23rd over: New Zealand 88-0 (Latham 48, Conway 37) More singles taken off Bashir, three of them, and he’s just about holding an end down, his seven overs conceding 25. Conway, though, will be vexed not to have splattered the final delivery of this over, a full toss that deserved punishment.

“My hunch is that <awkward> probably isn’t iconic,” laments Robin Durie. “The etymology indicates that the root is shared with words like <forward> & <backward> & <toward>, with <-ward> indicating a direction of movement; then <awk-> appears to derive from Old Norse <afugr>, meaning ‘turned the wrong way’, so that <awkward> comes to mean ‘in the wrong direction’.

I suspect there’s probably a bit of visual projection going on, because there’s a relatively unusual cluster of consonants - <wkw> - plus a single vowel repeated <a> - which makes the word look, well, awkward, to the eyes of an English speaker.

By the way - most forms of evolutionary psychology, & I’d lump evolutionary lingustics in there, are pseudo-science. They begin by cherry-picking examples, to fit a pre-established hypothesis, & then, lo and behold, the hypothesis drawn from the examples appears to be confirmed by the examples! Counterfactuals, by way of contrast to the methods of genuine science, are rarely taken into account. All of this points to why Saussure is so important - he developed a genuinely scientific approach to the study of language!”

22nd over: New Zealand 85-0 (Latham 46, Conway 36) Latham bumps two to cover then, after three singles, a leg-stump half-volley is flicked to the midwicket fence by Conway. I wonder if Stokes moving that slip out before the ball went directly to the vacated area will become this match’s motif.

21st over: New Zealand 76-0 (Latham 42, Conway 31) Other … phonaesthetic words: gimp, snide, arrogant, drunk, irregular. Otherwise, are NZ starting to milk Bashir? He’s now bowled six overs – that can’t’ve happened often, a spinner on for a proper spell so early in a day’s play. And I get it, he needs to feel part of the match, but I wonder if England will regret not letting the quicks use the new ball to its fullest extent, because he’s not threatening a wicket and there’ll be plenty of time for that this afternoon. Six off the over, a two and a one to each batter.

20th over: New Zealand 70-0 (Latham 39, Conway 28) It’d be just like Stokes to finagle a first-over wicket and he’s on the money immediately, Latham edging and scabbing one. But then Conway lasers a drive to the fence at cover. the over ceding six.

“Now this is why I love the Guardian OBO!” says Victor Manley. Early doors chat about the structure of words. My favourite phonaesthetic word (don’t pretend like you don’t have one), is ‘bicycle’ which both suggests momentum and a certain clicky machine unreliability. PLUS, as if that weren’t enough, the ‘cyc’ element kinda looks like a bike! What a world, eh?

Just to make it more crickety, the most famous word which looks like what is, is ‘bed’. As in ‘this pitch is a rotten feather bed’”.

That reminds me of a gag about the laziest letter in the alphabet – e because it’s always in bed. It’s the way I tell em.

19th over: New Zealand 64-0 (Latham 38, Conway 23) Bashir sends down four dots, then Latham pushes two to cover and adds a single to midwicket; cheers indicate that, next up, we’ll have an over form Ben Stokes.

“On the subject of words that do what they describe,” says Matt Dony, “I know perfectly well that ‘panicked’ is the correct spelling, but that K has never, ever looked right to me. Which has meant I’ve had a slight panic whenever I’ve had to include the word in any official reports I’ve had to write. (Fortunately, this is less of an issue in my current job than previous ones. Incident -eporting may well involve recording a panicked decision. Selling coffee, less so.) I wonder how often that word has been used when debriefing an England team selection?”

I know what you mean, but paniced sounds like sounds like a stupor into which one might fall after scarfing too many fried items.

18th over: New Zealand 61-0 (Latham 35, Conway 23) Latham takes a single down the ground and Sanga joins the commentary; gosh, I bet England are glad he’s not out in the middle, because this looks like the kind of track on which he and Mahela would put on 83,452. Anyhow, Conway then tries to follow a leg-side delivery, almost strangling himself, but slow accumulation looks to be the NZ plan.

17th over: New Zealand 60-0 (Latham 34, Conway 23) Four singles from this latest Bashir over, and he’s doing an OK job of keeping it tight.

“Positively imperial,” says Jim Frayling of Stokes’ new barnet. ‘Some might say Augustine, or indeed Octavian. It’ll be interesting to see if he goes on to destroy the triumvirate regime managing England men’s cricket. Et tu Bob?”

It’s a bit Mr Logic, for mine.

16th over: New Zealand 56-0 (Latham 32, Conway 21) I wonder what kind of exhibition masochism Ben Stokes will treat us to today; I imagine he’ll wait until NZ have more runs and it’s even hotter, but I reckon nine overs into the heat. Tongue goes around to Latham, and it occurs to me that the Barmy Army trumpeter needs to learn the below – from an album I was disappointed to discover contained only four bangers. Goodness me, I’d take that now. Anyhow, five more dots are followed by a Latham drive for two, during which time we learn Stokes is warming up.

15th over: New Zealand 54-0 (Latham 30, Conway 21) Bashir continues to one slip and a short leg; after four dots, Conway has a drive and almost edges on; I think Jamie Smith then calls him Basheroo. Gulp. A further dot follows, and that’s a third maiden in four overs.;Andy Flower will be pleased. Yes, relatively speaking and for him.

14th over: New Zealand 54-0 (Latham 30, Conway 21) Four dots from Tongue but he’s spraying it a bit – he’s not settled into a line yet. His final ball, though, isn’t bad, full, straight and into the thigh-pad; he completes a second maiden and that is drinks.

“Although there will be others better qualified to opine, I think with the word ‘awkwardly’ we’re in visual onomatopoeia country - the word both looks and pronounces awkwardly,” says Brian Withington. “I’m told that iconicity or phonaesthesia might apply, where the appearance or sound of a word is suggestive of its meaning.

Not to be confused with true onomatopoeia of course, and the punchline of the only linguistic joke I know - two friends get separated at a funfair, and the one perched at the top of the helter skelter shouts down to his mate ‘I’m on a mat up here’. It’s quite literally (or is that phonetically?) the way I tell ‘em.”

I’ve just had a quick glance at the LRB piece; it’s a long time since I’ve pondered the boy Saussure. He was so confident he was right.

13th over: New Zealand 54-0 (Latham 30, Conway 21) There’s a modicum of turn for Bashir; if he’s getting that now, he’ll fancy something more helpful later. Latham forces to cover for a single, then Conway carves two to deep cover, and England could use a wicket.

12th over: New Zealand 51-0 (Latham 29, Conway 19) Bashir bowled a decent over there, but it still went for six; this is a better one from Tongue, and the first maiden of the day.

11th over: New Zealand 51-0 (Latham 29, Conway 19) Bashir is handed an early bowl, and will NZ look to get after him? If he can hold down an end, the quicks can rotate from the other, but if he’s whacked out of the attack, England have a massive problem. And he starts well, finding a challenging full length, then Conway drives … doesn’t get all of it … and, at short extra, Root can only impart finger to ball. They run their second single of the over, then Latham sweeps for four, and that’s the fifty partnership; this pitch looks a belter.

10th over: New Zealand 45-0 (Latham 24, Conway 18) Tongue replaces Archer and his first ball it over-pitched, Latham flicking to the midwicket fence for four. Oh, and two balls later he’s sending a half-volley at leg-peg; again, remonstration is swift and just, the ball zipping along the carpet for four more through the same area. England are going to need something from Tongue in this match; a leg-bye follows.

And this is one of the many reasons I love this thing of ours; here’s Tim Sanders: “Regarding your 5th over ‘awkward’ question,” he beings, “the terms ‘iconic’ or ‘sound-symbolic’ words are used for words that aren’t full-on onomatapaeic, but aren’t completely arbitrary either. There was a fascinating article about it in the London Review of Books a few weeks ago. The idea goes back to Socrates, that words come to be used socially because they sound and feel right; or even look right when spoken.”

9th over: New Zealand 36-0 (Latham 16, Conway 18) Latham again goes after a wide one, slicing three to backward point, then a similar shot from Conway, also uppish, earns four. NZ will be satisfied with their start.

“I am baffled by the omission of Ollie Robinson here,” writes Steve Hudson. “If we assume they are right to have concerns that he isn’t fit enough to perform in difficult conditions like these, you have to wonder why they recalled him in the first place, given they dropped him previously for not being fit enough.

It has the whiff of the muddled thinking we saw last winter (e.g. whether to stick or twist with regards to Bazball batting; taking Shoaib as the only specialist spinner then not being confident enough in him to pick him even once).

I’ve always rated Ollie R - a modern day Angus Fraser. But we can’t afford to pick a bowler who only plays when the conditions suit him.”

Stokes was saying to the contrary when trying to avoid explaining why Robinson was left out, and I think it’s fair to vary the attack according to conditions. But I agree a bowler you do’t trust to get through a match if it’s too hot is a problem, even if we can’t be 100% certain that’s what this is.

8th over: New Zealand 29-0 (Latham 13, Conway 14) Stuart Broad was 40 yesterday; despite dressing like he’s 20 years older than that, he looks invigoratingly fresh-faced. Find out what moisturiser he uses and slap on a vat of it every morning. Meantime, Archer eases through another over, a single to Conway and a no ball coming from it.

“It’s BazBall only when YJB plays, else it’s just ultra-positive cricket,” advises Sushant Kshirsagar; yup, I can get on board with that. Bairstow took a while to grow on me, but the more I watched and listened to him, the more I could tell he’s the best mate anyone has ever had,

7th over: New Zealand 26-0 (Latham 12, Conway 13) We see footage from earlier of Geoff Thorpe ringing the bell today – he does so lustily. Atkinson then goes back over to Conway, five dots followed by a dab into the off-side and a single.

6th over: New Zealand 25-0 (Latham 12, Conway 12) What do we think of Ben Stokes’ barnet, by the way? I must say I preferred the mane. Anyhow, England move third slip to second gully, next ball Archer persuades Latham to edge … and I don’t think I need to complete that sentence. Yes, it flies to directly to the vacated area, through it as Brook fruitlessly hurls himself at it, and to the fence for four. Cricket is nothing if not a practical joker and, credit where it’s due, that had me laughing cruelly.

5th over: New Zealand 21-0 (Latham 8, Conway 12) Latham turns into the leg side, Archer in pursuit, and as they run three, he flicks the ball back then hurdles the awkwardly-placed hoarding. Is is possible, by the way, that the word “awkwardly” looks awkward, and is there a name for that kind of thing that isn’t nominative determinism or confirmation bias? Anyhow, Atkinson again offers width and again, Conway nails four through cover; the batters feel confident driving; are chasing to make sure they can drive. There’s going to be a fair litrage of water, salt and urea shed today.

4th over: New Zealand 14-0 (Latham 5, Conway 8) What a day this is to be at the Test. I was at Lord’s when it was like this last summer, and sometime in the afternoon session, a tiny cloud blocked the sun for perhaps 30 seconds; everyone cheered. I think, actually, I’ve caught myself trying to talk myself into fetching a Fruit-Pastille ice lolly but I’m going to stay strong; after a leg bye,Archer is too full and floaty, Conway stretching as the ball moves away to lash a second four through cover.

3rd over: New Zealand 9-0 (Latham 5, Conway 4) Atkinson goes around the wicket to the left-handed Conway; he’s finding decent pace and bounce. But his last delivery offers a bit of width and Conway doesn’t need asking twice, flowing a drive through the covers for four.

2nd over: New Zealand 5-0 (Latham 5, Conway 0) Archer, who bowled well at the Oval, begins, and when Bashir dives over one at mid-off, Latham adds two … then two more by running into the ground and wide of gully. Those are the only runs from the over, during which Simon Doull relates the tragic but inspiring story of Bob Blair, in whose memory the NZ team are wearing black armbands.

1st over: New Zealand 1-0 (Latham 1, Conway 0) I don’t imagine NZ will be in any hurry here – they know that if they see off the new ball, they can book in for full board, with the potential of a buffet after tea as the the bowlers tire. After two dots, Latham turns off the pads for one, then England add a slip for Conway – there are now three and a gully – and a bit of lift has him taking a hand off the bat. Then, to end the over, its best delivery, hitting the back leg and there’s a shout … but it looked to be going over, and when the umpire says no, there’s no serious discussion of reviewing.

Gus Atkinson has the ball; I fear a long day, or two, for him and the rest of the England attack. Play…

Anthem time…

Trent Bridge is, of course, the spiritual home of the dear departed Bazball; in 2022, England, led by Jonny Bairstow, flayed the Black Caps, and a way of life was born.

“No Robinson and not even a comment,” says Andrew Moreman. “Honestly, Jofra gets allowed to stay at the IPL, time off after, support with every injury, brought straight in. Every niggle Robinson has gets treated like a basic character flaw. His face just doesn’t fit with, what we see now, is a flawed management team.

I think Robinso agrees he’s not made it easy for them or for himself. I was surprised he was left out and, as per the below, Stokes went around the houses explaining why – I don’t think he wanted to explicitly say they don’t fancy his fitness given the heat. But assuming that’s the reason, I think we can be sure it’s not ill founded.

Email! “In the pre-match photo of Ben Stokes, he’s batting in a sleeveless top (and probably shorts as well) — presumably what he’s most comfortable wearing while doing a physical activity in this weather,” begins Smylers. “Has there been any discussion of relaxing player kit requirements during the heatwave? I’m in an office where we’ve been allowed to wear shorts this week; my children’s schools have told pupils to come in in PE kit rather than their normal uniforms. When the rest of us are making adjustments, it seems curious for profession cricketers to have to play wearing more clothes than they need to. Is it just tradition?”

I guess it’s mainly tradition and perhaps the need to slide. But as a lifelong member of the shorts-wearing community, I’d say that, when it’s really hot, the feeling is more one of freedom than of cooling so, once they’re focused, maybe it doesn’t make too much difference.

This feels like a big toss. I’m a little surprised Jamieson has been rested for a series decider; so is Simon Doull, who explains that NZ have a busy schedule coming up. DK, meanwhile, isn’t happy, saying you can’t plan for September and October in June, and you play players whoa are fit and in form.

Stokes confirms he’d have batted, and that it’s good to be back. It’s a big week for him and the team, he says. He’s glad to have got some runs, hopes can imprint himself on the game.

On Ollie Robinson, he says they’re making squads bigger to have different options and they don’t want to pigeonhole a particular way of playing given varying conditions, and this is a “conditions-based” decision. Or, in other words, he doesn’t really answer the question.

Otherwise, Shoaib Bashir, who hasn’t bowled in a Test for over a year, has a good record at Trent Bridge, and should get a good, long spell.

Time for the toss…

Bad news for New Zealand: Matt Henry has a calf injury, so will be out for two to four weeks, while Glenn Phillips has a side strain, the length of his absence to be determined following a scan.

The pitch is flat, but it’s dry so might crumble later in the game. I can’t see any way you win the toss and don’t bat.

Now Nas, quoting Mike Brearley, is explaining that, as captain, you don’t realise how much you love the job till you don’t have it anymore, adding that the hardest thing to take when you do the job is the toll it takes on your own form.

Broady, meanwhile, tells us that Stokes can get “quite obsessive” with the fitness and so on – Roy Keane and Meg Lanning have both found that – adding that he’s not looked happy or relaxed over the last bit and is at his best when batting with freedom. Perhaps, then, the break will have done him good.

Speaking to Athers yesterday in tape we’re seeing now, Stokes tries to sound grateful to be back, is grateful for the love he had from supporters, and it’s nice to play in front of people who appreciate you; it’s said gently, but it sounds like a message to those above him. Previously, Stuart Broad observed that, at his core, he probably doesn’t feel he did much wrong.

Otherwise, he reckons the change of environment, to one a little more relaxed at Durham, has helped getting his batting going again – he needed to simplify things, he reckons.