What stood out in both the AFL and Carlton’s statements regarding what happened to Elijah Hollands at the MCG three weeks ago were the things that weren’t and couldn’t be said. There were legal restrictions. There was medical confidentiality. There was a WorkSafe investigation. There was a universal acceptance that the privacy and wellbeing of the young man at the centre of all this was the most important thing.

The AFL did what they usually do in matters of the utmost complexity – they issued a fine. In fact, it was more of a donation. How much of a dent $75,000 makes in Carlton’s hip pocket is not for me to say, though a club whose four pokie venues raked in nearly $20m in the last financial year can probably afford it. The AFL also announced a series of measures to ensure this never happens again – mandated club phycologists, stronger industry healthcare governance standards, and a “mental health media roundtable”, which itself probably warrants a separate column.

Carlton, the AFL found, had “brought the game into disrepute”. The term often boils down to “it’s not a good look”. We could apply it to all sorts of issues in and around the sport – from umpires and All-Australian selectors also working for bookies, to King’s Counsels concluding that using a homophobic slur is all fair in love and war.

It’s easy to blame the AFL for everything that is wrong with the sport. I am more interested in Carlton’s role in all this. The club’s chief executive, Graham Wright, said in a statement on Tuesday: “We accept the outcome in the interest of enabling all parties to move forward, while continuing to ensure the health and wellbeing of our people remains a priority.” In other words, we’ll cop the fine, but not the finding.

This is consistent with their message all along, from the moment Michael Voss walked into his press conference after the Collingwood game, to Wright’s less than convincing statement a few days later, to Voss’ far more combative press conference later that week. It was here that the Carlton coach shifted the focus back on to the media, and to coverage he said was “bordering on bullying”. He concluded with a statement and a question. “Maybe there’s a few here that have struggled with some mental health … maybe it’s been a family member, maybe it’s been a friend,” he said. “All I just ask is: what would you want?”

Anyone pondering the question may have answered the following way. We would want our loved ones to be left alone. We would want the club to provide care and compassion in the aftermath of his episode, which they undoubtedly have. But we would also want answers from you – as a coach and as a club – as to why you didn’t protect him when he was at his most vulnerable. That is at the heart of all the columns, all the radio slots and all the questions. That isn’t bullying. After all, it wasn’t just the media who were demanding answers. It was Carlton supporters and fans of the other 17 clubs. It was an issue closely followed by people who aren’t even sports fans. All wanted to know the same things – what did you see, and what did you do about it?

It’s therefore only right that uncomfortable questions have been asked of Carlton’s senior leaders. These men aren’t novices. These men shouldn’t need “expanded mental health literacy training”. The president is the former head of an investment bank with billions in assets. Wright and the general manager of football have been in the top echelon of the game for decades. Voss became a senior coach in 2009. The club doctor has extensive experience across Olympic and team sports.

All of us are aware of the legal and ethical roadblocks to getting full answers. The incident was never as cut and dry as the phone footage suggested. It was never going to be a case of “investigate, punish, enact change and move on”. And no one is calling for individual heads on a stick. But a modicum of contrition is not too much to demand. To call it bullying is a cop out. Carlton is a colossus. It cannot play the victim here.

In management speak, there are words and phrases that are often wheeled out in times of great pressure. “We’ll lean into it,” and “We’ll own it,” are common ones, and we often hear them from Voss after losses. But Carlton have been unable to find the right words to explain what happened when Hollands took the field against Collingwood. “We accept the outcome in the interest of enabling all parties to move forward,” doesn’t cut it. Nor does sheeting blame back on to the people demanding answers – yet another unsatisfactory response to the most unsettling of incidents.

• This is an extract from Guardian Australia’s free weekly AFL email, From the Pocket. To get the full version, just visit this page and follow the instructions

• In Australia, support is available at Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636, Lifeline on 13 11 14, and at MensLine on 1300 789 978. In the UK, the charity Mind is available on 0300 123 3393 and Childline on 0800 1111. In the US, call or text Mental Health America at 988 or chat 988lifeline.org.