“I thought it was crap,” Wayne Rooney surmised on BBC One after enduring the half-time show. Amid a tense final, the interval was always going to be prominent, theoretically bringing light to the shade. Why the two UK broadcasters felt the need to transmit the karaoke session in full we will never know but at least the pundits struggled through it, too.
Ally McCoist said it had “mentally scarred” him as someone in attendance, unlike many of his ITV colleagues who were sat in Brooklyn. The studio has rightly earned them kudos, creating a home alongside the East River with the Brooklyn Bridge providing the dramatic backdrop. With the game only an expensive train ride away, it was a surprise to see Roy Keane, Gary Neville and Ian Wright in familiar surroundings.
Mark Pougatch scripted a safe opening, which is what you expect from the ITV presenter, while BBC made more effort by hiring an American voiceover artist and captured the mood of the match as Lionel Messi v Lamine Yamal. Both sides were subtly seething with rage over England’s failure to reach this stage, which would have made it a greater spectacle for the domestic audience, with a lot of editorial proposals floating past Manhattan.
The BBC was playing catchup, having spent most of the tournament in Salford rather than San Francisco. With the authoritative Gabby Logan hosting from New York New Jersey Stadium and coaxing the best out of Rooney, Joe Hart and Micah Richards – a trio that provide plenty of energy stood up inside a stadium that was bursting into life as the minutes ticked by – ITV appeared more subdued in absentia. Rooney proved he is not a regular in San Sebastián pintxos bars with his mangled pronunciation of Mikel Oyarzabal, much to the amusement of his colleagues.
A backup team of Laura Woods, Karen Carney and Emma Hayes were in situ but reduced to cameos. Seeing the venue, the noise and the colour that comes with it is always part of the occasion, something missed pre-match by ITV, whose main interest came in Robbie Williams singing the ironically named Fifa anthem Desire which no one wanted to hear. Twenty minutes of potential insight was lost on both sides to national anthems and Phoenix Nights-style entertainment.
Guy Mowbray and Alan Shearer are fine professionals, knowledgable and engaging, but lack the cutting edge of the ITV trio on the gantry. Sam Matterface is not always to everyone’s taste but he keeps the viewer on their toes because he can throw in an unexpected line without notice, while Lee Dixon plays McCoist’s straight man, a necessary addition amid such a turgid match, joking that the final was so bad it would turn the Americans back to baseball. The host broadcaster spent far too much time finding every single celebrity in attendance. Mowbray did not seem to recognise Matt Damon, while Matterface quipped “the talented Mr Scaloni” as the camera cut to the Argentina coach.
No requirement for adverts is always a benefit for BBC, even if pushing the licence fee continued, allowing it to do some proper analysis before Ronaldo was released by Madonna from his kidnapping, looking confused at re-entering society wearing a shellsuit and driving a dune buggy. ITV had to appease its paymasters and did its best to sell everything under the sun but when back in the studio everything was rushed, providing vague insight on a muted opening half.
There were ITV giggles over the referee’s shaving foam spontaneously ejaculating to keep spirits up to counteract the tedious football, while BBC stayed stony silent. “There’s not more shows?” a concerned Dixon asked as extra time loomed, as ITV brought the greater mirth, but it mustered only a few seconds of punditry after the ads. “It was awful,” Matterface said of normal time, a hard piece of honesty on what is a career highlight for any journalist.
Bob the Cat was given a special mention in the BBC's closing credits after the World Cup final. Danny Murphy's tales of his former pet lit up some of the duller games of the tournament, with the commentator first mentioning Bob when his namesake, Norway winger Oscar Bobb, got involved against Côte d'Ivoire in the last 32. 'I used to have a cat called Bob. He jumped into the back of a Royal Mail van, and we lost him,' Murphy revealed without further context.
After the clip went viral, Murphy added more background during Spain's 3-0 win over Austria. 'We did get him back ... unfortunately he had gone feral. He ended up living with my friend's parents in Preston. That was the life he had and now he has passed away, unfortunately, many years ago.' Guardian sport
Amid the joviality Matterface immediately knew Enzo Fernández was heading for an early bath but Mowbray did not realise a second yellow was incoming, indicating who had the calmer mind. ITV’s referee analyst, Christina Unkel, was clear with her view on what happened, while Darren Cann’s quiet review was less convincing.
ITV rested on laurels from earlier praise and should have had a greater presence at New York New Jersey Stadium rather than taking the safe route. BBC’s pundits were sharper and given the space to air their views but ITV’s more entertaining commentary balanced it out. No one will be too eager to rewatch the match but, more than anything, the public should not be subjected to another half-time show.
