though, has closed him down, and the ball pings off his shins and flies towards – but just wide of – the near post!

20 mins: Varela tries to chip the ball over the visiting defence for Rashford to run onto, but the striker misjudges its flight and it hits him on the back. Still, a nice, inventive attempted assist.

17 mins: Rashford has a nice, speedy run towards the centre followed by a decent low shot from 20 yards, which Andersen saves. Moments later, a miscued clearance flies over Midtjylland’s bar.

16 mins: Riley crosses from the left, and Mata cocks his foot and waits for the ball to drop onto it. It doesn’t, though, as a defender gets to it first. Before that, the moment I wrote that Midtjylland hadn’t had possession in United’s half for ages was pretty much the moment they took the ball into United’s half. Still, nothing much comes of it. “De Gea; Darmian, Smalling, Rojo, Shaw; Schweinsteiger, Fellaini; Valencia, Rooney, Young; Martial. That’s a team challenging for the Premier League this year in a parallel universe...” notes Patrick Treacy. It’s a pretty handy XI, or would be if they weren’t all injured.

13 mins: The moment I wrote that Midtjylland had made a confident start was pretty much the last moment they had possession in United’s half.

10 mins: Memphis creates a moment of panic in the Midtjylland defence, but his shot is deflected into the air, and then headed clear.

8 mins: Memphis gets the ball again, and this time he heads down the line, but his pull-back from the byline is intercepted, and goes behind for a corner.

7 mins: The visitors work the ball out of defence very nicely. A pretty confident start. “Marcus Rashford making his debut points out what a terrible job of squad-building Van Gaal has done,” rages Adam Hirst. “Welbeck, Hernández and Wilson would all clearly have been better options at the moment, with Rashford the one out on loan.”

5 mins: Memphis cuts in from the left, leaves a couple of opponents sprawling, and then tries a curler towards the far post, but it hits a Midtjylland head.

3 mins: I’m going to disagree with Andy here. At home, in a massive stadium, on TV, in a crucial game. Give me a meaningless end-of-season Saturday afternoon away game any day, but perhaps that kind of cowardice explains why I never played in the Premier League. Well, that and a fundamental lack of discernible talent.

1 min: I should probably have mentioned at some point that Midtjylland lead 2-1 from the first leg.

If you’re wondering who has replaced Marcus Rashford on the United bench, the answer is: nobody. They’ve only got six substitutes.

“Two players that Jorge Mendes represents get injured in the warm-up before an important game,” notes Eddie Munro. “It would only be weird if Mendes had a client that wants Van Gaal’s job.” Is José Mourinho pulling the (ham)strings at Old Trafford already?

“Cojones? Van Gaal?” ponders Jan van Eldik. “That rings a bell*.”

* I’ve no idea what any of this means, but hope it’s not too crude.

Meanwhile, Anthony Martial has walked off the pitch in the middle of United’s warm-up, and coaches are now having panicked discussions with Marcus Rashford, their 18-year-old substitute striker. Surely not another warm-up injury. Surely.

The Midtjylland coach, Jess Thorup, has been talking too:

It was a great night for all of us a week ago but that was only the first leg. We’re not satisfied only playing one good game. We’ll try to play even better tonight and I think we have to if we’re going to do what we want tonight. We’re not parking the bus and throwing away the keys. We’ll try to play our game and hopefully that’ll be enough.

Southampton definitely gives us some kind of confidence. We have to have that if we have a chance tonight, and we should all perform as we did a week ago.

We were here yesterday for training. The players took loads of selfies. Tonight we’re here for a regular game, XI v XI, and we’ll see who wins tonight.

“With Riley starting at left back I make that the seventh player United have started at left back this season in a match (Riley, Young, Shaw, Rojo, Blind, Bborthwick-Jackson and Darmian) and with Carrick starting as a centre-back that’s the 14th player to start a match as a defender (the 7 mentioned earlier plus Carrick, Jones, Valencia, McNair, Love, Smalling and Varela) … phew that’s an entire squad of defenders,” writes Mayur Gupta. “Whatever you say about United that’s a terrible bit of bad luck and also says much about the guts of Van Gaal, who despite being under enormous pressure will continue playing the kids and will probably go down fighting!”

Their defensive injury issues are certainly unusually severe, can’t argue with that.

Louis Van Gaal has done some chatting to the folk at BT Sport.

Smalling, he was unlucky as Manchester United is unlucky. It was an advertising hoarding and he was bumping it, and he cannot move his arms and you know that’s very important for a defender, so it’s unbelievable. Borthwick-Jackson had a kick on his calf, so it was very … uh …. Smalling’s is not a long term injury but this match is very important, so it’s unbelievable.

Carrick will play in defence. I hope that we play two against one with the striker. We have to wait and see, they have changed their line-up also. Normally they play 4-5-1, so it’s two against one with Blind and Carrick, so we can carry on.

The word desire is a fantastic word but I had a better word [for what he wants from his players], that I shall not repeat because it is too much [chuckles]

1) What’s his better word, then? I’m thinking cojones, but I’m open to persuasion.

2) “Manchester United are always unlucky”, he says. Does he mean with their recent injury crisis? Because if he means anything else, he’s got me baffled.

“Let’s hope that United’s MC has the Lightning Seeds’ The Life of Riley lined up for the debutant tonight.” writes Justin Kavanagh. “A great song with a fine football pedigree. Good luck to young Joe (who shouldn’t have to wait too long to learn the meaning of the word defeat in this team).”

Tonight’s referee is Hungary’s Istvan Vad, aka Vad the Impaler, after he skewered an abusive, whingeing midfielder with a corner flag pole*.

* I made that up, but you never know, maybe tonight’s the night.

So does anyone have any entertaining Bodurov stories for us? No libels please!

Here’s the Midtjylland team:

Hello world!

So, today my au pair’s been in hospital (first world problems, etc), my son’s been sick, and my arrival on this page has thusly been a little delayed. But fret not, I’m here! And so is the United team, in which Joe Riley features in the starting XI for the first time. United’s website describes the 19-year-old Riley thus:

A utility player who can play at full-back, right-midfield or centre-midfield, he is extremely tenacious and does not know the meaning of the word defeat.

Well, we’ll see about that …

Simon will be here shortly.