Here’s Louise Taylor’s match report:

So, that’s that then. To pass the rest of this sunny afternoon, join Nick Miller for Everton-Leicester.

That was more or less as expected, then: United were too good for Sunderland, or Sunderland were too bad for United - either works. No doubt the red card affected things, but United were ahead by then and looking more likely to extend their lead than have it pegged back.

So, they forsake their beloved sixth place once more - at least until Arsenal play Crystal Palace tomorrow night - while Sunderland stay bottom, where they’ve been since 24th September. They do still have to play the three teams above them, but to all intents and purposes, they’re done.

90+3 min “Is everyone still pretending England v West Germany was a great semi-final?” asks Michael Morris? “I get that it was tense and gripping because it was close, and because England genuinely seemed to have a chance of winning the World Cup. Sorry, the emperor’s in the nuddy, it was a terrible game. Long balls, diving and cynical fouls all night. I remember the Irish commentary team signing off ‘A good night for West Germany, but a bad night for football.’ Says it all really.”

I only said it was epic - I’d need to rewatch it again to be sure, but I think it was. What you want, and what a tournament needs to be a classic, is the best teams going at it. That, I think, was that.

90+1 min Darmian gets his own back on N’Dong, and is booked for a foul.

90 min There shall be three added minutes.

88 min But Defoe is still at it, pinning Bailly, spreading for Anichebe outside him and spinning to make the six-yard box. The low cross finds him too, but he can’t quite adjust his feet to finish accurately.

87 min There are not that many home fans left in the ground.

85 min Darmian moves his foot around the ball nicely, earning space away from N’Dong, who scythes him down and is booked.

84 min United win a free-kick just outside the D and somehow Pogba elbows Zlatan aside, before bending a shot just wide of the near post. That’s his last go for the year.

82 min Martial is late on Pickford, barging him over as he clears; he’s booked. While we’re on the subject, I fear for Martial - he’s an incredible talent and already a bloody good player, but it looks a lot like Mourinho’s already made up his mind. I’d expect United to sign two attackers in the summer, and that might well be enough to send Martial elsewhere.

80 min Lovely from Manquillo, catching a crossfield pass from Rodwell on the outside of his foot and speeding between Rashford and Darmian. Then, as the ball drops, he tries to half-volley a curler into the far top-corner, but can’t quite get the power to beat Romero.

79 min “Do you think the captaincy will change you, Marouane?” Fellaini is booked for kicking the ball away.

77 min Another change for United: Martial replaces Mkhitaryan, and almost scores immediately, running onto a lovely crossfield pass from Blind, holding off Denayer before attempting to lob the bouncing ball over Pickford. He doesn’t get quite enough of it, though, and the keeper catches above his head.

74 min There’s general phutting and sputtering going on now, so a question: ought Mourinho to have brought on one of Fosu-Mensah or Tuanzebem instead of Blind? If not with a two-goal lead against a ten-man, bottom of the league team, then when?

72 min “USA 94 is due some rehabilitation,” asserts Niall Mullen. “Especially given the dross we’ve had to endure since 2002. Romario, Bergkamp, Stoitchkov, Baggio and Hagi all played wonderfully. It was also one of the most storied World Cups ever. Bookended by 2 tragic penalty misses (Ross & Baggio) you had the greatest player of all time sent home, two of the most brutal elbows ever seen on a pitch, a literally fatal own-goal and the birth of the baby rocking celebration (the one and only time it was cool/acceptable). It was certainly a much better tournament than the ultra defensive horror show of Italia 90.”

Agree with some of this. I do think it was a good tournament, but the semis and final stopped it being a classic. Italia 90, on the other hand, had two epic semis.

Also, you missed this in your rundown:

70 min Pogba, who’s been quiet, pounces on a loose ball in centrefield and measures a pass aimed to send Rashford through the middle. It’s perhaps slightly underhit, but even so, Denayer does really well to slide in and tackle.

68 min A succession of exchanges of possession ends with Bailly bringing down N’Dong. He then wastes the free-kick and United break, Rashford away down the right and squaring for Ibrahimovic, who’s crowded out.

66 min Off goes Cattermole, on comes Borini.

65 min If Jermain Defoe played for any other side at the bottom, they’d be safe already. He takes the ball from N’Dong, barges across Blind, and from just outside the box, rams a shot that’s not too far over the top.

64 min Lingard leaps high but with his feet up, catching his man in the head, hurting himself on landing, getting booked, and being replaced by Rashford. He too is warmly congratulated by Mourinho and rightly so - he’s been really good today.

62 min Change for United: a muttering Shaw goes off, though is given a heavy backclap for his trouble, to be replaced by Blind.

61 min Lingard has been excellent today, and he lifts into Zlatan, who knocks down for Pogba. It’s a chance this, but Pogba can only volley over the top.

60 min Sunderland win a free-kick just outside the box, Defoe with it, but he drives towards Romero who catches at his near post.

58 min United win a corner down the left, which they take short for Lingard to toss in a miserable cross. But the ball finds its way to Zlatan on the right of the box, and his low cross is deflected by Denayer, forcing Pickford, already grounded, to crab football away with his feet before Herrera bangs a shot high. Do people still play crab football?

56 min We’ll see if Fosu-Mensah and Tuanzebe are on the bench on merit or to make up the numbers, because there could be no more favourable circumstances in which to bring them on.

54 min Mkhitaryan scurries forward and has options, but picks out Kone. United immediately get possession back, though - if they were any other team in the top-six, Sunderland would do well to get away with four.

52 min “Herrera’s experience of receiving more red cards than any human ever to look like him shone through with his reaction of extended leg dangling and hopping about,” reckons Ian Copestake. “One could see why Larsson wanted to give him a slap.”

It’s a barmitzvah boy classic.

50 min Ibrahimovic chases a bouncing ball which is easily fielded by Pickford, who is summarily bodied by leaping barge. No doubt he considers it an honour.

49 min “The one I remember from that World Cup was Zola against Nigeria, emails Niall Mullen. “It’s fair to say he was not happy.”

Yes, ridiculous behaviour, but also gave us Baggio.

46 min “That clip of Marco Etcheverry misses what he was actually sent off for,” gently chides Henry. “This kick after the ball had gone.

46 min Off kicks Ibrahimovic.

“Maybe the ref thought it was Cattermole, so straight red,” sardonises Paul. “Following updates from my hammock in north-east Brasil. Wondering should I bother going to a mates place to watch 2nd half ?”

I’ve actually spend a bit of time round that way. Under no circumstances whatsoever.

“Can keep hard tackles but get rid of studs up over the ball tackles,” reckons Niall Mullen. “Rugby has pretty much eliminated tip-tackles and high tackles by penalising them all regardless of whether the recipient was injured or not.”

It’s a tricky one - Larsson’s effort was marginal, by that standard. At the start of the 1994 World Cup, they decided that any tackle from behind would get a red card, which led to some pretty odd and unnecessary calls - Marco Etcheverry in the opening match springs to mind.

“I say that red card is good news on multiple fronts,” emails JR in Illinois (1060 West Addison I hope). “It’s good for the Sunderland fans because they can now focus their energy on booing Herrera for getting studded by Larsson and it’s good for Mourinho because he now will have the ‘difficulty of playing against 10 men’ excuse for another unconvincing performance.”

Or, in other words, whatever else you do today, DO NOT WATCH THE SECOND HALF OF THIS.

40+2 min “What refereeing incompetence. Straight red? Absurd decision,” tweets @steammyteabuns.

As I said, I see why it was given - and I suppose there’s an argument, popular again after what happened to Seamus Coleman, that potentially dangerous tackles should be eliminated from the game. Personally, I think that occasional awful challenges are the price you pay for the hard challenges that are part of things - they just need punishing properly.

45 min There shall be three added minutes.

40 min Shaw has been excellent so far. But then a cross comes in from the left, which Anichebe, moving across Bailly, touches into his own path. Though he’s got to swivel to shoot as the ball runs away from him, it still looks a goal for all the world - but while Bailly attempts a trip, Romero spreads himself superbly, wearing the finish round about the right pec. He didn’t look it when he signed for United, but he is really good.

39 min After some treatment, Oviedo departs, replaced by Manquillo.

38 min “He’s been in the goldfish bowl, he’s been dug out,” says Niall Quinn of Luke Shaw. Now I understand.

36 min Oviedo has pinged his hammy haring into a challenge with Lingard. That’ll be his afternoon done.

35 min Lovely play from Mourinho Shaw down the left, slipping inside to Zlatan and skipping around the outside to collect a delicious lofted return pass. His low cross is a goodun, too, for Fellaini, who can’t quite wrap his foot around it first-time, nor force in the loose ball second time, after Kone blocks him.

33 min He’s had a funny season, Zlatan. On the one hand, he’s probably been United’s best player; on the other, he’s missed far too many easy chances in key games. Naturally, he blames his teammates for United’s sixth place, a standpoint not without foundation - but still.

29 min United break through the middle and again it’s Lingard, stealing a living with a performance of his usual excellent movement. And using Kone as a screen, and curls a low shot towards the far bottom-corner, which Pickford shoves away.

29 min Suddenly you’re hearing me Sunderland have United pinned back, and Cattermole lofts a luscious ball over the top ... Defoe is onto it ahead of Romero, but can only nudge wide. And was offside anyway. Still easily the most fun we’ve had so far.

28 min Sunderland work the ball nicely from the left, down the flank, and back to the edge of the box, N’Dong squaring for Cattermole. And a path to goal clears, so he shots through it, but can only locate Romero’s midriff.

26 min United knock the ball around and across until, unable to get anywhere, they knock back to Romero who humps it long.

24 min Shaw backheels to Fellaini, takes the return, and bounces around the outside after a lovely turn, allowing the ball through his legs and bursting onto it. But Defoe does really well to track, blocking the cross and even scoring a helpful ricochet to earn a goalkick.

23 min I’ve seen better games.

22 min My favorite Anichebe goal. The “outta my way” here is sublime.

20 min Oviedo hits the free-kick, which somehow passes through the wall, and Romero gathers. United then break nicely, but Ibrahimovic, expecting Lingard to keep the width, rolls into where his path would be, had he not crossed over looking to be slid in through the middle.

19 min Cattermole lifts a pass into Defoe, so naturally Rojo tries the axe-kick. Free-kick to Sunderland, 25 yards out, right of centre.

17 min Sunderland have been a little better these last few minutes, their wingers pushing up on United’s full-backs, and N’Dong wins a throw off Shaw. But then Rodwell catches Herrera, who did well to nip in front of him while he waited for the ball to arrive, and Romero can drum it downfield.

15 min N’Dong turns his hip and a pass approaches, putting it between him and Shaw. So Shaw flies in anyroad up, getting nowhere near the ball, ploughing through his man, and receiving a yellow card.

14 min Larsson’s kick is an inswinger towards Jones at the far post, but Bailly is close enough to put him off, his header flying behind.

12 min A speculative long hump has Kone debating whether or not to clear first-time, so he lets it bounce and struggles to find Pickford, under pressure from Lingard. He manages it though, and Sunderland make their way downfield via passes - a revolutionary approach - and Anichebe wins a corner off Darmian.

12 min I guess it was a matter of time before Mourinho put himself on corners.

10 min A long, crossfield pass finds Darmian advancing down the right. Immediately, he picks out Denayer, and Sunderland have another go at building an attack.

8 min Sunderland have barely had a kick, but United aren’t exactly intimating menace.

6 min United win a corner down the left which, in the absence of Phil Jones, is taken by Luke Shaw. The ball makes its way to the edge of the box, where Lingard finds Rojo; Larsson drags him down for no reason, and that’s a free-kick, close to the left edge of the D. Zlatan has it, and his curler is well-deflected by the jumping wall, for a corner which comes to nowt.

5 min Sunderland have clearly been detailed to foul Lingard in rotation. This time it’s Cattermole, and United take the free-kick quickly, finding Shaw down the left. His low cross is blocked, and eventually the home side win a throw, which they use to get the ball away.

4 min Jones sends one down the line for N’Dong, who looks for Defoe in the channel. But Rojo is quickly across to clear up.

2 min Oviedo congratulates Lingard on his new contract with a kick. There’s a break while he accepts treatment, so let’s note here that, while he’s not good enough to start for United, it’s pretty odd that a localish kid with two Cup final goals inside a year, isn’t considered by many to be of any use whatsoever. And here he is outside the box, cracking a low shot that’s straight at Pickford.

1 min Sunderland get us away.

It’s perhaps worth noting that Tim Fosu-Mensah and Axel Tuanzebe are both on the bench for United. Both have shown significant promise, and both need more football next season - either because Mourinho feels able to give it to them, or through a loan. Tuanzebe in particular is a talent.

The players are mooching out of the tunnel. United appear to have come in the wrong shorts, white home ones instead of blue third ones. Luckily I’m far too mature to make a maybe Fellaini did the packing gag.

Three home wins versus two away, I suppose.

Barbershop injury?

In fairness, Doug Murray was pretty brutal.

Phil Nev reckons that even if Sunderland go down, Jordan Pickford should stay a season. I’m not quite sure I grasp that - why would he not benefit more from playing at a higher standard, given that we know him to be ready?

Tangentially, talking of sarcasm as I was earlier, just yesterday I came by this...

Anyone know what the xG was?

In other coin-tossing BREAKING NEWS, Lee Cattermole with represent Sunderland. He’s not played at the Stadium of Light since September.

Jamie Redknapp reckons that Luke Shaw needs - go on, you can guess the rest - but “an arm around the shoulder”. Now, you could easily argue that Mourinho went too far this week, even if, in context, the headline quotation didn’t sound half as bad it did as out of it. But my guess, and it is just a guess, is that Mourinho might just have tried the friendly approach.

A classic of the genre. The things I’d do to and for those kits cannot be printed in a family newspaper.

This is an impassioned, articulate and rational takedown of the Sunderland regime - read it.

The other headline news for United is that David de Gea doesn’t play. He “has a problem”, says Mourhino, also mentioning that Sergio Romero “usually plays in the Europa League”.

The truth is that De Gea has not had a good season, certainly not by his standards, and was, along with Marcos Rojo, at fault for Everton’s goal in midweek - well though Jagielka took it. He’ll be back next weekend, apparently, though you might have supposed that, given how crucial the Anderlecht tie now is, he’d have pulled rank for that one.

Now, quiz time and complete the sequence: Roger Byrne, Denis Law, Bobby Charlton, Martin Buchan, Bryan Robson, Steve Bruce, Eric Cantona, Roy Keane, Gary Neville, Ryan Giggs, Nemanja Vidic...

The answer, of course, is Marouane Fellaini, for he will captain United today; it appears that Mourinho has not lost his sarcastic inclination. Imagine the coupon on Moyes!

So, Sunderland make one change: Anichebe replaces Borini. That should make for interesting tussle with whichever of Rojo or Bailly is detailed to pick him up.

United make five changes from Tuesday’s skank against Everton: out go De Gea, Blind, Valencia, Carrick and Rashford. In come Romero, Shaw, Darmian, Pogba and Mkhitaryan.