Ed Aarons has filed his match report from Selhurst Park, which is my cue to clock off. Thanks for your company, correspondence and cutting remarks, which United’s performance fully deserved. Sorry not to get through all the emails: there was a deluge once the third goal went in. Over to Ed.

“EtH unveiled his exciting, innovative no defence tactic against Burnley,” says Adam Roberts. “I’m surprised he kept it for this match.”

“Now only seven Prem teams with a positive goal difference,” says Stephen Jones. “Tells us something. I don’t know what but definitely something.” Ha. Palace, by the way, are now on -8. But they were on -18 less than a month ago.

Michael Olise is being interviewed on Sky, though he’s not giving much away. “I think,” he says, with a hint of understatement, “it’s a good night for us.”

Palace had 18 shots, which is just the norm these days against United. United had seven. They did win the possession battle by 58 per cent to 42, but that’s usually a bad sign for them as it tends to give them a sense of false security. On touches in the opposition box, they lost hands-down, 16-36. The expected goals are interesting: Palace 1.47, United 0.35. It’s odd that Palace’s figure isn’t higher (as they also missed some good chances), and it’s striking that United’s is so very low. The only team they’ve done worse against this season is Man City … who await them in the Cup Final. If they play like this again, Erling Haaland is going to score six.

United did get the ball in the net, twice, both times through Casemiro. But the rest of his night, as a makeshift defender and stand-in captain, was one calamity after another.

The worry for United last weekend was that they might slip to seventh and end up in the Europa Conference League. Now it’s that they will stay eighth and not reach Europe at all (unless they win the Cup Final, as if that’s going to happen). Eighth would be their worst position at the end of a season since 1990, and would surely spell doom for Ten Hag.

The upshot is not quite as dramatic as the game: Palace stay 14th, and United stay eighth. But Palace are now only a point behind Fulham, they have four wins in the last five league games – and their scalps are Liverpool, West Ham, Newcastle and Manchester United.

The United players are applauding the travelling fans, who are singing as if this game had never happened.

90+5 min Palace chance! Ayew slips but still has time for a shot, which is deflected by Dalot and falls kindly for Onana.

90+4 min United get upfield. Mainoo does well and then Garnacho can’t sort his feet out. Hope Wheatley gives him a blast.

90+2 min Another Casemiro cock-up, another Palace shot. This one hits the post.

90 min As the board shows six more minutes, United have a two-on-two. Wheatley breaks free but dawdles and fails to find the man to his right, Garnacho, who gives him a blast. No honour among teenagers.

90 min Chances for Palace! Two of them. One is missed by a poor cutback, the other by Wan-Bissaka saving the day with a fine tackle on his old patch.

89 min Amrabat, who has fought hard to stiffen a flimsy defence, draws a foul from Edouard, which in turn draws a yellow card from Jarred Gillett.

87 min Palace, too, are slowing down now, allowing me to glance at the mail. “We’ve reached that point in the season then,” says Russell Yong, “when Palace find that barnstorming run of form that sees them play exhilarating football, takes them to somewhere between 10th and 14th and raises spirits going into next season. Spirits that will then be ruined by worrying all summer if they can hold onto a team that can obviously play so well together, worries that are usually justified as key players depart, forcing the team to spend two-thirds of the following season fighting relegation while figuring out a new team, that then goes on a barnstorming run of form that sees them play exhilarating football, takes them to somewhere between 10th and 14th...” Ha.

86 min Michael Olise won’t be getting a hat-trick. After two well-taken goals, he is replaced by Jordan Ayew. And Jeff Schlupp is on for Eze.

85 min A spell of Palace pressure follows yet another mistake at the back by Casemiro, who has played football in slow-mo ever since his long-term injury in the autumn.

80 min Two subs for United: Amad for Mount, which will allow Garnacho to move back to the left, and Wheatley for Højlund. Wheatley has been a star of the title-winning Academy team this season, the only bright spot in the gloom for United.

79 min Last time he lost 4-0 in London, Ten Hag made his squad run about 8km, which was the distance by which they had let their opponents outrun them (and joined in himself). A sneaky Sky stat-box has just informed us that this time that figure is 3km.

77 min Another Palace sub as Guéhi, back from injury, replaces Clyne. Guéhi, like Olise, has been linked with United, but he might not fancy them now.

76 min A few minutes ago Palace sent on a couple of subs: Riedewald for the hard-working Hughes and Edouard for the excellent Mateta.

74 min Amrabat works hard to win the ball and sets United in the right direction. Mainoo slips in Wan-Bissaka, but his cross is so lame, it could be a United centre-back.

73 min Dalot puts a pass straight out of play on the right wing. Garnacho did the same on the left a couple of minutes ago. It must be horrible being on the receiving end of this.

72 min A chant goes up: “You’re fucking shit.” It could be either set of supporters.

71 min United’s goal difference is now -3.

70 min There was a yellow, too, for Oliver Glasner, who stormed out of his technical area to complain. A small stain on a night of triumph.

67 min United are losing what remains of their cool. Now Amrabat gets a yellow for a high boot that might have brought a red.

67 min You can guess who lost the ball near the byline – yes, it was Casemiro. He was robbed by Munoz, who laid the ball back to Olise … who hit a typically elegant shot past a shell-shocked Onana.

66 min United ask for a penalty as Højlund goes down. RefCam says no, possibly because it was outside the box. Højlund and Andersen have a Nordic shouting match.

65 min And then Palace raced away on the counter and could have had a fourth.

64 min That move led to a corner, and yet again Casemiro got his head to the ball, with a flick that nearly went in. He is now playing as a specialist header of the ball at set pieces.

61 min United manage to get forward! There was a neat turn by Mount on the left wing, where he is now playing, with Garnacho replacing Antony on the right.

60 min And there’s still half an hour to go. Time for this to end up worse than Ten hag’s worst moment so far, the 4-0 battering at Brentford in his second league game in England.

57 min Chance for Mitchell! And then for Hughes! Mitchell was close in, slamming his shot at Onana; Hughes was volleying from distance after the resulting corner. But then …

56 min Big chance for Eze! A lovely one-two with Olise brings a shot from near the spot, but he sends it wide. The attack began with an awful pass from Antony in what seemed as promising position.

54 min As United threaten another mess in their right-back zone, Dalot comes to the rescue with a sliding tackle.

52 min Antony cuts in again and wins a free kick.

51 min United have a shot on target! It’s from Antony, curling a left-shot in, as is his wont. Dean Henderson, once of United, catches it as if he knew it was coming.

50 min Big chance for Eze! Clyne flies down the right wing and makes a good cutback. Eze has time and space, but hits the ball straight at Onana.

48 min Palace get the ball now and seem to be trying to waste time. Dangerous game, though maybe not against this opposition.

48 min United came out early for this half, and they have managed a smattering of possession. But that wasn’t the problem in the first half – it was what to do with the ball once they got hold of it.

47 min Palace have never lost after leading 2-0 at home in the Premier League. Or even drawn.

46 min United kick off, and it’s the same XI. How bad would they have to be for Ten Hag to have made a substitution?

A candid appraisal.

United’s defending for the first goal is being analysed by Ashley Young. “It’s shambolic,” he says. Jamie Carragher joins in, saying Casemiro needs to come off. I can’t quite see Ten Hag doing that, though he does have a centre-back on the bench in Louis Jackson – one of six teenagers in the United squad.

Half-time mailbag, mostly about the team that are losing this game hands-down. “United haven’t just looked second best as a team so far,” says Kári Tulinius. “I’m not sure I’d trade any Palace player for his counterpart tonight. I know that they’re red-bedeviled by injuries, but for a club of their resources this is shocking.”

“There is a strong possibility,” says Rick Harris, “that Sir Jim Ratcliffe will sack Erik ten Hag at the end of the season unless United do the unthinkable and win the FA Cup. Without the awkward Thursday-night Europa League games and Sunday PL fixtures to complicate next season, a new manager might have a better chance of Champions League qualification, so it might suit United as a club to finish 8^th or below.” Up to a point!

“Injuries?” says Richard Hooker. “Looks to me as though this lamentably disorganised Man U performance might be symptomatic of those messy desks in the IT department.”

45+1 min Mount goes on a tour of the middle of the park, but Palace win the ball back as they have so often. Another long ball from Onana goes astray, and the next shot comes in from Eze, though it may have been a cross as it goes out for a throw.

45 min The next man to get into space in United’s box is Nathaniel Clyne, but he can’t get his cutback right. There will be three added minutes.

43 min Casemiro, while a liability at the back, is also United’s best hope of a goal. Another free kick comes in from Eriksen, allowing Casemiro to display his knack for getting his head to the ball – but this header goes wide.

41 min Mateta is scoring in every home game at the moment. But perhaps not always finding it that easy.

40 min United’s stand-in captain, Casemiro, was at fault again. He went into midfield, lost the ball, and then watched as Mateta powered into his space and thumped a left-foot shot into the top of the net. Game off.

39 min Mateta keeps dropping deep, which means Mainoo has to deal with him – a tall order for a teenager, even one as grown-up as Mainoo.

37 min United get Højlund into a good position near the D, whereupon Wharton robs him with a sliding tackle. He seems such a good all-rounder.

35 min Some desperate defending by Mainoo and Evans ends up with United winning a free kick. Nobody could argue that RefCam is turning Jarred Gillett into a home-team ref.

33 min Onana, mimicking Henderson, takes route one to Dalot, who can’t quite gather the ball in. Then a couple of United lunges go unpunished, much to the dismay of the crowd.

32 min A neat diagonal ball from Eriksen finds Antony, whose attempted diagonal ball to Højlund is less neat. Palace go long again and lure Onana out of his area, where he ends up slicing a clearance.

30 min As the half-hour ticks over, Henderson goes long to Mateta. His kicking has been more assured than that of Onana, who was bought because he was good at this.

29 min A glimmer for Hojlund, who gets fouled by Andersen. Eriksen’s chip is too long for Casemiro this time.

28 min Yet another chance for Olise! Mainoo messes up a back pass to Onana, who does well to save at Olise’s twinkling feet.

26 min It looks like Eriksen who will take it … and he chips it over the bar, but wins a corner as someone in the wall gets a head on it.

25 min Garnacho, worming his way in from the left, wins a free kick near the D. Where’s Bruno Fernandes when you need him?

24 min Olise looks so relaxed on the ball. No wonder United (allegedly) want to sign him.

23 min Another big chance for Palace! Olise again, clipping a shot straight at Onana. This has the makings of a rout.

22 min Big chance for Palace! Olise, hovering by the penalty spot again, gets a shot away, only to see it blocked by his own team-mate Mateta.

20 min A bit better from United as Mainoo finds Mount, who can’t quite find Hojlund.

20 min Olise takes the free kick, plays a deceptively gentle chip and finds Richards, whose header goes well wide.

18 min Adam Wharton pounces on a loose ball in midfield, draws a foul and wins a free kick 40 yards out.

17 min A half-chance for Mount. Dalot and Antony combine well down the right and Dalot’s cross finds M<ount, but he’s on his left foot and his shot is easily blocked.

16 min Mount threatens to lead a counter, which is crisply snuffed out by Will Hughes.

15 min That goal has turned Selhurst Park into a din of triumphal percussion.

14 min Olise dribbled from midfield after leaving Casemiro for dead, ran into the space Casemiro had helpfully vacated, and planted a neat shot into the far corner.

12 min Eriksen takes a quick free kick and hits a through ball, looking for the run inside from Garnacho, but it’s mopped up by Henderson.

10 min The Palace midfield knock the ball around for a bit. Eze, just back from injury, looks as sharp as Mount.

9 min Mount does well to win the ball back on the left, before Garnacho does less well with a sloppy cross.

8 min Onana gets yet another kick wrong. Palace help him out by failing to keep the ball in.

6 min Mount is looking sharp. He’s looking for a through ball now from Kobbie Mainoo, who overhits it.

5 min Another Onana kick goes awry, but United escape and Diogo Dalot, on the right tonight, goes flying down the wing. Eventually the ball ends up back with Onana.

4 min André Onana gives the ball to Palace and is relieved to find they give it straight back.

3 min Now the home fans think Evans has conceded a penalty, as Tyrick Mitchell goes down, but the ref (and his cam) are having none of it.

2 min Palace get forward smoothly and Jonny Evans, after making a clearance, concedes a corner.

1 min Palace kick off and go back to Dean Henderson.

The teams march out, led by Joachim Andersen and Casemiro. Palace are in their usual red and blue, United all in cream. A camera sidles up to Mason Mount, who responds with a smile.

One of Erik ten Hag’s bigger headaches, just behind the state of his defence, is the state of his attack. Fernandes has been his only reliable goalscorer lately, while Harry Maguire and Scott McTominay have got a few too. Without those three, who’s going to find the net? Antony, maybe, on the principle of London buses. Mount, conceivably – he nicked one at Brentford not long ago. But it feels as if Rasmus Højlund and Alejandro Garnacho will have to raise their game.

“How the tables are turned,” says Rupak Pramanik. “A few months ago Sofyan Amrabat was in high demand, he joined United quite dramatically on the last day of the transfer window. Now he doesn’t get a start despite so many injuries in the squad. Have Ten Hag’s choices in transfer business cost United dearly?”

An email! “Ref cam, ref cam,” says Ruth Purdue, “we need to discuss ref cam. They should play it live alongside the game. It may do some good!”