So there we are. That’s all from me, but don’t go anwyhere: apparently there’s some game happening in Spain, which Scott Murray is all over, while Tom Davies is keeping a beady eye on Swansea v Leicester. Bye!

And in the big Championship encounter it ended Middlesbrough 1-1 Watford, with the home side totally dominant in half one and the visitors well on top in half two, by all accounts.

Birmingham 0-8 Bournemouth. That’s a hideous result. Blues may well have been a man down for most of the match, but there’s still no excuse …

It’s now Birmingham 0-7 Bournemouth – one for the record books, that, being as it is Blues’ worst-ever home defeat, and the Cherries’ best-ever away win.

Liverpool continue to huff and puff, but without great conviction.

None of the Championship’s top seven teams is winning. Bournemouth, though, look like rising to eighth – they’re now 6-0 up at Birmingham, who’ll probably struggle to come back from that, I’d have thought.

Jordan Henderson, a second-half substitute for Liverpool, gets booked for diving. Unlike the similarly-punished Welbeck (see earlier), he’s got nothing to complain about.

One - one! – second-half Premier League goal so far. Most entertaining league in the world? Pah!

Joe Garner, who was absolutely abysmal whenever I saw him attempting to play at Watford, has just completed an 18-minute hat-trick for Preston, who were 2-0 down after 7 minutes at home to Fleetwood, and now lead 3-2.

Liverpool are still well on top, as indeed are West Brom, seeking an equaliser at home to Crystal Palace.

Our random foreign fixture has finished Delhi Dynamos 4-1 Chennaiyin. None of the famous players scored.

Ooooh! Balotelli sets Lovren up at Anfield, seven yards from goal, but the defender swings his left foot and completely misses the ball!

Birmingham City have had no upturn in their fortunes following the sacking of Lee Clark – they’re 5-0 and a man down at home to Bournemouth.

Here’s the starting line-ups for the evening game:

Swansea: Fabianski, Rangel, Williams, Fernandez, Taylor, Shelvey, Ki, Routledge, Sigurdsson, Montero, Bony. Subs: Emnes, Dyer, Carroll, Gomis, Tremmel, Bartley, Shephard.
Leicester: Schmeichel, De Laet, Morgan, Moore, Konchesky, Mahrez, Drinkwater, Hammond, Nugent, Vardy, Ulloa. Subs: James, King, Schlupp, Cambiasso, Wasilewski, Smith, Wood.
Referee: Mike Jones.

In the big game in the Championship, it’s Middlesbrough 1-1 Watford, the visitors having equalised through the substitute Troy Deeney, returning from injury, and apparently they have just hit the post.

Every time I look at the Liverpool game, the home side are attacking. Still, no goal.

Crikey (again). I know it’s Banbury v Slough, but still … if, as rumoured, a fan broke into the tunnel and assaulted the referee with a bottle, it’s remarkable and very unpleasant.

Clearance off the line at Anfield! Brady stops Balotelli’s effort.

Breaking news in the FA Cup, where Banbury United v Slough has been abandoned at half-time because the referee is unfit to continue, having apparently been hit on the head by a bottle thrown from the crowd. Crikey.

https://twitter.com/OxOnFootball/status/526026509921050624

Oooh! Gerrard has a first-time shot from 20 yards that doesn’t quite curl enough. Liverpool, though, are anything but convincing, or as Tim Daw puts it: “We’re rubbish. That’s all the tactical analysis needed.”

Mario Balotelli gets booked for leaping into Alex Bruce as they competed for a long kick from the keeper.

Speroni didn’t want to go off, but no matter how many thumbs-up signs he made towards the Palace bench, their minds were made up. Hennessey comes on.

Speroni didn’t stay down purely in protest, he did get a bit of a knock to the head and it may end his afternoon. Palace, by way of extra bonus, have an incredibly hirsute physio.

Some confusion over whether this goal has been given or not. Paul Merson on Soccer Saturday says it was disallowed, but West Brom’s official Twitter feed seems confident.

Arsenal’s Danny Welbeck is booked for diving. Seemed harsh for me – he had to get out of the way of the onrushing John O’Shea, or risk injury to one, other or both by just ploughing right into him.

Southampton hit the bar! Pelle with the headed effort. In foreign news, Luis Suárez will start for Barcelona in El Clásico.

At Anfield, Coutinho passes to Sterling, rushing into the penalty area, but his shot is blocked, and rolls wide.

At Anfield, 21 players come onto the pitch and get ready to start. Then they hang around a while, waiting, until Mario Balotelli decides it’s worth leaving the dressing-room. He had fewer touches than any other outfield player in the first half, Sky inform me.

At least one Premier League half-time substitution:

Teams are returning to pitches. Not a lot of exciting subplots and titbits around, as far as I’ve seen. What have I missed?

It’s half time in all four Premier League games. There’s only one goalless game, at Anfield where the home side reckon they should have had at least one penalty, possibly two (Sterling also having been fouled in the box at some point).

Liverpool’s Adam Lallana is taken out in the penalty area, but doesn’t get a penalty, and at the other end there’s a good run down the right and a pull-back to Livermore, whose shot is weak and saved.

Neil Warnock has just blown his nose with a hankerchief. That’s proper old school that is. You don’t see a lot of hankies these days.

Stoke’s Ryan Shawcross gets booked for changing his boots without leaving the pitch.

Penalty shout for Palace! Zaha, an absolute penalty-winning machine in his first spell at the club, goes down in the penalty area. It looks like someone did clip his ankles there, but the referee is unimpressed.

At Sunderland, Cazorla has a fine shot from 25 yards that screams across goal and not far wide.

Ooooh! Then the corner is pulled back to Schneiderlin, who shoots over when well placed!

At Southampton, Tadic cuts in from the right and lashes in a low shot towards the near post that’s tipped wide.

“In response to Ash Khan who would like news of a Liverpool victory, I recommend he turns off the radio,” writes Duncan Smith. “I can recommend a number of amateur fantasy fiction websites for him though.”

At Anfield, an obviously-recovered Can launches into a strong run from the halfway line, but once he reaches the edge of the area he overhits his pass to Balotelli.

Capslockwatch:

Oooooh! And at the Hawthorns Gardner tests the keeper with a long-range rocket, before Dorrans, I think, shoots over from the corner!

Everyone’s surrounding the referee at the Stadium of Light, and Gus Poyet’s looking aghast. What’s he done? Looks like Rodwell flew into a challenge two-footed, but he’s still on the pitch so the referee can’t have been too harsh.

Thanks to all the eagle-eyed readers who spotted that Arsenal aren’t actually playing Southampton today. Sunderland are the glum-looking outfit, obviously.

“My wife’s in labour at the hospital here in Australia, where it’s 1am,” writes Ash Khan. “She’s just asked me to turn off the live audio commentary even though I said the sounds of a Liverpool victory might be the perfect way to welcome our son. So now I’m stuck with you!”

Turn the radio back on and tell her not to be so selfish. If that doesn’t work, I’ll be glad to help.

The ball’s cleared off the line at Anfield! Lovren with the headed effort, from a Gerrard corner, but Elmohamady is on the post and heads clear.

Sunderland have a decent shot from the edge of the area, but it fizzes a yard wide.

Arsenal are not yet beating a rather glum Sunderland, though Gibbs has had an extremely optimistic 40-yard volleyed attempt that went 20 yards wide. And also a bit high.

Liverpool’s Emre Can is receiving lengthy treatment, just a few minutes in, though he’s able to walk of the pitch unaided so I expect he’ll be back in action shortly.

Aggressive caps-lock usage of the day:

That’s Fleetwood taking a first-minute lead at Preston, the first goal of the day.

And they’re off! Except Southampton v Stoke, which is about to start, a couple of minutes late.

Approximately 40 seconds until kick-off. Deep breath now.

Young fan of the day

Oi, someone wake that kid up, some chap wants to take its photo.

That’s better.

It’s all over at Upton Park, and West Ham’s insanely points-profitable start to the season continues.

They’re going to have five minutes of stoppage time at West Ham. Still 2-1.

Theo Walcott’s on Arsenal’s bench today, and could make his first appearance since January. Here he is getting off a coach.

Here are Gus Poyet’s pre-match thoughts. Réveillère is on the bench and thus in line for a debut at some point.

Yes, it’s been a long week. It’s been different. It’s been not the usual one. But now we want to play the game. The sooner we play the game the better for the players. It’s been difficult for us in the past few years to beat Arsenal here. They know how to play against Sunderland, so we need to do things a little bit different today.

Quite the finish at Upton Park, where West Ham are 2-1 up against Manchester City with eight minutes plus stoppage time to play, and City attacking relentlessly. Scott Murray has the details here.

Arty pre-match photograph of the day

Hello world!

Just the four top-flight 3pm kick-offs today, but as ever a packed schedule outside the Premier League, with Middlesbrough v Watford, which pits second against third in the Championship, probably the most eye-catching of the games elsewhere.

There’s also the fourth and final FA Cup qualifying round. The lowest-ranked side remaining in the competition is Greenwich Borough, who are 12th in the Southern Counties East League, the ninth tier of English football, and thus pip Shildon (10th in the Northern League, also tier nine) and Willand Rovers (ninth in the Western League Premier) to that dubious honour. Willand host Gosport Borough, neither side having ever played in the FA Cup proper, so history will be made there – and also at Cantilever Park, home of Warrington Town, who play North Ferriby United. Whoever wins that one will also be exploring hitherto unexplored peaks of FA Cup achievement. Here, to mark the occasion, is a picture of Greenwich’s Billy Bennett celebrating the goal that brought them to round four.

Premier League

Liverpool v Hull
Southampton v Stoke
Sunderland v Arsenal
West Brom v Crystal Palace

Championship

Birmingham v Bournemouth
Bolton v Brentford
Brighton v Rotherham
Derby v Wigan
Ipswich v Huddersfield
Leeds v Wolves
M’boro v Watford
Nottm Forest v Blackburn
Reading v Blackpool
Sheff Wed v Norwich

League One

Barnsley v Bristol City
Coventry v Peterborough
Crewe v Sheff Utd
Doncaster v MK Dons
Gillingham v Crawley
Oldham v Bradford
Port Vale v Leyton Orient
Preston v Fleetwood
Scunthorpe v Notts County
Swindon v Colchester
Walsall v Chesterfield
Yeovil v Rochdale

League Two

Wimbledon v Tranmere
Cambridge v Hartlepool
Carlisle v Oxford Utd
Luton v Northampton
Newport v Accrington
Plymouth v Cheltenham
Shrewsbury v Portsmouth
Southend v Bury
Stevenage v Burton
Wycombe v Dag & Red

Scottish Premiership

Dundee v Hamilton
Inverness CT v Dundee Utd
Partick Thistle v St Johnstone
St Mirren v Ross County

Random foreign fixture of the day

Delhi Dynamos v Chennaiyin (Indian Premier League, 2.30pm kick-off).
The Dynamos are led by Alessandro del Piero; Chennaiyin’s squad includes Mikaël Silvestre, Eric Djemba-Djemba, player-coach Marco Materazzi and former Manchester City ace Elano.