There was boxer Harry Garside, on his haunches, crying and unable to speak. One of the Olympic team’s most magnetic personalities, a hero to his countrymen and women, processing the evaporation of a lifelong goal. He looked inconsolable, utterly alone, sprawled on the floor behind the North Paris Arena.
The 27-year-old had just lost his first-round bout in the men’s 63.5kg boxing. All it took was nine minutes for Garside’s golden dreams to end. Years of sweat spilled in gyms, of early mornings, nutrition advice, mind coaching, media appearances. “As an athlete, you put a lot of expectation on yourself and for the run to be over just like that, yeah, I feel like a failure right now,” he said.
Garside – it must be said – is not a failure. He is an inspiration, someone whose honesty and openness has helped a country have a better informed debate about mental health. He is a world-class athlete. He is strong enough to stare down detractors who might whisper about his painted nails, or his advocacy for the LGBTIQ+ community. He is, not was. He is, and will continue to be.
Monday morning simply wasn’t his day. He entered the fight against Hungarian Richard Kovacs as favourite, and immediately sought to be the aggressor. His springing stance, with footwork honed by ballet, chased his stockier opponent around the ring, seeking the initiative and to take control of his destiny. But, as Garside said afterwards, “life is full of ups and downs”.
With this he is intimate. The Victorian had thoughts of suicide last year after a charge of alleged domestic violence for which he was later cleared. He has shared stories of his difficult childhood, of alcohol and drugs. Of his mother’s cancer diagnosis. Of his self-doubt, of choosing which of the voices in his head to listen to. “I didn’t envision this happening, I could see the gold medal in all the visualisations, and it all went wrong,” he said.
For Australian boxing’s great showman, the nature of his exit was a surprise. Kovacs spent much of the fight grinning and taunting, lowering his hands and urging the Australian to come at him. The Hungarian’s conduct was disrespectful but hugely compelling, exposing the psychology behind boxing’s jabs and hooks. And it was successful.
Garside won the first round but lost the second and third. He said his opponent was better at making adjustments. “That showboating really was on his side as well,” the Australian said. “That’s not in my nature. No offence to him, he’s a great athlete and that’s how some boxers box, that’s just not what I’m about.”
And he was ruthless in his own self-assessment, rejecting any notion that he might be too hard on himself. “That’s how you get to be the best, right?,” he said, saying he hated himself before the Tokyo Olympics.
“Over the last three years, I’ve become my own friend, it sounds so good but in that I started being too nice to myself. I have a better relationship with myself and – of course, don’t get me wrong – there’s still the pattern of being hard on myself and I’m always trying my best to grow and evolve, but I think I was being too nice to myself and with that comes a first round loss in the Olympic Games.”
He stood there, alone, his head bowed. Still talking, but with tired eyes.
“The sun will come up tomorrow and whatever happens, but I just know the next few months for myself will be a pretty hard time. I’m sure I’ll have some dark moments and I’m fucking terrified to be honest,” he said, before trailing off, taking 10 steps then falling onto the cold concrete floor.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. Other international helplines can be found at befrienders.org. In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans can be contacted on freephone 116 123, or email jo@samaritans.org or jo@samaritans.ie. In the US, you can call or text the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on 988, chat on 988lifeline.org, or text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor.
