17 min Canada started passively but are starting to come into the game.

13 min Larin looks offside as he runs onto a through pass from Ali Ahmed. He tries to go round Kobel, who dives at his feet to push the ball away. The ball is clipped back into Buchanan, whose follow-up is blocked by a defender. And then the flag goes up for offside.

8 min Plenty of early possession for Switzerland. Most of it is harmless, in their own half, and Canada are waiting for the chance to counter-attack.

5 min Switzerland win the first corner on the left. It doesn’t beat the first man, at which point anybody over the age of 35 laments the negligence of a corner that doesn’t beat the first man.

4 min “Those enormous flags – they just look utterly unmanageable,” winces Charles Antaki. “Either they weigh a ton, or they’re made out of some material one nano-millimetre thick, or all the flag attendance are doing steroids. Perhaps it’s all an AI-generated illusion?”

You’re an AI-generated illusion! (Sorry, I may have watched In Bruges recently.)

3 min Nothing to report. Not a thing.

2 min “Cheers Mac,” hics Simon McMahon in reference to this offering. “An Overachievers/Surprise Package XI for when Scotland play their quarter-final in a couple of weeks’ time would be great. And cheers Rob, I’ve been keeping a bottle of Buckfast Premier Cru since 1998 for when Scotland reach the knockouts, and I think tonight could be the night.”

1 min Peep peep! Canada, technically the away team, kick off from right to left as we watch.

On this day in 1990… Frank Rijkaard mistook Rudi Voller for a lamppost

A reminder of the teams

Switzerland (poss 4-3-3) Kobel; Jaquez, Elvedi, Akanji, Rodriguez; Sow, Xhaka, Freuler; Vargas, Embolo, Manzambi.

Subs: Mvogo, Keller, Widmer, Coemert, Amenda, Zakaria, Jashari, Aebischer, Ndoye, Fassnacht, Okafor, Amdouni, Itten.

Canada (4-4-2) Crepeau; Johnston, De Fougerolles, Cornelius, Laryea; Buchanan, Choiniere, Saliba, Ali Ahmed; J David, Larin.

Subs: St Clair, Goodman, Waterman, Bombito, Davies, Sigur, Eustaquio, Millar, Shaffelburg, Osorio, Oluwaseyi, P David, Nelson.

Referee Ramon Abatti (Brazil)

“Should today’s match fizzle into a drab draw it might well suit both teams,” writes Dan. “Canada would finish top of the group and remain in Vancouver for their next match against a third place team, likely from Groups G or J. Belgium? Algeria?

“The Swiss would return to Southern California for a winnable match in Los Angeles against the Group A runner up - South Korea? Not a lot to choose between potential opponents. But given their home base is in balmy San Diego, travel logistics might well suit them better than another cross-border West Coast commute for their round of 32 match.”

At this point I’m contractually obliged to post a link to, er, my piece on the Disgrace of Gijon.

Time for the pre-match nonsense ceremony. Canada have already added plenty to this tournament and, though tonight’s game isn’t the be-all and end-all, it gives them the chance to stay in Vancouver for the last 32. Maybe even the last 16.

“‘Switzerland and Canada have already qualified for the last 32 of the World Cup’,” writes Ric Arthur, throwing my words back at me. “Not according to the guide published this morning on these pages. I think you’re right, though. Which means they did not do their homework. But I can’t find a link to notify them of this.”

It’s true: mathematically, they haven’t qualified for the knockout stage. But they have.

The World Cup Hydration Break XI

“Evening, Robert,” writes Mac Millings. “I think the fabulous Simon McMahon asked for a Hydration Break XI about two weeks ago, so, with my usual promptness, here it is:

1. Guillermo H2 Ochoa

2. Damp Burn

3. Rampamt Capitalisandro Martinez

4. Erictrolyte García

5. Jarell Quartah

6. Moistyouri Tielemans

7. Matheus Coolsya

8. Isotonick Woltemade

9. Siptor Gyökeres

10. Joe Irrigaetjens

11. Son Heung-Midity.”

Thanks Millings. If only Simon was in a fit state to read it, but Scotland v Brazil kicks off in just under four hours’ time and there are unconfirmed reports of a Buckfast fiasco.

England, an apology. Football Daily and the wider English media may have previously depicted Thomas Tuchel’s lads as world champions in waiting after taking apart a Croatian team led by Luka Modric, 78, in a second-half Texan surge, but we were all so very wrong. Still, as the nation awoke following the goalless draw with Ghana, we had our England back. Tradition matters. Tea cups on the lawn, curled-up cucumber sandwiches, overpriced service stations, complaining about the weather, prime ministers departing office; familiarity is important to this nation’s psyche. England serving up the dullest game yet of the Geopolitics World Cup brought that self-same wash of familiarity. A corner of a foreign field that is forever England playing like a drain, a nation’s hopes sagging. England, our ruddy bloody England, welcome home, we’ve been expecting you.

England latest

• Cause for concern but Tuchel’s strategy is for the best

• Harry Kane turns attention to Panama

• Tuchel wary of pressuring Bukayo Saka

Alphonso Davies stays on the bench for Canada, whose two changes are in central midfield: Mathieu Choiniere and Nathan Saliba replace Stephen Eustaquio and Ismael Kone.

Switzerland bring in Luca Jaquez, Djibril Sow, Johan Manzambi and Ruben Vargas for Silvan Widmer, Michel Aebischer, Dan Ndoye and Fabian Rieder.

Manzambi and Vargas both came off the bench to score against Bosnia and Herzegovina.

We’re already into last-group-game territory, which means simultaneous matches. Will Unwin is covering Bosnia and Herzegovina v Qatar – so you don’t have to!

Some corners of the internet were determined that Canada’s totemic and traumatic 6-0 World Cup victory on Thursday would be remembered mostly through Jesse Marsch memes.

The American’s handsy sideline shuffle after Jonathan David rifled the first goal of a hat-trick past Qatar duly racked up social media views by the million. Shots of Marsch holding up six fingers to Canada fans at the end of the match were chopped and put side by side with Michael Jordan in identical pose after winning his sixth NBA title with the Chicago Bulls.

The man himself was adamant it would be remembered for what it was: a moment in time and a moment for all times, including the dark ones after Ismaël Koné’s World Cup was ended with a broken leg. Koné’s horrifying injury came almost halfway through an afternoon that saw records fall like confetti through the Vancouver air.

“To create an identity for what Canadian soccer could be, you can say and do all the right things, but you need moments like today, where everybody remembers what happened,” Marsch said after the victory, the Canada men’s first in this tournament, the biggest ever by a Concacaf nation and the joint-largest by any World Cup host.

“No Canadian will forget this day. There’ll be 40 million people that said they were here. It’s an incredibly seminal moment for everyone to understand that there’s talent in this country, that there’s mentality, desire, a lot of things that make this country special, even though it’s a hockey country. I’m very proud that we’ve accomplished a moment everybody can remember.”

David Pleat couldn’t have an unoriginal thought about football if he tried, so it’s a pleasure to see him back in the Guardian. Here he is discussing five young stars of the World Cup, one of whom should be in action tonight.

Johan Manzambi (Switzerland, 20)

The introduction of the forward in the last minutes of the game against Bosnia and Herzegovina was quite dramatic. Within minutes this powerful, speedy, right-footed player destroyed his opponents’ hopes of surviving with a draw. They had just lost Muharemovic and Manzambi exploited the extra space with perfect timing to get two goals.

When he scored the first, a well taken volley, it was clear he would be the centre of attention and it reminded me of the impact on Michael Owen’s life when he brushed past Argentina defenders to score for England in Saint-Étienne.

Manzambi spent his early days with Servette before moving to Freiburg and has shown he has the pace and power, combined with adequate control, to trouble defenders in the Bundesliga. He seems well respected by his colleagues there but after contributing a combined 16 goals and assists for his club this season, he may soon have new teammates.