28 min: This match has been brilliant fun. Has the Hydration Break jiggered its momentum? Of course it has! On that very subject, here’s Daniel Storey: “Will the Viking rowers come to regret this? A cricket score could derail all momentum. There’s managing minutes and then there is playing a B team against one of the best attacks in the tournament.”

26 min: Hydration Break FIN.

24 min: … and that’s bevvies! BOOOOO go the crowd. Everyone at home meanwhile piles to the kitchen. [consults Guardian tipples and nibbles guide] A pint of pastis liqueur and some chocolate-covered corn snacks, please!

23 min: There were 72 seconds between those goals. And now France win a corner, which Olise meets on the edge of the box and smoothly whistles a shot goalwards. Blocked. The scoring ain’t over, y’all.

19 min: Aasgaard hits a speculative belter from distance. Blocked. “Although I understand the need to rest players, are fans, who have paid a lot of money to attend this game, belng short changed by Norway starting with their star player on the bench?” wonders Stephen Bradfield. “This sort of thing didn’t happen in 1970.”

17 min: Mbappe cuts in from the left and has a batter towards the bottom left. Selvik makes his third big stop of the game so far. Without him, Norway would be in all sorts already.

16 min: That’s a decent response from Norway B. They wouldn’t be human if they hadn’t been wondering what had hit them early doors. But they’re slowly getting into the game. Nevertheless, France stand-in coach Guy Stéphan looks much more relaxed than Solbakken. He’s standing in for Didier Deschamps, who is back home for his mother’s funeral. Before the game, Norway presented a bouquet to France in sympathy, a thoughtful touch.

14 min: Thorstvedt is clipped by Tchouameni out on the Norway right. A chance for Berg to swing a free kick into the mixer … which he does, but France half-clear. However the ball comes back into the box, and Stand Larsen kills it, sending Upamecano off to the shops for a copy of L’Equipe. Strand Larsen is alone, ten yards out, but blazes over the bar. Norway should be level.

12 min: Mbappe slips Olise into the box down the left. Olise tries to guide a shot across Selvik, towards the unguarded bottom right, but Ostigard slides in to block, just in time.

10 min: Strand Larsen has the chance to release Bobb, in all sorts of space down the inside-right channel, but messes up the pass. A shot’s eventually sent goalwards from long range, but the chance to seriously test Maignan is long gone.

9 min: On the touchline, Norway coach Ståle Solbakken already looks concerned. Berg picking up an early yellow card for hauling back Olise won’t help his mood.

5 min: Kone, just to the right of the D, creams a shot towards the right-hand side of the net that Selvik does very well to parry clear with a strong hand. Then Doue has a dig from distance. This one’s easy for the keeper, but that’s two big saves already by Selvik, who could be in for a busy day.

4 min: Selvik got a touch to that Mbappe shot, you know, tipping the fierce rising strike onto the post. Doing just enough to save the day. What a save that was! Had Mbappe scored, it would have been the third quickest World Cup finals goal of all time.

2 min: What a start that would have been. An early reminder, perhaps, that Norway are fielding very much their second string. “Talking about kit clashes,” begins Philip Ames, “I remember watching a game - Arsenal (in their red shirts with white sleeves) vs Sheffield Wednesday (in their blue shirts with white sleeves) - late 60s/early 70s, on the black and white tele, because we was poor. I think it was David Coleman commentating because he an obvious candidate. ‘And for those of you watching in black and white, Arsenal are in the red shirts.’ (Thanks for manning another MBM for us who are working and unable to turn the TV on. I have a color set these days.”

22 sec: Mbappe tears off down the right, enters the box, and unleashes a rising drive from a tight angle that beats Selvik only to crash off the underside of the crossbar and away. What a start that would have been! Kylian wants another Golden Boot!

A moment of silence to pay respect to the victims of the earthquakes in Venezuela. Beautifully observed. Then Norway get the ball rolling.

The teams are out at Boston Stadium, home of the New England Patriots (football) and New England Revolution (soccer). Norway wear red, while France’s kit is minty. The Norwegian national anthem is proud and stately – ♪ ♫ ♬ Love it and think of our father and mother, and the legendary night that lowers dreams upon our earth ♬ ♪ ♫ – while La Marseillaise is the greatest national anthem of all. I mean, c’mon. What a tune. We’ll be off in a minute.

Pre-match postbag. “Off to our local village salle des fêtes shortly for what’s known in this part of France as an auberge espagnol - you all bring a couple of dishes and share them communally. Then the match shown on a big screen. Loyalty to my country of residence means I shall have to support France, but Norway do have two Fulham players in the squad, so a little part of me …” – Richard Hirst

“Been traveling and I am now going to settle down in the hotel bar in front of their giant screen for the match, but the point is, if this WC were to be played in Europe today, we would need six hydration breaks. The weather is TERRIBLE” – krishnamoorthy v

“Alexei Lalas starts today’s recap of the USA loss to Turkiye by saying ‘last night I checked the flights back to Istanbul’. The very definition of Ugly American. What a d###” – Mary Waltz

“Even with the star man Haaland not playing, I’m sure Fifa will still rake in a few Bobb” – Peter Oh

As each group draws to its conclusion, hope becomes an ever more theoretical concept for poor old Scotland. But all is not quite lost yet. This particular match doesn’t have any bearing on Scottish hopes of scraping through to the knockouts, but the other Group I game between Senegal and Iraq does. Should Senegal fail to win, or Iraq fail to win by three goals, this section will throw Scotland one of the four lifelines they require to stay alive. Admittedly that would most likely boost their chance of survival from its current level of 7% to roughly 7.000001%, but baby steps. Daniel Gallan is following that match, and I’ll doubtless touch upon this subject here too, one way or another, at the very least at the very end.

Sigh.

Norway are the designated home team tonight, so they get first dibs on kit. They’ll wear their first-choice red shirts, so France switch to their second-choice light-green strip to ensure viewing isn’t a fiasco for colourblind fans. The pennant that captain Kylian Mbappé will hand over is a bit word heavy (even with the out-of-shot FFF logo, trust us) but the French tricolore is so beautiful it can handle all the heavy aesthetic lifting.

There isn’t a picture of both Norwegian shirt and their pennant on the wires, and you know what the MBM will always plump for first. But you’ll see plenty of their kit dotted throughout the report anyway, and isn’t that pennant a masterclass in Nordic minimalism?

France make four changes to the team selected to start the win over Iraq. Désiré Doué, Aurélien Tchouaméni, Théo Hernandez and Maxence Lacroix come in for Bradley Barcola, Adrien Rabiot, Lucas Digne and William Saliba, who all drop to the bench. Both teams are certain of qualifying for the knockouts, so it would appear France are placing more importance on finishing top than Norway boss Ståle Solbakken. Didier Deschamps is absent, having flown home ​to attend his mother’s funeral.

So much for that Erling Haaland versus Kylian Mbappé shootout: Norway coach Stale Solbakken has rested the striker. He’s one of ten players stood down, with the only regular starter to retain his starting spot being Benfica midfielder Fredrik Aursnes … who is being redeployed tonight at right-back.

… and here’s what France have gotten up to. A Kylian Mbappé double double, giving us a chance to double down on our double-double riff with a double-double-riff double.

Here’s how Norway have done so far. An Erling Haaland double double.

This is how we saw it from the outset. Not much has changed. Yet. Reacquaint yourself with both squads, and let’s go.