90 min+2: Tottenham take the corner short and Lamela tries to bend one into the far corner with his left foot from the right side of the area. A magnificent effort but it’s matched by a spectacular save from Lukac, who tips it over the bar.

90 min: The referee falls over, just to cap a thoroughly slapstick night. We’ll have three minutes of stoppage time.

88 min: Stambouli charges clean through the middle, through on goal, and instead of shooting he decides to pass it to Lamela - but galootishly ends up knocking it so far wide that Lamela has to slide to reach it and can only knock it wide. What was Stambouli thinking of?

87 min: Harry Winks replaces Paulinho for Tottenham.

86 min: Branko Ilic is booked out for a little kick out at Lamela.

85 min: Hugo Lloris, Tottenham’s best player, preserves their lead with a fabulous save. Tottenham were caught cold by a cross from the right that found the unmarked Volkov in the middle and his glancing header was wonderfully pushed away by the flying Lloris, who is such a good goalkeeper. The rebound fell to Zivkovic but he slammed it into the side-netting from a tight angle. He might have been better off turning it back across the area.

83 min: Tottenham have the ball in the net but the flag is correctly up for offside against Kane. Still, a nice pass from Lennon and a nice finish from Kane, which surely counts for something.

81 min: When’s the next pitch invasion?

78 min: Partizan make their final change, Kojic replacing Skuletic.

75 min: Grbic flashes a fine bouncing cross into the Tottenham area. Naughton turns it behind for a corner which Lloris punches away. Grbic has been very good, quite possibly the best attacking player on the pitch. Tottenham should buy and then ruin him. Daniel Levy is probably drawing up plans as we speak.

74 min: Partizan make their second change, Marinkovic replacing Sasa Ilic.

73 min: Kane does take it and he dips it up and over the wall and then back down again. It’s a dipper, all right! Lukac dives to his right and pushes it behind for a corner. The ball comes to Bentaleb 30 yards from goal and his deflected shot is pushed over by Lukac for another corner, which drifts behind for a goal-kick.

72 min: Grbic has been booked. I presume it was for a foul. Tottenham have a free-kick 30 yards from goal. Harry Kane will take it.

69 min: But here’s a chance for Partizan. Grbic burns past Vertonghen on the right and slides a low ball to Zivkovic at the near post but he turns it high and wide under pressure from Chiriches. If he had left it, there was a Partizan player in a better position behind him. “Lukac is having a really confident composed game,” says Jeremy Dresner. “Best nominative deterministic player currently in the game? Chin itch in pure ponderment.”

68 min: It’s been all Tottenham since the goal and they’d like a second. Kane is involved immediately, turning and sending Paulinho haring through the middle. He’s tackled but the ball runs to Lamela, who rams it over from the left of the area.

66 min: Harry Kane, oneofourown, comes on for Roberto Soldado, who’s given a generous round of applause as he goes off. He tried.

65 min: Harry Kane is going to come on soon. Hopefully he’ll end the evening playing in goal.

62 min: Partizan bring on Andrija Zivkovic for Linkovic.

61 min: The Tottenham fans are getting increasingly irate that Kyle Naughton hasn’t been allowed back on the pitch after changing his shirt. [INSERT JOKE ABOUT HIM BEING A PITCH INVADER HERE.]

58 min: Tottenham have been a different side since the break. Lamela has come alive and he buys a yard of space 25 yards from goal and whacks a low shot just wide with his left foot. “Unfortunately for Spurs, the invasions don’t appear to involve anything as trivial as ‘racism’ or ‘violence’ or anything, so the sanctions will be harsh,” says Matt Dony. “Maybe up there with, I don’t know, advertising the wrong Bookie’s or something...”

57 min: Tottenham have been energised by Stambouli’s goal. Now Lamela skips through the middle and strokes a pass into the area to Lennon, whose shot is blocked by a last-ditch challenge.

56 min: Nabil Bentaleb replaces Dembele.

55 min: Oh Roberto! Lennon dashes inside from the left and lofts a pass over the top to Soldado, who’s all alone in the middle of the area. A confident striker would bury it without a moment’s thought but Soldado is not a confident striker and he pokes it tamely at Lukac, who is able to block it up into the air and then a win a free-kick off Soldado.

54 min: Lazovic wastes a presentable opportunity for Partizan. The ball ran to him after an inadvertent clearance from Vertonghen, who tried to stop a pass from reaching Skuletic, but he slashed his volley wide from 18 yards.

53 min: Tottenham have their tails up now. Dembele plays a reverse pass to Lamela on the right and the winger cuts inside before seeing a shot blocked. Moments later, Soldado breaks behind the Partizan defence on the left but his cutback from the byline is pounced upon by Lukac.

51 min: Stambouli celebrates his goal by cleaning out Lazovic and picking up a booking.

48 min: Kyle Naughton shanks a cross out of play for a goal-kick. He is a professional footballer. “Sorry to exhibit my plebishness but how is it even possible to make crisps from quinoa?” says David Wall. “Is that a grain? Wouldn’t they just be like the broken fragments of crisps that you find at the bottom of the packet (arguably the best bits)?” I’ll freely admit that it’s not my area of expertise.

46 min: Anyway the second half is underway. Football. Remember that? “One upside - Roberto Soldado showed a lot more promise in dealing with the pitch invaders than as a striker - perhaps he could swap roles with a steward who happens to be able to finish?” says Richard Coopey.

The likelihood is that the match will be abandoned if there is another pitch invasion. On another note, the police are concerned by a number of Albanian fans who have bought tickets for this match given the recent Serbia v Albania match.

“You can’t have it both ways; one minute there’s no excitement at White Hart Lane since Bale left, the next pitch invaders are unacceptable,” says Kate Lyons. “Some people are just never happy... Amazed UEFA are letting this continue, it’s a real danger to the players.”

A colleague has just come back from the canteen with quinoa crisps. That’s so Guardian.

“Amazingly swift surveillance by THFC security, according to ITV, who pinpointed that each invasion was triggered by a fan from the Serbian crowed by mobile phone,” says Iain Kelly. “However, when it came to apprehending said invaders, their quick reactions were disappointedly absent.”

This is very odd. Why would a Serbian be orchestrating invasions by people wearing t-shirts with the logo of Tottenham’s, ahem, official, ahem, headphones, ahem, supplier? Ahem.

“When did we reach the point that football clubs have official headphone makers?” says Nathan Cooper. “And how is that even a thing?”

STOP FOOTBALL.

45 min+12: Lamela thwacks one wide from 25 yards. He should have done a rabona.

45 min+10: Jonathan Wilson is at the game and here’s what he’s had to say about the tactics of the three pitch invasions.

45 min+8: Tottenham win possession with plenty of Partizan players forward but Lamela gifts the ball back to the visitors with a needlessly extravagant backheel. It leads to Partizan winning a corner, from where a scramble ensues. Eventually a free-kick is awarded to Tottenham for something or other.

45 min+6: So the game begins again. I’m not actually sure how much more of this first half we have to play.

“Sitting as I am in the upper tier of the Paxton Road stand, Spurs’ stewarding has been a joke,” says Richard Coopey. “Pitch invader number one was left to run around what what seemed like 5 minutes, and how it could then be so slack as to let two more on... who know!? There now appear to be mass ejections of Partizan fans from the home section in the East Stand - they got rather excited and unfurled large banners and flags (possibly for Greater Yugoslavia?) when the players got taken off. A bit of a shambles... at least it’s only the Europa League so no-one is watching our shame...”

Well the players are coming back out. Hopefully there’ll be no more shenanigans.

The three pitch invaders have all been wearing the same shirts, apparently bearing some kind of message. ITV say that according to security, although the trespassers came from the Tottenham end, before each pitch invasion a cue has been given by a fan in the Partizan head on a mobile phone.

The players remain locked in the tunnel. There’s no word on when they’ll be back.

A pitch invader is all very amusing, yes, but who knows what one could be carrying and what their intention could be? Tottenham are going to have a lot of questions to answer. Apparently Uefa’s officials are having to be given assurances by Tottenham now. “What if they’re so desperate to move the stadium, they want to do it right now, tonight,” says Ben Bennett. “You watch, they’ll get the game cancelled and the stadium will be dismantled before bedtime. Makes you think, but not me, obviously.”

After the second pitch invasion, a Uefa official clearly signalled that another would lead to the players being taken off. He wasn’t lying.

There are going to be some red faces at Tottenham. This is a farce. What are the stewards doing? Three pitch invaders is unacceptable. There’s no word on when the players will be back.

39 min: A good move from Tottenham! Lennon finds space in the middle and sets up Paulinho on the left of the area. He should just get the ball out of his feet and shoot but, clearly lacking confidence, instead he takes too long, twists inside and out and - this is not a lie - ends up at the corner flag. For God’s sake. He loses the ball and Partizan speed away on the break. Linkovic dashes past Stambouli but his shot is deflected and lands straight in the hands of Lloris.

37 min: Lennon is on the left now. He scuttles inside and lays off a pass to Stambouli, whose fizzing drive is held by Lukac. That’s a bit better from Tottenham.

34 min: Partizan try to counter but Stambouli stops them with what we’ll call a clever foul on Lazovic. It was cynical but clumsy enough to look accidental and therefore avoid a booking.

33 min: Partizan are playing really well. I’m surprised. I wasn’t expecting them to be this good going forward but they’ve caused numerous problems for Tottenham, who are struggling a tad. Pochettino won’t be happy.

29 min: Tottenham are living increasingly dangerously. They’ve been sliced open again here and it’s a brilliant piece of play from Partizan. With Stambouli and Dembele nowhere to be seen, Sasa Ilic was able to receive a pass, turn and then scoop a wondrous pass over Chiriches for Skuletic. He took it down but it just got stuck under his feet a little and he had to try to take it round Lloris. He managed that but was forced wide. He turned and played it across goal, looking for Ilic, but Spurs survived.

28 min: “I miss Gareth Bale,” weeps Christopher Kuschel. “That clip you’ve posted has made me remember how he’d do things like that pretty much every week for nearly two seasons. At the moment it looks like the best we’ll get is maybe a Lamela rabona every three years or so.”

How can you miss Gareth Bale when Andros Townsend’s around?

26 min: Lennon darts to the right and sends in a cross that’s held by Lukac. But before he can boot it up field, there’s another pitch invader. This is ludicrous. Daniel Levy looks less than amused and a Uefa official has come down to tell the fourth official that enough is enough. This is not what Tottenham need. I suspect they’ll be facing some kind of sanction. Maybe Uefa will write them a letter saying they’re really, really, really annoyed with them.

24 min: Another chance for Partizan. Lloris dives to his right and holds Markovic’s low shot from 25 yards.

22 min: There’s a pitch invader. He’s running around taking selfies with various players. How very modern. This is farcical. For half a minute, only one member of security is on the pitch trying to tackle him. Eventually others join but it takes a while for them to apprehend him. It’s as if they’ve been taking lessons in tackling from the Tottenham defence. Finally they get their man and lead him away. The crowd enjoyed that diversion but Uefa will take a dim view of the incident.

21 min: It just won’t fall for Roberto Soldado. Dembele shrugs off a challenge in the middle and finds Lamela on the left. Lamela instantly knocks the ball into the six-yard box and Soldado is inches away from reaching it. Instead it runs away for a goal-kick.

19 min: On nights like these, you can see why the top four is Tottenham’s everything.

18 min: Lazovic flashes a volley just wide for Partizan. It came from slack Tottenham defending. They cleared a free-kick but then failed to react when the ball was knocked back into the area. From the right, it was hooked into the middle and then misjudged by Naughton, whose failed jump allowed it to reach Lazovic. He chested it down and then, as Naughton grabbed a hold of his shirt, looped one a yard or so wide from 15 yards out. Naughton is an accident waiting to happen.

16 min: Partizan are dangerous on the break. Grbic, again, speeds down the right flank and this time tries to curve a pass through to Skuletic. Almost, but Chiriches is on hand to cut the pass out. Meanwhile Pochettino is engaged in deep discussion with Aaron Lennon on the touchline.

14 min: Do my work for me dept: If we did a Joy of Six on toe punt goals, then this one from Gareth Bale against Swansea would surely feature on the list, wouldn’t it?

12 min: Paulinho’s shot from 25 yards is deflected over the bar for another Tottenham corner. It’s talen short, it leads to nothing. Short corners are annoying, aren’t they?

10 min: A scare for Tottenham. Grbic scuttles down the right flank, easily beating the lumbering Stambouli for speed and running into the space vacated by Davies, and then curls an inviting cross into the six-yard box. Skuletic throws himself at the ball but it just evades him. Any touch surely would have resulted in a goal for the visitors.

9 min: “Evening Jacob,” says Simon McMahon. “More media lies! Although up here in a Scotland we’re pretty used to it by now. At least you’re up front about it. So no hard feelings. Tell you what, I’ll keep you up to date with the score from the Celtic - Salzburg game if you like. It’s already 3-2 to the Austrians.”

Well the Partizan fans are making a lot of noise, so maybe I was lying when I said I was lying.

8 min: Lamela curls the ball into the area and Cirkovic heads it over the bar. Now Tottenham have a corner. Lamela swings it in and Chiriches swings at fresh air.

7 min: Volkov takes Lennon out from behind. Tottenham have a free-kick on the right. They’ll be swinging it into the box!

6 min: Did you know that Kyle Naughton is 26? Makes you think.

5 min: Kyle Naughton tries to score with a volley from 20 yards. However, he is Kyle Naughton and that proved to be problematic.

3 min: Lennon, whose opportunities have been limited this season, runs at Volkov but his cross is first deflected and then cleared. But it’s Tottenham who are making all the early running.

2 min: Soldado goes close! Lamela drifts inside, in between the lines, rolls his foot over the ball and then lays it off to Soldado, who skims a shot just wide of the right post from 20 yards.

And we’re off! Tottenham, marching in, get the ball rolling. They’ll be kicking from right to left in the first half.

Here come the teams! There’s a snorting atmosphere in White Hart Lane. No there isn’t. I lied. I lied to you.

It’s Thanksgiving. What are you thankful for this year? I’m thankful for you guys.

“I bet Richard Keys would look good with a Bardem-style haircut,” says Max Dowler. “If I knew how to work Photoshop that’s exactly the kind of thing I’d be using it for. Anyway, 3-1 Spurs, as per The Fiver. It’s a bit optimistic, but Chiriches seems to guarantee a goal for the opposition, and surely Soldado’s due a goal or three... surely.”

Can someone good at those things sort out what Max can’t?