KEEPING IT REAL
Having started this season at Real Madrid with 13 wins from his first 14 games, Xabi Alonso could be forgiven for thinking he was on to a good thing in his new role of Kindergarten Cop, tasked with instilling discipline among the spoilt and unruly brats in his care. While this excellent run was punctuated by a tonking at the hands of Atlético and a diva strop thrown by Vinícius Júnior, Alonso seemed to have pulled off the unthinkable by introducing something approaching a work ethic into a group of players who had previously been powered on ego and vibes. It wasn’t until November that the passengers on board the Madrid wagon began to unscrew the wheels, when a series of poor results led to revelations that all was not well in the camp. Leaks suggested the squad was split between the few players who were entirely sold on the 43-year-old’s ethos and the apparent vast majority who took exception to this José Come-Lately’s tyrannical demands that they turn up on time, run around a bit and occasionally sit through boring tactical presentations that lasted longer than a FaceSpace Snap.
With Alonso’s job security less secure than unsecured wifi at a Black Hat convention, matters finally came to a head on Sunday when Madrid lost the Spanish Super Cup final. Played in the traditional Spanish footballing hotbed of Jeddah, this five-goal white-knuckle ride went the way of Barcelona and when Alonso tried to summon his beaten players to reciprocate the post-match guard of honour afforded them by their bitter rivals, he was pointedly ignored. An act of outright insubordination that more or less summed up the futility of the beleaguered manager’s reign, the writing could not have been more clearly written on the wall if Kylian Mbappé, who led the revolt, had picked up a spraycan and daubed “Adiós, Mister” in neon paint. Back in Madrid the following morning, Alonso received an unwelcome summons of his own.
“Real Madrid C.F. announces that, by mutual agreement between the club and Xabi Alonso, it has been decided to end his tenure as first-team coach,” honked the subsequent statement. “Xabi Alonso will always have the affection and admiration of all Madrid fans because he is a Real Madrid legend and has always embodied the values of our club. Real Madrid will always be his home. Our club thanks Xabi Alonso and his entire coaching staff for their work and dedication during this time, and wishes them the best of luck in this new chapter of their lives.” Among the players to echo the platitudes were Mbappé (no, really) and potty-mouthed England midfielder Jude Bellingham, who dismissed rumours of a rift between him and Alonso as “a load of sh!t”.
No doubt conscious of needlessly printing paper and its detrimental effect on the environment, Madrid used the same statement to announce that Álvaro Arbeloa would be taking his friend and former teammate’s job. “I’ve been at this club for 20 years and I’ll be here as long as Real Madrid want me to be,” said the new boss, who having played for Madrid, Liverpool and Spain is much the same as the old boss, except without the tactical acumen or glittering CV. Given chief suit Florentino Pérez’s famously trigger-happy nature, a shock defeat against Albacete in the Copa del Rey on Wednesday could see Arbeloa relieved of his duties in time for Thursday afternoon’s siesta.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Yara El-Shaboury at 5pm (all times GMT) for updates on Senegal 1-1 Egypt (3-4 pens aet) in the first Afcon semi-final, while Billy Munday will be all over Nigeria 1-2 Morocco at 8pm and Rob Smyth will have first-leg updates on Chelsea 1-1 Arsenal in the second Milk Cup semi-final, also at 8pm.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Last season I had an approach from a club here in the US to be a head coach, but without the Pro Licence I can’t. I had had two offers in Spain at the beginning of the season and one in Saudi Arabia, but they all wanted the Pro Licence. They’re opportunities that have just gone down the drain. It’s really disappointing because this is what I want to do and this is what I’ve worked for so many years for” – Mariana Cabral, who has managed in Portugal, says the admission criteria for Pro Licence courses prioritises coaching in the men’s game and Uefa’s limitations have set hurdles for women keen to take the next step.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
The suggestion that Manchester United hve taken/should take advice from Seinfeld [yesterday’s Football Daily] got me thinking. There was an episode about a competition during which, um, refraining from certain personal activities led to a temporary increase in intelligence (note: for male participants only!). As I recall, one of the outcomes was that George Costanza became fluent in Portuguese. Does this explain why the United board hired Messrs Mourinho and Amorim and signed Cristiano Ronaldo in recent years? And, does the hiring of Mr Carrick signal the, um, the end of the competition?” – Mike Wilner.
Following Dan Westacott’s letter about JR (yesterday’s letters), surely a growing number of Manchester United’s fans are praying that they will wake up back in 2013, where Sir Alex Ferguson will be getting out of the shower one morning, preparing himself for a press conference when he will announce that he isn’t actually retiring” – Simon Dunsby.
Not only did Dan get a letter published with a joke from 40 years ago, but he won letter of the day! And you didn’t even have to look it up! Oh, wait …” – Z Snook.
Seriously guys? Only two options and you gave letter of the day to the writer not called Gumley Slats!?!” – Adam Sherlock.
If you have any, please send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Rollover. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we have them, are here.
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