90 + 2 There is a minute and some change to go but already the home fans have the whistles out. They need not worry. This Liverpool side are doing nothing.

90 mins Three minutes separate Newcastle from three points.

88 mins Why wasn’t that the other way around? Why wasn’t it Moreno lifting the ball into the box and Balotelli attacking it? Meanwhile, an idiotic Lovren gives away a free-kick (and gets a yellow card) near the corner flag for a foul on Cabella. Newcastle keep it in the corner to waste time.

86 mins Balotelli picked the ball up wide on the left. He cuts inside and sends the ball towards Moreno. The Liverpool full-back channels the spirit of Ronnie Whelan in Euro 88 but completely misses the volley and the ball ambles into the hands of Krul.

84 mins A stray hand from Borini leads to a lie down for Sissoko. He should be OK. He is OK.

82 mins “Wonder if Brendan has his own name in his envelope?” says Mark Judd.

80 mins The game has really liven up now with both sides attacking with verve, especially Newcastle. Just now Sissoko made his way down the right, passed to Cabella and continued his run. Cabella found him and and Sissoko forced Mignolet in to a good save at his front post.

79 mins Coutinho off, Lambert on.

77 mins And that should have been 2-0. Cabella won the ball on the halfway and exchanged passes with Perez. That put Cabella through on goal but Mignolet stood tall and used his feet to keep his side in the game.

Sissoko got the ball on the left and ran at the Liverpool defence. He played a pass to Dummet, who had ran in front of him, and who then returned the favour. Sissoko, inside the box and with the ball at his feet, then looked to feed Cabella, who in space on the other side. However, Moreno stuck a leg out stopped that but instead of hacking it into row Z, he dawdles on it. Perez says thank you very much, robs him and from 6 yards out, he thumps the ball past Mignolet, who didn’t stand a chance.

71 mins Henderson goes in the book for tugging Coloccini to the ground off the ball.

69 mins Another Liverpool attack. A long pass from Gerrard from the centre of the pitch finds the chest of Sterling. He lays it off to the on-rushing Borini who strikes it low and hard but fails to make Krul put some work in.

68 mins Liverpool get their passing on and push forward. Moreno finds Gerrard who finds Coutinho who, on the edge of the box, fails to find Gerrard.

66 mins David Flynn has been in touch: “The declining standard of entertainment value provided by Balotteli these day these days, swapping jerseys and being just about on time (not actually late) for second halves instead of firework related house fires an ill thought out backheel finishes, actually works quite well as a metaphor for Liverpool’s attacking play this season.” He was actually late. The others had to wait for him.

64 mins Sub news. Borini on for Allen and Cabella replaces Ameobi.

62 mins Janmaat is the latest name to go into the yellow book. Balotelli won the ball from Abeid and look to creep forward only for Janmaat to absolutely smash him out of it. There could be no complaints.

60 mins The home crowd have woken up yo and they urge their side forward. A long ball down the left finds Aarons but Liverpool but push them back. On they come again with Dummett. From 30 yards out, he fizzes one at goal that, unsurprisingly, misses. HIs manager will be furious about that as Aarons had made a good run into the box that he failed to spot.

58 mins This is much better from Liverpool, who finally seem to have woken up. Gerrard gets the ball from Balotelli just outside the box on the right. He curls a super pass to the front post and it finds the head of Coutinho, who has nipped in front of a couple of Newcastle defenders. He does one on goal and only a superb reaction save from Krul stops Liverpool from taking the head.

56 mins Sterling – who has done nothing all day – wins possession for Liverpool in the middle of the Newcastle half. He feeds Balotelli who turns at goal and shakes to shoot but his curling effort from 20 yards out never looked like troubling Krul.

54 mins Huh?

52 mins The BT boys are getting angry because Balotelli was late getting back onto the pitch for the second half. Won’t someone please think of the children?

50 mins Down the other end Sissoko gets his studs into Allen’s leg and is lucky enough to exit the incident with just a yellow card. Balotelli takes the subsequent free-kick and even though it dips just in front of him, Krul deals with it easily enough.

49 mins Right after that pass, Johnson got caught in possession just outside his box by Aarons. He played a pass to Perez who returned the favour. Aarons is on the ball and in the box but Liverpool recover in time and rob him of the ball.

47 mins Liverpool pass and move for the opening few minutes of the half. It all seems to be going well until Lovren tries to Hollywood one across the pitch with little success.

45 mins We are back. And we are back a substitute – Perez is on for Cisse – as well as an email from Matt Dony:

Ah, the mid-90’s. I did love Gamesmaster, but my favourite thing about it was seeing Stewart Lee smash a Golden Joystick on TMWRNJ. The kind of iconoclastic moment that’s made me the rebel I am today. I would add something about the match, normally, but it hardly seems worth it. As a Liverpool fan, the excitement of last year seems like a very, very long time ago.

It really does seem like a long time ago.

Some half-time entertainment for y’all:

45 mins ... no. Cisse hammers it miles over the bar. What. A. Waste. There are two more minutes to play before half -time.

43 mins Sissoko does a lovely dribble on the counter, driving at the Liverpool defence. Skrtel stops him on the edge of the D and Newcastle get a free-kick. (Skrtel gets a yellow as does Taylor for some unsportsmanlike behaviour – he stood in front of Mignolet trying to distract him ). Can they do something with this? ...

41 mins “Not to be too pedantic,” pedants Don Topaz, “but they’re SURTITLES when the scrawly bits are at the top, subtitles when at the bottom.”

40 mins A rare Liverpool attack is cut out by Coloccini, who concedes a corner. Gerrard takes and he finds Skrtel’s run from the edge of the area. The defender nips in front of his marker and misses the goal by this much. Krul didn’t even move.

38 mins Another corner. This time Mignolet does his job properly and plucks the ball from the air, thus averting any danger.

36 mins A corner to Newcastle. It is swung over and Mignolet goes MIA. Cisse swings a boot at it from the corner of the six-yard box but Johnson clears it off the line.

34 mins Aarons picks the ball up a fair distance from the goal. He gets going and glides past Gerrard before the Liverpool captain catches up and helps to make the young man the meat in sandwich with Allen acting as the other piece of bread. A free-kick is awarded about 25 yards from goal. Abeid takes but the wall does its job. A corner it is but it’s a poor one that Gerrard clears. However, that clearance is even worse and it lands at the feet of Sissoko. His effort clears the bar and lands in Scotland.

31 mins A long ball from Gerrard finds Balotelli down the left. He tries a trick or treat but is immediately dealt with by Janmaat. Other than the foul, that is all he has done in this game. Ho hum.

28 mins More on subtitles. Click the link. It will make you laugh.

Meanwhile, from a Newcastle throw, Aarons spins Johnson who subsequently takes him to the ground to give away a free-kick near the corner flag on the left. The ball ding and dongs its away around the box for a moment or two but Liverpool soon smother it to safety.

26 mins That is indeed it for Obertan and it is Aarons who replaces him.

25 mins Mac Millings has been in touch: “Fun Shed Seven Fact: the band was named after one of Kurt Vonnegut’s “Unpleasant Structures” series, also featuring the classic “Slaughterhouse Five” and the best-forgotten “Outdoor Toilet Six”.”

23 mins Obertan is down. This does not look good. Looks like he pulled his thigh muscles while running. The subs get going. Is it time for Aarons?

21 mins This time Newcastle attack down the left via Ameobi. He gets his sprint on – beating Johnson with ease – and then his cross on. The latter is decent but Srktel clears. Newcastle attack again and this time Skrtel has to give away a corner. That is fired to the back post but Lovren does enough to ease the pressure on his side.

19 mins A long throw from Krul sends Obertan scurrying down the right. He cuts inside and plays a one-two with Colback before continuing his run down the right. He looks to cross into the box but his effort is weak and Liverpool deal with the danger.

18 mins Who watches a game with subtitles?

17 mins Liverpool are stodgy here. They look slow and pedestrian and a bit short on ideas. And just as that sentence is typed, Balotelli gives away a needless foul on the edge of the Newcastle box to bring an end to a Liverpool attack.

15 mins Just seen a reply of the alleged penalty. Marriner didn’t have the best view but think he made the right decision. Sissoko went down a bit too easily.

13 mins Is he watching the game with subtitles?

12 mins Wondering what Jose Enrique is up to? Wonder no more:

10 mins The Newcastle fans want a penalty and they might have a point. Obertan put on funky shoes and danced his way down the right with some speed. Near the end line, he pulled the ball back for Sissoko who was ready to shoot for glory only for Allen to nick his ankles. The referee says no but you’ve seen them given.

8 mins “I heard those birds as well,” says JR in Illinois. “What is wrong with them? That was very rude. They’ve already sorted the horses in Newcastle; looks like the birds need to be taught a lesson as well.”

6 mins Liverpool press high and force Krul to kick long. Newcastle win the header and work the ball down the right, before coming back inside and then back outside. Newcastle keep on passing and the ball comes back to Krul once more. Long it goes and eventually to Cisse. He takes a shot that goes out for a throw.

4 mins Newcastle get a throw near the corner flag of the left. Liverpool clear that but Newcastle win another. The exact same process happens again. After this one, the home side fire a cross into the box, Obertan gets in front of his man and tees it up for Cisse but his shot is blocked over the bar. Newcastle get a corner. Skrtel clears that with his head.

2 mins Early indication are that Balotelli has lined up on the right and Coutinho has lined up in the middle. It also looks like he is starting with a back three. How very odd. Is Brendan doing some of that over-thinking stuff? Nothing interesting, in terms of action, to report from the pitch so far.

1 min After a perfectly-observed minute silence to commemorate those who died in conflict (you could hear the birds squawking above the stadium) Liverpool, playing left to right, get us going.

The players are on the pitch, the fans are in the stands, the pie-sellers are in place and we are almost ready to get busy. Newcastle are in their traditional black and white number while Liverpool are in their home red. Call me old fashioned but there is something particularly nice about seeing two sides tog out in their home jerseys. Down with this new-fangled 3rd strip business. In the stands one of the Newcastle fans holds a banner reading: “Pardew back from the dead”

Wins at Tottenham Hotspur and Manchester City have changed the mood in Newcastle and around Alan Pardew and his side, reckons Louise Taylor. Here is her preview of today’s game:

Alan Pardew likens the task of reconstructing Newcastle United to assembling a piece of flat-pack furniture. “It takes time,” he says, with feeling. “My wife’s Swedish so I’ve done a few of those Ikea furniture packs and I know you’ve got to do lots of little bits to get to the end. If you get the first little bit wrong, the second bit doesn’t work. If you get the second bit wrong, the third bit definitely ain’t working and the table top is wobbling.”

As a largely dreadful 2014 for Newcastle draws to a close, Pardew’s patient fusion of imports such as Rémy Cabella and homegrown youngsters including Rolando Aarons promises to result in a formidably pacy, unexpectedly exciting, team.

Three straight wins – against Leicester and Tottenham in the Premier League and Manchester City in the Capital One Cup –have not only begun erasing relegation fears but stripped the wind from the sails of Tyneside’s “Sack Pardew” campaign.

While there is some way to go before the hearts and minds of many fans are recaptured, Pardew is preparing for Liverpool’s visit on Saturday lunchtime confident his players remain behind him.

Continued here.

“I remember shed seven,” says Ben Young. “Back in the day Changegiver and Definitely Maybe were released a week apart. My pocket money conveniently was £3.99, enough for one cassette album from Our Price. I went for the Sheffield lads and still don’t regret it. The years of training from opting to support Grimsby Town allow you to make these choices without regret.”

“Shed Seven is always my brother’s choice for our drunkenly discussed dream mid-90s festival line up, as well as Mansun,” states Kieran Walsh. “I’m more partial to Suede or Dinosaur Jnr, death to Britpop!”