Couldn’t Steven Gerrard have held on until the end of the season before letting it be known that he’ll be leaving Liverpool when his contract runs out in the summer? No, instead it’s going to be a whole five months of Gerrard tributes before his move to America. What a start to 2015. Gerrard, out of respect for Liverpool, will not play for another English club and is expected to head to America, where LA Galaxy are currently top of the queue for his signature, although conspiracy theorists are already putting money on him pitching up at New York City FC. Presumably he’ll be unable to resist their history or by the chance to prove once and for all that he and Frank Lampard are incompatible. Or he could just sign for Manchester City straight away and cut out the middle man. Or involve the middle man but go in a different direction and sign for Melbourne City instead. The opportunities are limitless.
Five months of tributes, though. Five whole months.
Not that Liverpool are letting this Gerrard business affect their focus. They’re ready to move on and it will be Stevie Who? once they sign Bayern Munich’s Xherdan Shaqiri. Internazionale and Juventus are interested in the Swiss winger but Liverpool are the only club who have shown a willingness to sign him on a permanent basis.
Manchester United have just found out about this really good midfielder at Juventus – although they’re sure they’ve heard about him before, but can’t quite place where from – and have made Paul Pogba their primary target this summer. They’re also going to make Radamel Falcao a permanent United player.
Alan Pardiola wants to bring Jonjo Shelvey and Bafétimbi Gomis to Crystal Palace but the Swansea pair are going to cost £16m. Pardiola will have to use all his charm to get Steve Parish to sign that cheque. Otherwise he’ll have to settle for Yaya Sanogo on loan, although Aston Villa are also interested in the Arsenal striker.
Lukas Podolski is going to introduce the people of Milan to the power of the selfie once he completes a £5m switch from Arsenal to Inter. Arsenal will console themselves by signing the Mainz goalkeeper, Lorius Karius. Someone get Wojciech Szczesny a bottle of water.
