BAD HAIR DAY

Seeing as the Ifab laws of football decree that hair-pulling is an act of violent conduct that is punishable by a straight red card, Football Daily is somewhat perplexed by the controversy surrounding the dismissal of Lisandro Martínez at Old Trafford on Monday night. Approaching the hour mark of his side’s 2-1 defeat by Leeds, the Argentinian quite clearly yanked Dominic Calvert-Lewin’s hair, sending the Leeds striker’s man-bunned up tresses cascading over his shoulders by pulling off the scrunchy that was holding them in place without so much as a formal invitation.

While the incident went unnoticed by referee Paul Tierney, Calvert-Lewin and the curtain-twitchers at Stockley Park quickly intervened. Upon reviewing the involuntary Timotei advert reboot on his pitchside monitor, Tierney announced that Martínez was being sent off while pronouncing the word “hair” with the same clipped dramatic flair Audrey Roberts used to bring to Coronation Street. With Martínez caught bang to rights, United could have few complaints but obviously that didn’t stop Michael Carrick giving the match officials both barrels after the match in a bid to deflect from his team’s poor performance.

“That decision was one of the worst I’ve ever seen,” he fumed. “I don’t even know what it looks like. It’s not a pull, it’s not a tug, it’s not aggressive. He touches it and he gets sent off.” The Manchester United interim head coach’s argument was only slightly undermined by the fact that all available evidence suggested Martínez’s act of aggression was a pull, was a tug and therefore couldn’t be considered anything other than aggressive. In the subsequent hullaballoo of whataboutery whipped up by Social Media Abominations and assorted pundits to which Football Daily is currently adding its two cents, similar incidents involving Marc Cucurella, Michael Keane and Peter Crouch were excavated from the archives to prove that in football, consistency among match officials is as rare as players sporting man-buns used to be. And that’s OK because, while both consistency and common sense are perfectly acceptable, it’s impossible to have both.

For all their indignation over the punishment meted out to Martínez, Manchester United were deservedly beaten so it was no surprise to see Carrick sing a post-match lament straight from the Alex Ferguson songbook. Having masterminded victory for Leeds in the league at Old Trafford for the first time since 1981, Daniel Farke earned lavish praise from Roy Keane. “He’s proven to be a brilliant manager,” trilled Keane, resisting the urge to point out that the German had just done his job. “Obviously, they’ve got the win tonight, and he also has them through to a cup semi-final. They’ve got a bit of momentum now.” Having won just one in four, the same cannot be said for their hosts. Given the stony expression on Big Sir Jim Ratcliffe’s face as he watched Manchester United lose, his interim head coach could be hair today but gone at the end of the season.

LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE

Join Simon Burnton from 7pm BST for minute-by-minute updates from England 1-2 Spain in their Women’s World Cup qualifier, while Rob Smyth will be on deck for Liverpool 3-2 PSG (agg: 3-4) at 8pm in Bigger Cup, with Will Unwin at the wheel for Atlético Madrid 1-2 Barcelona (agg: 3-2).

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“I don’t know if I was different, but I played the piano, the guitar. I had started guitar at 15 and always liked it: acoustic, then electric in a band … decent. Less so on the piano, although I got better during the pandemic. There were always things to do, learn. I was fascinated by gadgets, new technology, the explosion of the internet. I did magic. With [former forward] Santi Ezquerro at Barcelona we learned to do tricks together. Proper tricks, not just cards: practising in front of the mirror, making sure you do the movements right so you don’t get detected. I had just always been curious about things. So, whatever comes … ” – former Liverpool winger Luis García chats to Sid Lowe about noodling, sleight of hand, that goal and adventures in Malaysia.

CHERRY BOMBSHELL

Breaking news! Andoni Iraola has informed Bournemouth he will do one when his contract expires at the end of the season, with several Premier League jobs potentially arising as well as the tempting prospect of heading back to his beloved Athletic Club. Iraola’s future has been getting tongues wagging for months and he has kept staff in the dark before deciding he will call time on his tenure after three seasons in charge. Bournemouth’s players were told of his planned exit after training on Tuesday. Iraola made 510 appearances for Athletic, who have also been linked with the former Borussia Dortmund head coach Edin Terzic, and recently said he is a “supporter” of the club. Crystal Palace expressed their admiration for Iraola after Oliver Glasner confirmed he will leave Selhurst Park at the end of the season in January, but Iraola is expected to attract the attention of bigger clubs.

FOOTBALL DAILY LETTER

Should Spurs be relegated (no question mark, this isn’t The Moral Maze), it will be not only funny, not only a salutary Ozymandias moment – the €uropean $uper £eague, anyone? – but also a perfect opportunity for a club with an undoubtedly great heritage to take stock, give its long-suffering supporters a season of winning, and come back up in better shape than they have been since Mauricio Pochettino left” – Mark Dawson.

If you have any, please send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day winner is … Mark Dawson. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we run them are here.

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