79 min Easy as you like. What a kick. Ireland 29-10 South Africa. In sadder news, Jared Payne has just been helped off injured. Jonny Sexton has been named man-of-the-match. Surely that has to go to a forward? Ruddock or Toner for me.

77 min It’s all gone a bit scrappy now. South Africa are done, they’ve been demolished at the breakdown here. Side entry at a ruck and it’s a penalty to Ireland about 48m out, wide on the right. Madigan with have a crack at goal (he replaced Sexton at some point).

75 min Ireland are buoyant now, South Africa defeated. Turnover after turnover coming. This reminds me of their performance in around 2002 (I think) against Australia, when Neil Best was a one-man wrecking ball.

It’s also QPR 2-2 Man City and Scotland 41-24 Argentina.

74 min Sexton nails it once again. Ireland 26-1o South Africa. This is astounding. Loads of changes now from Ireland.

72 min Murray boots it away but le Roux, trying the flashy show & go, accidentally lets go of the ball. Ireland get the scrum on the South African 10m line. They’re creaking but they win it and...

71 min Sexton, 20m out, just to the right of the posts... is taking his sweet time over this. He slots it though and Ireland are more than a score ahead! Ireland 19-10 South Africa. Tommy O’Donnell replaces his fellow Munsterman O’Mahoney.

69 min South Africa win the throw but they turn it over on their line! Ireland scent blood and O’Connel charges into the South African wall. Kearney runs across and looks for space; he can’t find any but Ireland win a penalty! Awesome ball-carrying from Ireland. The TV folk don’t seem to be all that excited, but this could be one of the all-time great Ireland performances.

68 min After a series of phases – you’d expect Ireland to dominate possession for the next 10 minutes now – Sexton kicks diagonally into the corner, over Habana’s head. That’s a brilliant kick.

67 min To clarify it’s Adriaan Strauss who’s gone into the sin-bin.

He’s sin-binned him. That’s a nonsense decision, terrible from Poite.

66 min Up goes the high one from Pollard and Kearney drops it! We’re going to see if he was taken out in the air by Strauss. He was caught by a trailing hand so I reckon a penalty and that’s that.

65 min The giant Etzebeth comes off. The monstrous Botha on to resume his partnership from 1974 with Victor Matfield.

64 min South Africa go probing again and only an outstanding tackle at the death from Toner stops Pollard ghosting off his shoulder and into a gap. It’s recycled inside and this time O’Connell and Henshaw double up on the ball-carrier to force the knock-on.

63 min Bollocks is he struggling. Straight through the middle and that’s Ireland 16-10 South Africa.

61 min It’s not a great kick down the right, only gaining about 10m but Ireland attack anyway. McGrath spills it in midfield but we go back for a high tackle on Heaslip around 30m out, 5m or so in from the left. Sexton has been struggling with cramp though.

60 min Richardt Strauss is on at hooker for Ireland, lining up directly opposite his cousin. From the South African lineout they look to drive over the gainline again but Ireland win the turnover and subsequently a penalty upfield.

59 min Ireland look to be tiring now, not surprising after that first-half effort. Adriaan Strauss turns Rob Kearney on halfway and wins the penalty for holding on. Reinach is on at nine for South Africa.

56 min It goes right off the scrum and, although it goes nowhere, a penalty has been awarded back at the scrum for McGrath not driving straight. South Africa go to the corner on the left.

55 min Strauss has come on for du Plessis for South Africa. I expect Hougaard will have to go soon as he’s been well and truly steamrolled by Ireland’s back row.

53 min Oh what a scrum! South Africa have just walked Ireland backwards off the ball on their own scrum! That went several metres backwards and this is a good position for the Boks. Hougaard throws a pass miles away from its intended target Burger but it’s taken on by Vermuelen. Then Sexton comes charging out looking to make a tackle on le Roux but he’s too early and the ball smashes into him, bouncing forward for a knock-on. Scrum South Africa just inside the 22.

52 min This scrum is taking a while. If you want the very definition of “not fair”, South Africa are warming up Bakkies Botha.

50 min Pollard is playing right up on the gainline, Ireland are having to watch him so closely. Henshaw puts in a massive hit before O’Mahoney and O’Connell double up on Burger, forcing the flanker to knock on.

49 min Cronin holds on on the floor and gives away a penalty. Coetzee and Burger got in really low to win that one. The quality of the defence at the breakdown has been of the highest order. Scotland now lead Argentina 31-10. JP Pietersen on for Hendricks.

46 min It’s all Ireland at the moment as they look to attack again through Payne, looking for a gap. He holds on on the floor though and Pollard sticks it up into touch on the left, 25m out. They go for quick ball off the top but Matfield is wrapped up brilliantly by McGrath and the prop wins his side a penalty on his own 22. McGrath, Ruddock and O’Mahoney – is the latter the most underrated flanker in world rugby? – have been brilliant.

44 min Sexton from wide on the left bisects the posts perfectly and makes it Ireland 13-3 South Africa. Moments before that try, we had an email from this very parish’s very own Ian McCourt, entitled “How good is Devin Toner?”

“Very,” says Ian. “A player who has really come on in last few seasons.” Oh yes. He’s been so impressive for Leinster especially and now Ireland and has arguably been the man-of-the-match so far. Cronin’s throwing hasn’t been great today either and he’s dealt with that and the not-inconsiderable threat of Etzebeth so well, dominating in the loose.

41 min And it’s starting again. Sexton kicks deep and when Hougaard box-kicks clear Kearney knocks on. Advantage played and it’s booted deep to Bowe, who then gathers his own up-an-under. It goes left to Henshaw who stabs a deep kick into space and le Roux is forced to clear metres from his own line.

It’s kinda been like a decent Krautrock album this. Perhaps Neu 2 rather than Tago Mago in terms of quality, but it’s a high-energy, intense game. Relentlessly pounding away, it’s not been one for the casual fan, I guess, but it’s absorbing an entertaining if you know your stuff.

39 min Want to know about the inner workings of the MBM?

Because penalties are boring and I make the rules.

38 min Pollard welts it through the sticks and into the stands to make it Ireland 6-3 South Africa.

37 min Here we go again. Serfontein shows great strength, going on a driving run up to the 22 with Sexton hanging off his shoulders. It goes right and le Roux goes on one of his teasing, terrifying runs and he gives it to de Villiers on the crash ball. It comes back inside and, although Heaslip makes a good tackle, Romain Poite decides the ball wasn’t out when O’Connell went diving into the ruck. Penalty 22m out, dead straight.

36 min We’re having a little break for some reason.

34 min Now Ross concedes a penalty for pulling his man at the ensuing lineout. It’s kicked to touch in the Ireland 22 but at the back of the maul Hougaard is brilliant scragged by McGrath. South Africa knock on once again and this has been brilliant stuff in the loose from Ireland’s forwards.

Scotland lead Argentina 24-10 now and the USA are beating Romania 27-17.

33 min Yet another penalty against South Africa as Coetzee and Du Plessis both go off their feet at the ruck. This reminds me of the Wales v South Africa match last autumn, which was ruined with penalties.

31 min Ooh Ireland live dangerously. Sexton sends a shallow cross-kick left-to-right and it’s plucked out the air by the man on the wing, er, Toner. He pops it back inside but it’s plucked out the air by the man opposite him on the wing: Etzebeth. Lucky his offload is stolen by O’Mahoney and, although he knocks on, he saves a possible try.

30 min This is a better one from Ireland as they win a solid scrum. It’s flung quickly to Henshaw who spins away from one tackle and into a thumping one from Pollard. Du Plessis then piles into the ruck from the side and gives away a stupid penalty, with which Sexton clears.

29 min South Africa win it, maul it and once again drop it. Hougaard the culprit this time, taking his eye off the ball as he fetched it out the back of the maul. Another scrum then.

28 min Ah well. The Irish scrum disintegrates like Man City’s defence. It’s a penalty as The Beast destroys Mike Ross. 5m out, Pollard knocks it into the corner.

27 min What a result for Ireland’s pack! Matfield wins the lineout and South Africa use Ireland’s own weapon against them, the rolling maul coming in. Great defence though as Toner gets his body right in the middle of it, breaks up the maul and wins his side a scrum about 8m from their own line.

26 min Another scrum and this time it’s South Africa who win the penalty as Jack McGrath is penalised for not driving straight. Pollard kicks it into touch. Meanwhile here’s the game we should be MBMing:

25 min Scotland have their second try and lead Argentina 14-10.

23 min Fairly wide on the left, about 5m in, and just outside the 22, this one. Sexton steps up and, as Jonny Sexton is wont to do, curves it through the sticks. Ireland 6-0 South Africa.

22 min Ireland win the ball from the lineout and spin it left. Kearney steps off his right foot and carves the defence open in midfield. He gives it inside to Payne. He’s tackled but it’s recycled to Bowe and when he’s tackled on the 22 South Africa fail to roll away and Sexton has an opportunity for 6-0.

20 min Now the power game as South Africa look to thunder through the defenders, Coetzee absolutely smashing Ruddock over on to his arse. Poor finish to the move though from South Africa as Serfontein knocks on and then Vermuelen, I think, picks it up from an offside position.

19 min Le Roux goes surging down the left. No not surging, gliding. It’s as though he doesn’t touch the ground as he flies past what looks like the entire Ireland team and gets up to the 22.

18 min I don’t profess to be a professional rugby coach, but I’d advise the Springbok half-backs to stop sending high balls towards Rob Kearney. There’s arguably no one more secure under the high ball in world rugby than the Leinster 15.

17 min It’s not even close. Argentina incidentally lead 10-7 in Scotland and QPR have taken the lead against City.

16 min This is a wonderful war of attrition at the breakdown. South Africa win it on this occasion after Kearney took a high Pollard kick, Ireland going off their feet and South Africa getting a penalty just inside the Ireland half, just to the right of the posts. Pollard will have a crack.

14 min Toner wins it but he’s turned over metres from his own line by Matfield! With Ireland on the ropes the ball pops out of the back of the ruck and Hougaard fumbles it. Sexton looks to dribble it down the line and it goes into touch on halfway.

13 min Etzebeth steals the lineout. South Africa are driven back by a monstrous tackle from Heaslip but le Roux goes around on the loop. He passes out to Habana but he’s taken into touch.

12 min Murray breaks off the maul and stabs a kick upfield. Le Roux chases back but clears straight to Zebo, who looks to counter. Eventually it’s kicked away and a bout of kick-tennis ensues. Le Roux ends it with a nice raking kick down the left and into touch, 10m from the Ireland line.

10 min Now South Africa finally get their hands on the ball and they look dangerous as le Roux offloads and puts Serfontein through a gap. He gives it to his captain de Villiers and the number 12 is stopped on the 22. Good pressure at the ruck from Ireland to drive South Africa backwards but they come again, sweeping right. Serfontein then puts his pass behind Hendricks though and into touch.

9 min Through it goes. Ireland 3-0 South Africa and they absolutely deserve it.

8 min Scotland and Argentina are level at 7-7, incidentally. Jack McGrath puts the squeeze on in the scrum and du Plessis collapses the scrum. Penalty Ireland and it’s a chance for Sexton to open the scoring here, 25m out and about 15m to the right of the posts.

6 min From the scrum Kearney flips it out to Bowe, playing his first Test in more than a year, on the right wing. Bowe looks to grubber it ahead and it’s bundled into touch by South Africa. The away side have too many men in the lineout and it’s a free-kick to Ireland. They take a scrum just outside the 22, 15m infield on the right. Good, high-intensity start this from Ireland.

5 min Matfield, 137, steals the lineout from O’Connell, a mere 83. Coetzee goes on the charge and we’re going to the TMO for foul play as he had a high elbow that caught Heaslip around the throat. Heaslip was absolutely smashed back there and Romain Poite decides it’s fine. Not sure about that. Coetzee knocked on there and it’s a scrum to Ireland on the SA 10m line.

4 min Sexton prods a kick towards the corner but it lacks accuracy and doesn’t go anywhere near touch. The good news is that it stops dead short of the in-goal area and Le Roux is forced to play it and clear.

3 min Pollard fumbles a bit in midfield and kicks it long, down the throat of Zebo. He races up to halfway, whereupon he finds a bunch of other rugby players. Rucks ensue.

2 min Slightly clumsy lineout from Ireland but they win it and from the centre of the field Sexton launches an enormous Garryowen, 40m out. Le Roux takes it excellently under pressure from Kearney right under his own posts. He calls the mark and clears.

1 min Handre Pollard gets things going, kicking left-to-right as my screen and probably yours show it. South Africa are in the usual dark green with white shorts, Ireland the inverse. Kearney puts good pressure on Habana and takes the South African wing into touch.

Awwwwww here goes!

The anthems are being sung. Football fans, QPR fans, Man City fans and Scott Murray fans can follow those two teams, playing that sport, with that man’s MBM here.

Good causes department:

Meg Oliver is climbing Machu Picchu to raise money for the Make A Wish Foundation. All donations welcome and all that, and more details here.

Some thoughts here on the pressing issue of the day.

I have to admit, the appeal is lost on me. One for the neutral I suppose, although even then it should only really be for the biggest matches, no?

A quick email that’s just popped through on the last game:

“I don’t understand the sneering attitude towards England from many quarters. Obviously they are not as good as New Zealand - nobody is. Even at full strength the odds were against them winning. But this was their first game since June, played without half a dozen first-choice players and with Courtney Lawes disappearing after a few minutes. And yet the score was 21-24. Hardly the 8-38 pasting some people were predicting, eh? So maybe some credit is due for England evidently being actually way better than people expected. Equally, perhaps New Zealand are just not the demigods they are lauded as.

Yours,
GHD.”

That straightened me out*.

*Yes I only published it because I wanted to make that joke.

So how do Ireland win this? They don’t, as far as I can see. Not a chance, it’s going to be South Africa by 10-15. Then again I said the same about England and they gamely stayed with the All Blacks for the whole match, so what do I know? I suppose Ireland’s best hope is for them to do what they did against Wales in the Six Nations. The half-backs need to have the games of their lives and keep South Africa pinned back with über accurate kicking and O’Connell, Toner and O’Mahoney have to look to somehow dominate the set piece. It’ll probably need for South Africa to have an off day, but you know, there’s a chance.

I’ll also be giving you updates from Scotland v Argentina, which I’ve got on the other screen. Here’s some music from an Irish band that used to be awesome.

Agüeroooooooooooooooooo!

That’s how you leave things to the last minute, folks.

You know who we should talk about? Brian O’Driscoll. No wait, come back! Hear me out. The man, one of the greats of the game, carried this Ireland side for years. The Grand Slam in 2009, the Six Nations title earlier this year, the good health of Irish domestic rugby in recent years: it’s arguable that none of this would have been possible without the diminutive, brilliant outside centre. And yet...

What will be the cost of the continued indulgence of O’Driscoll through declining form in the latter years? Like the Indian cricket team carrying Sachin Tendulkar, there were whispers that, while no one could begrudge him an extended farewell, it might be to the detriment of the team in the long-term. There are only 313 days until the World Cup kicks off and Ireland, with a draw that gives them their best ever chance of making an impact, are in transition.

There is, of course, more to Ireland than their centre partnership, but such has been the importance of O’Driscoll – and indeed his long-term partner Gordon D’Arcy – to Ireland’s success that it feels as though Joe Schmidt has very little time in which to do a lot of work. Paul O’Connell now stands alone as Ireland’s talisman and he has a rejuvenated Victor Matfield, age 78, to deal with today.

The good news is that in Robbie Henshaw and the newly-qualified Jared Payne, Schmidt has an exciting partnership. Payne especially has impressed me every time I’ve seen him play for Ulster, although at 29 he feels like a specialist for the World Cup in the absence of any better, younger alternatives rather than part of the next generation of Irish rugby. Still, he’s a quick, creative player who is capable of getting around the outside of a defender and beating them for pace, which is what Ireland need here as no one is going to bludgeon this South African side.

Ireland are by no means understrength, but it’s only the sheer otherworldly brilliance of the All Blacks that means South Africa aren’t the most revered sporting side on the planet. The starting XV today is the same one that beat New Zealand at Ellis Park a month or so ago: a task as nye-on-impossible and requiring as much intensity as trying to understand Taylor Swift’s popularity. They’re famed for being made of actual granite, but if you focus solely on trying to live with their physicality then you’re going to get cut apart by their lightning quick outside backs, who are orchestrated by the most exciting young 10 in world rugby, Handre Pollard.

Ireland, if they can get their stuff together in short time, could make the final of next year’s World Cup: lame France are their main rivals for top spot in the group and, if they win it, they’re likely to face Argentina in the quarters and then England, Wales or a beatable Australia in the semis. If they lose this one then it wouldn’t be the end of the world, but the manner of the contest will give Schmidt a good indication of just how far his team has to go.

Kick-off is at 5.30pm. Here is your cast of gentlemen and players (in a different format to the England game, which is good for me because it shows that the BBC just copy and paste it from somewhere too):

Ireland: Rob Kearney, Tommy Bowe, Jared Payne, Robbie Henshaw, Simon Zebo, Jonathan Sexton, Conor Murray, Jack McGrath, Sean Cronin, Mike Ross, Devin Toner, Paul O’Connell, Peter O’Mahoney, Chris Henry, Jamie Heaslip.
Replacements: Richardt Strauss, Dave Kilcoyne, Rodney Ah You, Mike McCarthy, Rhys Ruddock, Eoin Reddan, Ian Madigan, Felix Jones.

South Africa: Willie le Roux; Cornal Hendricks, Jan Serfontein, Jean de Villiers (capt), Bryan Habana; Handre Pollard, Francois Hougaard; Duane Vermeulen, Teboho Mohoje, Marcell Coetzee; Victor Matfield, Eben Etzebeth; Jannie du Plessis, Bismarck du Plessis, Tendai Mtawarira.
Replacements: Adriaan Strauss, Trevor Nyakane, Coenie Oosthuizen, Bakkies Botha, Schalk Burger, Cobus Reinach, Pat Lambie, JP Pietersen

Dan will be here shortly.