Emma John on Taylor Swift and the like ...

Eoin Morgan on the match ...

You will not like Jonny when he’s angry ...

Read Vic Marks’s report from Edgbaston

Final messages from you out there, with Sam from Rancho Palo Verdes, California.

“I’d like to second Mary in the USA’s comments and thank you and the rest of the Guardian team for helping me get into cricket this year. (Of course, the heartbreak I’ve had dealt to me by my decision to adopt Afghanistan has made this a touch painful...) Thanks again, though! Will you similarly be covering the T20 World Cup?”

Of course, Sam. Most international tournaments, and a lot of other series besides. Where somebody needs text-based cricket updates to distract themselves at work or from their terrible friends or relatives, the Guardian OBO will be there. Some heroes have keyboard-induced RSI.

Thanks all, it’s been fun. England are alive in the World Cup. Keep up your good cheer, those who follow them. And those who follow India too. Everything is going to be ok.

Bairstow is upbeat: “We know we’ve got three must-win games in the next couple of weeks.”

Eoin Morgan sounds more cheerful than he has in weeks. “Guys like Bairstow and Roy make the wicket look flat, but it wasn’t. Cutters were gripping in the surface. That spell where they put on 95 in 10 or 11 overs, and the two Indian spinners who are the threat were put under pressure. That’s not easy to do as a batsman.

“Everything has been pretty chilled. Jonny works himself up like that for pretty much any innings, so that’s not unusual. He’s a wonderful player.”

Ben Stokes on Test Match Special: “The way the two guys up top managed to set a platform for us to come in and play that way in the middle. Having the enforcer Jason Roy back in the team is huge for us. We were all thinking up there that they were making it look very very easy, but it was actually quite a difficult wicket to start on. The way that we think about our cricket is to always keep that positive mindset. It would be very easy to slip into a negative mindset, but we wouldn’t have come out and played the way we did today if we had those thoughts in our head.”

Jason Roy is speaking to Eleanor Oldroyd on BBC radio. “It was horrible, very frustrating. It was probably the smart decision not to play at Lord’s. With hamstrings you get a lot of a false sense of security. It was good for Jonny to get a good score. I’ve been netting really hard this week, and once I got that cover drive away I felt set.

“[My arm] is sore, very sore. I wasn’t able to use my right hand. Jasprit Bumrah has a bit of pace on him. And it was my right hand, so that would affect my throwing.”

50th over: India 306-5 (Dhoni 42, Jadhav 12) Finally, the last over arrives. India need 44 from it. They’re not even so far off that they might not have been a chance if they’d kept the foot down. Dhoni is without doubt one of the greatest chasers of all time, but he’s also a common factor in the middle in games where India give up. He’s into the last over now though, so he allows himself some fun, pulling Woakes for a flat six over deep square, then slashing a four. A dozen from the over, and a 31-run margin doesn’t look so bad and won’t hurt India’s net run rate.

49th over: India 294-5 (Dhoni 35, Jadhav 7) Archer finishes up with 0-45 off his 10, thanks to a fumble where Stokes slips over in the deep and lets a Dhoni pull shot through for four.

48th over: India 287-5 (Dhoni 29, Jadhav 6) BOOORRRRRRRINNGGGG. Dhoni picking off singles from Wood. Games where teams are trying to protect net run rate: how did we come to have these? If you divided teams on a table by number of sixes hit or something, we might get some fun.

Here’s a nice thing to cheer us all up though, with the header “Thank you.”

“I’m a American, and because the rest of the world seems to play cricket, I’ve decided to try to figure it out. Your live coverage, combined with various explanatory websites, is really exciting and helpful. Far more exciting than baseball. And during the past couple of weeks, I’ve come to understand maybe half of it! Just thought I’d let you know.”

Half of it is a lot more than none of it. Congratulations, Mary Pratt, and welcome to cricket. It’s weird here but we like it.

47th over: India 281-5 (Dhoni 26, Jadhav 4) Just the five singles from Archer’s over. India have given up this game. All a bit sad really, the way it has petered out.

46th over: India 276-5 (Dhoni 23, Jadhav 2) Nine runs from Wood’s over, as Dhoni pulls a boundary fine in between taking singles all over town. Even nine an over won’t do it. They need the small matter of 62 in 24.

A couple of related questions. Geoff Wignall: “I was wondering, has Roy fielded at all in this innings? He didn’t appear to sustain any other injury while batting. Is he protecting the injury he brought into the game? What’s the current law about that?”

And Ed Smyth: “With Vince on for Roy, can I ask if Roy has fielded for any length of time? Any win would feel tainted if he hadn’t.” Not the England selector with a transparent pseudonym, one would assume.

Roy hasn’t been on at all to field. The reason given is that he was struck on the arm while batting and has a bruise. I must say, the response does occur that very few batsmen don’t get struck on the arm at some point in an innings, and a bruise doesn’t usually keep them off the field.

On the positive side, James Vince has had a happier match than any when he was in the XI.

45th over: India 267-5 (Dhoni 16, Jadhav 0) Kedar Jadhav comes out to the middle, needing impossible runs. At this stage you start thinking about all the maidens and dot balls played out in the first half of the innings. India did make it hard for themselves, as well as England bowled at the top.

44th over: India 260-4 (Pandya 44, Dhoni 11) Jofra is back, trying a couple of slower balls to start, then cranking up the pace. Runs are on his side, and he makes the equation harder for India, giving away just five.

They need 78 in 36 balls.

43rd over: India 255-4 (Pandya 42, Dhoni 8) Woakes trying to provoke an error, but he only gets half of one. Dhoni slams a straight hit that isn’t perfect, hanging in the air for a long time, but it lands safely between the two straight fielders in the deep and goes for four. But he can’t get a slower ball away, then once he gets back on strike later in the over he misses another entirely. Crucial dot balls.

“Dhoni has judged that it is a 290 pitch and is playing accordingly.”

A quiet round of applause for Vibhanshu Bisht.

42nd over: India 248-4 (Pandya 40, Dhoni 3) Adil Rashid comes back, and I don’t know about this approach from India. We saw England’s batsmen absolutely dominate the spinners, but there’s no attempt at anything large from Pandya and Dhoni. They hit to sweepers in the deep for five singles.

India need 90 in 48 balls.

A quick housekeeping note: if you ever see a post that looks incomplete, try refreshing your page. Sometimes we post in increments for timeliness.

41st over: India 243-4 (Pandya 37, Dhoni 1) Woakes continuing, with Pandya striking straight to the cover sweeper and only getting one. Dhoni hands him strike back immediately, and opens his own account. Pandya finds a brace, then slices a streaky boundary (sounds like I was writing about bacon initially) behind point. They get nine from the over, which is just about the asking rate.

“Woakes should be player of the match if England get over the line, but it’ll be Bairstow won’t it.” Probably, Stephen Cottrell. Batsman’s game.

40th over: India 234-4 (Pandya 29, Dhoni 0) The Pant shot and the wonder catch come from the first ball of Plunkett’s over. Pandya and Dhoni comes together now. Pandya swipes very fine down leg from the next ball, but fine leg is stationed very... fine. Keeps him to two when most such angles go for four. Plunkett gets wided as he goes the other side, outside off. Pandya plays another wipe at the ball through square, and again there’s brilliant outfielding, this time Bairstow sprinting and tumbling and saving. A shorter ball, a pull, and two more. A quick dash for a single.

One ball to come. 104 needed in 61 balls. And so MS Dhoni... leaves. He plays a leave. A forward stride with a raised bat. He does not try to score. He lets the ball pass through to the keeper. I’m not sure if I’ve explained this adequately. Dhoni, facing Plunkett, elects to leave.

This world is full of wonders.

39th over: India 226-3 (Pant 32, Pandya 22) Oh, that’s cheeky. Pandya goes back on his stumps and pretends to play textbook, driving with a high elbow, but he’s driving a length ball on the up, wide of mid-on, and beating him for four. Woakes bowls shorter, and Pandya absolutely smokes the cut for four! Hello! And then goodbye, as a third ball is pitch up and sconed through the midwicket gap for another! Two outfielders converge as it splits the gap between them – see ya, suckers.

38th over: India 210-3 (Pant 32, Pandya 6) Mark Wood is bowling very well here, coming wide on the crease and slanting in at the body of Pandya to deny him room to swing. Keeps them to two singles from five balls before Pant gets enough of a fuller length to swat it over mid-on for four.

“If England go on to lose this, would you say Joe Root dropped the World Cup since Rohit went on to make 100?” I don’t think England will lose this, Aditya, but even so – no. I think Rohit and Kohli scored too slowly initially, and if the current pair could pull off a win then it would be a miracle effort by them, where the top order could have made it a bit more possible.

37th over: India 204-3 (Pant 27, Pandya 5) Alright, Pant and Pandya batting together. This could be really fun. Hope it lasts more than a few balls. With only one of this pair, it’s obviously Pantamonium or Pandyamonium. But what is it called if they both get going. Pandya gets going with three runs behind point, then a couple more through midwicket. Slap-happy is his batting style.

Chris Woakes has 2 for 14 from six overs. What.

36th over: India 198-2 (Rohit 102, Pant 26) That’s the spirit! Rishabh Pant swings so hard at Mark Wood that he loses his bat entirely and nearly cleans up Jos Buttler behind the stumps. A big hoick across the line, and the bat slips from Pant’s gloves and flies through the air behind him. Buttler politely returns the bat after an incredulous look at where it landed. You half expected a PE teacher with a javelin tape to come out and give a measurement.

A couple of balls later, Pant shows what he can do when he does connect. Swivels on his heel and thoroughly collects the short ball through square for four. Then goes back to end the over and clouts over mid-off with a cross-bat shot, four more. That’s 10 from the over, which is exactly what they need from here.

34th over: India 183-2 (Rohit 98, Pant 15) Woakes comes back for a bowl, and is through Rohit with a bouncer that lobs away to leg, letting the batsmen dash a single. That sets a precedent, with a single from each ball to follow. Rishabh plays the most delicate glide, a deliberate edge fine, but it can’t quite beat third man for four. Rohit is nearly to his hundred, but it won’t matter unless he can add another 60 or 80 to it in quick time. India still need 155 from 16 overs. That’s drinks.

“Seems to me the English bowlers are not fearsome wicket-takers like the Aussies (with the possible exception of Archer) but they are excellent at bowling dots,” writes in Anna from the US. “I don’t see India slogging their way back into this.”

Yep. It’s England’s game nine times out of ten from here.

33rd over: India 177-2 (Rohit 95, Pant 12) There’s that pressure telling. Rohit tries to clean out Plunkett over midwicket but only hits it high. It plugs safely out between three converging baby-blue uniforms. Rohit clips one to midwicket, Pant does the same for two. Then lays into a cover drive, the left-hander using the angle, and it teases Woakes as he comes around the boundary line and dives, tumbles, and takes the ball over in a mess of limbs. A couple more singles, 11 from that over and they keep up with the rate momentarily.

32nd over: India 166-2 (Rohit 91, Pant 5) Hey na, hey na, Rohit Sharma’s back. Normal service resumed as he back-cuts Mark Wood for four, then chips him over mid-on for another. Just a checked shot with the field up. A straight drive past the stumps gets Rohit off strike. They get 11 from the over, but they need that with the required rate up at 9.5. More wickets are coming soon under that pressure.

“Afternoon Geoff,” writes Simon McMahon. “Has James Vince just caught the World Cup for England?”

31st over: India 155-2 (Rohit 81, Pant 4) Rishabh Pant does love a bit of a swing and a miss. Full of youthful enthusiasm, he wants to try everything. A wide swish, a pull shot. Not connecting with much. Two singles and a wide from Plunkett’s over. Rohit can’t afford to start scoring at the pace of a man who’s just come in, just because someone else has just come in. Is Rohit just an intensely powerful empath?

30th over: India 152-2 (Rohit 80, Pant 3) Archer again, and he’s swarming Rohit like Durham bees. The batsman cannot time a shot against England’s new fast man, who is in at the body, forcing miscue after miscue. Finally Rohit edges a run to third man, at which point Rishabh breezily clips three off his pads at the first time of asking.

29th over: India 148-2 (Rohit 79, Pant 0) That’s what Plunkett brings to this side. He’s not the fastest or the smoothest or the most eye-catching in a bowling attack, but he should be one of the first picked. He can just make it difficult to time shots from him through the middle overs, and he’s done for the best in the business today. Rishabh Pant comes to the middle for his first World Cup match after being called into the squad as a replacement, and he nearly runs himself out at the non-striker’s end after taking off and being sent back. Just gets back in with a dive as Morgan’s throw nearly annihilates the man over the stumps.

28th over: India 144-1 (Rohit 77, Kohli 66) Archer comes back on as Morgan tries to take some initiative. The field has been right back, and India have been doing as they please. Archer bowls at the body, and four careful singles are the only scoring shots.

27th over: India 140-1 (Rohit 75, Kohli 64) They keep picking up boundaries early in the over, this pair, which puts pressure on the bowlers immediately. Rohit sweeps Rashid for four this time, low and flat and hard through square. Then takes the singles, and a wide.

26th over: India 133-1 (Rohit 70, Kohli 63) Stokes to Rohit, and it doesn’t look like the short ball is causing him trouble anymore.

Four! Pulled away fine by Rohit.

Four! Overcorrection, too far outside off, and it’s slashed away through point instead.

Four! Three in a row, with the best shot Rohit has played all day. Barely even a drive, he just placed the bat out wide, with the face open towards point, and caressed the wide full ball to the fence.

The Indian rate is well up past 5 an over now, though it still needs to be 8.5.

25th over: India 120-1 (Rohit 57, Kohli 63) That. Is. Extraordinary.

From where I’m sitting high above the field at fine third man, you get a great overview of the angles at play. For Kohli to play a cover drive that goes square enough to beat the man in the circle, but straight enough that the sweeper at point can’t get there, requires the most precise angle between them. Kohli threads it perfectly, reaching out to Rashid’s wide delivery. Boundary off the first ball, then four singles. Five fifties in a row for Kohli at this World Cup, too, by the by.

24th over: India 112-1 (Rohit 55, Kohli 57) Rohit is closing in on Kohli’s score now. Five runs from the Stokes over as Rohit cuts a couple. “With Rohit growing restless, the next 20 min could be crucial in this game,” emails Anand. “If he has a go at the bowlers and it comes off, India will still be in the race. If he gets out, we lose one of our few big 100 batsmen early in the chase.”

22nd over: India 100-1 (Rohit 47, Kohli 53) Maybe that was the most convincing shot of Rohit’s career! Width from Stokes, and the batsman gets forward and times the wide cover drive to perfection. Sweeper never had a chance. Seven from the over and the hundred is up in quick time. Feels like we just mentioned the fifty.

21st over: India 93-1 (Rohit 42, Kohli 51) Not the most convincing shot of Rohit Sharma’s career, but he batters Rashid’s first ball up and over cover for four. It plops along to the fence. That’s to open the over, then from the last ball Rohit gets width to cut, and splits the two men either side of point! A big dive and a puff of dust off the practice wicket can’t stop that shot. Plus a couple of singles in between. A big over. They need more than 8 an over though, and are still under 4.5.

19th over: India 74-1 (Rohit 31, Kohli 43) Adil Rashid comes on for the first time today. It wasn’t a happy outing for India’s wrist-spinners, who went for 160 between them from their 20 overs. Rashid starts more economically, conceding three singles as the batsmen have a look.

18th over: India 71-1 (Rohit 29, Kohli 42) A great save from Vince substituting at backward point, diving away as Kohli cuts, and turning four into one. A more gentle shot from Kohli goes finer for two to close the over. But Wood has done well, 25 from his four so far, pulling things back after an expensive start.

17th over: India 67-1 (Rohit 28, Kohli 39) Plunkett, and now the runs start to flow. Rohit glides one, giving Kohli the chance to force out through cover for four. Kohli punches straight, giving Rohit the change to wallop a pull shot for four. Finally made good contact, and the Indian crowd rises as one. The partnership is worth 60, and these two can make up ground in a twinkling if things tilt their way.

16th over: India 57-1 (Rohit 23, Kohli 34) Two more runs on the pull shot, Kohli not afraid to take on Wood. A couple of singles follow.

15th over: India 53-1 (Rohit 22, Kohli 31) Rohit Sharma is really struggling with Plunkett’s bounce. He miscues a cut shot for a run, then once back on strike, misses out three times with various sorts of pull shot, including one that nearly swings him off his feet.

Vritti Goel has sent us a lovely missive from afar. “Timing is everything. Right now weather in my neighbourhood in India is on the side of cricket, as the waterfall of a monsoon we’d been experiencing here for the past 36 hours (that disrupt our satellite TV networks) ceased the moment the first ball of the match was bowled. It’s crucial we get the water, because, well, the country seems to have run out of the stuff, but here’s me selfishly hoping it waits a few hours. I want to see how Pant holds up in this pressure.

“Thought I’d also drop this gem about my grandmum: if she had her way, the ‘enemy’ wouldn’t hit at all: 10 wickets in 10 balls is her ideal opponent’s innings, while our team would hit every ball for a boundary without a wicket taken – although I don’t think she’s realized that if this happens, she wouldn’t ever see her favourite Dhoni play.

“That scenario would bring some peace of mind for the rest of us us though (there were many minutes-long diatribes against Pandya, her least favourite, during the 1st half, while Rahul is her current target). My question for you/other cricket experts here: Has there ever been a 10-in-10, or a super short all-out innings (say, a couple overs) in the history of international cricket?”

Thanks Vri. Not in international cricket – the shortest ODI innings was Zimbabwe in 2017, when Afghanistan bowled them out in 13.5 overs. I well remember Australia having their shortest against New Zealand in that famous 2015 World Cup match at Eden Park, bowled out in 24.2 overs.

There have been teams who have all made ducks before, including a scoreless innings where no extras hid any blemishes. Read on.

14th over: India 51-1 (Rohit 21, Kohli 30) Four runs for Kohli! That screeeeeams off the bat. Most cover drives are a matter of touch and placement, but that’s hit with genuine violence, and with Wood’s pace it hits the fence in an instant. He’s already pulled a couple of runs and then glanced a couple in this over and raised the fifty. Are we on to see a Kohli special?

13th over: India 43-1 (Rohit 21, Kohli 22) Plunkett again, and again the batsmen don’t want to take him on, just knocking around three singles. The required rate is nearly 8 an over, and the current rate is not much past 3. This is a funny way to run a big chase, but Kohli has the results more than anyone.

12th over: India 40-1 (Rohit 20, Kohli 20) Mark Wood time, the shorter and skiddier of England’s two brisk men. I’m not sure if it’s the best balance for England with both Wood and Archer in the side. They’ve missed Plunkett, and now that he’s back they’ve had to dispense with Moeen’s off-spin. An pace attack of Archer, Plunkett, Woakes and Stokes looks pretty good for mine, with two spinners in support. But Wood has been bowling well. It’s a tough one.

Rohit decides to take him on in this first over. First a pull shot through midwicket for four, just clouted really. Then a shorter ball and Rohit really gets that one on the pull and hits it square for another. The batsmen are 20-20.

11th over: India 31-1 (Rohit 11, Kohli 19) An immediate change as the powerplay comes to an end, with Liam Plunkett back in the side and back in the attack. Both batsmen immediately look a bit more comfortable, driving into the off side to pick up three singles.

“A wicket and 3 maidens in a row for Woakes and it’s not the best use of the new ball?!” writes George Humphreys. “I remain, etc. etc.”

More like George Harrumphries, am I right? Ehhhhh. I mean, bowling maidens is great, in a game where you want to stop the opposition from scoring. But also, you only get one new ball (ok, one from each end), and if you’re a swing bowler you might be well served to try to swing it, I’d have thought. Not many bowlers are aiming for the leading edge back to them as a clear plan.

10th over: India 28-1 (Rohit 11, Kohli 17) Now Archer forces Kohli to stay cautious. A defensive shot, a stroke to the field, a bouncer that Kohli can’t connect with. Back to defence thereafter. A single to third man. 28 from the first 10 overs. Even in this World Cup of go-slows, this is a go-slow.

9th over: India 27-1 (Rohit 11, Kohli 16) Woakes carries on, and finally someone wants to mess up his pretty figures. Kohli skips down first ball of the over and lofts him cleanly over cover, bouncing away for four. Didn’t want to just let Woakes dictate terms any more. Clips a single to follow. Rohit tries to glide but can’t beat backward point.

8th over: India 22-1 (Rohit 11, Kohli 11) Archer tries the short ball for the first time today, and Kohli climbs into it. No hesitation in hooking, though the sweeper will keep it to one. The cautious phase continues. 22 on the board, 11 each. Very neat.

“An Ireland fan here, in the cold tundra outside the World Cup looking forward to the first ODI of the Zimbabwe series tomorrow,” writes Michael Keane. “Having been at Lord’s yesterday and Tuesday for 2 low scoring twisty-turny games I’m interested in how this chase will go. Is the pitch noticeably different to others in the tournament? And, out of interest, what’s the highest World Cup chase ever?”

This pitch definitely seems to have much truer bounce, and more pace, than the sludgy ones we saw at Lord’s. As for the highest run chase, I think it was actually Ireland. Against... wait a minute. Wait a minute.

7th over: India 20-1 (Rohit 10, Kohli 10) Finally a run! A run from Chris Woakes! Crowds cheer. Dancers leap from doorways to perform an impromptu work of choreography. The corn is as high as an elephant’s eye. Rohit squeezes out a defensive shot through square leg for one. Kohli gets his turn blocking Woakes, and does, bar an inside edge that goes perilously close to his stumps. He tucks a couple of runs to midwicket from the last ball.

6th over: India 17-1 (Rohit 9, Kohli 8) Edged by Kohli! First runs for the Indian captain come courtesy of an Archer delivery that leaves him, takes a thicc nicc, and bounces wide of the slips to zip down to third man. No doubt about the second boundary though, punched through cover by Kohli. He’s here to play.

“Form is temporary and class is permanent,” writes Saurabh Raye. “Congratulations England, well played.”

5th over: India 9-1 (Rohit 9, Kohli 0) Three maidens in a row for Woakes. Rohit is the batsman again, and is again happy to soak up the new ball and make sure he’s still there later in the day. Everything is around off stump, but Woakes is still bowling back of a length. Not sure if this is the most perfect use of the new ball.

4th over: India 9-1 (Rohit 9, Kohli 0) Now Archer finds his groove. That didn’t take long. He looks so good, gliding to the crease, cutting the ball in, then out. Rohit survives the over by being as watchful as can be, glancing a run from the final ball.

3rd over: India 8-1 (Rohit 8, Kohli 0) A wicket maiden for Woakes, as Kohli sees out the last three balls. Plenty of time for India to build, no need to rush.

“A question for you, who’s figures are better in this day in age and what the ODI game has become, Bumrah’s 1 for 44, or Shami’s 5 for 69? Wickets still the key? Intriguing isn’t it.”

There are definitely variations, Richard Dennis, depending on who the wickets belong to and when the runs are conceded. Bowlers in the death overs will go for more than those in the middle, for instance. In this case, Shami’s wickets were key batsmen, so the runs he went for potentially saved a lot of other runs being scored. Though also Bumrah’s parsimony partly created the pressure that brought Shami’s wickets. It all goes a long way beyond the basic stat columns.

2nd over: India 8-0 (Rahul 0, Rohit 8) Jofra Archer now from the broadcast end of the ground, a strong breeze rippling his light blue trousers. Pitches up first ball and is driven gloriously for four! Dead straight down the ground from Rohit Sharma, consummate ease. Archer tries again, dialling back the length, and... he’s dropped! Put down at second slip. Felt for the ball, thick edge, to Root’s right. It was ribcage high, slightly awkward in that Root didn’t know whether to go with fingers up or down. And he’s shelled it. Next up? An effortless flick through square leg for four.

1st over: India 0-0 (Rahul 0, Rohit 0) Away we go. Chris Woakes to open the bowling from the city end, Birmingham’s skyline behind him. He’s on the spot straightaway, but bowling too short for his swing to cause any havoc.The sun is out and the clouds aren’t heavy, but surely you have to give the ball a chance to move, Christopher? A maiden to start.

“As an Aussie, going against type and barracking for the Poms. The batting tonight was great and it is always good to have the host at the pointy end of proceedings. This said, fully expect India to upset the apple cart.”

That’s... mostly nice from Martin Turnbull? Peace offering! The friendship boat has sailed forth.

Hello all. Thank you, Rob. I’d like to correct the record by saying that I am in fact a complete mess, but not for reasons related to this cricket match. Just more of a general statement. In the last few minutes it was partly also because my laptop decided to choose this innings break to install one of the longest updates of all time, which to be honest I had probably been pressing ‘Remind me tomorrow’ on for about three years. Timing is everything.

I see the emails are flooding in already. Good stuff, nothing I love more than anxious England supporters. Who can be the most downcast about batting first and making 337? Let’s have a competition. Fire at will.

That’s it from me. Geoff Lemon - who is neutral, and therefore not a complete mess - will talk you through India’s innings. They need the highest runchase in World Cup history. They also have the greatest runchaser of all time in Virat Kohli, and one of the best finishers in MS Dhoni. Thanks for your company and emails. Please get in touch with Geoff by email or Twitter. Bye!

Jason Roy speaks

“It was great to be back out there with Jonny, who played extremely well. We’ve put a competitive total on the board so let’s hope we can bowl well. Injury wasn’t an issue – I ran at about 80 per cent, which was the advice from the doctors. We’d have been disappointed with anything under 300, but we’re pretty happy with that. We should be all right. Fingers crossed.”

That was intense, thrilling and miserable, often in the same over. It was an innings of four halves:

• 47-0 from the first 10 overs
• 144-1 from the next 17
• 25-2 from the next 10
• 121-4 from the last 13

50th over: England 337-7 (Plunkett 1, Archer 0) An unreal final over from Bumrah goes for only three runs. That means India need 338 to win - the same total England needed to tie with India in their World Cup eight years ago.

49th over: England 334-6 (Stokes 78, Plunkett 0) Stokes - who has played three stunning innings in the last nine days, all of them completely different - leathers Shami’s hat-trick ball to cow corner for four. He follows that with a pull for six and a drive over extra cover for four. He has 78 from 51 balls, including 73 from the last 38, and turns down a single for Plunkett off the last ball of the over to keep the strike. Shami ends with figures of 10-1-69-5, although his last three overs went for 44.

“Do you think we should reconsider the value of boundaries being 4, seeing as most of the scoring now is 1, 2, 4 or 6?” says Laurence Trost. “Where are the 3s? And we keep being reminded of “short boundaries” so I think that the athletic batsmen today would only be able to run 3 for balls that travel that distance.”

It’s an interesting point. But you want to have that discussion now?

48th over: England 319-5 (Stokes 63, Woakes 7) The new batsman, Chris Woakes, top-edges Bumrah just short of fine leg. He gets it right later in the over, swatting a hook for four. That’s only the third boundary Bumrah has conceded all day. He is, in the parlance of our time, a freak.

47th over: England 310-5 (Stokes 61) I hope they send Liam Plunkett in here.

46th over: England 293-4 (Stokes 54, Buttler 10) More stunning bowling from Bumrah, who beats Stokes with consecutive deliveries - a slower yorker (I think) and a bouncer. Bumrah is undeathhittable. He finishes a brilliant over – four from it – by slipping a wide yorker under Buttler’s bat.

45th over: England 289-4 (Stokes 51, Buttler 9) Stokes, backing up too far, survives a run-out chance when Bumrah’s throw misses the stumps. Buttler swivel-pulls his second ball flat and hard for six, a stroke of almost laughable majesty, and then steals a third run following an overthrow. Stokes belts the last ball for a couple to reach another half-century, this time from 38 balls. He’s not a big-game player; he’s a huge-game player.

“They’re saying 340 is a par score on this pitch?” says Andrew Hurley. “Considering it’s a WC game etc, par can’t be 340 - I think the fact India are playing without pressure means they could chase a big total but I would have thought par given circumstances around 320/325?”

Well, there’s par, and there’s Kohli/Dhoni par. My considered opinion is that I haven’t a clue who’s on top.

44th over: England 277-3 (Root 44, Stokes 48) Pandya’s last over goes for nine. Stokes muscles a low full toss through midwicket for four, the first off Pandya in almost eight overs. That’s the only boundary from the over.

I know it’s against the spirit of cricket, and I wouldn’t really want them to do it, but it would benefit England if Joe Root retired out. He’s not a death-hitter; it’s not his fault. He’s scored 44 from 53 balls and Jos Buttler is sitting on the balcony.

43rd over: England 268-3 (Root 42, Stokes 41) Brilliant from Bumrah, who bowls three consecutive dot balls to Stokes: yorker, wide slower bouncer, yorker. Just three singles from the over. He’s a mind-reader, who seems to know exactly what a batsman is going to do.

42nd over: England 265-3 (Root 40, Stokes 40) England have targeted Chahal all day, so they’re not going to stop during his final over. Stokes charges down the track to lift a 91-metre six over midwicket, and then Root gets a rare boundary with the aid of a misfield by Pandya on the cover boundary. He can’t give the strike back to Stokes, however, which feels like a waste of a potential six or two. Thirteen from the over nonetheless, and Chahal finishes with grisly figures of 10-0-88-0. Both batsmen are on 40; Root from 49 balls, Stokes from 28.

“Rob,” says Ric Arthur. “‘Literally three halves’ is literally nonsense.”

Well you might think that but I couldn’t possibly comment.

41st over: England 253-3 (Root 35, Stokes 33) Bumrah returns to the attack. He has five overs remaining and will, barring something unforeseeable, bowl out at this end. Stokes, on the charge, flat bats a short ball over extra cover for three runs. A handful of ones and twos make it a decent over for England, who have managed 37 from the last four. Make it an innings of four halves.

“My favourite gripe has for a long time been Morgan’s lack of batting craft (with exceptions obvs!),” says John Withington. “Too many dot balls in his block-and-bash style that I just can’t see justifies his place at No4 in this team. Buttler and Stokes, with his new-found discipline, would be far better options to continue the momentum at 4 and Morgan’s style far better suited to late innings carefree loftiness ..... oh my word! What a shot from Stokes!!”

The problem with Morgan (apart from his bounceoutability) is that he’s all or nothing, and when he’s the latter he can look awful. I still like him at No4, all things being equal, and he has played some extremely important innings in the last four years.

40th over: England 245-3 (Root 33, Stokes 27) That’s a startling stroke from Stokes (try saying that after 10 pints, etc). He reverse sweeps a big six off Chahal, pinging it into the crowd off the sweet spot. He lofted an orthodox sweep for four earlier in the over, and a few singles made it England’s best over for a long time: 15 from it.

“Afternoon Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “I’m currently cleaning up after daughter McMahon’s 21st birthday celebrations yesterday, which included barbecuing in a thunderstorm and gazebo-ing in high winds, whilst the kids drank what they call ‘shots’ inside. I think there’s a metaphor for English cricket in there somewhere, but anyway I have plenty food and drink left so if any other OBOers would like to join me for the Indian chase they’d be more than welcome. My address is No. 1, Desolation Row, (by Hope Street), England.”

It’s literally been an innings of three halves:

• 47 for none from the first ten overs
• 144 for one from the next 17, including an orgy of sixes
• 39 for two from 12 since then

39th over: England 230-3 (Root 31, Stokes 15) I wonder whether England should have sent Buttler in when Morgan fell in the 34th over. They would like him in now, though preferably with the insurance of Stokes behind him. There’s no Moeen Ali at seven today, although England do/did (delete as appropriate) bat deep.

Root and Stokes are building a little momentum through quick singles, though India are still on top in this passage of play. Pandya’s second and third spells have been really impressive, with no boundaries from his last seven overs.

“I’m most indebted to you and Mac Miller for the advice on American Cricket (with a name like that I can only assume he’s a former American Cricketer himself),” says George Browne. “I suspect that our seats will be somewhat distant from the VIP boxes, but will keep an eye open for history teachers. Beer and hotdogs will make an interesting change from the champers and extravagant picnics I’m used to at bat and ball games, and I look forward to reporting back on events both culinary and sporting over the course of the afternoon.

If anyone can offer suggestions as to phrases I can trot out to appear knowledgeable it would be most appreciated. The American Cricket equivalent of ‘This pitch seems a bit two paced’, or ‘the bowlers have got their lengths wrong’, is the kind of thing I need.”

38th over: England 224-3 (Root 27, Stokes 13) Stokes reverse-sweeps Chahal past short third man for a much-needed boundary, the first in 11 overs. A pair of twos make it a better over for England.

“Have to disagree, Rob, I’m with Niall,” says Alex Book. “I think it’s when people (press in particular) use words like ‘humiliation’ or Lawrence Booth’s ‘laughing stock’ that the Bairstows of this world get upset. Disappointing, sure, but is it humiliating to lose a few ODIs? Bit OTT, surely?”

I’m not saying it should be – perspective, Smyth, won’t somebody think of the children – but I can’t see how it wouldn’t be humiliating in the context of their careers and what they have achieved in the last four years. And the fact the whole cricket world loves little more than laughing at England.

37th over: England 216-3 (Root 27, Stokes 5) The squeeze continues, with Pandya’s antepenultimate over yielding just tree singles. India have had a magnificent last 10 overs: 25 runs, two wickets.

36th over: England 213-3 (Root 25, Stokes 3) Root digs out a yorker from Shami, who is bowling sensationally. His figures in this spell are 3-1-3-2. Given that he came on at 203-1 after 31 overs, that is staggering stuff.

35th over: England 211-3 (Root 25, Stokes 2) There’s panic on the fields of Bir-ming-ham. Root tries to take a stupid single and is thankfully sent back by Stokes, who then edges Kuldeep wide of slip for four. Another good over for India. Kuldeep finishes with expensive figures of 10-0-72-1, but the last three overs only cost eight.

In other news, apparently KL Rahul’s injury is external, so he can open the batting.

“The conspiracy theorists among your OBO audience might have a point,” says Ian Copestake, “if India’s reply is switched to the strip in the middle.”

Well you’ve got to be allowed some home advantage.

34th over: England 207-3 (Root 23, Stokes 0) A wicket maiden from the majestic Shami. The last seven overs have brought 17 runs and two wickets. Meanwhile, a good point from Sanjay Manjrekar on Sky - with KL Rahul off the pitch, Rishabh Pant may have to open the batting.

“People are remarkably snide about this England team,” says Niall Mullen. “As though not winning the World Cup will negate all the immense entertainment they’ve given us over the past few years. It would (will) be a disappointment but it’s been a hell of a ride.”

I don’t know whether it would negate the entertainment, but the entertainment would surely enhance the misery. It would be a rare old humiliation. I don’t mean that in a snide way, only with sadness and the haunting self-question: could I have done more?

33rd over: England 207-2 (Root 22, Morgan 1) Kuldeep hurries thorugh another cheap over - only two from it. This has been such an impressive comeback from India, who were being pummelled to all parts. ‘Were’ being the operative word; the last six overs have brought only 16 runs and one wicket.

32nd over: England 205-2 (Root 22, Morgan 0) Mohammad Shami has been superb today. He and Bumrah have five overs apiece remaining.

31st over: England 203-1 (Bairstow 111, Root 21) Chahal returns to the attack and bowls to leg stump of Bairstow, who misses a vile hack to leg at a googly. India went up for LBW but it was missing leg stump. Just two from the over. England, Bairstow in particular, are having a tricky little spell.

“Hi Rob,” says Sanjay Gupta. “Was the decision to use the unused flatter side pitch (as opposed to the main, previously used pitch) to help England find form again?”

I don’t know, but I suspect these things are planned well in advance. Besides, don’t the ICC control such matters?

30th over: England 202-1 (Bairstow 111, Root 20) I suspect England will continue to go hard at the spinners and Pandya, because there are still 11 overs of Bumrah and Shami to come. They are trying to get after Pandya without much success. He has an appeal for LBW against Root turned down by Kumar Dharmasena; it was too high. Another fine over from Pandya, who hasn’t conceded a boundary since that first, expensive two-over spell. His figures are 7-0-42-0.

“Could someone feed Mac Millings some of that beer and pass me that popcorn?” says Phil Sawyer. “I want to see how epic his rant turns once he’s got a few pints of Opinion Enhancer inside him.”

29th over: England 196-1 (Bairstow 109, Root 16) Kuldeep continues to Root, and does rather well - two runs from the over, which included five dot balls.

28th over: England 194-1 (Bairstow 109, Root 14) Niall Mullen’s email in the previous over highlights the OBOer’s dilemma. Right now I should be saying that IT’S ONLY BLOODY WELL COMING HO- Bairstow is playing majestically. But if I had a pound for every email berating me for cursing an England batsman, I would have been able to retire from OBOing in about 2011.

Another good over from Pandya, whose slower balls really are befuddling the England batsmen. His first two overs disappeared for 21; his last four have cost 15.

27th over: England 191-1 (Bairstow 108, Root 12) Bairstow reverse sweeps Kuldeep for four - not once but twice. The first was hammered through point, the second dragged through backward point.

Thanks, I should say, for all your emails. I’m currently on 32 unread emails and counting, but I’m trying. (Oh yes, I’m trying, etc.)

“Not a single text from any of my cricket mad friends,” says Niall Mullen. “No one wants to be the jinx...”

25th over: England 180-1 (Bairstow 98, Root 10) Bairstow reverse-sweeps Kuldeep for four to move to 96, and a couple of singles move him to within two of a trademark angry century.

“So this is the way back for England - for the wickets to be true, have nothing for the bowlers and a reasonable helping of luck (the toss, inside edges and an unreviewed catch muddled by the umpire calling wide),” says Shankar Mony. “But will it help them when come the semis/finals they are on a non-road wicket? Or is that a problem for another day?”

I’m sure they’ll be very happy if they have the opportunity to cross that bridge, whatever state it’s in. In fact, here’s exclusive footage of them visualising a semi-final against Australia on a tricky surface.

24th over: England 173-1 (Bairstow 92, Root 10) Jasprit Bumrah, who has an excellent record against Joe Root, comes into the attack. Root is playing himself in through singles, the modern way for a batsman who relies on technique rather than power. He gets a bonus boundary to third man with a steer/edge, which takes him to 10 from six balls. Bairstow has 92 from 81.

Matt Share writes to ask why Jadeja, the best fielder in the squad, is on the field. I’m not sure about previous games but there’s no controversy here – KL Rahul is off the field, having injured himself when he tried to take a leaping catch on the boundary.

23rd over: England 162-1 (Bairstow 90, Root 2) Jason Roy played superbly: 66 from 57 balls with seven fours and two sixes.

22nd over: England 160-0 (Roy 66, Bairstow 89) Pandya’s slower balls are causing a few problems. Roy is beaten and mistimes a heave into the leg side; Bairstow chips not far short of midwicket. This has, thus far, been an excellent second spell from Pandya.

“England got a road prepared for them as they couldn’t handle what were great pitches & good, fair contests between bat and ball,” says Andrew Hurley. “Boring...”

Come on, Andrew, you’re an intelligent man – you know pitches are prepared months, not days, in advance.

21st over: England 155-0 (Roy 63, Bairstow 87) Bairstow beasts Kuldeep over long on for his sixth six. It’s quite brutal, and India desperately need a wicket. Bairstow has scored 60 from his last 31 balls; the mystery spinners, Chahal and Kuldeep, have bowled 10 overs for 97.

“Greetings from a very soggy Cayman,” says Adam Roberts. “Forced out of bed at 5.30 by the ferocity of the thunderstorm, I turned in the tv with some trepidation but was very pleasantly surprised. Do you think recall of Jason Roy has anything to do with it?”

100 per cent, on both counts.

20th over: England 145-0 (Roy 62, Bairstow 78) Roy is beaten, swiping at a slower ball from the returning Pandya. A much needed boundaryless over for India. I can hear John Bercow shouting “Order!”

Meanwhile, here’s our American Cricket correspondent, Mac Millings. “The 9th over’s George Browne should look forward to beer, popcorn, peanuts, hot dogs and nachos,” he says. “Baseball is a splendid game, not least because, like cricket, it has plenty of quieter moments for you to chat to your friends while enjoying the above-mentioned culinary delights. Also, if he’s very lucky, he might bump into a colleague of mine. See - and I’m about to build up a head of steam - one of the New York Yankees sends his kids to the school where I teach, and his wife struck up a friendship with said colleague. When it was announced that the Bronx Bombers would be playing on that side of the pond, the young lady said to my colleague something along the lines of: ‘Hey, you’re a history teacher, why don’t I pay for you to come to London with us so you can give me and the kids a guided tour of Ye Olde London?’ And instead of the proper answer of ‘I’d love to, but it would be remiss of me not to point you in the direction of Millings, who, after all, is actually from Watford London and would do a far better job,’ my colleague said ‘Yes’, and is probably enjoying those culinary delights from the vantage point of a very VIP box. Good for her.”

19th over: England 141-0 (Roy 59, Bairstow 77) Dare to nightmare: India have possibly the two best finishers in ODI history in Virat Kohli and MS Dhoni, so let’s not get carried away, eh. Yes, yes, I know nightmare isn’t actually a verb. At least I don’t think it is. Frankly, there’s no time to check, or think, because England keep hitting bleeding sixes. Bairstow savages a slog-sweep over midwicket off Kuldeep; that’s his fifth six. England have scored 94 from the last nine overs.

18th over: England 130-0 (Roy 57, Bairstow 68) Chahal restores some order with five consecutive dot balls to Bairstow ... and then Bairstow clunks the last ball over mid-on for six. He didn’t middle it; he still got six.

17th over: England 124-0 (Roy 57, Bairstow 62) Roy works Kuldeep for two to reach a majestic, 41-ball half-century. He had an escape when India didn’t review a catch down the leg side but he has otherwise played with courage, freedom and no little brilliance. He demonstrates all three when he runs down the track to swing Kuldeep for a huge straight six.

“Might England’s much vaunted fearless (some would say reckless) approach be suited to the increasingly desperate position in which they find themselves?” says Gary Naylor. “If you really only have a fifth gear to engage, it’s probably best to drive at 70mph and hope you don’t slide off the road, as you’re just going to stall at 30mph. Instinctively one feels cricket should be more nuanced than that, but maybe it isn’t if you’re team’s talents and carefully nurtured culture so suit that game plan. Even if England crash and burn, at least they tried – and, looking back, we can’t always say that.”

16th over: England 112-0 (Roy 46, Bairstow 61) Bairstow wafts Chahal over long-on for six, just clearing the leaping Rahul on the boundary. That brings up an increasingly intimidating half-century from 56 balls, not to mention a vital hundred partnership. We love you Jonny! And he loves us too, it seems, because he has just pumped another six down the ground off the last ball before the drinks break. Phew.

15th over: England 97-0 (Roy 44, Bairstow 48) Kuldeep Yadav, the left-arm wrist spinner who gave England the heebie-jeebies at the start of last summer’s ODI series, comes on to replace Pandya. Roy runs down the track to blast the second ball down the ground for a one-bounce four, and then Bairstow waves a full toss to cow corner for another boundary. After an understandably nervous start, these two are playing beautifully. They scored 47 from the first ten overs; they’ve hit 50 from the last five.

“Hi Rob,” says Alex Netherton. “Just reading your work today and I don’t really like it?”

Not liking things is what you do best, mate.

14th over: England 84-0 (Roy 38, Bairstow 41) Roy reverse sweeps Chahal for four, and then Bairstow slog-sweeps him into the crowd! The last four overs have brought 37 runs.

“Riveting stuff this,” says Anand. “Does Bairstow seem too eager/nervous today? Anything to do with the pre-match banter?”

He looked nervous at the start, especially against Shami, but has played with much greater authority in the last few overs. Roy has been at his tone-setting best, that reprieve notwithstanding. They had a lot of luck in Shami’s first spell, and couldn’t do much with Bumrah, but so far they have targetted Chahal and Pandya to great effect. Shami and Bumrah have bowled eight overs for 30; Chahal and Pandya’s six overs have gone for 51.

13th over: England 73-0 (Roy 33, Bairstow 35) England are targetting Pandya all right. Bairstow pulls him round the corner for four, a superbly placed stroke, and drives the next ball sweetly back over the bowler’s head for four more. Pandya’s first two overs have gone for 21.

“How about a shout out for some alternative commentary at Guerrilla Cricket?” says Ravi Raman.

And why not?

12th over: England 63-0 (Roy 32, Bairstow 27) Three from Chahal’s over, most of which I spent trying to get my heart rate down after that Pandya over.

11th over: England 60-0 (Roy 31, Bairstow 26) Hardik Pandya has been brought into the attack - and he should have struck with his fourth ball! Roy survived an appeal for a catch down the leg side from a ball that was called wide by Aleem Dar. India discussed a review before deciding against it – but replays showed it shaved the glove. Had they reviewed, he would have been out.

Roy applies Himalayan Pink Salt to the wound by taking 10 from the first two balls of his second innings. He drives a massive six over wide mid-off and then another lofted drive just clears the man at mid-off. Crikey, that was quite an over.

10th over: England 47-0 (Roy 19, Bairstow 25) Chahal is replaced by Shami. Roy, on the charge, misses a lusty swipe at the first ball. India’s seamers have been quite brilliant this morning, and Shami makes it 10 consecutive dot balls at both ends before Roy works a single behind square on the off side. A fascinating Powerplay ends with England on 47 for none.

“It looks like 11 traffic cones running about on the pitch,” says Farooq Aslam. “That said, all of Pakistan are behind you. Come on, Team Orange!!”

9th over: England 46-0 (Roy 19, Bairstow 25) Bumrah is giving England nothing. He bowls such an awkward length, which makes it hard to know whether to back or forward, and Bairstow has little option but to play out a maiden. Bumrah’s figures are 4-1-8-0.

“I’m going to be relying on you today as I’m off to the Olympic Stadium to watch the American Cricket - Redsox vs Yankees,” says George Browne. “Not being familiar with the format of these things, perhaps the OBO family can offer some advice on the etiquette and tradition of American Cricket? Panamas and smoked salmon, à la Lords, I presume? All advice welcomed!”

8th over: England 46-0 (Roy 19, Bairstow 25) Chahal continues. Roy comes down the track, doesn’t get to the pitch and has no option but to pad the ball to safety. He makes room to belabour the next ball through the covers for four, and then fetches the following delivery from outside off stump for another boundary. That’s superb batting. He has 19 from 18 balls, Bairstow 25 from 30.

“Morning Rob, and the faithful deckhands of HMS OBO,” says Guy Hornsby. “Despite the creeping fear and existentialist dread, this is surely what it’s all about, no? Needing our best - as we should, given our ranking - at home to the real best side out there, with a packed, partisan crowd? I want to try and enjoy this as much as I can, before we decide to chuck it in our own peak England way. Time for someone to make themselves a hero (Roy, with a ton, please).”

7th over: England 37-0 (Roy 11, Bairstow 24) Bumrah has changed ends to replace Shami, whose figures of 3-0-21-0 are a travesty. Bairstow, whose running has been superb, calls Roy through for a sharp leg-bye. HE’S ALREADY HAD HIS FITNESS TEST, JONNY. England are struggling to time Bumrah, if they can lay a bit on him at all. He is a sensational bowler, and his third over yields only a couple of runs. There’s a great stat on Sky from Mike Atherton - India’s economy rate in the Powerplay at this World Cup is 3.72, which is more than a run per over better than anyone else.

“One thing I love about the Indian supporters’ dominance of Edgbaston,” says Ian Copestake, “is how unhappy it must be making Katie Hopkins.”

6th over: England 35-0 (Roy 10, Bairstow 23) Well now. After five overs, the legspinner Yuzvendra Chahal comes into the attack. That’s a fine, attacking move from Virat Kohli, a careful placement of cat among pigeons. Bairstow shows considerable moxie to launch the third ball over mid-on for a one-bounce four. That’s a fine shot. Chahal’s next ball is a beautiful legbreak that beats Bairstow’s defensive stroke. This is compelling stuff. One thing to keep an eye on - Roy has faced only three deliveries in the last five overs. I hope that won’t be costly.

Still want more? Bet you do.

5th over: England 28-0 (Roy 9, Bairstow 18) Roy is beaten by a gorgeous delivery from Shami that straightens off the seam and then wobbles through Dhoni’s gloves for a bye. India’s seamers have started superbly, with precisely no luck: two balls later Bairstow again inside-edges just past leg stump for four, and the over ends with a thick outside edge for two. It was well wide of slip, in fairness to Bairstow, and he hared back for the second run. This is exquisitely tense, simultaenously a privilege and a misery to describe.

“Good morning and a fine one it is too,” says John Starbuck. “Don’t know if it was deliberate or not (sarcasm?) but England are playing at home, not away to India. You can’t describe everything just from the Indian supporters’ angle.”

Indeed, but you can describe everything from the WE’RE DOOMED, WHY WHY WHY angle.

4th over: England 19-0 (Roy 9, Bairstow 9) Roy takes his first quick single, with no obvious impact on his hamstring. He looks assured; Bairstow not so much, at least not yet, though he does get his first intentional boundary with an efficient flick behind square. There’s a very short boundary on that side, 57 metres I think.

Meantime, Abhijato Sensarma is a hero. “Click the ‘Listen Live’ button present on the ICC website’s official match centre here. It’s the TMS stream and universally accessible.”

3rd over: England 14-0 (Roy 8, Bairstow 5) Bairstow is a bag of nerves. An inside-edge saves him when Shami goes up for LBW, before another inside-edge flashes this far wide of leg stump for four. A fraught over ends when he is beaten on the inside by a grubber that just misses the off stump.

“As an ardent England fan living in India, I’m sweating and breathing heavily as my Indian friends laugh and crack jokes,” says Saad Sheikh. “I know this is optimistic, but with Roy and Archer in and the pitch excellent for batting, I’ve got my money on England. This is after all, the ‘new’ England, so maybe they won’t bottle it under pressure like the old one.”

I’m not sure the old one ever played under this pressure, not in ODIs anyway.

In other and possibly happier news, it’s the Ashes!

2nd over: England 10-0 (Roy 8, Bairstow 1) Jonny Bairstow’s first challenge is the unique threat of Jasprit Bumrah. He is beaten third ball, feeling for a delivery that nips away from wide on the crease. Beautifully bowled. Indeed the whole over is superb, with just a thick edge for a single off the last delivery.

“May I inside edge one to fine leg by suggesting that what is really needed to juice this tournament up is a tied game today,” says professional SICKO Brian Withington. “Potential then for lots of teams to finish on eleven points and much scurrying for tournament rules and contemplation of the forbidden topic of Net Run Rate. Nervous, moi?”

Does anyone have a link to listen to Test Match Special overseas? Ta.

1st over: England 9-0 (Roy 8, Bairstow 0) A perfect start for England: they didn’t screw up once! Mohammad Shami started the innings with a wide, and then bowled a short ball outside off stump that was scythed for four by Roy. They are trying to bowl very straight to Roy, who is so good if you give him any width. When Shami offers just a fraction, Roy times a delicious drive between extra cover and mid-off for four. An eventful over ends with an absent-minded dab outside off stump from Roy; for a miserable split-second I thought he’d edged it Dhoni.

“I will be on a flight back home in three hours, so the OBO will have to be my eyes and ears for this match,” says Avitaj Mitra. We can be your nervous breakdown as well if you like. “First question: What sort of a total are England going to be comfortable with? Anything above 275.. 300? No total is safe obviously when Virat Kohli is in the opposition team but what score would the bowlers be comfortable defending?”

It’s really hard to say until we see a few overs. If the pitch is as good people say, I think they need at least 320.

Jason Roy and Jonny Bairstow stroll into the middle. It’s a gorgeous day in Birmingham, and about 90 per cent of the crowd are Indian fans.

Sir Alex Ferguson’s pre-match message to the England team (warning: clip contains Anglo-Saxon language)

“Good news for Anand,” says Matt Dony. “He thought he was going to squeeze a quick single wide of mid-on, but as I chased the ball, I stumbled clumsily and allowed it to trickle to the boundary rope. The bowler is glaring at me. Nuts. Anyway, it’s going to be a long day. Can’t say I’m hopeful, can’t say I’m positive, can’t say I’m happy. How have the last few years come to this?”

Always with the Smiths

“Last night I watched Johnny Marr play This Charming Man at Glastonbury,” says Phil Smith. “This morning all I have on my mind is Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want.”

“Good morning!” says Anand. “As I failed to score at yesterday’s OBOs, I thought I would open my account with a quick single wide of mid-on. I hope we have a great game today. I would like India to chase a tough total to see how the team performs. I am also rooting for our local boy Vijay Shankar (we went to the same school, years apart though).”

I don’t think he’ll play – the word is that Rishabh Pant is going to be unleashed.

Pre-match reading