Well that was a pretty odd old game. Liverpool had just one effort on target, and Villa didn’t even need to continue their first half policy of kicking the opposition up in the air to get the job done. They were excellent in defence in the second half, snuffing out whatever mild threat Liverpool offered with a good deal of efficiency. Paul Lambert’s men are second in the league, and unbeaten. What a world. Cheers for joining us for this one. Until next time.

90 mins + 3: Brendan Rodgers has his arms crossed. Brendan Rodgers is not happy. And he’s right not to be, because his team have been pretty awful.

90 mins + 2: More slightly impotent dilly-dallying from Liverpool eventually results in a corner, but summing up their performance rather everyone watches the resultant kick sail over their heads and to irrelevancy.

90 mins: Sub for Villa - Darren Bent comes on for Agbonlahor, who makes a hell of a charade of handing the captain’s armband to Delph.

88 mins: Villa are sitting awfully deep and inviting Liverpool pressure on them, but the home side just aren’t incisive enough to do any damage at this stage. Coutinho gets the ball around 30 yards out and tries a shot, but that one will still be rising in a few days.

86 mins: Call of the search, we’ve had the stupidest offside of the season, as Manquillo takes a throw deep on the Liverpool right, Henderson returns it to him but the flag swiftly goes up. Ach.

Meanwhile, Carlos Sanchez replaces Tom Cleverly, and Matthew Higginson’s been back on: “Arses. you mean it was just a typo?”

Sorry, flower.

84 mins: Lambert sort of sums up Liverpool’s evening when the ball falls to him just inside the box, but he can’t really get the ball from under his feet and he ends up looking like a fragile foal trying to control a medicine ball.

81 mins: Oh! There’s something - Coutinho, who’s had a slightly frustrating game, cuts in at pace from the left and, when he reaches the edge of the area spanks in a fine shot, it takes a slight flick off a defender and thwacks against the post. The rebound falls to Sterling, but his shot hits Henderson, in a moment of low-level slapstick.

80 mins: Possible that Matthew Higginson is being sarcastic here: “I liked the ‘Brendan Rodgers are deep in conversation’ line. Beautiful in its brevity and accuracy, it captured the preposterous Rodgers with stunning clarity: the allusion that Brendan Rodgers is so utterly self-obsessed that he might actually be seeking the opinion of renown football expert Brendan Rodgers was one of the sharpest pieces of writing I’ve seen in this paper’s pages for some time. Bravo.”

Nothing of much note is happening in the football at present, so you’re not missing owt.

79 mins: More rather limp stuff from Liverpool - Coutinho curls in a corner from the left, Lovren goes up for it but only half-heartedly, and he and the rest of the Liverpool attackers watch it sail gently through the Merseyside air and wide of goal.

77 mins: Elliott Carr-Barnsley writes, regarding Markovic: “Out of his depth against Villa? That’s cold.”

76 mins: Having said that, Moreno goes into the book for a Hutton-esque challenge on Kieran Richardson. Stupid one, that.

75 mins: Brad Guzan is cross. He’s cross because Dejan Lovren went up for a corner and sort of barged him in the back. Given some of the treatment dished out to the Liverpool players this afternoon, he’s probably skating on pretty thin ice, there.

73 mins: Bit of a lull here, really. It’s been a curiously flat performance by Liverpool in a curiously flat atmosphere, but Villa have defended very solidly.

Bit of support from Zubin Mistry: “Though he shows some promise, Paul Turp needs to work on his emails telling people they are terrible at their job. How does a grammatical slip and a double-entendre translate, metaphorically speaking, into ‘you are the Alan Hutton of MBM’? Paul needs to learn to play the ball, not the man. A bit like Alan Hutton. (See, that’s how you do it). Do send him my kindest regards.”

71 mins: Change for Villa too - Charles N’Zogbia comes on for Weimann.

70 mins: The changes come - Balotelli is off, and so is Markovic. The former started OK but faded, but the latter looks, at first glance and to jump to unreasonably hasty conclusions, a little out of his depth at this stage.

68 mins: Changes afoot for Liverpool - Rickie Lambert and Fabio Borini are receiving some instructions from Rodgers. Balls out from Liverpool now.

66 mins: Bit of politics from Marie Meyer: ‘If Scotland secede, can they take Hutton with them? Dirty, dirty player.’

Meanwhile, back in sport, Sterling tries a shot but leans back a little too much, and it flies over.

64 mins: I said I wanted feedback, and Paul Turp has obliged:

‘Nick, you are the Alan Hutton of MBM. You write like a 10-year-old, struggling in the bottom set for English. And yet somehow writing has become your JOB. Brendan Rodgers are deep in conversation’, comments about penetration (hur-hur). Just woeful.’

The best thing is he signs off ‘Kind regards, Paul.’ What a polite way to end an email telling someone they’re awful at their job.

62 mins: Sterling’s first act in the game is to be absolutely clattered by Alan Hutton, sliding in with what you might charitably be described as ‘gusto’, but would perhaps more accurately called ‘bloody dirty.’ Yellow card, a more jumpy ref might have opted for the other colour.

60 mins: It’s perhaps slightly troubling that Liverpool seem to rely quite so much on a 19-year-old now - but here he is, Raheem Sterling on for Lallana, a little surprisingly, who’s been decent, whereas Markovic...hasn’t.

59 mins: Villa had largely knocked the rough-housing on the head since half-time, but Cleverley gets back in the swing of things by going through Moreno like a does of salts over on the Liverpool left.

57 mins: Markovic hasn’t done a huge amount so far. And for ‘hasn’t done a huge amount’ read ‘he’s been pony.’

55 mins: Brendan Rodgers and assistant Colin Pascoe are deep in conversation about something or other on the bench. Probably football. Will confirm when I know for sure.

54 mins: Gerrard tries a couple of long passes from the middle looking for Manquillo’s runs down the right, but they’re overly ambitious and too long. Who saw that coming, eh?

52 mins: Arty stuff from Villa, here...

51 mins: Coutinho tries to play Moreno in but it’s flicked wide for a corner by Senderos. From the subsequent corner, Villa take a lead from the Big Liverpool Book Of Defending Set Pieces and leave Henderson free, but he slightly mistimes his jump and can only head wide.

49 mins: More smart passing from Liverpool, creating room to put in the final ball, but again it’s defended well, a low cross from the left by Moreno booted away by Baker.

47 mins: Smart stuff from Liverpool as they work the ball across the edge of the penalty area, eventually making room for Coutinho to shoot: he does so, it’s deflected over, Lallana delivers the corner which Balotelli meets with his forehead, but nods it wide.

46 mins: They’re back out for the second 45, no changes on either side thus far. Still pretty quiet, though.

Tony’s been on the emails: “According to my Everton tour communal baths were banned by Europe so no benefit to being sent off.”

Thanks a lot, Brussels.

While it would be a dreadful error to leave me and this game alone, if Spanish football is more your bag, Alan Smith is on MBM duty for the Madrid derby, over here.

45 mins + 2: Ach, wasteful from Moreno. He breaks through on goal from the left, seems to steady himself for the shot but instead tries to square it across goal, but Baker is there to slide in and clear.

45 mins: Balotelli picks the thing up on the left, cuts inside and launches a preposterous shot at goal, but it turns out to be more dangerous than it could’ve been after taking a looping deflection off Weimann. However, it goes wide.

43 mins: Balotelli plays a decent knockdown for Lallana on the edge of the area, who fizzes in a terrific shot that travels at about knee-height for its whole journey, but goes just wide of the post. You can see a goal coming from Liverpool, the only real question being whether it comes before they concede again.

42 mins: Coutinho plays a decent cross into the box but it’s blocked before it can reach Balotelli, then the ball falls to Markovic but he tries a pointless shimmy rather than a pass or shot, and the attack peters out.

40 mins: It’s still sinking in that Alan Hutton remains a Premier League player. Could take a while to get used to.

37 mins: This probably isn’t news, but Liverpool really do look quite shaky from corners. Senderos not far away again, this time at the back post, a defensive header just - just - taking it away from him. He sinks to his knees and contemplates the cruelness of the universe and indeed human existence.

36 mins: Eek - Lovren lucky to get away with one there, slipping over on halfway but he manages to reclaim the ball with a sweeping leg.

34 mins: Blimey - Villa are either trying to hurt Balotelli or provoke him. Hutton this time tries a high, raking foul down his shin, and is lucky not to make much contact or else he could well have been enjoying a roomy bath.

32 mins: Chance for Lallana - the ball is tossed into the area and Henderson nods it back, and the former Southampton man runs on to the knockdown and shoots, but it’s blocked by Nathan Baker.

31 mins: Balotelli plays an absolutely delicious scooped pass over the full-back for the run of Moreno, but he did so about a second too late, and Moreno’s run had taken him into an offside position.

30 mins: More gentle probing than a cautious proctologist from Liverpool, but at the moment they aren’t managing much, ahem, penetration.

28 mins: Senderos treading a fine line, here. He fouls Balotelli again, this time a barge in the back as they both go up for a header. He’s a risk-taking maverick, this lad.

27 mins: Liverpool getting into the swing of things a little more now. Some nice passing eventually leads to Henderson picking the ball up around 30 yards out, but a stabbed through-ball is a little too strong for Moreno.

24 mins: Lallana makes a brilliant turn on the edge of the area, but then makes something of a spectacle of himself by diving under the vaguest of attention from Hutton. Lucky he wasn’t booked for a second time, there.

21 mins: Well, Senderos should be off. Balotelli goes down off the ball clutching his shin, at first for no apparent reason, but replays reveal that while trying to make a darting run for a prospective pass, Senderos simply kicked the Italian with some gusto to take him down. Stupid stuff. Balotelli will now either score a brilliant goal or be sent off for gaining violence vengeance.

20 mins: Agbonlahor is almost in again down the left after a ropey touch by Maquillo, but the young Spanish full-back manages to get back and redeem himself with a fine sliding challenge.

19 mins: Balotelli drifts left but is scythed down by Weimann, who protests his innocence in quite flamboyant terms. No dice, though.

17 mins: False alarm - that corner is competently cleared at the near post. Well done on that occasion, reds.

16 mins: Anfield sounds pretty quiet. Perhaps because Liverpool are defending like complete goons at the moment. A corner comes over and falls to Weimann, in acres of space and with time to pick his spot, but his shot is skewed and is cleared by Steven Gerrard’s face. Which is not entirely good news as it means Villa have another corner now.

13 mins: Eesh, Villa should be 2-0 up. The other week Brendan Rodgers bragged about getting Balotelli to mark at corners, but on this evidence he probably shouldn’t have bothered. From a free-kick deep on the right, Balotelli is supposed to be picking up Senderos, but as the defender spins away Balotelli stands still, at the Swiss international finds himself completely free in the area, and skews his header wide. Should’ve scored there.

12 mins: Adam Lallana makes his mark on the occasion of his debut - specifically on the ankle of Tom Cleverley, lunging in rather needlessly, and he gets a deserved booking.

11 mins: Liverpool and Sakho try to redeem themselves immediately, from a corner of their own, but the big defender’s header does’t trouble Brad Guzan excessively.

9 mins: Villa take the lead from the corner, which Senderos meets with that shiny dome of his, the header is blocked but falls to Agbonlahor who sort of bundles/scuffs it in from around six yards out. What larks.

8 mins: A ball down the right channel causes a few issues for Sakho, and while he was under pressure from Gaby Agbonlahor, he make quite the mess of that one, and concedes a corner.

6 mins: First big chance for Liverpool. Manquillo gets the ball on the right and flings over the cross, finding Markovic in the middle, very loosely marked, but he glances his header across goal and wide. Balotelli was running on to the cross just behind Markovic, but presumably didn’t give him a call.

3 mins: Some of Liverpool’s new boys seem keen to make mark - Moreno gets the ball on the left and fizzes over a cross to the far post, where Lazar Markovic is lurking. Markovic attempts an outlandish flying volley, the ball being at roughly hip-height, and while it flies over, it doesn’t go as high and wide as you might think.

1 min: We’re off, the formalities and the singing of You’ll Never Walk Alone out of the way. Villa kick-off, playing towards the Kop in the first half.

Just received an email unhappy about a ‘cheap dig’ at Liverpool fans, referring to Luis Suarez’s ‘unwavering commitment on the pitch’ and also making the statement ‘I guess the only way LFC supporters can make the prisssypoo writers guild happy is by haughtily turning our backs on the likes of Suarez.’

Bang to rights there, in fairness.

Paul Lambert is growing a beard, it seems. Roy Keane is having an impact already, clearly.

Fun with numbers, here

Want to read about Aston Villa’s preposterously-quiffed young colt Jack Grealish? Barry Glendenning has exactly what you need:

A Jack-be-nimble who can play on either wing or behind the centre-forward in the No10 role, it is not just Grealish’s boy-band quiff and penchant for wearing his socks at half-mast that make him easily identifiable. An almost supernatural ability to beat opponents has prompted much excitement among Villa fans who have had little to be enthused about during recent seasons of stagnation, relegation battles and behind-the-scenes turmoil.

“I’ll tell you who he reminds me of, John Robertson who played for Forest under Brian Clough,” says Bryan Jones, who recently retired as Villa’s academy director. “Jack’s got similar qualities to him. He’s not pacy by any stretch of the imagination but he has this ability to just ghost past people and you sit back and think ‘How the bloody hell did he get round there?’ It’s a unique talent in this day and age. He’s just one of those who drops his shoulder, an old fashioned wide player. He has the gift, something most players just haven’t got: awareness, he sees passes other players don’t see. He’s a very good crosser of the ball and he can score goals with either foot if ever he decides to pull the trigger. That’s one of his little weaknesses at the moment but I know the coaches are working on that. Potentially, I know he could be as good as he wants to be.”

Rory Kenneally is one of those people who probably likes surprises, leaves bills until the second reminder to pay and embraces change. The absolute maverick. He writes: “It’s going to be interesting watching the team today with only four of the starting lineup being regulars last season. Feeling optimistic.”

I’m with Garth on this one.

If you’re curious about how it all went down in the 3pm kick-offs, Ian McCourt in yer man for all that hooha. Step right up for the grim end of Alan Pardew, John Terry scoring an own goal, Diego Costa netting for the billionth time already this season, Super Jules Speroni doing something well again, plucky little Leicester poking Stoke in the eye, Romelu Lukaku apologising for scoring a goal...it’s all in there, and more, I’d wager.

Tom Cleverley making his debut for Aston Villa today - you’d have to imagine that will only enhance the TC23 brand.

Buy this guy, sell this guy...

Fabio Borini on the bench, there. His decision to reject all those moves away and stay at Liverpool already paying off in some style.

Nick will be here shortly. In the meantime, here’s Brendan Rodgers, and he’s still got a bee in his bonnet about England’s handling of Daniel Sturridge.