After 18 months without playing, I'd forgotten how hard it is to play rugby. What's tough is doing everything at once: running, tackling, getting in the right position, concentrating on the pain in my foot, concentrating on everything.

At one point on Saturday I took a huge hit from one of the Northampton players - I can't remember who, but it seemed as if he wanted to stop me playing again. I was stopped dead. I really felt it, and I said to myself, that's rugby. But it was a good thing, as it brought the whole game back into perspective for me.

Afterwards, Saturday was a hard night and not because I was celebrating. I felt like an old man, I ached so much. There was a blister on the skin graft scar on my achilles tendon, which kept me awake all night. But the fact that I'm playing again makes it bearable. These are like birth pains, in that the end-product makes the aching worthwhile.

Beforehand I was a bit nervous. I didn't know how it was all going to go, but on the day I simply told myself that I had no more choice in the matter, there was no escape, it was my time and I just had to get on with it. It was funny, as during the week I hadn't been that stressed.

What really delighted me was the reception I had from the crowd: they were really warm, and I just wanted to enjoy it to the full.

It's hard to describe what it actually felt like to play again. It was the moment I'd been waiting 18 months for, and I wanted to be everywhere at once although sometimes I didn't know where to go. Playing fly-half and coming on when we were losing so heavily didn't make it any easier, as I had to think about the tactics of the game when I could barely remember my team-mates' names because I have barely played with some of them.

That was why I missed the try which would have given us a bonus point. I was with Tony Roques going forward, I was right behind him and all he had to do was give me the ball. I wanted to yell to him, but couldn't get the word out. I was so excited I couldn't remember his name - it was as if my tongue was paralysed - and I was slightly in front by the time he did get the ball to me.

It was so wonderful to play, but the night after was so hard. The blister was not big, but it was very deep, where the operations damaged the skin on my achilles and have left it very sensitive. My doctor says it will be OK, though, and will just dissipate if I keep it dry.

It was strange, because during the game I felt fine, even though I'm not yet 100% fit and each time I was involved in a move I felt I needed to get my breath back.

There's a long way to go. I need to run more, I only feel I can make one decision at a time, and I need to learn to play with the others. There were moments on Saturday when I wanted to do things, but was just cut in two by Northampton. As I'm only small when I'm whole that's probably why my team-mates couldn't see me sometimes.

If that try had gone over, that would have given us a bonus point which could be important if the last two matches of the season don't go our way. Bath's defeat yesterday and Harlequins defeat at Wasps on Friday night make life easier for us, but we need to win one of the last two to be sure of staying up.

We might manage it without a win, but we need to show we deserve our place. I definitely won't start in either, but I'll be a good bench man and do my best to make sure we stay in the Premiership.

Looking at the whole of the last 18 months, 20 minutes at Franklin's Gardens was probably the easiest part. There was so much pain involved in the operations, and that period was so difficult mentally: in and out of hospital, running from one doctor to another, trying to find out if I would play again. Saturday, in comparison, was just pure pleasure.

· You've read the piece, now have your say. Email your comments, be as frank as you like, we can take it, to sport.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk .