Jacob Steinberg was our man in Rijeka tonight. Here’s his report on a record-breaking night for England. Thanks for reading this MBM.

A delighted Thomas Tuchel talks to ITV. “Maybe apart from three minutes after the 3-0 … a big mistake and some easy ball losses … [beams cheekily] … but there was a 90-minute performance from the highest level … from everyone … from the first until the last minute … congratulations to the team … very, very impressive … we created so many chances … so fluid right from the start … it never stopped … very clinical … stayed hungry … counter-pressing … the basics right … we always played humble … that’s why it was a complete performance.”

Alex Scott speaks to ITV. “No better feeling … to start with a win like that is amazing … the lads we’ve got in the front line are pretty deadly … we wanted to push Croatia as hard as possible and we did that today … pressing high … winning the ball back … being ruthless in the final third … [Harry Kane] is unbelievable … I’ve been watching him since I was a little boy … up close you can really see his level … it’s frightening the talent we’ve got … we’ve got to build now … go again … another three points would be nice!”

Post-match postbag. “Maybe the Croatian team should also have been restricted to the kids. Not sure it’d have gone any worse than this to be honest” – David Howell

“This result reminds me of Germany 1-5 England. Do we know when the Netflix series will come out?” – Steven Grundy

“Croatian newspaper headline for tomorrow: National team edged out by England in seven-goal thriller” – Phil West

“I mean, I’ve been fairly critical of both Modric and Ronaldo tonight, but when I think of what I was up to at 41 regarding professional football, they’re doing ok. Though neither of them have ever been published on the MBM, so you know, I think I know who the real winner is” – Simon McMahon

Harry Kane, who will win a record-equalling 125th England cap against Czechia on Tuesday, talks to ITV. “Unbelievable from start to finish … we have spoken a lot about having a 90-minute game … completely dominant both with and without the ball … that was it right there … we’re at our best when we’re physically overpowering … they couldn’t live with our pace, power and runs … there’s freedom … it’s so hard for the opposition to pick it up … we are all good enough and smart enough … every man was at the highest level … it was an important game … beautiful weather … an amazing hotel … we could have easily fallen into holiday mode … to put in that performance is the perfect end to the week … I’ll be ready to start again on Tuesday.”

Bukayo Saka speaks to ITV. “It was an amazing night for us … we came out from the start on top … high energy … we punished them … we enjoyed that performance … it was special … really fun to play … clinical … two goals for England is always a nice feeling … really happy … we showed hunger … passion … quality … a mixture of everything we’re looking for … [Jude Bellingham] was amazing tonight … he was special … happy to play with him … [Anthony Gordon is] another player who is also on fire in an England shirt … there are still three games left … a massive boost and momentum!”

This is how Group A3 of the Nations League stands for now. Spain host the Czechs later this evening.

1. England P3 GD+8 Pts 6
2. Spain P2 GD+4 Pts 6
3. Croatia P3 GD-9 Pts 3
4. Czechia P2 GD-3 Pts 0

That’s Croatia’s heaviest-ever defeat, England going one better than Spain did in a 2018 Nations League match. Spain were at home for that one, mind. Croatia’s previous worst performance at home was a 4-1 World Cup qualifying loss to England in 2008. And the thing is, it could have been many more. England were rampant from the get-go; Croatia were a total shambles. England simply magnificent; Croatia staggeringly inept. One thing feeds into another, but both statements remain true. Jude Bellingham ran the show, but then so did Anthony Gordon, Elliot Anderson and Bukayo Saka. A memorable night in Rijeka for so many reasons!

90 min +1: … and in the first, Croatia get their first attempt on target, a Perišić pea-roller that Pickford deals with easily.

90 min: There will be two additional minutes …

89 min: Vlašić flaps a shot into the side netting. Up the other end, Eze tries to lob Livaković.

88 min: Croatia’s previous worst defeat at home? England have written themselves out of, then back into, the record books.

86 min: …. though Gordon, Saka and Anderson all have strong claims too.

85 min: Bellingham grooves his way down the inside-left channel but can’t sort his feet out to get a shot away from a tight-ish angle. He’s almost certainly going to get the player-of-the-match award nonetheless.

83 min: Matanović goes over Konsa’s leg in the England box, and demands a penalty, but he’s never getting one. The kids boo in the pantomime style … but then the camera cuts to the crowd, and there are a lot of excited, smiling faces. Lovely to see them waving into the lens, very much enjoying themselves and their night out, despite the scoreline.

81 min: Gibbs-White advances down the right but his cross is cut out by Šutalo. England are still searching for number seven, though the slew of subs has slightly compromised their rhythm.

79 min: Hall and Anderson are replaced by Lewis-Skelly and Gibbs-White.

78 min: Eze slips Rogers into the Croatian box down the left. Rogers is clipped but doesn’t go over. Had he flopped, the referee might have had a decision to make. Though the referee might have shown Croatia some mercy, also.

77 min: Anderson’s corner is not all that. Croatia clear their lines without fuss, which is not a phrase I’ve been able to deploy too often this evening.

76 min: Bellingham nearly releases Saka down the inside-right channel with a silky back-flick. Then another phase of attack, and Bellingham’s low shot is deflected wide left for a corner. Before it can be taken, Stanišić is replaced by Šutalo.

74 min: Eze races down the right and should release Rogers with a through ball, but takes one touch too many and clanks into the nearest defender.

73 min: Now it’s Kovačić’s turn to have his say, and into the book he goes.

72 min: Hall slips Rogers into space down the left. Rogers crosses low to tee up Saka, who somehow skies over the bar from close range. Perišić probably put him off, sliding into view.

70 min: Slaven Bilic is booked for telling it as he sees it.

69 min: Kane won’t get his sixth hat-trick tonight. Just the two will do! He’s replaced by Eze, while Rogers and Garner come on for Scott and Gordon.

67 min: If Kane does manage to complete that sixth hat-trick, he’d equal the record held by the great Jimmy Greaves. There is no better company for a striker to keep.

66 min: Gordon romps down the left yet again. He looks for Kane in the middle with a low cross. Gvardiol slides in to intercept. He had to, or Kane was completing his sixth hat-trick for England.

64 min: The only black mark against England tonight? Pickford has been a wee bit jittery on a couple of occasions. But nothing majorly dramatic, and in any case, it’s too late to change his eccentricities now.

62 min: … which Pickford claims. His attempt to release Gordon on the counter is blocked, and Pašalić scuffs a shot before falling over backwards in the slapstick style. Croatia finding new ways to humilate themselves.

61 min: Matanović has another pop from distance. This time his effort is deflected wide left, and here comes Croatia’s first corner of the game …

60 min: Saka has the chance to release Gordon down the middle but can’t get the pass right.

59 min: Despite Croatia’s mid-game midfield rebuild, England are still first to everything. The final whistle can’t come soon enough for the hosts, whose proud record in Rijeka is already in tatters, and it could get much worse.

57 min: Modrić, 41 years old and run ragged, is replaced by Jakić.

56 min: Pašalić gives up possession way too easily. Gordon intercepts and strides forward, slipping Bellingham clear down the inside-left channel. Bellingham enters the box, draws Livaković, and pulls his shot wide right. It should be six. This could end up being ten.

54 min: Saka smoothly glides down the right, past three half-arsed challenges, and looks for Kane in the middle. Croatia hack clear. This is way too easy for England.

52 min: Gordon rampages down the left and tears past Stanišić with absurd ease. His low cross is hacked away after a fashion, with Kane lurking. England most certainly haven’t declared.

51 min: Kane drops deep and nearly releases Bellingham down the middle with a racking diagonal. Nearly, not quite. England haven’t declared.

49 min: Gordon’s persistence down the left earns a corner, which Livaković punches clear. The kids, to their great credit, are still making plenty of noise.

48 min: Matanović tries to float a shot over Pickford from distance. It’s off target, which is just as well, because Pickford was miles out of position, and wouldn’t have been able to claw clear.

47 min: Modric is brushed off the ball with arrogant ease by Scott. This Nations League campaign increasingly looking like one step too far for the great man.

46 min: No half-time changes for England, meanwhile.

Croatia get the second half started. Changes were necessary, and they’ve made some alright. Matanović, Vlašić and Pašalić come on for Musa, Baturina and Petar Sučić. “India were better losing 4-0 against Brazil earlier this evening than Croatia have been against England now,” argues krishnamoorthy v.

Half-time postbag. “The sheer (unadulterated?) excitement from a stadium of 6,000 schoolkids is amazing. They should do this all the time” – Mark Hooper

“I’m aware this isn’t the hottest of takes, but Jude Bellingham really is exceptional. I’ve seen some thrilling players for England, but I don’t remember anyone with such a sense of inevitability. If we can’t win a big trophy with him, I’m not sure we ever will” – Tom Hopkins

“Modrič needs to retire gracefully. You wouldn’t find Cristiano embarrassing himself and his country like this” – Simon McMahon

Half-time reading. Plenty to see you through until the second half.

45 min +1: Livaković, under no pressure, shanks a pass out of play. Bellingham crosses from the right, but Gordon can’t connect properly from six yards. Croatia are so lucky that there’s only going to be one minute of added time. They’re not so lucky that there’s another whole half of football still to come.

43 min: The humiliation of shipping a seventh goal in less than three halves of football has stung Croatia into action. Finally. Sucic worms his way down the right but can’t get either a shot or cross away. But they’ve upped the tempo as they look for some sort of lifeline before the break.

41 min: Croatia are gifted a huge chance, Anderson shipping possession on the edge of his own box. Kovačić dances in from the left, rounds Pickford … and slices his shot wide right. It’s not Croatia’s day, is it?

39 min: Livaković hoofs the frame of the goal in frustration. Croatia are facing a proper shellacking here. Mindful that they’ve never tasted competitive defeat in Rijeka, the hosts launch a desperate attack. Gvardiol crosses from the right for Sucic, who heads harmlessly off target.

37 min: … but England quickly re-establish their midfield dominance. On which subject, here’s Will Cook: “Was a bit bored and worked out that Luka Modrić is closer in age to Gary Neville than everyone in this England side apart from Pickford and Kane. Which is quite a shock.”

36 min: Croatia string a few more passes together. Perhaps I shouldn’t have brought attention to it. But the hosts are finally doing something.

34 min: Pickford’s poor pass out from the back is intercepted, and Kovačić, out left, nearly finds Sučić in the middle. But Scott intercepts and clears. Croatia come again, and Perišić crosses from the left. Pickford comes off his line and flaps, but he’s not punished for the error. A couple of timely reminders that England need to keep their concentration, else carelessly let Croatia back into the game.

32 min: As good as England have been – their press is working like a dream – Croatia have been awful. They’ve barely strung two passes together.

31 min: “So far this has been child’s play for England,” quips David Wall, because somebody had to.

30 min: To be fair to the kids, they’re still making one heck of a row. Still very much enjoying themselves despite England swarming all over their heroes.

29 min: Kane sashays down the inside-right channel and aims for the bottom right. The ball’s deflected wide, and nothing comes of the resulting corner. Slaven Bilic isn’t looking at his shoes any more, he’s staring straight ahead at a point roughly 1,000 yards away.

28 min: Anderson balloons a half-decent chance over the bar from the edge of the box. Croatia were hockeyed 4-1 in Spain on Tuesday, and if they keep going like this, they’ll be on the end of another spanking this evening.

27 min: Ivanović brings down Bellingham on the left. Saka whistles the free kick into the mixer. Konsa competes, and from close range deflects the ball out for a goal kick. Penny for the nearby Kane’s thoughts.

25 min: Bellingham romps down the right and crosses low for Gordon, who has made a fine run to nip in ahead of Stanišić. He’s one on one with Livaković, but slams his first-time shot straight at the keeper. It should be three. It could have been four or five.

23 min: On the touchline, Slaven Bilic stares at his feet. Sučić tries to get something going down the right but his cross dribbles through to Pickford. England counter, Gordon crossing from the left for Saka, who heads inches over the bar. Livaković had it covered, but Croatia could be on the end of a thumping if they don’t get a grip soon.

20 min: Saka and Bellingham pressure Modric down the left. Modric does just about enough to interfere and clear, but youthful energy came close to winning out over experience there. And then Hall comes again down the same flank, but can’t deliver a worthy cross. Croatia are being given the runaround.

18 min: Gordon advances down the middle this time, feeding Saka to his right. Saka crosses for Kane, who would surely plant a header home from six yards had Vušković not eyebrowed out for a corner. Nothing comes of the set piece.

16 min: … so England get back on the ball and stroke it around awhile, re-establishing their command. “I don’t understand the reluctance of England managers to pick Trent, or James Ward-Prowse before him,” wonders Kári Tulinius. “I just got back home from watching Finland beat Albania 2-1 courtesy of a pair of free kick goals from Swansea’s Leo Walta. Leaving your best dead-ball specialist out of the side seems odd.”

14 min: Modrić rolls a ball down the left for Perišić, who is all on his own, Quansah out of position. But Perišić can’t reach the ball before Pickford, who races to the edge of his box to slide and smother. The first sign of Croatia stirring from their early slumber.

13 min: Kane, out on the right, swings a low cross in for Saka, who toe-pokes the ball past the out-rushing Livaković but inches wide of the right-hand post. Then the flag goes up for offside, correctly so. England could feasibly be three up already, the margins between this scoreline and dreamland very small.

12 min: Bellingham should release Saka down the right, but clanks an uncharacteristically loose pass straight at Vušković. Croatia are currently all over the shop. England totally and utterly on top.

10 min: To be fair, Gordon was entitled to take the shot on. Saka might have been in the middle, but he was surrounded, and Gordon could see the whites of Livaković’s eyes.

9 min: … and it should be two, as Gordon romps down the left, racing clear of the Croatian back line. He’s got Saka in the middle, but opts to shoot, and his effort, aimed for the bottom right, is blocked by Livaković. You’d expect him to score, the form he’s in.

7 min: It’s all England in these early exchanges. The hosts have hardly touched the ball. “Will Croatia find out that you never win anything with kids?” wonders Richard Hirst.

5 min: Sučić brings down Bellingham, risking an early booking. He doesn’t get one, though, and nothing comes of the resulting free kick. Meanwhile the Croatian crowd may be young, but they’ve clearly been well-schooled in trolling. Here’s their message for the England fans, courtesy of our man in Rijeka, Jacob Steinberg …

3 min: Bellingham slips a pass down the inside-left channel for Gordon, who shoots low from a tight angle. Livaković parries at the expense of a corner, from which nothing comes. A bright and breezy start by England.

1 min: England launch it long. Livaković comes out of his box to clear. The kids are making a hell of a racket. The kids are alright.

England get the ball rolling. That Croatian anthem really is a banger, you know.

The teams are out! Croatia are in their red-and-white chessboard shirts, while England sport second-choice red. Beautiful, storied, world-famous tops showcased respectively in the 2018 and 1966 World Cup finals. Plenty of noise (albeit more high-pitched than usual) at the Stadion HNK Rijeka, where Croatia have never lost a competitive fixture. We’ll be up and running once the anthems have been parped. Oh, blue sea, tell the world how a Croat loves his people, God save Chas, etc.

Pre-match postbag. “The Rijeka cage is a fantastic away end despite looking so terrible. Was there last year for Rijeka versus Shelbourne. The police march you in, take any lighters you might have, then leave you alone in the cage. The view over the city makes the trek up the hills and the never-ending steps well worth it. And the nearby shop sells cheap beer. Perfection” – Steve Jones

“Of course I know nothing, but Modrić seems like a nice guy, a unifying figure who is adored by his country’s fans. Likewise other distinguished elder statesmen at the end of their careers such as Džeko, Lewandowski and McGinn. I’m sure CR7 is also lovely, but the playing on to reach 1,000 goals thing? Contrary to what McFly might think, it’s not all about you, Cristiano” – Simon McMahon

“Years ago Thibaut Courtois said that Pickford was too short to be an elite goalkeeper. Would some of Pickford’s acrobatic saves have been routine for a keeper of Trafford’s height and wingspan? Would Trafford have saved Fernandez’s shot?” – Gary Stover

Thomas Tuchel speaks to ITV. “[Being in Rijeka on the sunny Adriatic coast] has helped us to unwind and recharge our batteries …. now we need to switch on … the atmosphere is very different … we want to make it really competitive … I think we are up for it … [Alex Scott] did so well when he made his debut … the full package … there is a lot to defend on [Jarell Quansah’s] side with [Ivan] Perišić … we have [Trent Alexander-Arnold] as an option from the bench … hopefully we can get the edge in physicality.”

Been Around The Block dept. Harry Kane will win his 124th cap for England today. That will put him just one appearance shy of Peter Shilton’s all-time record of 125 for his country. Jordan Pickford is the next cab off the rank for England – he’ll be winning his 92nd cap here – then it’s Bukayo Saka who’ll make it to 58. Croatia by comparison have experience up the yin-yang: Luka Modrić will earn his 203rd cap today, while Ivan Perišić and Mateo Kovačić will win caps 159 and 118 respectively. Should Andrej Kramarić get on at any point, he’ll pick up his 120th Croatian cap.

Here’s how Nations League A Group 3 stands going into today’s round of matches. Spain host Czechia later this evening. Once it all comes down, the top two will qualify for the quarter-finals next March.

1. Spain P2 GD+4 Pts 6
2. England P2 GD+1 Pts 3
3. Croatia P2 GD-2 Pts 3
4. Czechia P2 GD-3 Pts 0

An old friend is back in the Croatian dugout. Kloppesque salt-and-pepper beard x (Bielsistian glasses-on-string + Simeone-style all-black wardrobe) = all-new distinguished Slaven Bilic. Aleksandar Holiga, editor-in-chief of Croatian website Telesport, reports.

Pre-match stories from Camp England. Jordan Pickford and Sheikh Mansour Thomas Tuchel set the scene.

Trent Alexander-Arnold may have impressed against the Czechs, but he loses his place to former Liverpool team-mate Jarell Quansah. Alex Scott is handed his first international start, while Jordan Pickford reclaims his spot in goal.

Croatia meanwhile are captained by the evergreen Luka Modrić. Not all 41-year-olds are washed up.

England are coming off the back of an ultimately comfortable 2-0 win in Czechia. Relive that here and now, one, two, three.

Today’s match is officially being played behind closed doors. Croatia are being punished for crowd trouble during a Nations League quarter-final against France. However, football fans can’t take anything at face value these days, and this is no exception. Uefa rules allow an exception for kids up to the age of 14 from the local Rijeka area, and up to 6,000 plus guardians are expected to attend. Throw in the 100 England fans allowed in and the 8,200-seat stadium should be around two-thirds full.