And with that, we can wrap this puppy up. Thanks for sticking with us throughout the whole thing. You have exceptional constitutions. Let’s never do this again.

So here you have it. He’s gone. A few details here, more to follow:

Here’s Jonathan Wilson’s verdict on Van Gaal’s time at United.

Tension mounting here...

Well the New York Stock Exchange closes at 9pm BST, so you both might get some news then...

Oh man, this is bleak...

Without wishing to sound like a frightful old fusty bore, football was rather more enjoyable before stock exchanges got involved...

If you’re still hanging around, and would like something to kill a bit of time, this quiz is a doozy: 41 nationalities have scored hat-tricks in the Premier League - can you name the first of each to do so? Go have a look here.

Rio Ferdinand has, we’re are obliged to say, ‘taken to Facebook’ and written the following:

After few hours to let the dust settle.. I thought I would write a few words on (Louis Van Gaal (LVG)

His unwavering belief in his methods is something to respect in many ways but it was also part of his undoing too.

Success (winning the league or CL) is what Manchester United demands & added to that an attacking, quick, aggressive & imaginative style of football.

Unfortunately LVG failed to bring either of those elements to the club.

He is huge personality who won an FA cup, keeping up his habit of winning trophies everywhere he has been but his ‪#‎MUFC‬ legacy will be the introduction of the players from the academy like Rashford, Lingard, Fosu-Mensah etc which WAS in keeping with the history of the club - giving kids an opportunity to play.

They could delay the finalisation, I guess...

Everyone feel free to read into this whatever you like, while at the same time knowing it’s just a nice man having some dinner.

“The Salmontini restaurant Mourinho order takeout from offers a St Germain sauce for £2.50,” writes Martin Taylor. “I presume Jose showed initial interest but after negotiations decided it sound a bit boring.”

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyoooooooooooooo.

There might actually be something in this, from Henry Oundo:

“Van Gaal probably asked for a day to allow him leave the country before he is mobbed by his “friends in the media”... it’s the least United could do for him - an ounce of respect he must have asked! “

Can anyone top this offer of sustenance, from Claire McConnell?

“I have just made a delicious fish soup with cod, shrimp, BACON, cream, white wine and veggies. It’s delicious and if you are going to be there until July, I have lots of time to freeze it and have it flown over from Toronto. Just let me know.”

“While we are all waiting for news from United,” writes Dave Fox, “perhaps we could have a song from Louis.”

Oh Giggsy...

It’s debate time! Should the players be more ashamed of themselves for downing tools or should we blame Van Gaal for creating such an atmosphere of ennui that the tools just slipped from their lifeless hands?

Nick Miller here, by the way. Asking for encouragement and good wishes at this difficult time. Like this...

A sandwich would be lovely. Something with meat in it. Ideally more than one meat.

It is with a heavy heart that, seven and a half hours after my first post, made with an announcement apparently imminent, I hang up my liveblogging hat for the night. I have been defeated. Ed Woodward, you win. (Which probably isn’t something he’ll have heard very often.)

The good news, for you and for the world, is that the fight will go on! Nick Miller is going to take up the baton (email him here, tweet him here). It’s been a pleasure. Well, part of it was a pleasure. Bye!

“At the right time”, eh? But what time’s that? When?

Some pay-off news - it looks like £4.5m, plus a £4.4m FA Cup-winning bonus. Which isn’t bad.

Sid Lowe ushers in Manchester’s Mourinho/Guardiola era:

No helicopter. No tunnel. No jetpack. When Van Gaal left Carrington it was at the wheel of a large, gleaming, soon-to-be-available-second-hand one-careful-owner Mercedes.

“You mentioned earlier that the Manchester United shares have gone up amidst the excitement of Mourinho’s expected appointment,” writes Ben Mohammadi. This is true - apparently the Glazers have made £50m today on United’s increased valuation. “Perhaps the delay is because the United hierarchy are cynically riding out the high as long as possible before they announce Ed Woodward’s mum as the new manager.” Hmmm, I’m not sure the Glazers’ gains would survive that move.

“If I were LvG, I would have it written into my severance that the only way I were able to leave Carrington today would be via helicopter,” suggests Karl Gibbons. “No driving by the “media scrum”, and also a very cool way to leave. I am envisaging him hanging from an open door at the back waving a la someone in Die Hard or some such film.”

I’m starting to think he’s tunneling out.

If you’ve finished the Spotify playlist I posted earlier and want something new to listen to, here’s Football Weekly!

Zlatan Ibrahimovic is definitely going somewhere - and he’s going there with the ludicrously hirsute former Southampton ace Alexander Ostlund.

Perhaps he’s going to sign for Manchester United, where fans are demanding greater on-field artistry, while Arsenal, whose fans have had enough of the artistry and just want to win something, will move for Mourinho? It’s a win-win-win.

I have to say that, while on a personal level today is turning into a bizarre and surprisingly lengthy form of torture, I’m starting to find the continued lack of statement quite funny. If they’re delaying it because they’re trying to cause the nation’s media a bit of trouble, they will spend five more hours watching us all liveblog like performing chimps and then, five minutes before the papers go to print, release their statement. On the other hand, they may just be incompetent/confused/being held hostage by an angry Dutchman.

Two things I’ve just learned:

1. The BBC has an Uzbek twitter feed
   
2. In Uzbek Manchester United is Manchester Yunayted. Bosh!

At what point do we report him missing? Any signs of United installing a new patio?

That is kind of him. Perhaps Woodward is now travelling the nation breaking the news in person to the entire UK population, one by one. Slowly.

Please let it be my turn soon.

Thanks to @LukkaSamir on Twitter for tipping me off about yesterday’s big events near Strasbourg, where Arsène Wenger opened the Stade Arsène Wenger. Will they ever have to update those palmarès, though?

Hello again! A couple of key updates for you:

• Jose Mourinho has gone back home.
  
• Paul Gilroy QC, the employment lawyer working on the whole severance thing, has left Carrington. He’s probably also on the way home.
• There is, however, no news on when Louis van Gaal is going home.

Right that’s all from me. Much to my relief, Simon is back to talk you through the rest of this momentous day.

Cheerio!

Just when the well had run dry, when there was no more of the barrel to scrape …

Another one that got away …

A bit of ‘news’ from Aryadita Balakrishnan someone who would prefer to remain nameless now:

Just heard from Hoek, a close family friend, Louis is keen on picking up the vacant position in Amsterdam for a last hurrah with Ajax.

Remains to be seen whether he’d be sacked though.

Remember that Van der Sar called LvG ‘the best trainer I ever had’. Which implies he was better than SAF, according to Van der Sar.

I think a lot of people have been regretting jumping aboard the LVG bandwagon for a while now Jurjen, but a vaild point nonetheless.

Steven’s been in touch to ruin my fun …

Of course, while we all have our lenses – camera or optic – training at Carrington, it’s worth remembering that the wheels keep turning on the managerial merry-go-round. Brendan Rogers is about to be unveiled as the new Celtic manager and while there’s silence from Manchester United, there’s unlikely to be at Parkhead.

Coffee Mug has a suggestion as to the delay of any confirmation of LVG’s departure.

Carl has a more likely one.

Here’s confirmation of something Manchester United related that we already knew … although not confirmation of what we were hoping for.

And Stephen has this to say …

Do you guys really just sit there refreshing Twitter and reposting youtube videos?

I’d ask for a job, but I just sit here watching you refreshing Twitter and reposting youtube videos.

I think we are both winning

No one is winning at this point Stephen

Ian has been in touch, wondering if LVG has been spending all this time at Carrington today, moving upstairs. I’ve never been to Carrington Ian, but judging by the time he arrived this morning that must be quite a few flights of stairs.

Any chance that LVG could be getting a role as Director of Football at Utd? A theory I put forward to my mate Dunner several months ago.

Cheers,Ian

Hello! Gerard here, filling in for Simon temporarily. As the waiting game continues, conspiracy theories are beginning to emerge …

Right, I’m going to take a short sanity break. Gerard Meagher will be on top of things for the next half-hour or so - email him here or tweet here. Bye for now!

Shares in Manchester United are up nearly 4% since trading opened half an hour ago, report the FT.

Excellent point.

It appears the removal men have turned up at Jose Mourinho’s house.

“Back to the Giggs stay/go debate from earlier, one of the things that has impressed me about Mourinho is the seeming conveyor belt (maybe slight exaggeration there) of his coaching staff who have gone into management, including Brendan Rodgers, Steve Clarke and AVB,” writes Karl Gibbons. “If I were Giggs, I would have a look at those names and be happy to stay and learn from an undoubted great of the game, and Mourinho would then be the third such titan he will have learned from … and Moyes.” That is all true. I can why Giggs might want to stay, but whether Mourinho would want him to is less straightforward.

Not everyone is celebrating Van Gaal’s imminent departure - Robbie Mustoe is upset.

If you don’t remember Robbie Mustoe, or do remember him but are a bit bored, this compilation is for you:

Dutch football writer Elko Born on the Zlatan rumours:

There better be a good excuse, that’s all I’m saying.

This has nothing to do with Manchester United, but it made me laugh.

OK, it’s now 2.32pm, the New York stock exchange is open for business, and we still have no announcement from Manchester United. I’m starting to think it’s all a hoax, and that Louis van Gaal and Ed Woodward are in a Carrington office right now reading this blog, laughing maniacally and repeatedly hugging each other.

If you’re out there, guys, it’s not funny any more. The joke’s over. You can come out now.

One thing’s for sure: I wouldn’t want to be a Mancunian doctor right now.

Ibrahimovic, they say, has been offered the chance to be an “assistant coach” at Old Trafford, and hopes that his next move will be into management.

De Telegraaf, the respected Dutch newspaper, are reporting that Zlatan Ibrahimovic has agreed to join Manchester United on a free transfer.

Here’s photographic evidence that Jose Mourinho is, um, no longer at home. I know it’s not much, but it’s all I’ve got.

Here’s a four-year-old report on a Bobby Charlton interview, notable for the pronouncement that “Mourinho is a really good coach but that’s as far as I would go really” and that “he pontificates too much for my liking”.

“With under-21 coach Warren Joyce said to be wanted by Blackburn, surely the U21 job would would be the ideal gig for Giggs (sorry!),” writes Alistair Langford-Wilson. “It always seemed weird to suggest putting him straight into the hot seat having never had to take full responsibility for managing his own team through a season. And going to another club to gain experience seems pointless - there is no other club like United, and as we’ve seen with Moyes and Van Gaal, success elsewhere does not guarantee success at OT. Pep and Zidane both managed their clubs’ reserve teams before taking on the senior job. Why not Giggs?”

I agree. It would allow United’s new manager to bring in his own assistant, while simultaneously keeping Giggs close and ensuring some distance. Giggs, meanwhile, has seen any number of United players leave amid talk of them proving their managerial credentials before returning to take over at Old Trafford - Bryan Robson’s the big one - and it hasn’t worked out for any of them yet (though I guess he’s also seen the likes of Mike Phelan and Brian McClair stay around and not get the promotions they presumably desired).

Meanwhile, some news regarding Giggs’s exit:

If you need a soundtrack to this unexpectedly long countdown to a potential accouncement, Manchester band the Courteneers have provided one!

The best thing about the Courteneers remains the fact that their biggest hit, 2008’s Not Nineteen Forever, reached a peak chart position of 19. And, it’s true, it didn’t stay there forever - it dropped to No30 the following week.

Breaking: Jose Mourinho has gone shopping.

Even if his style were low-handed, or middle-handed, put yourself in Mourinho’s shoes for a moment. You’d surely prefer your own appointment as assistant, someone you know well and are comfortable with, someone with whom you know with absolute certainty you will work effectively, rather than a club legend with his own pre-existing relationships both with the players and around the club to protect.

The Manchester Evening News’ Ryan Giggs story is now live, here. There is not a lot of extra detail, but they say he has been given the chance to remain “in some capacity”.

I think it implies some actual knowledge of the process being undertaken. It comes from the man Manchester United reporter at the main Manchester newspaper - I would expect them to have good contacts. They’re promising more soon, so we’ll see what details are forthcoming.

Here’s something for the Game of Thrones fans among you:

Memphis Depay has arrived in Portugal for a training camp with the Dutch national side, and has posted a little video online in which he shows us his room and the swimming pool, and briefly mentions the FA Cup final:

Of course I was not involved in the squad but I’m still happy that we won the title. It’s still a title.

The Manchester Evening News are reporting that Ryan Giggs is mulling over an offer to remain at United.

Louis van Gaal arrived at Carrington nearly five hours ago. Five hours! David Moyes was in and out in 40 minutes. United appear to be unsure whether to sack the Dutchman or hold him hostage.

Yep, the Community Shield doesn’t classify as a trophy.

The bookmakers are already drawing up things for punters to lose their money on. William Hill are offering the following on the number of trophies Jose Mourinho will win with United next season, with none by some distance the most likely. Gary Lineker disagrees: 2/9 None, 10/3 One, 20/1 Two, 150/1 Three, 750/1 Four.

Still no comment from United. We do, however, have a comment from Frank Bruno, so it’s not all bad.

Click this link for a good article in the Irish Times about Mourinho’s suitability for the United role. Here’s a sample quotre:

Youth development must be seen in its proper commercial perspective. United could, for instance, decide not to buy a new centre forward, betting that Marcus Rashford will develop into a top striker. But what would be the point of that? They’ve hired Mourinho, who comes with his agentJorge Mendes, globally renowned master of the transfer market. They can hardly be expected to refrain from flexing their new club’s financial muscle. That would be the kind of thing Arsene Wenger would do, and we know what Mourinho thinks of him.

The Sun have just launched an “exclusive” story describing Van Gaal as “furious” about the end of his tenure at Old Trafford. “Van Gaal and his staff have been left totally bemused by the move to replace him with Jose Mourinho,” they say.

It seems that Van Gaal remains inside United’s training ground. Perhaps we will be made to wait until he and Paul Gilroy QC, the employment lawyer who also arrived at Carrington this morning, sign off on whatever needs to be signed.

Um, it’s one minute past one.

I’m not sure why the club have picked 1pm for their statement - the New York stock exchange doesn’t open until 2.30pm, and European markets have been open for a while already. Anyway, I’m sure that as always there’s sound logic behind their decision-making.

Manchester United’s statement is due in five minutes. The wait is nearly over! Um, maybe.

Today’s news isn’t just potentially good for Jose Mourinho, it’s good for people who look like Jose Mourinho.

This is Paddy Crerand, who played more than 300 games for United in the 1960s and 70s and now works for MUTV, on the BBC on Saturday night. He insisted that he had just seen evidence of a strong and sincere relationship between Louis van Gaal and Ed Woodward, and therefore thought report of an imminent sacking were wide of the mark:

I’ve just been down to the dressing room and saw Ed Woodward hug Van Gaal. Where do they get these stories from? Do they just make them up? I think Van Gaal will be there next year. The reaction I saw, winning the FA Cup, hugging Van Gaal ... Everything is speculation. I’ve just seen Ed Woodward downstairs hugging Van Gaal, where are [the journalists] getting this story from?

So can this be the described as the hug of death?

Here’s Sid Lowe on Mourinho’s friendship with Van Gaal:

The question is whether Mourinho can recreate the successes of his first era at Chelsea, when Steve Clarke spoke of how “there is a great spirit” with “no cliques” because “Jose is great at man-management”, and the team played great, effective attacking football. “He goes round to every player individually. If he sees they are a bit down he will put his arm round their shoulder and have a chat,” said Clarke. Man-management appears to be one of the particular failures of Van Gaal’s time at United, and Mourinho has proved something of a master at that particular skill in the past.

Some players have also been at Carrington this morning to see some of the drama unfold first hand. I’m assuming Smalling wasn’t there to discuss a player-manager position, obviously.

Jose Mourinho on attacking football and English fans, from way back when:

To me, attacking football happens when Makelele gets the ball and passes it to the central defender who passes it to the right-back who comes forward and judges the situation. If he can do something he passes forward or runs with the ball, if not he gives it back to Makelele who builds the attack again. That is attacking football. In England attacking football is giving the ball to Makelele and having him hit it forward no matter what, even if everybody is marked.

Look, how many countries can you think of where a corner kick is treated with the same applause as a goal? One. It only happens in England. This is the only place where a corner kick is as good as a goal for the fans. And what is the best way to get a corner? Just kicking the ball into the box and pressing the second ball.”

This was peak Mourinho. In 2004-05 Chelsea conceded 15 goals, kept 25 clean sheets, and attacked the hell out of anyone that would let them.

Xavi on Jose Mourinho’s time at Barcelona, from last November, saying the Portuguese “shared many of the same characteristics of Van Gaal”, which is good news and bad, I suppose:

He was excellent in his three years at Barca. They said he was a translator. Rubbish. He was the assistant coach, someone who understood the philosophy of Barça and who shared many of the same characteristics of van Gaal.

He was very respected by the players. He trained us sometimes alone at Barca B and he was excellent. I’m surprised that he became known for another type of football, more defensive, because he wasn’t like that with us.

Danny Higginbotham and Michael Cox are in agreement here:

United are also reported to have paid Mourinho £4m earlier this season to stop him agreeing to join someone else before they were ready to decide on their own management issues. That puts the cost of this managerial switch at around £9m, without factoring in payouts to the rest of Van Gaal’s coaching team.

Only some statistics, mind.

Daniel Taylor’s article from last night on Van Gaal’s disintegrating regime at Old Trafford makes damning reading, but he’s got some statistics on his side.

It is being suggested that Van Gaal will receive a £5m payout. The Manchester Evening News, meanwhile, are reporting that Ryan Giggs “will turn down any offer to become part of Jose Mourinho’s backroom team”.

Reuters have reported that United will make a statement at 12pm GMT (that’s 1pm BST, time fans).

I’m on the hunt for good quotes about either Van Gaal or Jose Mourinho. Here, to get the ball rolling, is Zlatan Ibrahimovic on Mourinho: “He turned me from a cat into a lion, dragged things out of me at Inter that no one had done before.”

No statement yet from United, whose twitter account is still dealing with the FA Cup fall-out:

But the changes to United’s scouting team could end up being more widespread: the under-21 coach, Warren Joyce, is wanted by Blackburn, who are after a new manager. The Telegraph have reported that an official approach has been made and is “under consideration”.

Also leaving, by all accounts, are the performance analyst, Max Reckers, the goalkeeping coach Frans Hoek, and the assistant coach Albert Stuivenberg. That only leaves the assistant manager, Ryan Giggs, the the opposition scout, Marcel Bout, though you would expect Bout at least to be included in the reshuffle.

Ed Woodward on Val Gaal, circa July 2014: “He’s got incredible energy and very importantly he likes attacking football. If you remember the Barcelona team he managed in the late 90s, they played incredible, attacking football. That’s the kind of football Manchester United fans love. It’s part of our DNA.”

Hello world!

So, today’s the big day. Two days after the FA Cup final, Manchester United’s final game of the season, the axe swings. Instead of dropping into United’s training ground to pack his bags before going away for a good break, Louis van Gaal is dropping into Manchester United’s training ground to pack his bags before going away for ever.

Here’s what we know: Van Gaal is, right now, at Carrington along with Paul Gilroy QC, an employment lawyer who boats that he has “advised and acted for a stellar list of clients, including” - and I suggest you take a deep breath at this point - “Roy Hodgson, Martin O’Neill, Gianfranco Zola, Henning Berg, David O’Leary, Sir Alex Ferguson, Harry Redknapp, Mark Hughes, Roberto Di Matteo, Roy Keane, Alan Curbishley, Gerard Houllier, Ray Wilkins, Eric Cantona, Colin Bell, Steve Clarke, Owen Coyle, Roberto Martinez, Sam Allardyce, Brendan Rodgers, Tim Sherwood, Michael Laudrup, Alex McLeish, Sean Dyche, Paul Lambert, Neil Warnock, Chris Hughton, David Moyes, Nigel Adkins, Alan Pardew, Phil Brown, Darren Ferguson, George Burley, Nigel Pearson, Brian Flynn, Steve McClaren, Mick McCarthy, Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink, Paul Hart, Martin Allen, Phil Neville, Gary Neville, Nigel Clough, Ray Clemence, Malky Mackay, Gus Poyet, Stuart Pearce, Rene Meulensteen, Brian McDermott, Kit Symons, and Simon Grayson, amongst others”. Particular “notable cases” that he draws attention to on his CV are:

• Curbishley v West Ham United [2009] (FA Premier League) (Wrongful Constructive Dismissal).
• Magilton v Ipswich Town [2011] (QBD) (Wrongful Dismissal).
• O’Neill v Aston Villa [2011] (FA Premier League) (Wrongful Constructive Dismissal).
• O’Leary v Al Ahli FC (Dubai) [2011–2014] Successful representation of Head Coach in wrongful dismissal claim before FIFA and on appeal to the Court of Arbitration for Sport in Lausanne.
• Norwich City v Lambert and Aston Villa [2012–2013] (FA Premier League) (Breach of Contract).
• Adkins v Southampton [2012–2013] (FA Premier League) (Breach of Contract).
• Henning Berg v Blackburn Rovers [2013] Successful damages claim for breach of contract.
• Mackay v Cardiff City [2014] (FA Premier League) (Breach of Contract).
  

Gilroy is, in short, the kind of man who only turns up at a football club’s training ground for one reason. An official announcement is expected in the next couple of hours.