NOTHING TO SEE HERE

That icy wind rattling the rafters is the cold reality of what follows the closure of the transfer window, a hungover pall of regret. Despite £3.5bn shelled out in the men’s window, several things will not be happening in the Premier League when they might have been. When Arsenal host Chelsea for a most super of Sundays, Vinícius Júnior will not be playing in their attack, and neither will Gabriel Martinelli, whose lengthy social media disgrace farewells on his departure for Saudi Arabia pointedly made no mention of Mikel Arteta.

There will be no Enzo Fernández for Chelsea, with him joining what he called a “big club” in Manchester City and in his stead, Lamine Camara will not be lining up in Chelsea’s midfield. On Monday, the majority of Chelsea fans knew very little about Camara but now they yearn desperately, a love unrequited for the 22-year-old Senegalese tyro who, it says here, once played for Metz. Should the Gunners grind through the gears on Sunday, as is entirely possible, expect to hear criticism of sporting director Andrea Berta. A most modern phenomenon is suits having their names taken in vain. Liverpool travel to Ipswich later on Friday with fans wailing at a lack of cover at full-back. Richard Hughes, also off to Saudi, may well have ears burning when a year ago the Reds’ supporters were asking for his autograph. He will receive little thanks for Liverpool having the highest net spend in the league when the midfield is slow as a coach.

The same could be said of Jason Wilcox if Manchester United fans were able to scan his name into a song. Their red-shirted heroes will not feature Newcastle’s Lewis Hall when they face Everton on Sunday. Though having no obvious replacement should Luke Shaw suffer hamstring-twang is nothing on the personnel deficit at Hill Dickinson Stadium. Fans’ wishes for Harrison Armstrong to stay were met but he no longer has Iliman Ndiaye to pass to, while Thierno Barry is the sole striker available to David Moyes. That Everton currently own more stadiums than strikers has become a hoary old gag within days of the club’s deadline-day disasters. Folarin Balogun, the erstwhile Evertonian, will not be playing for Monaco against PSG this weekend, and neither will he play for the club in Tin Pot.

Richarlison, having hoped to return to Everton, will also not be playing this weekend for Tottenham at Nottingham Forest, having been tinned entirely from Spurs’ Premier League squad. His SMD post that “despite this turmoil, I am under contract at Spurs and will remain at the club’s disposal” was followed by them trying to dispose of him. Mohamed Salah’s Trabzonspor is a reported destination as well as the usual Saudi escape hatch. Balogun looks to be heading for the Turkish Super Lig or the Saudi Pro League, too. The funny thing about regret is that it’s better to regret something you have done than to regret something you haven’t done.

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QUOTE OF THE DAY

“[He] is in fantasy land!! The examination of performances assessors is forensic. When I was boss, referees’ performances were forensically examined. On my watch [he] could not have done what he said with the monitoring systems in operation … [I’m] satisfied he is talking nonsense” – Mike Hackett, the former head honcho at PGMOL, reckons former referee Mike Dean is full of … baloney with claims he tried to stay in the centre-circle while overseeing matches and would time how long he could officiate for without blowing his whistle.

FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS

Re: yesterday’s Football Daily. Perhaps Messrs Vardy and James thought they had booked Jasper Carrott to kick off their hilarious podcast party. And got the not-so-funny doppelganger Mike Dean instead?” – Jim Arrowsmith.

With Premier League clubs now owned by a motley assortment of hedge funds, petrostates, billionaires and so on, perhaps the time is right to take a leaf out of pro cycling’s book and name the teams after their owners and sponsors. It will be a regular reminder to fans that the football entities they support are far removed from the community-based groups of like-minded individuals that the word ‘club’ denotes, and that they are instead cash-cow playthings of the mega-rich. As for me, I’ve been a fan of Fosun International Debet since they were known as Bhatti Brothers Manders Paints and Inks” – Neil Withers.

As someone who likes watching football rather than wasting time on transfers, this week has been boring, to say the least. Not so dull that it’s been enough to pick up a book, mind, but still. However, the result was that, after finding out that West Ham have a midfielder called Engels, I was sent down an internet wormhole and discovered that there is also a Brazilian midfielder called Marx Lenin (his real name, not just a nickname). Now, if only we could get them to play together, we would have something. Revolutionary tactics, no one in the centre or on the right wing, everyone on the left (a bit like Arsenal circa Henry, Pires and Ashley Cole), etc” – Noble Francis.

If you have any, please send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day goes to … Neil Withers. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we run them, are here.

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