“I’m just brainstorming here,” says Paul O’Neill, “but do you think a series like this could run to five Tests at some stage in the future?”

Mate, why don’t you bugger off to TikTok? (Actually, here’s a question – if you could pick one SA v Aus series to go to five Tests, what would it be? My first thought is the second series in 1993-94, given how close and crotchety those series were.)

82nd over: South Africa 329-8 (Harmer 0, Coetzee 0) Cummins, hunting his first Test wicket in 50 overs, shares the new ball. Nothing happens in that over, but…

81st over: South Africa 328-8 (Harmer 0, Coetzee 0) That’s so good from Mitchell Starc. It’s one thing to take two wickets in an over; it’s another to take out both set batters in the first over with the second new ball.

80th over: South Africa 325-6 (Rickelton 41, Jansen 51) After another accurate over from Nathan Lyon, and with just under half an hour remaining, the new ball is available. Mitchell Starc will take it.

79th over: South Africa 324-6 (Rickelton 40, Jansen 51) Jansen pushes Connolly sensibly to long on for a single before turning a couple past fine leg later in the over. His ball-striking has always been spectacular, but today he has looked like a batter who is starting to realise just how good he could be.

And the ball-striking is still spectacular. He carts a long hop from Connolly over midwicket for four to reach a fabulous fifty from 66 balls. He’s leading from No8.

78th over: South Africa 315-6 (Rickelton 38, Jansen 44) Lyon rests on his haunches when Jansen thick-edges a defensive stroke to safety on leg side. Lyon has been good today: 22-1-70-2.

77th over: South Africa 313-6 (Rickelton 37, Jansen 43) The match is meandering towards the second new ball. It’s been a day of three thirds:

• 203/1 First 44 overs

• 29/5 Next 13 overs

• 81/0 Last 20 overs

76th over: South Africa 308-6 (Rickelton 35, Jansen 40) “Cummins may be trying to vary the batters’ expectations with such frequent changes, much as a bowler likes to vary each ball of an over,” says John Starbuck. “He’s thinking like a bowler-captain although in not allowing the batters to settle, he isn’t allowing his bowlers either.”

75th over: South Africa 306-6 (Rickelton 34, Jansen 39) Four from Connolly’s over. Australia are trying to get to the new ball as quickly as possible. They should get 20-25 minutes with it tonight.

74th over: South Africa 302-6 (Rickelton 33, Jansen 36) Lyon replaces Renshaw and bowls a maiden to Rickelton.

73rd over: South Africa 302-6 (Rickelton 33, Jansen 36) Connolly switches ends to replace Hazlewood. Has Pat Cummins always made this many bowling changes or has it developed over time? It seems a lot, even to an ADHDer.

The impassive Jansen clouts a full ball through midwicket for four to bring up South Africa’s 300. He is some player, surely the best Test allrounder in the world.

72nd over: South Africa 297-6 (Rickelton 32, Jansen 32) Pat Cummins loves a bowling change; the latest is Matt Renshaw for Cooper Connolly. Renshaw’s second ball is a full toss that Rickelton drives lazily through mid-on for four.

“I’m interested to see how Rickelton does here,” writes Eddy Nason. “He was one of the standouts in the Hundred (so kill me, I only have access to so much cricket highlights in Canada), and it would be great fun to see him teeing off against the Aussies.”

So far he’s played an anti-Hundred innings, sensible to the point of being old-fashioned. In red-ball cricket he looks a lot more comfortable at No6.

71st over: South Africa 292-6 (Rickelton 27, Jansen 32) After 20 Tests, Marco Jansen averaged a handy 20.42 with the bat. Four games later his average is pushing 27 after a fine run of scores, all against India or Australia: 93, 26, 35, 85, 32*.

A quiet over from Hazlewood. There’s just under an hour’s play remaining, so Australia will get their hands on the second new ball before the close.

70th over: South Africa 291-6 (Rickelton 26, Jansen 32) Lyon off, Connolly on. His third ball, well wide of Rickelton’s off stump, doesn’t bounce at all and nutmegs Carey before scooting away for four byes. That’s not a great sight on day one, especially if you chose to bowl first.

69th over: South Africa 285-6 (Rickelton 25, Jansen 31) Jansen lashes through the covers for four, not once but twice. Few, if any, lower-order batters in world cricket hit the ball so cleanly. The second boundary brings up a calm counter-attacking fifty partnership with Rickelton.

68th over: South Africa 276-6 (Rickelton 25, Jansen 22) South Africa are so good at scoring lower-order runs. Since their return to Test cricket in 1992, they average 93 for the last four wickets – the highest of any team bar Ireland, whose sample size is small.

A couple of singles take this particular seventh-wicket partnership to 44. That may not seem a lot but it’s worth plenty after South Africa collapsed from 203/1 to 232/6.

67th over: South Africa 273-6 (Rickelton 23, Jansen 21) Hazlewood does come in, but his first ball is a touch wide and Rickelton cuts it sweetly for four. Apparently Cummins, who was replaced by Hazlewood, has bowled almost 50 overs since his last wicket – the longest drought of his Test career. Time for drinks.

“I’m already getting queasy premonitions of Marco Jansen’s first Test hundred in December after coming in at 120-6 and swatting England’s bumper theory to all parts while a bemused Joe Root shakes his head sadly,” says Phil Harrison. “He’s that kind of player.”

He is, and that’s not mean pejoratively. He would walk into a world Test XI.

66th over: South Africa 269-6 (Rickelton 19, Jansen 21) A full back from Lyon is flicked crisply through midwicket for four by Rickelton, who is playing a responsible innings. It might be worth Australia going back to Hazlewood, who sorted Rickelton out with the minimum of fuss in the first Test.

65th over: South Africa 262-6 (Rickelton 13, Jansen 20) Cummins tries some rough stuff from around the wicket. Jansen takes it on and belts a terrific pull through midwicket for four. He has skipped to 20 from 25 balls and is again proving a problem for Australia.

64th over: South Africa 256-6 (Rickelton 13, Jansen 14) Jansen waves Lyon to long on for a single. Rickelton is the senior batter but Jansen, who can be so dangerous, feels like the big wicket.

Lyon yells in vain for LBW when Rickelton offers no stroke to a ball round round the wicket. Missing off.

63rd over: South Africa 255-6 (Rickelton 13, Jansen 13) Cummins has changed ends to replace Starc. The lights have been switched on, which is never bad news for a quick bowler. Rickelton misses a loose hook stroke before clattering a boundary between extra cover and mid-off. Nicely played.

62nd over: South Africa 250-6 (Rickelton 9, Jansen 12) That, dear reader, was the last ball of the over.

Rickelton is not out! There was an inside edge so Rickelton survives. An excellent decision from Richard Kettleborough, who is umpiring his 100th Test.

Australia review for LBW against Rickelton! Nathan Lyon comes on for Pat Cummins. Rickelton touches a loose ball past short fine leg for his first boundary – but then there’s a big shout for LBW when Rickelton plays defensively down the wrong line. This looks exceedingly close.

61st over: South Africa 245-6 (Rickelton 5, Jansen 11) “This is a funny old series and no mistake,” writes Felix Wood. “Is that three SA batters out hooking and one to a rookie part-time spinner? That seems careless to say the least.”

Felix, I find your email triggering.

60.3 overs: South Africa 244-6 (Rickelton 5, Jansen 10) Jansen stands tall to larrup Starc square on the off side for four. Later in the over, Rickelton takes a painful blow on the bottom hand as he tries to ride a lifter. It has drawn blood and there’s a break in play while he receives treatment.

60th over: South Africa 238-6 (Rickelton 4, Jansen 5) Australia continue to hammer the middle of the pitch, and Jansen cuts a short ball from Cummins through backward point for his first boundary. The game and series are deliciously poised after a remarkable fightback from Australia, who were in all sorts at 203 for 1.

59th over: South Africa 233-6 (Rickelton 4, Jansen 1) Marco Jansen is a dangerous player, but Australia will fancy their chances of tempting him into something injudicious. He edges a back-foot drive through the vacant slip cordon for a single – Australia have nobody catching behind the wicket apart from Carey.

58th over: South Africa 232-6 (Rickelton 4, Jansen 0) Pace from both ends now, with Cummins replacing Connolly. He also rams everything in short, with the field set accordingly, and it’s a maiden to Rickelton.

57th over: South Africa 232-6 (Rickelton 4, Jansen 0) Starc didn’t realise Mulder had top-edged that hook. But he did and Starc has bowled a double-wicket maiden.

As good as Australia have been, South Africa’s batting has left an abundancy to be desired.

56th over: South Africa 232-4 (Bedingham 50, Rickelton 4) Madon, that’s a jaffa from Connolly. It curved onto middle stump, spat past Bedingham’s defensive stroke and missed the off stump by a whisker.

Bedingham responds with a back cut for three to bring a high-class fifty, his fifth in Tests, from 78 balls. His Test average of 36 is a bald-faced lie; he’s a terrific batter.

55th over: South Africa 228-4 (Bedingham 47, Rickelton 3) Mitchell Starc starts a new spell with no slips and an imaginary target halfway down the pitch. Bedingham pulls smoothly for a single. There’s a more orthodox field for Rickelton, who cuts a single of his own to deep point.

“Deeply Dippy?” sniffs Roland Marshall. “Damn you, Smyth! I’d just about forgotten about the existence of that filth, but you just had to bring it back front and centre.”

Which is where it should be. For some poor souls, that song was a rite of passage.

54th over: South Africa 226-4 (Bedingham 46, Rickelton 2) Connolly continues after tea, with Labuschagne at slip providing the soundtrack. He oohs and aahs after every delivery, even when Bedingham sweeps firmly behind square for four. Bedingham looks such a good player, and this would be a helluva day to convert one of his many starts. He has reached 30 on 15 occasions in Tests but has only one century.

“My recollection of that Richards innings at Durban in 1970 is that Ali Bacher ran himself out in the last over before lunch trying to get Barry on strike so he could go for it,” writes Nick Robb. “It was Barry’s second Test, not his first which was what Mark Nicholas said on commentary. With Bacher gone, Richards and Pollock proceeded to put on 102 in the first hour after lunch, Barry then departing for 140. Ian Chappell said to Stackpole during their partnership ‘Now we’re in real trouble – whatever Richards makes, that bastard will double.’ He was wrong: Graeme fell short after making 274.”

The evening session David Beginham, Ryan Rickelton and 11 Australian gentlemen walk out after tea. Big session, this, one that could decide the series.

Have you read George Orwell’s review of Mein Kampf? This might not sound like a grabby reference, or a killer hook for the algorithm. But Hitler is always hot. Hitler is legacy brand. Hitler is eyeballs. Also, it’s just a great review, even more so because it was written at a time when the world didn’t quite know what Hitler was “all about”.

True, you get a vibe off people. The invasion of France. The ranting, visceral hatred. There were signs, clues, indications that this guy, this guy is not my kind of guy.

But the full Hitler-verse had yet to reveal itself. And for a while you worry Orwell’s going to get it wrong, not go hard enough, misread the full history as we now know it. He writes about how much he likes Hitler’s face because he looks pained and sad, like a wounded dog, giving off that sense of eternal injustice the German people really went for.

Musical interlude

“Not sure Cummins deserves credit for this carnage,” says Duncan Bonnett. “It’s one R. Smyth who put the mockers on us by postulating that Australia would look to bowl us out for 300-350. Wonder if it’s too late to call up Jordan van Rooyen for this Test?”

If I have one area of expertise, it’s finding a vaguely optimistic precedent from the 2638 men’s Tests that have been played since 1876-77.

Teatime reading

52nd over: South Africa 218-4 (Bedingham 39, Rickelton 1) As I think I said at the time, that was an inspired bowling change from Pat Cummins.

Connolly almost gets another when Ryan Rickelton is beaten outside off.

It was pad first…

Australia review for LBW against Breetzke! Australia fancy this. Breetzke pushed forward to defend Connolly, bat and pad together. If it was pad first, it’s close.

51st over: South Africa 216-3 (Bedingham 38, Breetzke 2) Cummins overpitches and is driven sweetly between extra cover and mid-off for four by Bedingham. Man, that’s gorgeous.

“Hello Rob,” writes Tim Sanders. “Since I first fell for cricket and cricketing statistics sometime around 1970, I’ve thought of Eddie Paynter as the man who failed to cash in against Australia at The Oval in 1938. Let’s just say he made exactly 364 runs fewer than Len Hutton… Now I learn that, nevertheless, he has the best average of any batter, ever, against Australia. Remarkable!”

I think Paynter staggered* out of hospital to play an Ashes-winning innings, though I may have mixed him up with R Smyth (or W Mitty).

* Artistic licence, but he was in hospital with acute tonsillitis

50th over: South Africa 212-3 (Bedingham 34, Breetzke 2) A change of spinner, with Cooper Connolly replacing Nathan Lyon. That’s a surprise, even with two right-handers at the crease, because Lyon was bowling nicely. His first over is slightly short and milked for five runs, a gentle pressure-releaser for South Africa.

“Of course, you’re absolutely right that we can have no idea whether it would have made any material difference to have Boland bowling,” says Matt Dony. “But I can imagine his internal monologue, and I’d guess that it would typify the difference between you and I as ‘normal people’ compared to elite athletes.

“I would be watching the batting, relieved I’m not expected to be involved, and probably rethink the life decisions that had brought me to this point. Whereas you would expect Boland to be looking at the batters and working out how he could have made a difference, with a steely confidence. They really are a different breed.”

49th over: South Africa 207-3 (Bedingham 30, Breetzke 1) Patrick James Cummins replaces Hazlewood. Another wicket now and Australia could blow the bloody doors off the South African innings.

Bedingham tucks a single off the hip. That’s only the fifth run in the last six overs, during which Australia have taken two wickets.

48th over: South Africa 206-3 (Bedingham 29, Breetzke 1) Another good over from Lyon. On a day when Australia chose to field, it’s their spinner who’s keeping them in the game. He now has 575 Test wickets, which is not bad for a curator.

“Dear Rob,” says Robert Wilson. “I’m guessing that you have a fair idea of my pitch-reading capacities. They’ve been used for decades by deep-theory mathematicians in their search for an analogy of the inexistant zero (yeah, me neither). I haven’t a clue. I’m a total duffer. But I saw a photo of this pitch yesterday and thought, wow, that’s a soul-sucker. It’s a sign of something if it seems obvious even to an airhead like me. I suppose it might take some spin on the 26th or 27th day.

“I know there will now be a five-over six-wicket collapse now. That’s obvious. Point remains.”

Just as stats are for brats, so reading pitches is for, well never mind.

47th over: South Africa 205-3 (Bedingham 28, Breetzke 1) A maiden from Hazlewood to the new batter Breetzke.

South Africa v Australia never lets the neutrals down, does it? There are some precedents for Australia to win this game. The obvious one is Melbourne 2003, when India were 278/1 on the first day, with Virender Sehwag going ballistic. Australia won that game by nine wickets.

In other news, oh dear

46th over: South Africa 205-3 (Bedingham 28, Breetzke 1) “Lovely weather here today in Joburg, following the cricket on the sly in my office!” writes Duncan Bonnett. “Both openers pretty much tossed their wickets away, and whilst the Aussie batting lineup has been poor this series, I’m thinking that anything less than 500 will be below par for us. If the track stays flat, the likes of Head, Renshaw, Green and Carey could post anything - and quickly too!”

I assume the plan was to bowl South Africa out for 300-350 and then score 500+. The Old Trafford 2023 Test, essentially, but without almost two days of rain.

Background stops play There’s a slight delay due to a problem with the sightscreen. I don’t know what else to tell you.

45th over: South Africa 203-2 (Bedingham 27, Bavuma 0) That wasn’t a great shot from Markram, who had the chance to bat Australia out of the series. The new batter is Temba Bavuma.

“I’m loving the TMS takeover of the OBO, with Zaltz’s stats,” writes Will Ellen. “Can somebody start a conversation about cakes? It’s like when two of your favourite craft brewers do a collaboration.”

It’ll never get better than Mikkeller x Carlsberg Special Brew, a niche dream circa 2013.

44th over: South Africa 203-1 (Markram 78, Bedingham 27) Bedingham averages 36 in Tests, the same as Markram. Bedingham isn’t quite in Markram’s class but they both look far better than that.

43rd over: South Africa 202-1 (Markram 77, Bedingham 27) Hazlewood, whose matchwinning six-for in the first Test feels an age ago, comes on for Starc. Australia have Labuschagne at short mid-on for the miscued drive, and he’s almost in the game when Bedingham hits a lofted on-drive for four. Labuschagne reached to his left but couldn’t get there.

A glorious extra-cover drive from Bedingham races away for four more to bring up South Africa’s 200. Australia, who chose to field, are entering a world of pain.

42nd over: South Africa 194-1 (Markram 77, Bedingham 19) Lyon continues around the wicket to the right-handers, slip in place. Nothing much happens, though there are a few theatrical oohs and aahs from behind the stumps.

41st over: South Africa 193-1 (Markram 77, Bedingham 18) The first two Tests were lost by the team who dominated early on, so South Africa will take nothing for granted despite being in an eye-wideningly good position.

After Bedingham takes a single off Starc, Markram repels the rest of the over with the middle of the bat. He looks in the mood to bat Australia completely out of contention.

Cheers Geoff, hello everyone. Let’s start with a stat, like Mama said I should. Of the 253 men to score at least 500 Test runs v Australia, Aiden Markram has the seventh-best average, and the highest of anyone in the 21st century.

Highest Test averages v Australia (min: 500 runs)

• 84.42 Eddie Paynter (Eng)

• 77.75 Ravi Shastri (Ind)

• 72.57 Barry Richards (SA)

• 69.19 Graeme Pollock (SA)

• 66.85 Herbert Sutcliffe (Eng)

• 63.96 Ken Barrington (Eng)

• 62.76 Aiden Markram (SA)

• 59.85 Denis Lindsay (SA)

• 59.06 Saeed Anwar (Pak)

• 59.00 Chris Broad (Eng)

40th over: South Africa 192-1 (Markram 77, Bedingham 17) Lyon rounds us out before drinks with a quiet one.

Scott Lennard emails. “The conversation around Boland feels tied to a Four Frontline Bowlers Paradigm: Boland over Hazlewood, Boland over Lyon, etc. In a world where the selectors and captain advocate for batting lineup flexibility and the allover lacklustre performance of the batting over the past two years, it’s strange that the obvious answer isn’t to swap Boland in at 6, taking five bowlers and leaning in on the batting offered by Boland/Starc/Lyon who I would rely on making a greater combined combination than whoever is picked for number 6.”

“Regardless of current form, I’m unsure why Test teams are hesitant to select five bowlers more generally. Regardless of if the batting is hard or easy, I rarely see that 6th batter make a meaningful impact either way (when its easy number 6 is often redundant coming in so late, and when its hard and the established top and middle order fail, a struggling number 6 rarely is the person to make a difference).”

I would say that plenty of Tests have been defined by an innings from six, and that would be way too high for Boland, who is normally an 11. In this setup, with the keeper at six and Webster not making runs at seven, they wouldn’t be losing much by having Cummins or Starc there. But that’s only in hindsight when Webster doesn’t make runs, when before the game you don’t know, he might make an important score.

Australia’s bowlers are all handy with the bat, but none is good enough to command the spot at seven in their own right.

That is my last contribution to today’s chat. It’ll be Rob Smyth, luxuriating in neutrality, for the rest of the day.

39th over: South Africa 190-1 (Markram 76, Bedingham 16) A calmer period of play with Ackerman gone, but the South Africans are still working the runs at a decent rate. Starc goes for five.

“Anybody else sick of gambling infesting sport?” asks John Goldstein. “I think all three Tests have been played at grounds that are co-named with gambling companies and the series is sponsored by another company. It’s getting beyond a joke.”

Back of the South African shirts, too. The issue is that South African cricket is broke, and gambling money is the easiest money to get. All sport coverage is awash with it now. The Guardian doesn’t take it any more, and a few of us in our independent projects don’t take it, but there’s so much of it on offer.

It’s a cancer on all sport, but like the smoking lobby, too many people are making too much money off cancer.

38th over: South Africa 185-1 (Markram 72, Bedingham 15) Back to Lyon then, the lone wicket-taker. Over the wicket to Markram, giving it lots of air, looking to draw a mistake. “Two and three, boys,” is the mantra from Carey, trying to keep spirits up. Those spirits currently have a lot of headroom.

37th over: South Africa 182-1 (Markram 70, Bedingham 14) Starc needs to find something: some lift, some bounce. He does get a ball to rear at Markram, but Markram is able to play it down behind point for one. Bedingham mistimes a pull shot, and it does pop up, but lands in a gap on the leg side. Wasn’t really short enough, he was on it too early and it took a top edge near the toe of the bat. Australia desperately need one of these mis-hits, of which there have been a few, to fall their way. Not a bad over, in the end, but still five singles from it. And wait… a no ball. “Sorry, sorry,” says Dick Illingworth for the late notice, as the players were drifting away. And the extra costs him! Bedingham back-cuts him for four! Down through deep third.

36th over: South Africa 172-1 (Markram 67, Bedingham 8) Simon Katich is very critical on commentary about Australia leaving out Boland, which is interesting, because Katich is not one to throw around big opinions for their own sake. He says that it sends the wrong message to everyone to leave out your best player from the previous Test. He says that you have to back performance. There is a case to be made that way.

Gorgeous straight drive from Bedingham. A session of pain lies behind them, but a day of pain looms for Australia. The batter repeats the dose from Hazlewood, but a touch wider this time and finds mid off.

35th over: South Africa 167-1 (Markram 66, Bedingham 4) Starc comes back, and smoked through point by Markram! That’s his 800th run against Australia, in 14 hits. His average is back over 60 against this lot, in live terms. A little drive adds run 801.

34th over: South Africa 162-1 (Markram 61, Bedingham 4) Hazlewood immediately comes on to bowl to Bedingham, who has fallen to pace in each innings thise series. Some nice defensive shapes from Bedingham, who then expands into a cover drive for four.

Paul O’Neill writes in. “Re: Matthew Doherty’s post (and your response). The two precedents to this flying start by SA (Edgbaston 2005 and Brisbane 2002) were very different, to my mind. I feel that Ponting put England in as an aggressive move - looking to press home the 1-0 series advantage - but I suspect that Nasser just didn’t want to expose his batting lineup to yet more trauma at the hands of McGrath, Warne, etc. So which camp does Cummins fall into?”

Good question. I don’t think he has huge faith in his batting, especially without Smith, but if they were ever going to bat well, it’s day one in bright sunshine. Head and Renshaw would have enjoyed this track. I think the Aussies just got duped by the idea of more moisture in the wicket early. Cummins has been a bowl-first captain, much more than most. He’s always considering it as a tactic, even on the days when he doesn’t go that way.

33rd over: South Africa 158-1 (Markram 61, Bedingham 0) Suddenly the tempo changes. With Cummins to Markram, there are no streaky pull shots. Markram does nail one drive, but straight back at the bowler, preserving his own face by collecting that on the bounce. Otherwise, Markram waits and watches.

32nd over: South Africa 158-1 (Markram 61, Bedingham 0) It’s been a bit of a wait, but Lyon has Test wicket 574. South Africa, notwithstanding, have an incredible platform. Markram and Ackerman don’t quite get the Luckhurst-Boycott record.

31st over: South Africa 157-0 (Markram 60, Ackerman 95) Another close call for Ackerman, that same pull shot! Goes at Cummins, gloves it in the air, and again it goes so fine, just past the keeper, away to the fence.

30th over: South Africa 151-0 (Markram 59, Ackerman 90) The singles keep coming from Lyon.

29th over: South Africa 148-0 (Markram 58, Ackerman 88) Cummins taking responsibility, but Ackerman keeps taking him on. Another heaving pull shot, another single to fine leg. He doesn’t look convincing playing those, they never come out of the middle of the bat, and the top edge may do for him eventually. He’ll probably have a ton by then, though!

28th over: South Africa 144-0 (Markram 57, Ackerman 85) Second ball after lunch, and it’s another dropped catch! Lyon is excellent off his own bowling, has been his whole career, but this one is absolutely hammered, Ackerman charging and smoking it, but it was almost straight at Lyon, no need for a dive, just had to position the hands to absorb the impact. He can’t, and the ball ricochets away, through Hazlewood at mid off, who almost makes a hash of his chase back to the rope. Just manages to keep the scoring to two, does the tall fast bowler. Nothing is going right for Australia.

Play is resuming.

“Marques Ackerman has now scored more in one innings (58) than Maddinson in four (56). Food for thought...” writes Luca Human.

Genuinely one of the worst Australian selection decisions ever made: for the team, for the wellbeing of the player, and for the integrity of the domestic system. I have a feeling that repercussions will continue for a long time.

This came in just before the break from Etienne Terblanche. “On the cusp of lunch...is anyone thinking of Barry Richards at Kingsmead in 1970. Incomparable, obviously, but 94* or thereabouts would be quite a feat from the young fella who looked as stodgy as Fred Swarbrook last week...”

Indeed, Richards was mentioned on commentary: he got to 94 and then blocked the last over to be responsible! A ton in the first session is wildly rare in Test cricket, only six players have done it to my recollection.

Ackerman had reason for stodge last week, to be fair. Zaltzman tells me that in first-class games since June 2025, he averages 70 and strikes at 99.

“Is Scott Boland the best reserve pace bowler ever?” asks Ewan Glenton. “What is it, he’s played 20 tests over about five years and has nearly 90 wickets at 18.5? It brings to mind Malcolm Marshall when he carried the drinks for two or three years, kept out by Roberts, Holding, Garner & Croft, but Marshall was very young at the time and people generally didn’t know how good he was or would become. But Boland… it’s as if, say, the Windies also had a world-class spinner so peak Colin Croft kept on getting squeezed out.”

I like the comparison. He does have an astonishing record, 87 wickets at 18.44. I have every hope that he’ll get to 100 over the next few months. The thing is, if he were playing instead of Hazlewood, as people seem to suggest most often, then Hazlewood would also be the best reserve bowler over, with 311 wickets at 23.

Here’s an email on this theme from Rob Knap. “I realise this already looks like a ‘we’ll have a bowl’ gone wrong in the historical way. A different bowler in the Aussie attack probably wouldn’t make a big difference... but: Scott Boland. The three quicks in the Big Four always seem to play if fit. Starc’s not been great this series (as I type this Ackerman is smacking him all over the park). But then I suppose Starc bolsters the batting in a way Boland doesn’t. But surely Boland should be playing, however they squeeze him in?”

This debate has been had a lot, so I’ll lay out the case for the defence. Imagine three more career wickets for Hazlewood, and all four of Australia’s bowling attack will be in the top seven Australian wicket-takers of all time.

Currently it goes Hazlewood, Johnson, Cummins, Lillee, Starc, McGrath, Lyon, Warne.

That’s pretty bloody handy.

Boland has an incredible record, absolutely. And then Hazlewood in the last three years has 67 wickets at 15. Starc was player of the series in the Ashes last summer, which at times he seemed to be playing almost single-handed. Cummins is probably the best of the lot.

Starc has had a middling two Tests matches. He also has 450 wickets, and has literally got better every year of his career so far. Cricket is a highly variable sport. Performances jump all over the place. Someone not having an impact in one game doesn’t mean, when you’re at the selection table, that their next one will be poor. It’s about how much you rate their ability to possibly have a good game. The best players have a higher possibility rating, a greater likelihood that they will play well.

Australia have five excellent bowling options, and can pick four. That’s all it is. Whoever was left out, there would be a strong case that they should play. You can say ‘How could they not pick x’ about everyone. It’s as simple as that.

Doesn’t mean they haven’t bowled badly today. But that’s another matter.

“I’ve read enough. Throw the ball to Bol… ah.”

Eamonn Maloney, your sentiment will be widely echoed. Of course, no knowing whether he would have done any better, or been slotted off his length to damage those beautiful career figures.

Over in New Zealand, India just ran down 199 in 13.2 overs to win a T20. If that makes Australian readers feel any better.

On that prior stat, I can add that there are also opening partnerships of 162 and 165 against Australia in matches when they’ve chosen to bowl first, but those were in the third innings, not the first. Atherton-Butcher in 1997, and Gavaskar-Chauhan in 1981.

Another great stat from Andy Zaltzman – this is what happens when he doesn’t have a BBC call to work for.

In a first innings when Australian teams have sent in an opponent, this is already the second-highest opening stand. Brian Luckhurst and Geoff Boycott put on 171 during the first WACA match in 1970, so today’s pair have 31 runs to go. Might knock that off in five overs after lunch.

27th over: South Africa 140-0 (Markram 56, Ackerman 82) Cummins to close it out before the break, and Markram drops and dashes a single. Ackerman does the same, not going to do anything silly at this stage of the session. Last ball, Markram edges through a vacant slip for four, and that puts a very appropriate full stop on an absolute disaster of a session for Australia. The South African leave the field walking on air.

25th over: South Africa 125-0 (Markram 42, Ackerman 81) The smashathon continues! Lunch not far away, and Starc still bowling indifferently, short and wide and slashed away by Ackerman. Next ball, arrows in at the pads, and Ackerman is ready for that! Cleans it out over midwicket for four more. Third ball? Same result, nothing wrong with the deliver this time, just outside the off stump, but Ackerman trusts the bowler’s pace, opens the face, and guides it over the slips. Again, shots you can’t play elsewhere, but we haven’t seen a single ball move laterally off the surface.

Fourth ball? Four more! Uppercut again, this time much squarer. The last one went over the gap between first and second slip, this one over gully, but Ackerman is trusting his ability to guide the ball anywhere.

Finally, from the fifth ball, he has to defend. Drops the ball at his feet. And Markram is still aware enough to pinch the single. Then keeps strike. 18 from the over.

I’m having flashbacks to Shikhar Dhawan on debut against Australia. A ton off… was it 89 balls? Someone can look that up. Ackerman isn’t quite on debut, but the next best thing.

24th over: South Africa 107-0 (Markram 41, Ackerman 64) Lyon continuing, and the singles flow freely. Everyone is asking about bowling first. Surely, having brought your spinner back and having kept your left-armer to make the footmarks outside the right-hander’s off stump, you would want to give him the chance to bowl last, not to be operating before lunch?

Gervase Greene emails in. “Seeing Baz Boland as drinks waiter, again, is a bit confronting. I do get why he was surplus to the situation in this case - it looking like a solid batting wicket and all that. But boy does that then beg the question ‘why the hell did we send them in...?’ Only a cynic might suggest we needed another 24 hours to sort out our batting order. (24 weeks might be better…)”

23rd over: South Africa 103-0 (Markram 40, Ackerman 62) This is a team falling apart in real time. Travis Head drops Markram, one of the easiest catches you will ever see at Test level. Just wasn’t paying attention.

Markram tries to drive another length ball, misreads the bounce, gets it up near the splice. The ball doesn’t loop up, it goes relatively flat but gently and slowly to cover, where Head is placed. He doesn’t seem to see it, because he jumps as the ball reaches him, as if thinking that it has been smashed. It hasn’t, but Head with both feet off the ground and his hands all over the place is in no position to hold it, and instead parries it away. Can’t get it on the rebound either. The body language there strongly suggests that he’d drifted off, and was surprised to see a ball coming at him.

22nd over: South Africa 102-0 (Markram 39, Ackerman 62) Markram pulls, and for a second Cummins thinks that he’s in the game, the uncontrolled top edge swirling away, but there’s a big gap behind square with the possible catcher set much finer, and the ball lands safely for a run. Markram didn’t know where it went either. But no such ambiguity around Ackerman’s shot, as he follows up with another fine hook for six! Every time he plays the short ball, it goes fine, and this one is almost over the keeper as he just gets a touch on it, Cummins’ pace supplying the momentum. Last ball of the over? On the hip, glanced for four.

The ton is up in the 23rd over. Australia are being flayed.

20th over: South Africa 83-0 (Markram 33, Ackerman 49) Cummins to Ackerman around the wicket, trying a couple of shorties, but the second of those doesn’t get up, and Ackerman pulls it comfortably to fine leg for one.

19th over: South Africa 82-0 (Markram 33, Ackerman 48) A maiden over! What is this sorcery! Not because Hazlewood bowled anything particularly unplayable, but I would guess more than Markram has assessed their incredible early position and wants to make sure he stabilises it.

Matthew Doherty emails succinctly. “Edgbaston 2005, England 409 all out, 80 overs first day.”

That does rather spring to mind, doesn’t it? Likewise, Australia 364 for 2 in Brisbane, 2002.

18th over: South Africa 82-0 (Markram 33, Ackerman 48) Reverse sweep from Ackerman! He’s flying now. Takes a chance to disrupt Lyon, who is bowling around the wicket to the left-hander. Lyon is in the team for experience and guile, and needs to tap into those qualities. Ackerman takes him through the leg side for a couple more runs, then punches in front of point for four!

This. Is. A. Pasting.

Going at 4.5 an over through the first session of the Test, after being asked to bat.

17th over: South Africa 72-0 (Markram 33, Ackerman 38) Finally Hazlewood manages to apply the brakes for a couple of minutes. A dinky little pull shot from Ackerman gets a run to fine leg, with some risk. Even in a good over, Hazlewood’s line strays there. One other single to Markram.

16th over: South Africa 70-0 (Markram 32, Ackerman 37) There’s the one that Ackerman was looking for! He’s been wanting a piece of Lyon every ball he’s faced, but has been largely holding himself back. Finally he gets on the dancefloor and sends Lyon out of the ground, leg side slog from the lefty.

15th over: South Africa 63-0 (Markram 31, Ackerman 31) Hazlewood to continue, and he gets belted! We were told that Ackerman was a dasher at domestic level, and an unusual choice to open, but it’s working here. A short ball from Hazlewood is slashed over the cordon, then a length ball is guided away through the cordon along the ground. This is a pasting.

14th over: South Africa 53-0 (Markram 31, Ackerman 21) Markram gives up strike facing the first ball from Cummins, but Ackerman immediately gives it back. Still, nothing more ambitious from Markram this over. He’s not been sucked into going too hard with the momentum his way. Drinks.

13th over: South Africa 51-0 (Markram 30, Ackerman 20) Two runs from Lyon’s over, Ackerman knocking the ball through point, but otherwise Ackerman doesn’t look entirely confident in his method against Lyon.

12th over: South Africa 49-0 (Markram 30, Ackerman 18) Markram just keeps going. Cummins tries bumping him again, Markram dispatches the short ball for four. This is just a dominant early performance.

11th over: South Africa 43-0 (Markram 24, Ackerman 18) It’s Nathan Lyon in the 11th over! That alone tells you that things are not going well for Australia. His comeback over is a decent one, lots of defence from Ackerman, then an ill-judged jump out of his crease for a hoy at the ball, skewed away leg side for a single. Markram scores a more controlled one, down the ground.

10th over: South Africa 41-0 (Markram 23, Ackerman 17) This tells you how good this pitch is to bat on. Some width from Cummins, a bit short, but Markram would have been cautious about throwing the bat at Gqeberha where the ball was moving around. Here, angled bat, no hesitation, seared for four.

9th over: South Africa 31-0 (Markram 19, Ackerman 16) This is rapidly turning into one of the worst bowl-first decisions ever. So simple for Markram to get onto the front foot and drive that full Starc delivery through cover for four. The Australians of course have the quality to turn things around, but right now, South Africa are right on top.

8th over: South Africa 31-0 (Markram 15, Ackerman 15) Oh, my word. The symbolism of this sequence is immense. Cummins brings himself on to bowl. He’s the captain, he’s made the call at the toss, he’s the enforcer when things are getting away from Australia. He’s the one who has to make a statement in his first spell. He bowls a few balls, then drops in his bouncer, and Markram smashes him for six.

Clean as a whistle, over midwicket. That’s huge both literally and metaphorically.

This is perhaps the first recorded link between Andy Zaltzman and Tupac Shakur, but the former has just sent me an email headed Ch-ch-ch-changes!

Buckle up for some incredible stats on Australia’s moves.

“Hi Geoff, hope all is well. You look like the kind of person who would like some pure, unadulterated information about regarding Australia’s four changes.

If my magic Team Changes spreadsheet is to be believed (and I am almost 101% certain that it is), this is the first time Australia have made four or more changes during a series (i.e. excluding first Tests) since the 4^th Test in Johannesburg in 2017-18. That was the game after S***P****G***. Smith, Warner and Bancroft, plus Starc, were replaced by Burns, Renshaw, Handscomb and Sayers.

This current Test is only the eighth time Australia have made four or more changes during a series away from home. They also did so twice in India in 2012-13, when four players were naughty-stepped for the 3^rd Test due to the Homework Shemozzle (Watson, Wade and Pattinson, who had played the 2nd Test, plus Khawaja who was in the squad but not playing; Maxwell was also dropped from the XI). The four dropped players, plus Mitchell Johnson, came back into the XI for the 4th Test.

So the current match is the first time Australia have made four or more changes during an away series without disciplinary intervention since 1994-95, when for the 3rd Test v Pakistan in Lahore, Langer, Emery, May and McGrath replaced S. Waugh, Healy, Fleming and Angel.

Prior to that, the only times Australia have made 4+ changes during an away series were:

- the 4th Test in West Indies in 1983-84 (Jones, Woolley, Maguire, Rackemann in for Wood, S. Smith (different one), Hogg and Alderman), and

- twice in India in 1956-57, when Rutherford, Davidson, Maddocks and Wilson replaced MacDonald, Craig, Langley and Ian Johnson for the second Test, and those changes were reversed for the third Test. (Unusually for that era, those Tests were played back-to-back.)

The third Test in India in 1956-57 was the only time Australia have won an away Test during a series having made four or more changes.

Here endeth the stat.

7th over: South Africa 24-0 (Markram 9, Ackerman 14) Lyon now at leg slip, but Ackerman pulls wide of him! Gloved that shot, and it could easily have looped up to the catcher, but instead goes a couple of metres wide of him, too much ground to make up.

Still, choose to bowl first, and by the seventh over you’re trying to take your wickets with a bouncer ploy? It’s not encouraging for the tourists.

6th over: South Africa 23-0 (Markram 9, Ackerman 13) Markram punches to point again, but Lyon is stationed right on the white line there and gets in the way. Eventually a leg bye, then a single, from Hazlewood.

“Given that Cam Green can’t bowl and you have Head, Renshaw and Connolly, this is the test you go in with four seamers,” writes Kevin Wilson. Maybe. There have been some pretty good performances by spinners though on this ground.

5th over: South Africa 21-0 (Markram 9, Ackerman 12) Flushed him! Yowch. Starc belts Markram, straight out. Around the wicket, bowls a body-length ball clocked at 149 kph, and that did look quick as well, unlike some of the high readings in the second Test. In at the body and Markram doesn’t have time to do anything but flinch and hope it doesn’t hurt him too badly. It smashes the little wrist guard, but will still have done some damage. Deflects for a leg bye. Ackerman, though, middles his next shot, full on his pads and taken through square.

4th over: South Africa 15-0 (Markram 8, Ackerman 7) Hazlewood full again, inside edge again, this one a danger of being played back onto Ackerman’s stumps. He gets going with a leg glance though, four, then drives a single/.

“Thanks for the coverage again!” writes George van Zijl. “Based on form the Aussies could probably pick Lyon as spinner and include Boland as a batsman. He batted in the top order in both innings last test and did better than most. How many times has a batting pair started two days in a row after a full day’s play? I guess the best bet is when no wickets fall, which only has occurred once in my cricket following days (SA vs Aus at the Wanderers in I think 1996). The Head-Boland partnership should be less unique as bowling a team out and having them follow-on happens more readily than a pair carrying their bats for a full day. Cant wait for this Test.”

The full-day batting partnership has quite a lot of precedents. Top of my head, Laxman and Dravid in 2001, Taylor and Marsh in 1989, Sangakkara and Jayawardene in the record partnership against your lot, Lara and Jimmy Adams in Kingston. You’re thinking of Steve Waugh and Greg Blewett in 1997. I reckon there would be fewer examples with a team following on, hard to track those without doing it manually though, and I’m a bit busy right now. Anyone free?

3rd over: South Africa 10-0 (Markram 8, Ackerman 2) Starc gets Markram hopping and playing from the first ball of the over, but Markram picks off the second, a lovely clip off a leg stump line from a ball that is about hip height, not glanced fine but struck more sweetly square of the wicket. Four.

Goes again! The sort of shot that has had him in trouble this series, and other players, punching square off the back foot, riding the bounce of a shorter ball to flash it through point, but this time it works perfectly. On a nice sunny morning, is this a batting paradise?

2nd over: South Africa 2-0 (Markram 0, Ackerman 2) Hazlewood, by contrast, is on the money immediately. Ackerman has to play at almost everything, and doesn’t look comfortable with the bounce. Wears one on the gloves, squeezes a couple of balls away off the inside edge without control. Survives, though, and picks up two in advertent runs from one of those defensive shots.

1st over: South Africa 0-0 (Markram 0, Ackerman 0) Thus begins the day via Mitchell Starc. He was Australia’s champion during the recent Ashes series, then hasn’t had a big influence in the two Tests here so far. Three wickets each during the Durban and Gqeberha matches, produced some good deliveries but had some radar issues.

His first over here doesn’t correct that, with Markram able to leave the first five balls of the Test.

So that’s a lot of changes in between preamble speculation and the start of play. Email me your thoughts. Let’s get into it.

The two teams are on the field at Newlands for the national anthems with first ball only a few minutes away.

If you missed it, last week Barney Ronay gave his view of Temba Bavuma’s masterwork.

Bavuma has been a transformative Test captain, with 12 wins in 14 matches, four hundreds, a world championship mace, all stretched over three broken years. But he is still always, always chasing legitimacy and affirmation, in a way that is unique to cricket, but also unique to this man in this role in this sporting nation. First black middle order batsman. First black captain. How is this going to fall? How strong is that ice underfoot?

Among the Australia’s four changes for this Test, there’s still no proven replacement opener for Usman Khawaja, who has been on media street lately with his book coming out to coincide with an Australian Story episode.

Pat Cummins explains the four selection changes and how close Steve Smith was to playing on Australia’s first Test at Newlands since 2018.

We’re going to have a bowl, feel like there’s little of moisture in the wicket today.

[Steve Smith] had another little practice this morning but wasn’t happy with how his neck was feeling. We’ve got some other guys really placed. They’ve been working hard the last couple of weeks, a couple have had injuries, they’re coming back now

Very hard [to leave out Boland]. He’s such a class player. As it was hard to leave out Nathan Lyon last week, so a good problem to have.

Australia are expected to make at least a couple of changes. Martin Pegan looked closer at who might be on their way in – and out – of the team.

The Australian selectors have shown in South Africa they are prepared to change a winning formula with the ball, while they have long been reluctant to cut ties with proven performers with the bat. But the first innings capitulation as Australia were all out for 99 in Gqeberha could force their hand to make a tough call or two – or perhaps more – as a selection storm brews before the series decider in Cape Town.

This was the Australian camp’s attitude yesterday as to whether Smith would be passed fit.

The weather! Always worth checking in this game. Thankfully the forecast suggests that we’ll have less annoyance with rain and light than in the first two Tests, that both got dragged out to five days when better conditions might have had them wrapped up in three or four.

For Cape Town, the weather is set fair, with sunny days and just some scattered cloud expected. Cool temperatures given the season, low 20s will be the max. Ideal for the players.